| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Am I too unrealistic in wanting to find a guy who's not into porn or casual sex?
Q. Please don't be nasty with your replies but I would like to know the chances of finding someone who; 1. Hasn't got much of an interest in porn when in a relationship 2. Hasn't had a one night stand or a friend with benefits 3. Doesn't see...
A. 16 February 2014: Hi OP. There is someone out there. You'll find him. ... (read in full...)
Am I too unrealistic in wanting to find a guy who's not into porn or casual sex?
Q. Please don't be nasty with your replies but I would like to know the chances of finding someone who; 1. Hasn't got much of an interest in porn when in a relationship 2. Hasn't had a one night stand or a friend with benefits 3. Doesn't see...
A. 16 February 2014: Hi. I think that there are men that will fit the bill, perhaps rather more than you realise. It's easy to look at the news, or papers, or internet, and with all the porn/stories out there that you read think that there are no men who will be what ... (read in full...)
Should I have talked to my Ex Husband?
Q. My ex husband and I have been separated for 3 and half years, due to his constant online cheating. After the split, things got ugly and he turned into a very ugly person, calling me names and threats, our kids dont talk to him. I saw him this wee...
A. 16 February 2014: No. You did the right thing. What he did to you was terrible, and the fact that his children don't even talk to him says it all. If he had made the effort to come to you, that would have been one thing. But, he didn't do that,and he hasn't done.
I... (read in full...)
His best friend doesn't like me, and my boyfriend acts like a jerk when his friend is around
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating a year and a month he moved in back in the summer.im 21 and hes 22. I dont go around his family or his friends because they dont like me his mom doesnt care to much for me for whatever reason I've only met her ...
A. 16 February 2014: Your boyfriend may tell you that he doesn't care what his friends think, but his actions speak louder than words. He has allowed his best friend to call you a bitch, and when he is around this friend, he also treats you badly. No amount of ... (read in full...)
My holiday fling has stopped replying .....
Q. i met this guy a couple of weeks back while i was on vacation. we had a kind of a fling for a couple of days. he seemed super cool, super funny, and we had a great time together. after i got home we messaged each other a bit, and i thought there was ...
A. 16 February 2014: I'm afraid that he was just a holiday fling, and when it came down to it, he just wasn't interested enough that he wanted to meet again. You're right, he was just rude at the end of it. And maybe he just didn't reply because he either didn't want to ... (read in full...)
My LDR called me names and doesn't want to speak with me anymore.
Q. Why is he so horrible? He's really broken my heart:(? So my bf have been dating 10 months long distance where he'd call me all the time. But lately he had been acting weird lately not calling as much, no I miss you to love you. Today I went out ...
A. 16 February 2014: From his reaction, I would say that there is someone else around somewhere,and that he basically wanted to end it. He sounds jealous and possessive at any rate, and given that you're in an LDR I did wonder if he already had a girlfriend or something ... (read in full...)
He didn't send me a Valentines card. Does that mean he doesn't like me?
Q. ok, i've known my crush for almost two years now, and am crushing on him big time. i think he likes me too, 'cos he always is nice, looks at me a lot, flirts with me, his friends tell me he always talks about me, and two have even mentioned that ...
A. 14 February 2014: I never sent a valentines card when I was a teenager - too shy! Him not sending you a valentines card doesn't mean he doesn't like you. I think you should just ask him out. ... (read in full...)
Would it be a bad idea for me to get in touch with my ex?
Q. I'm not sure whether to contact my ex or not. We haven't spoken for a year and a half. The last time I spoke to him, he told me that he didn't want us to contact each other again. We used to have a lot of arguments, and now that I am older and a lot ...
A. 14 February 2014: Agreed with Honeypie. He was very determined that you'd never have contact again. He's not got in contact. He's moved on. As difficult as it may be for you, it would be much better not to get in contact. You'll just get hurt. ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be in a committed relationship right now but am feeling badly that I hurt him!
