| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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I love my girlfriend, don't want to break-up, but she doesn't make me laugh. And there is another woman in the wings. What should I do?
Q. I have a really great girlfriend. She's beautiful and sweet and kind and I love her. When I first met her I was completely overwhelmed by her and fell in love. We have been together since March. I have a daughter from a previous relationship, and I ...
A. 9 January 2013: I agree - I think she's annoyed, not jealous.... (read in full...)
A three way kiss with a guy and a girl and I has made my BF break up with me, I think. Should I get in touch with my now ex to talk things over?
Q. Hi everyone. I'm 16 and I've been in my first relationship with a boy ever since November. Recently I have been freaking out a bit that it has been getting very intense and he really likes me and in the back of my mind I have been panicking and as...
A. 1 January 2013: I do think you owe him an apology. At the very least, that might save your reputation a bit.
The most important thing is to focus on the points other have made.
1 - Don't get drunk and go to drunken parties. This time, it was a three way kiss and... (read in full...)
My Coworker says he's a "relationship kind of guy" but I think he's rushing things. Does he want more a FWB than a relationship?
Q. I have got involved in a coworker. We have been sexting and sending each other pics... I was really against this but he eventually twisted my arm. Thing is, hes only just recently broken up with his gf and says he wasn't bothered about the breaku...
A. 1 January 2013: You are being a little naive if you seriously think he'll suddenly fancy you and you#ll end up together. You might know people who that has happened to, but you can't count on it because you'll also know people who it hasn't happened to.
I also... (read in full...)
My Coworker says he's a "relationship kind of guy" but I think he's rushing things. Does he want more a FWB than a relationship?
Q. I have got involved in a coworker. We have been sexting and sending each other pics... I was really against this but he eventually twisted my arm. Thing is, hes only just recently broken up with his gf and says he wasn't bothered about the breaku...
A. 30 December 2012: I don't think he's showing any signs either. Seems to me that he's either after a rebound of the FWB thing. This has moved far too quickly, and there's a risk that this will just turn into a sex thing. I'm also a little worried that you so easily ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend slept at her ex boyfriend's house on Christmas and didn't tell me. What am I supposed to think?
Q. I don't know why my girlfriend would sleep at her ex boyfriend place on Christmas and didn't tell me. She says that him and her are now friends and she's not text me that much either, probably either she's busy or having a wonderful time with him, ...
A. 27 December 2012: Just move on from her my friend. ... (read in full...)
She makes me feel bad and I don't know what to do. Any advice?
Q. My friend will get mad at me if I'm not available to hang out. She gives me the silent treatment. When she finally does respond, she'll ask if I'm mad at her. I don't understand because she was mad at me and then is asking if I'm mad at her. When ...
A. 15 December 2012: No. She thinks she's ugly when she says it, and just says it to you to make herself feel better. That's why she does it. She's the one with the head problems, not you. ... (read in full...)
Should I break up with her? Is the bus an okay place to do that?
Q. I have been dating my girlfriend for a couple months and after a while I have decided to break up with her, I just want to know if these are justified reasons for doing so. 1. She consistently talks to her friends about other guys, but keeps it...
A. 14 December 2012: Not the bus. A cafe, the park, her house, anywhere but the bus. You are right to be dumping her, from what you've written, but always retain an element of decency when ending it with someone. You don't want to get a reputation for being cruel at the ... (read in full...)
She makes me feel bad and I don't know what to do. Any advice?
Q. My friend will get mad at me if I'm not available to hang out. She gives me the silent treatment. When she finally does respond, she'll ask if I'm mad at her. I don't understand because she was mad at me and then is asking if I'm mad at her. When ...
A. 14 December 2012: It's not you in the slightest. It's her. Clearly this 'friend' has some major issues in her head, and instead of dealing with them, she just picks on you when it suits her to make herself feel better.
This 'friend' isn't really a friend to you at a... (read in full...)
Stay with my married lover or breakup? He says he doesn't want to lose me and he loves me
Q. Hi All I really need some advice about a married man i have been seeing for years,we are now both in our sixties. I have tried dozens of times to end the relationship but he doesn't want me to and i am truly in love with him,he tells me he love...
