| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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I can't bear the thought of him kissing another girl!
Q. Do you think that kissing is cheating? When I was with my ex, I would have firmly said no - I really didn't think kisses meant that much and weren't personal, I kissed other people and he did too, it was never sober or with the same person more...
A. 24 December 2013: My general rule on 'cheating' is this - if you did something, whether it be go for a coffee, kiss, have sex or whatever, would you immediately go home and happily admit it to your partner, and would they be happy with it? If the answer to both those ... (read in full...)
I've had a horrible year and he is making it worse!
Q. My boyfriend has Bipolar Disorder. He told me that he wanted to see me today at first. He was supposed to see me yesterday. He didn't send me a message yesterday though. He wrote to me today and told me that he had a cold yesterday, and he said he ...
A. 23 December 2013: It's not about him being selfish. It's about him having a disorder that affects his mental state. He can't realistically feel the way that you want him to, he can't really understand what you're going through, and he won't suddenly change.
U... (read in full...)
I worry my hearing aids may put men off!
Q. I need help please! For about six years now I've been deaf in both ears due to otosclerosis - a genetic condition where the bones in the ears stop moving. The way that this works is that I'm not completely deaf, but certain tones and pitches are ...
A. 23 December 2013: Honestly, a good caring man won't bat an eye lid at hearing aids. Clearly he might have some questions, but if he's a decent guy who really cares about you, he isn't going to be put off.
It's your own confidence that will hold you back. You've ment... (read in full...)
He keeps telling me he is going to break up with me!
Q. My boyfriend kissed me when he was trying to break up with me yesterday. I found that to be confusing in itself. Then 15 minutes later he changed his mind and was all over me and said he wants to be with me and wants me to be his girlfriend!!! ...
A. 23 December 2013: I wouldn't sit there asking why he's doing it, I'd just dump him. He clearly has some major issues in his head, and he's just treating you as a bit on the side really. The lack of care from his side is bad. You shouldn't allow yourself to be treated ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend lied about going on holiday ...
Q. Hi I need a bit of help my boyfriend has recently to me he going on holiday to tenireffe with his friend. But the day he booked it he told me he was going to his sisters and it wasn't until five days later in an argument he told me where he was ...
A. 20 December 2013: He's lying. Really he is. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend lied about going on holiday ...
Q. Hi I need a bit of help my boyfriend has recently to me he going on holiday to tenireffe with his friend. But the day he booked it he told me he was going to his sisters and it wasn't until five days later in an argument he told me where he was ...
A. 19 December 2013: I knew a man who would do this to his girlfriend. He did it several times, but the final straw for her was when they were supposed to be going to the cinema, and he phoned her from abroad to say he was on a holiday. She knew then, that he would ... (read in full...)
I kissed another man, now my husband wants to sleep with someone to "get even"
Q. I've been married for 3 years and together for 6. I love my husband but we have had our issues in the past I cheated on him 6 months into our relationship by kissing another man he also touched my breasts. Nothing else happened and all contact with ...
A. 15 December 2013: I think you need do discuss whether or not he actually wants to be married or not. He sounds very immature, to be honest. What you did was wrong, but when he decided to stay with you, he took on a commitment to work with you and forgive you. He ... (read in full...)
In an unhappy relationship. Should I pursue things with the other man?
Q. Looking for some advise, I've been with my partner for 23 years. 6 years ago we split up for two years, in that time I met someone else and was with them for seven months. When that finished a while after I got back with my long term partner. Thi...
A. 13 December 2013: Clearly the other guy just wants sex. His whole history is a man that hasn't settled down, and he's not about to change.
But this isn't really about the other man. It's about you. I's about you cheating on your partner of 23 years. It's about the ... (read in full...)
I just discovered my boyfriend is giving his ex secret guitar lessons
Q. I went to my boyfriend's house a couple of days ago and I saw the photo of us was face down. He went over to put music on and suddenly it was upright again. There were playing cards on the coffee table and empty glasses. I asked who had been playing ...
