| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Why is my friend's boyfriend being so mean to me?
Q. one of my friends has recentally got a boyfriend who i think is very aggroant. he has only talked to me twice and both were mean things. him and my friend constantly give me nasty looks. and today he was telling his friends how ugly and fat i am. ...
A. 28 February 2013: I wonder if he's trying to drive you away from your friend so he can control her.
Also, you mention that your own friend gives you nasty looks too? If that's so, why are you friends with people like that?... (read in full...)
Should I tell her he's been cheating on her with me???
Q. I've been messing around w/old fling who has a girlfriend. Come to find out, she is a really good woman. I feel horrible, should I tell her? I am 27 and we've have had little flings since my senior year in high school. He has always been a do...
A. 14 February 2013: Say nothing. The best thing you can do is just end it for your own sake, rather than for her or anyone else. It would humiliate her beyond belief if you, the 'other woman', appeared and told her what had been happening between you. Apart from ... (read in full...)
Will my promiscuous past put off decent men?
Q. So I am 21, slept with 25ish guys (never counted properly because I am too scared to. I just know its less than 30 more than 15) Anyway. I started talking to boys in a more than friends type of way when I was 15 and since then I have spoken to about ...
A. 14 February 2013: Who need to know? It's your past, and my advice to must people is to leave it in the past. Your past is your past, and if someone can't respect that, then maybe they're not the one for you.
My advice to you is to not worry about the past, and just... (read in full...)
I think that this guy's comments about paying me to have sex with him were completely uncalled for!
Q. Hello I am happily married and middle aged and work with a group of girls in health care, There is one guy who also works with us, he is a flirty joking type. One of the girls at work likes him and hits on him a lot. Yesterday evening he m...
A. 3 February 2013: Exactly, and that's the point. They don't think that much of him at all. They probably see him as one of those loser middle aged men. ... (read in full...)
I think that this guy's comments about paying me to have sex with him were completely uncalled for!
Q. Hello I am happily married and middle aged and work with a group of girls in health care, There is one guy who also works with us, he is a flirty joking type. One of the girls at work likes him and hits on him a lot. Yesterday evening he m...
A. 3 February 2013: It was a poor comment, and one that shows the immaturity that this student has, and the lack of respect he has for you, and probably women in general.
However, I don't think in any way that this reflects upon you. At all. It entirely reflects upon... (read in full...)
Does she like me? Or is she shy and has walls around her?
Q. Been with my girl for about 5 and a half months. She's two years younger. I love spending time with her, but we only get to see each other about once a month. On social networking sites she will sometimes ignore me, wait for me to start the messag...
A. 3 February 2013: I unfortunately have a suspicion that you are a bit of a poodle to this girl. Hate to say it,but I was once there. Every sign that I saw in my ex, are the same signs that you have now:
You only see each other once a month, which isn't enough for ... (read in full...)
My supposed friends are spreading rumors about me and a teacher. How do I stop this?
Q. Im not the type of person to get bullied, i rarely ever do, i can't handle rumors properely, especially if their big ones. These two girls that are supposed to be my 'friends' spread a rumor saying that i like a teacher, and that i've been doing ...
A. 3 February 2013: I would strongly urge you to tell your parents what is happening, and also either your head of year or the headteacher. For two reasons:
1 - Because if the rumours continue to spread, you and the teacher might suddenly be investigated.
2 - Becaus... (read in full...)
Is it too much to expect your partner to call rather than text?
Q. Hi everyone, My question is: Is it expecting too much to want your partner to call you instead of texting you when he plans to spend the night away from home with friends? Thanks!...
A. 3 February 2013: I don't think it's too much to expect, but at the same time, the world has somewhat moved on from people having to make calls to tell each other where they are or where they're going. I always call my girlfriend to speak to her and such, but I don't ... (read in full...)
Is there hope for us even though we only went on one date a year ago?
Q. I need advise on my love life. There is this guy I really like we went on a date once about a year ago. He hasn't asked me since but he texts me and emails me every few weeks asking how I am and if I am ok. Is there any chance for us or am I chasin...
A. 3 February 2013: Chasing a fantasy. If, after a year, he hasn't asked you out again, then he was never bothered enough in the first place. Men do in fact make an effort when we like someone!