A. 14 December 2012: To be honest, it seems to me that this man just enjoys controlling you and blackmailing you. Maybe he does have feelings for you. But, in truth, he would have left his wife years ago if he really felt that way, not just strung you along all this ... (read in full...)
I love my girlfriend, don't want to break-up, but she doesn't make me laugh. And there is another woman in the wings. What should I do?
Q. I have a really great girlfriend. She's beautiful and sweet and kind and I love her. When I first met her I was completely overwhelmed by her and fell in love. We have been together since March. I have a daughter from a previous relationship, and I ...
A. 11 December 2012: I would definitely say that you need to end the relationship you're in. To be honest, it sounded like she was always second best right from the start. The first woman was further away, but you had more of a connection. With your current girlfriend, ... (read in full...)
My FWB says that he's not cheating on his girlfriend with me because apparently I'm not a service , I'm just a girl who he likes in lust
Q. I am 19 years of age and now is in an affair with a man who is 29 who has a girlfriend he has been dating for 8 years. He says shes his best friend, with her he has a so called life , clean clothes to wear. But he is unsure if he wants/or is going ...
A. 11 December 2012: He's cheating, and you need to open your eyes before you get a bad reputation. This is the sort of thing that will make much better guys run a mile. ... (read in full...)
Everything is ruined because of a silly text.
Q. I was in a group message with my crush and one day I sent a picture about him and he got really mad. I texted him separately and he apologized for getting really mad and I thought things were going to be OK. Then he canceled plans to go out with ...
A. 4 December 2012: He doesn't sound like much of a friend. Perhaps you've found out who he really is, and perhaps the best thing to do is find someone more mature who isn't going to flip over little things. ... (read in full...)
Why did she want me back, only to end up on the dating sites again?
Q. I had lost count on how many times I had found my girlfriend on dating sites and chat rooms that focus on flrting. She either lied to me about being on them or played it down to them just being harmless internet friends and me being jealous. I ended ...
A. 4 December 2012: People will always do something if they get away with it. She always got away with it.
The question is - are you ready to admit that this isn't going anywhere? Until you are ready to admit that, and end it and move on, you'll just be her lapd... (read in full...)
Is it too much to ask to have my boyfriend with me when I am depressed?
Q. Dear Cupid I have few problems cause of my childhood issues. I go into depression once in a while, most of the time I won't show it to my bf. I just act normally, I'm seeing a psychatraist and taking medicine for it. 2 days back I went into s...
A. 4 December 2012: Of course you're worth the trouble! My girlfriend sometimes has a few off days here and there, and I'm there for her.
The issue is - how to deal with it.
I myself had depression years ago, and what I found was that most people simply don't kn... (read in full...)
I really like this guy at the gym, what do I do?
Q. What do I do about this guy? I really like him:(? There's this cute guy who works at the gym where I've been going for 4months now. He's cute and I really like him. He's quiet, keeps to himself and he seem really passionate about his job....
A. 29 November 2012: Maybe you should just try talking to him? It sounds like he's as confused as you are, and maybe someone just needs to make a step towards talking so you can find out what he thinks of you!... (read in full...)
I fear I've been used by a man I met on a dating site.
Q. I have been such a fool. I joined a dating site and met what seemed like a man in a million. He was a good listener, polite and we clicked. He took me for a meal and we ended up at my home, we talked and he listened to my problems and then we slept ...
A. 27 November 2012: Hi. Sorry to say this, but I'm afraid this guy did use you. You don't seem like you have too much confidence right now (problems??), and I think that he saw that and played up to it. He did all the right things, said all the right things, it felt ... (read in full...)
Do I need counseling or is this a passing phase?
Q. i've recently broken up with my boyfriend who I was with for a few years. ever since the break up I feel as though i've lost all respect for myself and my trust in others. I've had sex with people since and i've just let them treat me like i'm ...