A. 10 December 2013: I can't be sure whether he's cheating, but the facts are pretty damning. 'Guitar lessons'?? Please. There are playing cards, empty glasses, your photo is face down and he's refusing to talk to her about you.
Let's face it, even if he's not chea... (read in full...)
I don't want to come across as weird to the girl I like.
Q. There's a girl I keep talking to at this local store I'm always at and she always gives me discounts and gets all nervous when I come in. She clearly likes me, and I want to ask her out but to be honest, I've always been awful at that. Not for fear ...
A. 9 December 2013: I would write her a very short note just saying that you think she's lovely and you'd like to get to know her, and put your number on it. Then just slip it to her. I wouldn't give her a gift or anything. ... (read in full...)
I've got it all and done it all, so what next!
Q. I am faced with a strange dilemma. I am 31 years old, I made all my childhood dreams come true already, I am recently divorced, have no kids because I never wanted them, men fall all over me, I have a healthy lifestyle, steady job, car, a cat, I am ...
A. 9 December 2013: If you want a challenge, then perhaps some sort of charity work? My girlfriend is in a situation like you, and she has decided to take on some charity work that involves helping young offenders to learn to read. That's a pretty big challenge, I ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend broke up with me for not supporting him in an argument with my mum
Q. Hello everyone. Ive recently split up with my boyfriend of 4 years, we met at university and practically lived together since, as relationships go we've had out ups and downs. I'm very close to my mum, my dad died when i was 4 so i have just gro...
A. 7 December 2013: I must admit, that if I hadn't seen the comment "My boyfriend can be quite pushy", I would have been more concerned about your mother's behavior. As it is, I think that whilst both have behaved badly, your boyfriend is trying to manipulate you into ... (read in full...)
I just found out my boyfriend has a baby but he denies it
Q. Hi, im 16yrz and i've been dating my b.f for 7months. I just find out that this b.f of mine who is 18 years has a baby. I was shocked when i 1st heard it.. When i asked him last week he denied everything.. I know that he is lying to me. i just don...
A. 7 December 2013: Exactly what AuntyBimBim said. If he's lying about his own child, then you can never really trust him. ... (read in full...)
Do you think he is "into me" beyond just the physical aspect?
Q. I've been dating this guy for about a month and a half now, and we became intimate right away. At first I thought that, perhaps, I'd goofed and "gave it up" too soon, therefore ruining all chances of a real relationship, but this guy has continued ...
A. 7 December 2013: Use your recent surgery as the test. If you can, and want to, see him a few times without the sex (obviously you can't do that right now), and see how he behaves. You will find out sooner rather then later what he really wants.
From what you'... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to think he shouldn't be quite this upset about my past?
Q. I've been talking to this guy who I met through a dating website for 6 weeks now. We became friends on facebook and have been texting for awhile. We've been skyping probably every other day or so for the last month because he lives in a different ...
A. 7 December 2013: Actually, being truthful was the best thing, because now you know what he's really all about. This is the problem, largely, with getting to know people without actually meeting them in person. It's just a bit harder to understand them and get to ... (read in full...)
Third date and he wants me to stay over ...
Q. Dear aunties I am goibg on my third date tomorrow with a guy. First date we kissed, second date we also kissed but he said he had three pints so was not safe to drive. So I said he could stay on the sofa. Then inside he said he wanted to stay i...
A. 6 December 2013: Hi,
There's not enough information to suggest that he is only after sex, but he's certainly interested in developing that side of things! He is certainly very keen on it.
Is he expecting sex? Not necessarily expecting, but he does want it. I n... (read in full...)
Why would a mother neglect her child and call them names?
Q. Dear helpers, I have a story to tell and questions to ask and I have no idea where to start. My problem is I never felt loved by my mother and I have no idea why. Let me explain this. I am not some teenager complaining about parents' ways....