Move on from this guy, find another one.... (read in full...)
I want love. But my mother is nagging me to get married asap. Is what I want too much to ask for?
Q. I'm 26 and single. My mom has been constantly telling me to just find someone and get married. As long as he's nice and I can tolerate him then that's good enough. Anyone would do. Anyone is better than no one. I'm 26, it's time, soon it'll be to...
A. 3 February 2013: Your mom is talking a load of old bull (no offence there). Do not, under any circumstances, settle. It's the worst thing you can do , and leads to absolute misery. You're only 26, you have plenty of time to find the right guy, and it would be ... (read in full...)
How to make her feel comfortable and relaxed for our first date? And do you think she likes me?
Q. Hi everyone, I have known this girl from college just over a year now and we have always spoken online mostly, not much in person. Normal friendship talk, until last month or two we have gotten closer. Especially last month we have been texting ...
A. 3 February 2013: Take her somewhere where you can both actually talk to each other. No point in going to a movie or whatever. Cafe? Park? Just somewhere that you can talk to each other and get to know each other more.
As for making her feel comfortable, just let ... (read in full...)
Are relationships that exist with absolutely NO violence towards one another?
Q. Aunts and Uncles... Have any of you (honest answers please) had a physical fight with your current spouse? I just want to know if there are relationships that exist with absolutely NO violence towards one another. Again, please be honest. Th...
A. 3 February 2013: There has never been any violence in my relationship. Sadly though, I do know of a few where there has been. I believe the rough numbers suggest that 1 in 4 women will suffer violence in a relationship.
However, Aunty BimBim has a point that it's... (read in full...)
Handling breakup after deciding to break up with mother of my child
Q. Gf and I have been together for 5 yrs and have a 3 yr old daughter. This past thanksgiving I found out she has been flirting with a coworker from a different office, 1/2 hour away. Initially I was upset but thought that "innocent" flirting was ...
A. 3 February 2013: First things first, get a lawyer. Whilst I know that you'll want to explain this to your daughter, it's really important that you get legal advice asap. Everything else can wait. The last thing you want is to be screwed.
Lawyer first, ever... (read in full...)
The guy I was seeing moved into my shared house and spied on my female roomie. Did I overreact when I told him to move out?
Q. I been seeing a guy for a while, we are not a couple but we get along well, we like each other and we enjoy together. He was living in a place with other people but their lease finished so he asked me if he can move to mine. I agreed with it but I ...
A. 3 February 2013: You did the right thing. He was clearly a bit of a creep.... (read in full...)
My ex is asking me to give him another chance but he won't finish with his girlfriend. What should I do?
Q. I need some advise. Me and my ex bf of 6 years broke up about 2 years ago due to arguments. He has a new gf who he has been with for the 2 years, but throughout the 2 years he has been emailing me, texting me asking me to meet him saying he is th...
A. 2 February 2013: You'd be insane to bother with someone like this. He has entirely liked to his current girlfriend of 2 years, and he;s entirely lied to you.
Cut contact with him, because you'll only get hurt if you don't. The man has no backbone at all, and even... (read in full...)
Should I stay with my boyfriend? He has bipolar disorder and his behaviour upsets me.
Q. I'm really worried about what is going on with my boyfriend at the moment. He said he would walk up to my house to meet me yesterday, and then we would go to his house. He didn't turn up, so I went round to his house (he lives in the same town as ...
A. 2 February 2013: I think it's unfair to say that people with Bipolar shouldn't be in relationships at all. I have a friend who has bipolar, and he is as loyal as they come. But, it can be hugely stressful when he is on a 'downer'.
What I would say, is that the pers... (read in full...)
how can one person think your soul mates and the other not?
Q. hi, ive been with my boyfriend for 7 months. Over the last few months ive been doubting as to whether we are right for eachother or not. We don't have a lot in common an have very different opinions on things. And I dont feel my personality is at ...
A. 2 February 2013: I think two things:
1 - I think that your boyfriend likes you more than you like him, hence perhaps why you don't feel the same way. It seems like he's really into you, but you've said that you could be happier, that you don't always feel yourself... (read in full...)