A. 27 November 2012: A bit of counselling sounds like it would do you some good. You kind of need to find out whether this phase is just about the break up with your ex, or whether there's something else going on, and that the whole 'ex't thing is just a symptom of ... (read in full...)
My family are putting pressure on me to get married
Q. Please help? My grandma is very old (in her seventies) and called me an "old maid" (I am 25!) In her day girls were married by 17 or 18....and she said if I don't get married soon her blood pressure is already high and she may have a heart att...
A. 24 November 2012: Marriage made under pressure usually wind up in the divorce court. Stick with your Dad's opinions, since he sounds at the very least like he's letting you lead your own life. ... (read in full...)
The much younger man denied flirting with me but I cant seem to get over him!
Q. I am 45 years of age divorced, I met this most wonderful young man but he is 22 years of age although he looks like about 30 he is very mature and intelligent much more than some men my age ,he started flirting with me at work which was very ...
A. 24 November 2012: Well I'm dating an older woman, so I know the fun that you can have! I also know that it can work (I've been seeing her for 3 1/2 years).
But...it's true that we both fancied each other, and that neither of us was 'desperately lonely'. So I'm incl... (read in full...)
I'm terrible conscious of my small sized breasts
Q. I have always been self concious about my body.. I'm 5"1 small boobs and ive always felt shy about my body i compare my self to other people and it makes me insecure... I think im most concisious about my boobs.. they are a size 32 b and i had found ...
A. 24 November 2012: For women, I suppose the whole 'body' thing can be very hard at times, given the fact that there is so much rubbish peddled to you by TV/porn/celeb magazines/immature men/immature woman etc. There is a lot of pressure from all those for women to do ... (read in full...)
Does an abusive man ever change for the better?
Q. Does an abusive man change? I was in a relationship with a guy for 3 years who was emotionally, verbally, financially, sexually (and in the end) physically abusive. I have been away from him for months now and moved back home with my parents to heal ...
A. 24 November 2012: No, he hasn't changed. I'm sure that sadly, even as I write this, he'll be working on to control this new woman too. You won't see anything happen to this girl, and she'll probably not say, but when he gets then chance to starts treating her badly, ... (read in full...)
Did you ever have someone you were close to and now you don't talk to them at all?
Q. Hi all, I was just wondering if you had someone in your life you were pretty close to but at somepoint due to some circumstances had to stop talking and now you don't even acknowledge that person!? I do have,and I just want to know if they r people...
A. 21 November 2012: Loads and loads of people. From old school-friends, to colleagues, to exes etc. The world moves on, and we have to move with it.... (read in full...)
Is there something wrong with me that my significant other will not buy me lingerie
Q. My fiance MO use to be to buy his ex girlfriends flowers, lingerie and a card I found out. He has never done this with me. Victoria's Secret catalog arrived in the mail and he said look it's Victoria's Secret. I said and so what you going to buy me. ...
A. 20 November 2012: I wouldn't by my girlfriend lingerie, on the basis that I'd probably get the wrong thing and make her feel uncomfortable or something.
Also, it's easier to buy that sort of thing for someone you see more as an object, rather than a longer term part... (read in full...)
Is this rude behavior for his adult children to not respond to invitiations to visit for the holidays?
Q. My fiance's three adult children never respond to his invitations to visit us over the holidays. He has e-mailed them, texted them, left messages on their phones, but they never respond. Communication is sporadic at best. The two sons are single and ...
A. 20 November 2012: Are you sure there isn't more to this that you don't know?? Seems to me like they're bearing a grudge of some sort??... (read in full...)
Should I try to contact this model? I don't know him but I'd like to get to know him, maybe have a relationship.
Q. I'm a 25 yr old woman, I'm attracted to a male model, He's gorgeous! The guy isn't a well known model, so it's not like he might have a massive ego. The pictures of him are 2 years old and it doesn't seem like he has had any new work as a model. I...
A. 18 November 2012: This impossible can happen, that's true. If it didn't, no one would achieve anything.
But, with the impossible, you have to be realistic.
And the realistic view here is that, no matter who you speak to, no one will legally be able to give out... (read in full...)
Will the doctor be able to tell that I was sexually active a month ago?