A. 6 December 2013: I can't pretend to understand your treatment first hand, but I can understand it second hand. My own mother was one of two children, and she had an older half brother. Her brother, too, was clearly the favourite, and my mother suffered the same ... (read in full...)
He says he doesn't want to be in a relationship, but is now ignoring me after (wrongly) accusing me of cheating!
Q. I really like this one guy, and I'll name him "N". He's the very first guy that I've ever fallen for after so many years, and he knew that I like him. So, we hooked up lots of times, had drinks together, we hung out and we became very, very close, ...
A. 5 December 2013: "What's mine is mine, and I don't like sharing".
You're not a man's possession, or some object to be pinned. This guy is a major league creep. He sounds jealous, controlling, and potentially dangerous. What should you do? Never have anything to do w... (read in full...)
I know I'm chilled and laid back, but a man called me "boring"! How can I change giving that impression?
Q. I have been single now for about 2 years. I don't really date much but I went out with a Co worker the other night, we just went to dinner. Physically I know he's attracted to me but he did mention to me that I was "boring". I right away felt a bit ...
A. 5 December 2013: There's absolutely nothing wrong with you at all. You just picked a bad apple on this occasion. A man who sits there, goes on about other girls that were crazy or complicated, then says you're boring, isn't worth your time.
You're not the one here... (read in full...)
What can I say to make things better with my fiancée, and why have I upset her so much?
Q. My fiancee is not speaking to me apart from to say she thinks we should break up. It all started the other day when we were going to a Sci Fi convention. She was ok to go with me but I could tell she was a bit bored. When we got home, I asked her if ...
A. 5 December 2013: Wow, I do have to say, that you telling her you were looking forward to that sci-fi convention more than your wedding must have hit her like a tonne of bricks. No wonder she feels dreadful. You might not heave meant it seriously, but she took it ... (read in full...)
Four years and he still doesn't know when he'll be ready for marriage?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and yet he still says he doesn't know when he'll be ready for marriage. I've asked him twice now and he's said he does want to 'one day' but he has lots of living to do before then. When I ask him what type ...
A. 3 December 2013: I'm going to be honest - I think you're 'Miss Right Now'. I do think he cares for you, but I also think that after 4 years, he should have a much clearer idea of where he wants to be. But he doens't just seem unsure about your relationship, he seems ... (read in full...)
My ex says he has no feelings for me but gets upset when I don't return his calls
Q. Hello everyone, so my ex broke up with me a couple of months ago and a lot of stuff had happened since then but recently he said it was best we didn't see each other for a while as we both need to move on etc. To cut a long story short, he has since ...
A. 28 November 2013: I agree with the poster below. You need to cut this guy out. He's controlling and potentially dangerous. ... (read in full...)
How could my ex move on so quickly after a 4 year relationship?
Q. My ex dumped me 6 months ago. It's pretty hard for me to move on and let go. We were together for 4 years. It was a nasty breakup. We talked a few times in the first few times, but it's mostly about me telling him how much he hurt me. Last month, I ...
A. 28 November 2013: I think it's much easier for the person doing the dumping to move on. Essentially, whilst you've been getting over him for 6 months, he was already over you when he dumped you, so he'd probably been working up to it.
I think now is the time for ... (read in full...)
Ex doesn't want to take me to court, but still wants contact - after everything he's done!
Q. Hi guys. Posted about this on here before. Brief reminder: My ex had our son one day a week, left him in wet clothes, we had a row, then he turned round and said he didn't want to see our son anymore. Afew months ago his latest girlfriend ...
A. 28 November 2013: I think he's just a very selfish , uncaring man. I'm afraid there's no other real reason for it. Some people just care for themselves, and wont' take any responsibility. It becomes easy to just blame others, or just talk rather than actually do ... (read in full...)
Female co-worker causing trouble at work. Why don't someone confront her?
Q. Hi. I am frustrated. Lately we have been having trouble at work. We are a bunch of girls that work together so of course you would expect some bitchiness. However for two years the team has been running very smoothly until the very arrival ...