Q. I was officially with my now ex-boyfriend for about a year and a half, though had known him (and occasionally been "seeing" him) for a couple of years before that, when I broke it off because I feel like I don't want to be in a relationship at the ...
A. 13 February 2014: You did exactly the right thing for you, and in truth, him as well. You mention that his interest in you was already falling, and you were drawing away from him. It was already on the downward slide no matter which way you look at it. I do believe ... (read in full...)
Should I tell him this hot sexy guy wants to take me out for Valentine's Day to make him stop being so cold?
Q. What should I do, boyfriend is breaking my heart.? My boyfriend and I usually argue about little things but this time I was really hurt and when we argued I was really angry and said he doesn't deserve me. I felt really bad and apologi...
A. 13 February 2014: I don't think you telling him that another guy wants to take you out will make him suddenly care about you. Most likely, it will just backfire, and you'll find yourself being treated even more badly. I think what you really need to now do is sit ... (read in full...)
He keeps promising to spend more time with me but never does!
Q. This is kind of hard to explain. For the last month or so my boyfriend has been distant and doing his own thing. He's been hanging out more with friends and just spending more time by himself or doing other things. That's great and all except f...
A. 13 February 2014: Go with your gun instinct. Something has changed. I'm not sure what, and we'll probably never really know. But clearly he's not as interested as he once was. To be making this many excuses just isn't good enough. You need to have a serious talk with ... (read in full...)
Is this normal for FWB?
Q. I got chatting to a guy online nearly 4 months now , at first he told me he was single but eventually he told me he wasn't and he has a daughter . I'm ok with this it's his life , he lives miles away from me but we decided to meet up . He drive over ...
A. 13 February 2014: Wake up. This guy is cheating on his girlfriend with you. You're not the first, you won't be the last. He's not remotely attached to you. It's just that he's a man who knows how to manipulate you, and you're falling for it. That's why he lied to you ... (read in full...)
College peer said something which hit a nerve. How should I react to this considering the issues I have?
Q. Slight problem, but this ones getting to me. I am at college at the moment, and i'm doing some GCSE retakes because I decided it would be better than going straight on to A-levels. My GCSE cl...
A. 12 February 2014: I would ignore him, and instead focus on building your confidence up. Whilst the comment was insensitive, I think you would benefit more from just continuing to focus on yourself. You're not repulsive, and you can be sure that you'll meet someone ... (read in full...)
If he doesn't love me now, will he ever?
Q. i have been seeing this guy for over a year now and have fallen for him i love him but he says he doesnt love me, he cares for me, he texts daily, visits on tuesdays and we spend every weekend together, should i finish things between us, if he ...
A. 12 February 2014: If this man is actually saying that he doesn't love you, then take him at his word. There is no way that after a year, a man who loved you would say the exact opposite. He comes across as someone who needs a friend, wants a companion, but isn't ... (read in full...)
Why would someone want to throw their future away?
Q. This isn't a problem as such, but its something i've been pondering on for a really long time and I wondered if maybe anyone here could give their own opinion on it. I live in a very small town, there isn't to...
A. 6 February 2014: I come from a small town as well. Like you, I've fallen on many occasions, have bounced back every time. I have often said that the only thing that will stop me is death.
The trouble is,there are a lot of people,often from small towns or bad back... (read in full...)
Feeling guilty about bad decisions I've made
Q. Hey I'm a 17 year old girl and I'm in a relationship with a 25 year old man who I am breaking up with on Saturday. I saw controlling signs before but now I've really seen them, I actually feel afraid of him. We have only been together for 3 months ...
A. 6 February 2014: I think you're being hugely harsh on yourself to be honest. You appear to feel guilty and bad for things that aren't really your fault, and things that you don't need to feel badly about. It's very easy with the benefit of hindsight to realize that ... (read in full...)
Why does my friend hate my crush so much that she's making me choose either her or him?
Q. so i really like this guy. i think he's interested in me too. he's always really nice, buys me things, and on the last valentines day, he sent me a card with 35 kisses. i counted them, i'm weird i know. but anyway, he's always nice to me, and he's ...