Q. Okay so, I know this may not be the right place for this. But, I really need and answer. Alright so my parents are taking me Tuesday to get a Pap and get me on birth control. My only worry is that my parents said they're gonna have my doctor check ...
A. 18 November 2012: Your doctor can't say anything. At all. ... (read in full...)
I was sexually abused and now don't want to be touched or kissed by men. Is there something wrong with me?
Q. I have had a boyfriend for a few weeks now and he wants to be intimate with me. The problem is I really don't like being touched or even kissed. I have suffered from sexual abuse a few years ago, which might be a factor. But when I had boyfriends ...
A. 18 November 2012: I absolutely agree with the post below. I would hazard a guess and say that before your abuse, you were just nervous as anyone else would be at that stage. But, it's almost certain that the abuse you suffered has only added to that problem. The best ... (read in full...)
Should I try to contact this model? I don't know him but I'd like to get to know him, maybe have a relationship.
Q. I'm a 25 yr old woman, I'm attracted to a male model, He's gorgeous! The guy isn't a well known model, so it's not like he might have a massive ego. The pictures of him are 2 years old and it doesn't seem like he has had any new work as a model. I...
A. 18 November 2012: Okay, look, you need to step right back and think about what you've just written. Because, sadly, it does come across as someone who's obsessed, and there's no doubt that any advisor this male model has is going to say the same thing.
There's no w... (read in full...)
Been depressed and felt nothing for a while now. Can anyone suggest anything that will make me feel...something?
Q. Back in February, I went to the doctors for the first time about depression. It was a huge step for me to face up to it, and I got given anti-depressants. They got increased, and I didn’t feel they were doing much good, so I made the decision to ...
A. 15 November 2012: Hi. Sorry to tell you this, but it's clear you're still depressed. Everything you've described is still depression, so it's hardly surprising that you're struggling to motivate yourself.
I wonder if the doctor was a bit too hasty in prescribing your... (read in full...)
Are the intentions of this man innocent?
Q. I am attracted to a man who happens to be married but will not ever do more than occasionally think about him. He has always been kind of flirtatious and he gives me vibes and looks of admiration. I always hear his wife criticizing him over the ...
A. 15 November 2012: I think, somehow, that his wife's behaviour is very much linked to something that has happened in their marriage that he caused. It's no coincidence that she has said all these things and acted this way whilst you're around. It's done because she's ... (read in full...)
Want to follow my plans but I also love my boyfriend who doesn't share my passion, where's the compromise?
Q. I have this dream of going off to developing countries and making a difference to people out there - you know it might sound extreme but I've already done the training in teaching and as a nurse. I'd love to specialise in paediatrics, intensive ...
A. 15 November 2012: I think that what you want to do is fabulous. But here's the thing -
Your 'dream' of going out to Cambodia, setting up a clinic, helping people, that's a realistic dream. That's something that's achievable. You're nearly there, you're working in t... (read in full...)
Why does he protect me?
Q. Second week at work and I have had issues with some people. This man at work who is usually very quiet, he's a old school man, he doesn't get involved with office politics. I just found out that behind my back he has been protecting me. tell...
A. 15 November 2012: He's probably just a decent guy who's out to do the right thing. I also wouldn't read too much into it. And perhaps don't say anything to him either, as sometimes guys like this can get a bit shy!... (read in full...)
Help!!!! My confidence and self esteem are at an all time low...
Q. My self esteem and confidence was shattered by my ex boyfriend, he would always call me fat and make nasty comments about the way i looked and my weight. In the bedroom he would constantly tell me how crap i was at some things and how sometimes i ...
A. 11 November 2012: I think before you do anything else, you need to get some counselling for yourself so you can come to terms with what has happened to you before. It's not a coincidence that you've had a poor relationship with your father, no real relationship with ... (read in full...)
Do I tell my friend I've fallen for him or just suffer in silence?
Q. So I went and did the worst thing possible, I fell in love with one of my friends. I've known him nearly two years and realized that I loved him about 4 months ago. Now I don't want to lose a good friend if he doesn't feel the same so the dilemma is ...