A. 27 November 2013: You'd actually be very surprised how hard it is to stand up and confront someone when you work with them. Apart from anything else, if could backfire and you could get into trouble. But, most of all, people just plain don't like confronting each ... (read in full...)
Are my dating rules really too strict?
Q. Here it goes again:(. My mother just had a conversation with me that I have too many rules when it comes to guys, and that's why I don't have anyone in my life. Some of my friends agree,I am looking for some opinions here. Though I do ha...
A. 27 November 2013: Sadly I do think your mother and friends are right. Your rules are tight to the point where they are at points totally unrealistic. Whilst I do agree about your rule on the dating period (that's a sensible one), the rest are simply not going to be ... (read in full...)
Ex doesn't want to take me to court, but still wants contact - after everything he's done!
Q. Hi guys. Posted about this on here before. Brief reminder: My ex had our son one day a week, left him in wet clothes, we had a row, then he turned round and said he didn't want to see our son anymore. Afew months ago his latest girlfriend ...
A. 26 November 2013: Well if he's blocked you and not contacting you, then it's not your problem. Make sure that you log that too. ... (read in full...)
Ex doesn't want to take me to court, but still wants contact - after everything he's done!
Q. Hi guys. Posted about this on here before. Brief reminder: My ex had our son one day a week, left him in wet clothes, we had a row, then he turned round and said he didn't want to see our son anymore. Afew months ago his latest girlfriend ...
A. 25 November 2013: There are two aspects to this, that are totally separate.
The first is the threatening girlfriend. The best thing to do from now, is to keep all threatening texts etc and log them with the police. Each and every time she threatens you, log it with... (read in full...)
Pregnant and my boyfriend messages his ex
Q. My boyfriend of nearly two years has been texting his ex behind my back, I caught him at a glance by seeing her name on Facebook I said nothing but when he was sleeping I looked the messages are harmless when sober but some are when he was drunk and ...
A. 25 November 2013: Before anything else, you need to speak to him and know where you stand. I think his treatment of you is vile, to be honest, but I don't think anyone can offer you truly great advice until you've spoken to him and you know where you stand. Once you ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant with his child. Should I tell his girlfriend?
Q. just over 4 years ago I had an affair with a man who was married, it was very brief and it only lasted a few months. I then moved on and met a man who I eventually married and we had a son together bet we split up a year and a half ago. A few mont...
A. 25 November 2013: It's not so much about telling her, to be honest. It's now more about knowing your rights and making sure that he understands his own responsibilities. I think you'd be better off speaking to these people:
http:... (read in full...)
My boyfriend tells his best female friend that she is pretty and they talk about graphic sex
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for around six months now and we are very happy. He has a female best friend that he is very close to and says how much he loves her. He openly admits they talk about sex quite grafically and tell eachother when they ...
A. 25 November 2013: Yes. He wants her, not you. Hate to tell you that, but this guy isn't worth your time at all. To have a best female friend is one thing, but to be talking graphic sex, telling her he loves her and all that, then telling you all this - that's taking ... (read in full...)
Am I not good enough? Boyfriend didn't get turned having a shower with me.
Q. My boyfriend and I just showered together and through out that whole time he didn't get hard. He didn't even touch me (which is unusual). And then like 2 hours later I was fully dressed and he cracked a boner and when I asked what over he replied ...
A. 24 November 2013: Robin Williams said it best:
Men have two brains, but only enough blood to go to one or the other.
i.e. he was probably focused on the shower and not slipping up or something, and not on the sex!
Don't take it personally, and don't wo... (read in full...)
Don't want to miss out on the opportunity but afraid I'll develop feelings for him
Q. Hi, just asking for your opinion. There is this 50's plus amazing guy at work. He is one of those rare types who attract young girls, more than guys their own age! At work, every and I mean literally every girl would do anything to go out with him(I ...