A. 6 February 2014: I think your friend is either jealous that he likes you (perhaps she likes him herself), or she is worried that she's losing you as a friend. I would suggest going to your friend and asking her what's wrong specifically,and also explain that you ... (read in full...)
Cheating- is it always wrong?
Q. Is it ever acceptable to cheat? I'm in a marriage and very happy aside from the fact my hb and my sex drives are in completely the opposite directions mines very high and his due to medication is virtually nil, I've lived with this for ov...
A. 4 February 2014: I actually think that this is a symptom of your marriage just not working. Is it acceptable to cheat? No. And you know it, hence why you've already mentioned the double standards. So, ultimately, it's about whether you want to remain in this ... (read in full...)
Can't get a job without experience, no experience without a job.
Q. Not particularly a relationship question but its really dragging me down. I graduated from university in 2012 and haven't been able to find a job. I did a business management degree and I don;t expect to walk into a higher end job or management ...
A. 4 February 2014: I too know the pain of being screwed over when it comes to work. By trade I'm actually a plumber, but I lost my job and it took 3 years before I really got another full time one, in which time I nearly went broke trying to start my own company, took ... (read in full...)
Am I asking for too much of his time?
Q. I've been dating this guy for 4 months already. But my family and friends both feel that this guy is not right for me because he does not see me as an important person in his life. Part of me knows that, but the other part of me does not want to ...
A. 3 February 2014: No, you're not. I usually see my girlfriend a couple if times a week. But if your boyfriend isn't even making time for that, then you should probably move on from him. There's no point in staying with someone who just isn't there. You'll only end up ... (read in full...)
He threatened that tomorrow either she's gone or he's gone. Any advice would help!
Q. Hello and thanks I have been married 22 yrs. I got married young. Its been abit of a roller coaster at times but somehow I stayed. My husband can be very mean when he drinks. He calls me names points his finger in my face I tell him to stop. Whe...
A. 3 February 2014: I would suggest that your marriage is basically over. You're married to a drunk who is clearly very controlling. You need to make a decision as to whether you want to be married to a man who treats you this way. ... (read in full...)
I find I am propping up my boyfriend financially. What should I do?
Q. So my boyfriend and I have being dating for 8 months now. What do I do? I can't afford to give him anymore money:( So my boyfriend is having finical problems at the moment and I've helped him. He works but he doesn't save for a rainy day. He...
A. 2 February 2014: You're being mugged. It seems to me that you're basically funding his lifestyle. I'll be some of that money you've lent him has gone into his house, and I'll be your name won't be on the mortgage.
Seems to me that you're just being mugged. I'd get ... (read in full...)
I am my boyfriend's last priority when wer're around his family and friends. I feel as though he doesn't care. Please advise.
Q. I feel like a third wheel in my own relationship. Whenever my other half (of six years) is around his family or his friends I very quickly become last priority. I could be left there alone at a table without him speaking to me for ages, and occa...
A. 2 February 2014: This is how my father treats my mother. She has stayed with him and has always been second best. She always will be. I'm surprised she stayed to be honest.
Don't make the same mistake. He's taking you for granted. You've already brought this up, ... (read in full...)
Stepmother issue: I want to reconnect with my Dad, just my Dad and I. Am I being unreasonable? Honest opinions please
Q. I spoke to my dad the other day on the phone for the first time in a while. I've never lived with him and he has recently married his long-term girlfriend, who I have never got on with. When I was younger and obligated to stay with him occasion...
A. 2 February 2014: I agree with all the comments below. It is absolutely not good enough that she was able to treat you in the way she did, and that he should be insisting she come along. This smacks of a man who is actually terribly weak willed. She treated you ... (read in full...)
Would it bother you if your partner was a nude model for Art Classes?
Q. Hi Everyone, I'm 23 years-old, and I'll be graduating with my Masters degree in May. I've generally kept to the "straight and narrow," so to speak--I almost always follow the rules, I've only had sex with one person (an ex bf), I do don't drugs, ...