A. 11 November 2012: I think the best thing to do it tell him. Yes, you are putting your friendship at risk, but it's much better than spending years wondering whether he's interested or not. You could find yourself waiting a long time just to find out he's not ... (read in full...)
I did something with my boyfriend I wasn't comfortable with because I don't know how to say no. Any advice? What should I have done? How can I say no?
Q. A couple days ago I was hanging out with a couple of my friends, and my boyfriend at school durring lunch. He wispered "I love you" in my ear then lead me out to a secluded place neer the edge of school field. We were just making out, and he went to ...
A. 11 November 2012: You always just say 'no', then go somewhere where it's a bit more public. To be honest, he was probably being a stupid horny teenager, but if he tries this again when you say 'no', then he's not to be trusted. ... (read in full...)
Meaning of an online outburst? Why would she write this?
Q. Hello. My question is out of confusion about an outburst involving my ex. She is the dumper. I rejected her friendship offer due to deception and sugarcoating. Anyways, I get told by her new guy, to leave her alone. (That isn't the outburst.). ...
A. 11 November 2012: You'll never know the reason, as you can't get it out of her, and she won't tell you. But I'll hazard a guess and say that she's probably having a bit of a crisis. You weren't interested in her when she came to see how you were, her new guy sounds ... (read in full...)
Can I still get pregnant this way?
Q. so my boyfriend and I were not using protection, and I was on the second to last day of my period (there was still some blood). His penis did not go all of the way in, and he didn't ejaculate. When he did ejaculate, it was on my stomache.I waited ...
A. 8 November 2012: Yes, you can get pregnant because his pre-cum will be in you and that has sperm in it (from when he went in, even if not all the way)
Best thing is to get on the pill, or use condoms. ... (read in full...)
I suggested he be tested for STD's before I sleep with him and he took offence...
Q. I am a 23 year old virgin and I'm dating a 24 year old guy,the reason I stressed on being a virgin is that I've waited for the right man to come along and I think he has, and I know it will happen soon.. but now I think he's not the one, cuz he took ...
A. 7 November 2012: My girlfriend and I both got tested when we got serious too. In this world, it's just common sense to be honest. As the others have said - don't ask - TELL.
You did the right thing. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend never buys me anything! Should I bring this up, and if so, how do it do it?
Q. My boyfriend never buys me anything!!! When we had been going out for about 2 months, he bought me a birthday present, but didn't even pay for my dinner! We always split EVERYTHING, he never even offers to pay. Which really makes me upset. I havn't...
A. 3 November 2012: "All people on this website are jerks' - says the little girl who is having a tantrum because he boyfriend splits everything 50/50....Clever him.
... (read in full...)
What do I do about a B/f who is extremely physically abusive?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend four years now and all we do is fight. He get bad temper and beat me up. We have a child together and hit me in front of her. He has pushed me down the stairs slapped and punched me and kicked me on the side while i am ...
A. 3 November 2012: Go to the police, and get away from this man. Now. ... (read in full...)
My husband would prefer I not take medicine for my anxiety. I stop and we suffer in our marriage!
Q. Firstly, I understand nobody's perfect. Within each and every one of us lies a chemical imbalance of some sort. Mine is Generalized Anxiety Disorder. This is caused by my Attention deficit Disorder. ( ADHD) I recently learned this from my Psychiat...
A. 3 November 2012: I would also recommend that you go back to your doctor and change medication if possible. I do agree with Aunty Bimbim that your husband can't be making medical decisions for you - if you need medication, you need it and that's it.
But, that said... (read in full...)
My much older ex says that our past is left best at memories and not to try again. I disagree!
Q. I am 22. Broken up with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. Our relationship was 4 and a half years long. Anyway, long story short, some communication between us recently led to him sending an email that basically states problems with ou...
A. 3 November 2012: I'm going to level with you here - this man doesn't want to be with you at all, and has gone for the strongest terms possible to cover himself.
What he's done is the 'it's not you it's me' thing. He's entirely attacked himself and taken the blam... (read in full...)
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