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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend kissed me when he was trying to break up with me yesterday. I found that to be confusing in itself. Then 15 minutes later he changed his mind and was all over me and said he wants to be with me and wants me to be his girlfriend!!!He does not want to give me a commitment cause he was married before and it was a nightmare of an experience.When he sees me getting too clingy or demanding, he always pulls the "I am breaking up with you" routine. This has happened more than once recently. He says it, looks like he is going to do it, but never follows through.It really hurts me to live on edge this way.Why does he keep doing this? Threatening to leave me and then five minutes later he is kissing me and telling me he wants to be with me??? We have been together for almost five months.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2013): I would leave him and I wouldn't give him any more a 2nd chance. No offense "Blonde30" but I don't agree with you when you say OP is weak because I don't think she is, she is in love, she wants the relationship to work, and sometimes you just can't decide right way to breakup and leave, it is not that simple. I do agree with everybody else pretty much in particular with KC12, this guy is selfish and will never be there for you when you need him. He manipulative and does that out of low self esteem and insecurities. I just broke out of a 4 years relationship, I broke up with a boyfriend who didn't want to marry again. Unlike you my ex never threatened to leave me but he became after years a person I don't even know anymore, he lies, he is manipulative, became more demanding, more self centred and controlling, wouldn't even have the decency to call me if I ask him to, was acting like " I am the man, I take no orders from a woman" kind of a person, he had no problems though to ask me to call him or buy him gifts, movies or music. he had no problem asking me the one to fly out to meet him, when he feels like it. Basically he wanted to take and didn't want to give anything back !! Yes leave and he will come chasing you. Good Luck and all the best wishes. All will be well.
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (23 December 2013):
Let me see how this works...He is not your husband you built a life together with, no kids, no house, cars, or bank account tied together...right?
So he says "I am breaking up with you"...and you are sticking around to find out if he means it or not??? Okay...if he means it...you cry, give all men a bad name, and hate us...but you saw it coming. If he is play games with your feelings...then you like feeling like this and so your stick around for more.
What should you do...hmmm...I wonder. You may think I sound mean, but really sit and think if this is the kind of man you want to spend another 5 months with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2013): There's something I picked up in your post describing his behavior. He tells you he's leaving you.
He is using manipulation. He breaks you down to a vulnerable and needy state. Then he brings on the charm and feeds your neediness. You are thereby off the subject of commitment; after he got his fill of sex. Then the player is off. You're left scratching your head. Confused.
You aren't calling him at his game. You want to keep him and you're trying to find a way to make him commit. He is dancing around it; because he gets what he wants through manipulation.
Kick his ass to the curb. You'll be dancing this same hokey-pokey until he gets tired of you; and leave you flat and cold.
Don't let him hold your feeling hostage. Dump him!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2013): "Why does he keep doing this? Threatening to leave me and then five minutes later he is kissing me and telling me he wants to be with me???"
Because you let him.
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A
female
reader, KC12  +, writes (23 December 2013):
 I empathize with your situation. I have been in a very similar situation with my ex-boyfriend for the past three years. Maybe not to the same extent, but very similar. We broke up three times during the course of our relationship because of his issues. And, this last time it was final--it was VERY painful for me.
Your guy is an extreme commitment phobic, and YES unfortunately guys like him project their issues from past relationship/marriage onto you. They want to form their own "he-man woman haters club" and lump us all in the same category. I dealt with it far too long, and unfortunately I was in WAY too deep by the time it was finally over for good.
People like that are very selfish, and they want you there when THEY need you, but are never around when you need them because of their issues. They are "damaged goods" as a friend of mine would say, and it's a shame that you have to deal with their baggage.
I'd advise you to get out of this situation, because your situation will never improve, and you'll just keep doing what I have done for three years: Delaying the inevitable, while you get in deeper and deeper.
You can pm me if you want to chat, and I'd be glad to be an ear because I have been there!
Take care, and know there are many of NORMAL guys out there who are mature enough to not let the ghosts of their past haunt you.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 December 2013):
 Don't waste your time on this creature. He is a manipulator and - evidently - not much of a sincere boyfriend. You can do MUCH better......
Good luck...
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 December 2013):
 I agree with Caring Guy too.
STOP playing his games. He is manipulating you like crazy. First of all, HE WANTS you to be on edge, that way you might be happy with whatever little crumbs he tosses your way.
And secondly, WHO cares if his first marriage was a nightmare?HOW does that pertain to you? Are you his ex-wife? Are you a clone of her? Do you ACT the same way? He USES the old marriage/ex-wife as an excuse. And YOU believe it.
Dump the dude because what you want from him you WILL NEVER get. HE is a YO-YO and he wants you to be one too, that way when he later dumps you (again) he can BLAME it all on you.
Sorry, lady you are wasting your life/time on this man.
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A
female
reader, 123Peterpan  +, writes (23 December 2013):
It is obvious he now has commitment issues. Why don't you break up with him? It seems that he's not into you. It sounds like he has serious problems of his own and is now trying to play games with you. If you break up with him, and mean it, it will give you all the power. You'll see him running back because you're now the power player. He doesn't sound good enough for you. There's no point settling. He seems under-developed, weak and slightly immature.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 December 2013):
 I'm with CaringGuy on this one.
why is your breaking up HIS decision?
You want a commitment. he wants to get laid. He will do everything in his power short of giving you a real relationship to keep you danging on a string and at his beck and call.
He's never going to be what you want. Are you with HIM or are you with him in hopes that he has the POTENTIAL to be better than he is?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (23 December 2013):
I wouldn't sit there asking why he's doing it, I'd just dump him. He clearly has some major issues in his head, and he's just treating you as a bit on the side really. The lack of care from his side is bad. You shouldn't allow yourself to be treated this way. Imagine if you fell ill or something, or needed emotional support later on - you can't count on him at all.
He's hurting you, and getting away with it. I wouldn't put up with this, ever. You shouldn't either.
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