I am interested in a man that bakes alot o f cookies. Is he Gay?
Q. I have a wonderful life. I have everything bit cannot find love. I have been very unlucky in my search for love. M question is , I met a man that works at my gym. I am attracted to him. Everytme , I goto the gym he comes over and talks to me ...
A. 2 February 2013: I do a lot of baking, cooking and all sorts. I'm not gay. The food has nothing to do with it,and you seem to me that you've glossed over the reason he really gave for not dating, which was "He is not dating, he said it is safer not to and that he ... (read in full...)
He wants us to try a threesome what will that do to our love?
Q. Pls I need your opinion, my boyfriend enjoy sex with me, and we both satisfy with each other, but his always begging me to give him a chance to try is fantasy of bringing a girl to join us,he said, he only want to know how it feel having two girls ...
A. 2 February 2013: Just reading that whole 'begging' thing made me cringe. The experience that most have had with threesomes, is that they don't work out unless you're single. Also, I suspect that you're thinking about doing this because of him, rather than because ... (read in full...)
Why would anyone refuse a free trip to a tropical paradise? Why won't my boyfriend come to see my family with me?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for two years and we've been living together, with his family, for a long time. I got a big promotion at work and finally was able to buy plane tickets to see my little brother and mother in Florida. I've been so ...
A. 2 February 2013: I also agree that this pretty much shows he's not committed. If someone is going to to that much trouble to ensure they don't have to do something, then they point blank aren't bothered by doing it. And if he's not bothered in coming with you to ... (read in full...)
LDR has me not feeling as attracted to my b/f as I used to
Q. I have a boyfriend of 3 years and i love him dearly, we used to spend a lo of time together and even lived together for 6 months at one point but for the last 12 months we have been in a long distance relationship. we stay in contact and mana...
A. 31 January 2013: Perhaps he's a lovely, sweet guy who needs to be cut loose, because from what you're saying, basically it seems that you're falling out of love.
Either you have to make some huge effort to start over with him, which may mean some way of moving to b... (read in full...)
How could she give a guy a Bj if our marriage is really great? Twice I've found out she's cheated on me.
Q. I don't really know where to begin so I will back up to before we moved to this island. Four years ago my wife wanted a divorce. I could totally understand why at the time. I had gotten fat and lazy, letting her do most of the work while serving ...
A. 20 January 2013: She's not the perfect woman though, is she. Actually, I'd say she is an extremely nasty piece of work. Okay, so there were problems in the marriage, and you both agreed to address them. Let's say that the first affair she had was a mistake, and ... (read in full...)
I'm of Indian descent. Why do white guys want a relationship with me but ask for it to be a secret? It hurts me.
Q. Why is it that so many of the white guys I know that want a relationship with me wants one in secret? I'm tired of a guy saying I have a thing for Indian woman but no one can know about it. In public they would much rather be seen with someon...
A. 20 January 2013: A man who needs to lie about who his girlfriend is because of social reasons is a very weak willed man indeed, and simply isn't worth your time.
I don't think on any way this reflects on who you are at all. I just think it shows that there are men ... (read in full...)
Confused - why didn't my ex recognise me??
Q. Ok, this might sound a bit weird, but I wanted someone else’s perspective on it. I dated a guy for about nine months in 2009; it was a fairly serious relationship, but we split because we lived too far apart to make it work. It was a fairly amicable ...
A. 19 January 2013: Most likely, he did know who you were and just didn't want the hassle of speaking to an ex girlfriend. I would doubt that he didn't know who you were.
It was a bit of a poor reaction on his part, but maybe the break-up hurt him more than you and ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is extremely distrustful and irrational. How do I deal with him?
Q. My boyfriend is driving me crazy Ok, we've been dating for 2 years. There was an incident with another guy at the beginning of our relationship, he says I cheated, I say I didn't (I didn't even sleep with the guy, we just talked and when I found...
A. 19 January 2013: It's essential that you dump this guy. You cannot let him control you in this way. He has some deep rooted problems in that head of his, and he has no call or right to take them out on you. He needs professional help with a psychiatrist. You can't ... (read in full...)