A. 24 November 2013: The problem is, that you think you'll develop feelings for him. By saying that, you're admitting to already have thought about this, and effectively you're saying that you do already have feelings for him. And that will simply lead you to getting ... (read in full...)
Now that we're married I find he has habits I can't tolerate
Q. Hi everyone, I've been feeling so unsettled since I married two years ago. Didn't live together b4 and now some things annoy me terribly. He drinks every day. I didn't realise how anxious I'd be about this. He's the kind of guy who can't have a ...
A. 24 November 2013: I suppose ultimately the question that you need to ask yourself, is if he continues this way, will you want to be married to him? Because, in the end, that's what this is going to come down to.
The time has come for you to sit down with him and ... (read in full...)
Should I stay at the job I'm at or try to get a job at the place I really want to work at after I get my degree?
Q. This isnt so much a relationship question, but more of a question thats definitely going to help my life out business wisr. Here is my dilemma. My man is a manager at WalMart, and I want to pursue the same thing. Please dont tell me hos my goals ar...
A. 24 November 2013: In my experience, you are always better aiming for something specific that you want to achieve, rather than wasting time on something you don't really want to do. If Walmart is where you want to work (nothing wrong with that by the way, so don't let ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend says she wants to sow her wild oats
Q. I have been with the most wonderful girl for 3 years now. She is a good complement to me and I to her. We moved in together 2 years ago and we have talked of marriage and having a family. However, there is a problem and that is that our sex lif...
A. 24 November 2013: You need to end this, as the others have said. Don't waste time on something that's already over. ... (read in full...)
Am I being unreasonable to want to keep this friendship? Or is my boyfriend right?
Q. Ok I have an issue with my live-in boyfriend (of 5 years) that I need some advice on please. I have a female friend at work. We work in the same department and we have become quite close and have started seeing each other outside of work a bit to...
A. 24 November 2013: Whether this woman is having an affair or not is totally irrelevant in this situation (that will take care of itself at some point).
What is entirely relevant is that your boyfriend distrusts you because of her actions. He has no right to assu... (read in full...)
My marriage is old, and I need advice!
Q. I'm 53, hubby is 66! We have not spoke to each other for several days! Even though we live in the same house and sleep in the same bed!We have grown children and grandchildren. He has no care for his family but would do anything in his power for a ...
A. 13 November 2013: He sounds like my father. Busy living his own life, forgetting that he has children and a partner. Even as I write, my father is pratting around with relatives that have never cared for us.
I think you've done the best thing filing for divo... (read in full...)
I'm getting suspicious -- should I approach this collegue of his?
Q. hi, my boyfriend and I have been together for years but it has been a rocky road for one reason and another. He has called me by his colleagues name a couple of times recently. The last time was this weekend, I felt very suspicious this time for...
A. 11 November 2013: Nope. No need to approach her. Leave her well out of it. He's the one you need to approach. He's clearly cheating on you, and if I were you, I wouldn't waste time trying to get answers from her.
Instead, look at your own relationship, look at this... (read in full...)
How do I work this out? He shows no emotion at all. And in his own words is broken.
Q. My boyfriend of 9 months last night told me he doesn't love me anymore. I basically dragged it out of him. We have had loads of fights. Maybe everyday. But we are trying to work on this relationship. Both of his parents have cancer. (May contrib...
A. 8 November 2013: You hit him. That is your fault. You have no excuse. Period. Walk away from this relationship. ... (read in full...)
How do I work this out? He shows no emotion at all. And in his own words is broken.
Q. My boyfriend of 9 months last night told me he doesn't love me anymore. I basically dragged it out of him. We have had loads of fights. Maybe everyday. But we are trying to work on this relationship. Both of his parents have cancer. (May contrib...
A. 8 November 2013: You need to walk away from this relationship, and seek help for the anger that you have the causes you to hit someone who's parents both have cancer. You two can't be together, and the best thing would be for you to both to move on. ... (read in full...)
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