A. 2 February 2014: I wouldn't care at all. In fact, if it gave you more confidence as you seem to be thinking that it would, then it's probably a good thing. A friend of mine once had a nude painting of herself done for her boyfriend, and whilst he loved it, she ... (read in full...)
Ex-boyfriend told me after breaking up that he has Hepatitis C!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for three years and he just broke up with me because he said I work too much. He is on disability so is home all day. Said he is lonely and moved in with another women with three children. Then he tells me he is ...
A. 2 February 2014: I'm sorry this has happened. This is such shoddy behavior from him, and he really is the lowest of the low if he knew he had it and didn't say something to you.
But whatever you do, you must not let this drag you down. Firstly, you clearly need... (read in full...)
I took him back after he broke up with me but now he blames me for everything
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 1 year in march. I love him so much and he means the world to me, he broke up with me early in our relationship which I put down to him being on steroids. His whole attitude towards me and life changed ...
A. 2 February 2014: You have GOT to end it with this man. He is a major emotional abuser, and he has some massive mental issues clearly caused by drugs that are now affecting any relationship he can have. This man knows what he is doing. He is manipulating you to co ... (read in full...)
He walked out on me. Is contacting him a bad idea?
Q. A man that I was dating walked out of my life in October '12. We were only dating for 6 months but it was intense. He told me he was in love with me and hinted toward marriage in the future. He was recently divorced, his father died while we...
A. 2 February 2014: I don't think contacting him will achieve anything. Whilst he may have had his stresses in his life, he was actually very cruel to you in the end, and this really did show him up for who he was. Things moved far too quickly between you in some ways, ... (read in full...)
When we argue my girlfriend holds her education over my head!
Q. Thanks for the responses in advance. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 4 years now. We live together. She is ready to graduate with her masters degree and I have recently graduated with my bachelors (I was not accepted...
A. 28 January 2014: I'd dump her. I wouldn't ever accept this kind of treatment from anyone. She seems to have a lot of issues, and for her to be treating you this way is pretty low.
Get rid. ... (read in full...)
Can't sleep after giving up medication. Please help?
Q. I really need some help. For those of you who do not know last year in the summer I was diagnosed with Bipolar. Its a really difficult illness to live with and I can't say a day ...
A. 24 January 2014: As difficult as it may be for you, after reading this, my advice us to go straight back to the doctor and tell them. I think you need to just be checked over again, and they're the only ones who are going to be able to suggest anything to help. ... (read in full...)
He has left me dangling and my life is on hold.
Q. My boyfriend and I split up three weeks ago he has serious mental health issues and said he cant sustain a relationship as he coudnt think straight . He said he was going to get help and in the meantime has seen me three or four times and says he ...
A. 18 January 2014: I think for your own sake, you need to end it permanently with this guy. If he has serious mental health issues that he isn't dealing with properly, then he's no good to you, no matter what you think of him. He needs help, and unless he gets it, you ... (read in full...)
Threats, fighting, verbal and mental abuse. Is he about to break up? What should I do?
Q. Dear Cupid yesterday i had a huge fight with my bf of 4 years, lately he is ignoring me, verbally and mentally abusing me all the time. Its getting difficult even to have a decent conversation with him on anything. Yesterday we had a huge f...
A. 18 January 2014: You need to be the one to end this. Straight away. He's verbally and mentally hurting you, and no one would do that to someone they truly love. I don't think you should be with this man at all, and I really think the best thing to do is for you to ... (read in full...)
I lent my online bf money for the trip to meet me...am I being used?
Q. I've been in an on-line relationship for 2 months. My bf and I decided to meet, so we went ahead and made plans. But a few days before he realised he doesn't have enough money for the trip. I have agreed to lend him but I keep wondering if I am ...
A. 18 January 2014: There is always a risk that you won't see the money back if you lend someone money at this stage. Has he actually used the money to book a ticket to come and see you?... (read in full...)
How much should you tell a new partner about past relationships?
Q. When embarking on a new relationship how much should you tell your new partner about your "relationship past" I ask this not because I've had a problem with this nor am I embarking on a new relationship but simply because I see on this site that t...