I'm playing with fire with an 18 year old co-worker that also works with my wife
Q. I'm 36 and have been married for 15 years,we have 3 children and have been happy for most of our married life. I've recently been getting feelings for an 18 year old girl at work and we have been flirting by text and she claims she fancies me ...
A. 19 January 2013: Are you nuts? You've got a wife and 3 kids, and you're talking about this 18 year old like she's just going to be another kid who you'll have to feed and cloth. She has problems, and may well be out just to screw you! She can go and get professional ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants to go to Amsterdam for a stag party for gorgeous hookers and strippers
Q. Hey, this is probably a divided opinion sort of question haha, but please try to respect my opinion. :) My boyfriend of 4 months has on occasion openly "gawked" over other girls, girls 1000000x more attractive than me. On top of this, not once (...
A. 19 January 2013: You're definitely wrong to feel like the most hideous person alive. That description can be reserved for your seriously crap boyfriend.
This guy hasn't got even the tiniest bit of respect for you. Okay, sometimes men do look at other woman, and ... (read in full...)
I'm 18 and I want to move out & stop being grounded/have my possessions taken from me!
Q. Im 18 and I continually get my electronics taken away from me that I paid for and am continually grounded. I have a bedtime of 10 on school nights, and it varies on weekends. I have some money put away for savings and Im in school right now...
A. 19 January 2013: I'd be half tempted to call the police and tell them what is happening. This sounds very, very weird to me. There is something quite sinister in their behaviour. This isn't like you're a rebellious teenager who's wrecking their house. You're now a ... (read in full...)
Whats his intention? does he like me or he just think I am a pushover ??
Q. there is this obnoxious guy in my class. at first i thought he is cute but he was being rude to me. like i kind of felt that he is ignoring me. he always makes fun of my accent. i thought he is pathetic though, anyways... i thought he did ...
A. 19 January 2013: Does it matter? If he does like you, then he's too immature to show it and you should avoid him as he's not showing you any respect at all. If he doesn't like you, then he's not someone you need in your life anyway.
The point is, you're curr... (read in full...)
Help, I've pushed my husband away and don't know what to do!!
Q. I met my husband on a christian dating site. We hit it off right away and a year later got married. It was our second marriage for both of us. I Think he was more realistic when he married me, knowing that there may be some unresolved issues that ...
A. 19 January 2013: Men frequently take a lot longer to process emotions, and what has happened to them, before they realise what they want to do. I think what has happened is that he has been bottling up a lot of feelings, and they have finally come out in one huge ... (read in full...)
After the breakup, I want my boyfriend back. I'm devastated. What can I do?
Q. My boyfriend and I recently broke up, we have our issues as any couple does, he gave me hope, told me everything was going to be ok, and that we were going to talk, and not lose sight of each other. It took him the second night away, to sleep wi...
A. 15 January 2013: When it take someone just two days to sleep with someone else after dumping, and after say that it 'will be okay', you know you're on a losing battle.
This guy didn't have the nerve to admit that he was moving you on in favour of another girl. You'... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and want to keep the baby but I have some doubts and my BF wants me to have an abortion. Any advise?
Q. I am 8 Weeks pregnant but I am only 20 years old. I have no clue whether or not I am going to keep this baby. I know that there are plenty of younger mothers these days, but I never intended in being one of them. When I was younger I always ...
A. 15 January 2013: If you want the baby, my advice is to keep it. How other people view you simply isn't important. And I don't think they can fire you for being pregnant - if they did, it would be a nice lawsuit.
You want the baby, and you're sure you can do it. ... (read in full...)
Stepping over the friendship zone into dating. Is it worth the risk?
Q. A very good friend of mine has recently told me he likes me as more than a friend and I think I have feelings for him too but am unsure. We've been very close for a few years, see eachother a couple of times a week, but have never ever overstepped ...
A. 9 January 2013: I always think that it's worth a shot. If you don't try, you'll never know where it could go and it will just be awkward between you two. It would be a real shame not to see what could happen
Have a think about whether you're interested in seei... (read in full...)
I love my girlfriend, don't want to break-up, but she doesn't make me laugh. And there is another woman in the wings. What should I do?