A. 18 January 2014: I'm largely in agreement with you, OP. ... (read in full...)
We've been together so long at this point I don't want to give up, but I am worried the love won't come back.
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years. We hit a rough patch when I lost my job, it lasted about 6 months. He was borderline emotionally abusive about my lack of job. He would panic and verbally attack me to deal with it. There was no reason to ...
A. 17 January 2014: You have to look very carefully at his behaviour during your time of need. He wasn't there for you. At a time where you needed support and should have been able to count on him because you'd lost your job, he wasn't there for you. Instead, he was ... (read in full...)
I want to win my ex fiance back
Q. This is long...been in a relationship with this guy for the past 4 years but we broke up 8 months ago. We also were engaged. We have had alot of ups and downs and hurdles. Now as soon as we were about to work on trying back again I had a ...
A. 17 January 2014: I'll be honest, I think he was looking for a way out, and he just used PMS as the excuse in the end. Realistically speaking, he left for the smallest of reasons and dumped you for the best friend.
You're a very smart and successful woman. You dese... (read in full...)
Potential boyfriend is demanding to know my past, and then comments negatively!
Q. I've been talking to a guy that I met through a dating website for almost 3 months now. We live across the country so we haven't met yet but we text all day and skype pretty regularly. For the most part, things are pretty good with him and I feel ...
A. 17 January 2014: He shouldn't be a potential boyfriend, or even a friend for that matter. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has a pee fetish but now comes up with excuses when I offer to indulge it!
Q. Hi everyone! So my bf and I have been together for almost two years were both in our early 20s. My boyfriend recently told me he has a pee fetish, he basically likes watching porn where girls pee in random places or in public. Recently I noticed ...
A. 17 January 2014: This is the problem with porn. It creates images of things that in real life can't ever have the same effect. Your boyfriend has basically been learning about sex from the screen, rather than real life. And now that something that he has previously ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants to break up because she has no independence!
Q. Hi, I will try to start from the begging, 8 month ago I started a new relationship with toni who is love of my life. Before that I was in a relationship for 5 years with my ex Claire. It was a violent relationship on her part, she use to punch, k...
A. 17 January 2014: I too am now going through the pain of knowing my girlfriend probably wants to end it because she feels that she wants to have more independence. She dropped that one on me last night from absolutely nowhere. But there we are.
My advice to you is t... (read in full...)
Should my sister be fasting now that she is pregnant?
Q. Hi My sister is pregnant- she is only about 7 weeks and is eating so much. She says she is hungry all the time. Is this a sign of anything? Sign of more than one baby?? Also, she does fasting days when she does not eat anything for 2 out of 5...
A. 17 January 2014: My advice on something like this is for he to see her doctor, who health visitor, to get proper advice. Being pregnant does take a lot of energy, and she should probably just listen to her doctor. Keep an eye on her fasting though, as I'm not sure ... (read in full...)
I hate feeling like a hypocrite and a loser! Any insight is appreciated!
Q. I'm 25, and my boyfriend is 25 too. We've been dating for a couple months now, so it's still a "new" relationship. everything's great, except from time to time, I feel insecure because he was really promiscuous in the past (ie. up until right before ...
A. 17 January 2014: I agree with Tisha's post. Your own massive lack of confidence is what is causing you to feel this way. The best thing to do would be to get some help for your own confidence and self esteem. ... (read in full...)
Is it stupid to hope that maybe a couple of years down the line my ex and I might rekindle our relationship once we are both out of university and he has matured?
Q. Hi, I've just recently gone through a break up with my boyfriend of almost 2years. It was pretty much a mutual thing and we ended on good terms, neither of us really wanted to end it as such its just that we have been going long distance since we ...
A. 17 January 2014: The truth is, you will both change a lot in the next few years at university. Yes, he might mature and such, but he might mature into someone you don't like as much anymore, and you might do the same. I wouldn't put anything on hold, and instead I'd ... (read in full...)
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