Q. I have a really great girlfriend. She's beautiful and sweet and kind and I love her. When I first met her I was completely overwhelmed by her and fell in love. We have been together since March. I have a daughter from a previous relationship, and I ...
A. 9 January 2013: I agree - I think she's annoyed, not jealous.... (read in full...)
Met him on online gaming site. What should I keep in mind? Is this too good to be true?
Q. I met this guy on an online game site and he is 3 years older...I really like him but I just got out of a serious relationship and I don't want to move to fast and mess it up. He is really great and he gets me but he lives 3 states away. he alre...
A. 6 January 2013: Good. At least you know he's no lying weirdo!
I agree with the others. I think your best bet right now is to take it slow, get to now him via net, then when you feel ready, maybe meet him in a public place to see what he's really like!
If he's a d... (read in full...)
My BF of 7.5 years, father of our son, won't propose! I want us to be married, but he says he's not ready now.
Q. I am 29 years old and live with my boyfriend, who is 31 years old and we have been together for over 7 years. Together we have a son of 3 1/2 years old. We have lived together most of our relationship. We fell in love fast and knew immediately we ...
A. 6 January 2013: He will never marry you. Ever. He is now in the best position that a man can be in - he's got you, he's got a child, but he's not married meaning that he walk away any time and not have to foot a huge bill, or go through a hefty divorce.
How do I... (read in full...)
I was in a relationship when I met my (now) husband and cheated. Does this make the marriage doomed?
Q. Hi! When I was with my ex I cheated on him with my current husband (who was my "lover" for a short while before I left my bf to be with him). So, do you think my marriage is doomed because it started this way? I am so in love with my husband,...
A. 6 January 2013: It will only fail if you or your husband wants it to fail. ... (read in full...)
Met him on online gaming site. What should I keep in mind? Is this too good to be true?
Q. I met this guy on an online game site and he is 3 years older...I really like him but I just got out of a serious relationship and I don't want to move to fast and mess it up. He is really great and he gets me but he lives 3 states away. he alre...
A. 6 January 2013: I've got to ask this question - are you sure he is who he says he is? ... (read in full...)
Broke up due to his use of dating sites. Not civil either. So why does he try to deny or hide that he has a new GF?
Q. My ex went on a mid life crisis spree..we split up because he was on the dating sites and setting up relationships with them every month......why ? He has stopped communication with his kids....and as far as facebook everytime he comes on he deact...
A. 6 January 2013: Two things struck me when reading this post.
The first was that this ex of your eas a liar before. So if he was lying to you during your relationship, why would he suddenly change and start telling you the truth afterwards? Answer, he woul... (read in full...)
My BF has been messaging another girl for 2 months. What should I do?
Q. So I'm on here because I don't quite know what to do. I just found out yesterday on New Year's Day that my boyfriend has been messaging some girl, trying to get into her knickers for the past 2 months. The girl in question sent me the proof. I'm n...
A. 2 January 2013: Ditch him. You're right, you don't want to end up being made a mug of, and you don't want to spend your life letting things go. You're only 18-21, and believe me you'll meet better guys. ... (read in full...)
A three way kiss with a guy and a girl and I has made my BF break up with me, I think. Should I get in touch with my now ex to talk things over?
Q. Hi everyone. I'm 16 and I've been in my first relationship with a boy ever since November. Recently I have been freaking out a bit that it has been getting very intense and he really likes me and in the back of my mind I have been panicking and as...
A. 1 January 2013: I do think you owe him an apology. At the very least, that might save your reputation a bit.
The most important thing is to focus on the points other have made.
1 - Don't get drunk and go to drunken parties. This time, it was a three way kiss and... (read in full...)
I love my girlfriend, don't want to break-up, but she doesn't make me laugh. And there is another woman in the wings. What should I do?
Q. I have a really great girlfriend. She's beautiful and sweet and kind and I love her. When I first met her I was completely overwhelmed by her and fell in love. We have been together since March. I have a daughter from a previous relationship, and I ...
A. 11 December 2012: I would definitely say that you need to end the relationship you're in. To be honest, it sounded like she was always second best right from the start. The first woman was further away, but you had more of a connection. With your current girlfriend, ... (read in full...)
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