| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Is it stupid to hope that maybe a couple of years down the line my ex and I might rekindle our relationship once we are both out of university and he has matured?
Q. Hi, I've just recently gone through a break up with my boyfriend of almost 2years. It was pretty much a mutual thing and we ended on good terms, neither of us really wanted to end it as such its just that we have been going long distance since we ...
A. 17 January 2014: The truth is, you will both change a lot in the next few years at university. Yes, he might mature and such, but he might mature into someone you don't like as much anymore, and you might do the same. I wouldn't put anything on hold, and instead I'd ... (read in full...)
LDR boyfriend doesn't say he loves or misses me anymore!
Q. Why is he so irritated with me? I'm so upset:( My boyfriend has been acting weird lately. So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months now. (We haven't had sex yet). He's 28 and I'm 24.. Is a long distance relationship. He's so...
A. 17 January 2014: The problem is, that after 8 months of dating in an LDR, there doesn't appear to have been any real movement or specific talk for the future. Instead, all that has happened is that the relationship has gone backwards, and you're not speaking as much ... (read in full...)
Married but fell for someone else
Q. I am 28 and married. I have never cheated on my husbands and never looked at another man until now. My husband has always been flirty with other women and chats them up right in front of me sometimes which is hurtful and embarrassing. I always take ...
A. 16 January 2014: This man is only a distraction from your obviously unhappy marriage. Clearly your husband is hurting you, and this new man has come in and made you feel better. The problem is, this is not going to help your marriage in any way.
I would avoid seei... (read in full...)
Three months of dating and the honeymoon is over???
Q. I’m currently in relationship with my boyfriend and we’ve been together for 3 months. We meet up every weekend in the day. I am feeling insecure in the relationship and I am worried the spark has gone. I feel like the honeymoon period is over and ...
A. 8 January 2014: Relationships are about real life, not the honeymoon period. If you feel this way, now, after just 3 months, then I don't think he's the right man for you. ... (read in full...)
How do I get her back without pushing?
Q. My ex left me a year ago, because I broke her trust. I didn't cheat on her or anything like that. I went through her phone because I thought she might have been cheating. I told her what I did because I felt guilty for what I did, and she said that ...
A. 3 January 2014: Before you even consider that, the question is what made you check her phone in the first place? Why did you think she was cheating. I only say that, because her reaction was, in my opinion, over the top. I would be hurt if my girlfriend went ... (read in full...)
He realises he needs help, but where do we turn for it?
Q. I'm 36, and my fiance's 29, we've been a couple since he was 21 and I was 27, and our relationship's been good. There's been no major arguments, no jealousy over male friends (if anything, he tries to be friends with them rather than be wary of ...
A. 3 January 2014: Basically, you're stuck unless he sees his GP, who has to be the first port of call in this situation. I would try to book him in with the GP, but see if you can go with him so he might feel like he has more support. Sometimes people open up to ... (read in full...)
I want a baby but can't get my husband on board!
Q. Hi I've been married to a wonderful man for 2 years (hes 25)but I can't get him on board to have a baby. I have always wanted to have my first before 30 and im 29 in a month. When I ask he says he wants children but that hes not ready yet. When I ...
A. 3 January 2014: I wonder if you could persuade him to do counselling with you at all? Because unless he changes his stance, I can't see how you can stay together if you want children and he doesn't. He really should have been more honest with you when you married, ... (read in full...)
Did my boyfriend cheat with this random facebook girl?
Q. My boyfriend and I have gotten extremely close over the last 6 months or so. However, before that, we weren't so close - we only spoke every couple of days, whereas now we're inseparable. My boyfriend and I go to different universities, but in the ...
A. 3 January 2014: There's not really any proof that he was cheating at all. I think it's more likely she wanted to add you because she knew your boyfriend, and perhaps you just appeared on one of her pages, so she tried to add you.
I'm not sure that there's enou... (read in full...)
Our sexual interests are completely opposite. Can I satisfy my needs elsewhere?
Q. I am happily engaged to an amazing man; we are getting married this coming October. He is my best friend, and an incredible person. I love him so much, and the thought of him being hurt is just too much for me to bear. However, when it comes to...
A. 3 January 2014: The post below is correct. If you want to be with someone, realistically you need to be on the same page with something as important as sex. Sex is frequently overlooked as a problem within relationships and marriages, and the lack of it, or ... (read in full...)
Is this affair just a phase in my life?
Q. Hi, I'm a married woman who's been having an affair with my coworker for 8 months now. My husband and I have a fake relationship, we pretend to be happy and try to do things together for the kids sake. But as soon as we disagree on somethin...
A. 2 January 2014: If you're that unhappy in your marriage, then you need to end it. Life is too short to be with someone who doesn't make you happy, and you and he would both do better to move on. It just degrades you and your husband to continue with an affair, and ... (read in full...)
I love a woman who is 8 years older than me but I don't know if I want to marry her and she's pushing for it
Q. Hello. I am a 39 year old man from Ireland. 4 years ago I started seeing a single mum who has three kids. The lady is 8 years older than me and had just come out of a bad relationship. Things were fine in the beginning and we managed to open up to...
A. 2 January 2014: You, and you alone need to make a decision here. You can't expect this women to continue to push and wait for your answer. And I think, deep down, you know the answer. You don't want to marry her, and you don't love her enough. It would be very ... (read in full...)
I asked her out and she said "we'll see".what do I do now?
Q. I like this girl that works at my local convenience store. The Monday before last (23rd) I asked her if she wanted to go and see the local pantomime, expecting her to say no, but instead she said yes, but she's have to see about her shifts. S...
A. 2 January 2014: OP, she might just have said yes because she didn't know how to directly say no (especially if she was at work). ... (read in full...)
I really like this guy but sometimes he's nice and sometimes he's not! What should I do?
Q. I really like this guy and I think he likes me to. I catch him staring at me and he flirted with me a lot at the school dance. But sometimes he can be mean to me which my friends say it's because he likes me. And sometimes he flirts soooo much with ...
A. 2 January 2014: If he's mean to you, don't go out with him. It's not mature, and you might get hurt. Always remember that you deserve to be respected by a man, not to be treated badly. If he does like you, then he should respect you and not be mean. ... (read in full...)
Can a scorned ex wait years to get you back just to use and dump you
Q. My ex have been communicating with me in getting back with me for over 6yrs. After 6yrs I began to notice the type of changes in him that I wanted back then. Now I traveled to go see him. We got tipsy first night and had sex. Well now I'm back hom...
A. 2 January 2014: I'm afraid I agree with SageOldGuy is right. This has happened before, and will happen again. Let it go, though. If you call and give him that piece of mind you're looking to give, you'll end up giving him the satisfaction of knowing that he hurt ... (read in full...)
I asked her out and she said "we'll see".what do I do now?
Q. I like this girl that works at my local convenience store. The Monday before last (23rd) I asked her if she wanted to go and see the local pantomime, expecting her to say no, but instead she said yes, but she's have to see about her shifts. S...
A. 2 January 2014: Let her do some running now. You've asked her, and she was cryptic about dates. You asked her again, and she was ill. Then again, and she's said she's moving. And now you've asked to change the date and she's just said 'we'll see'. Experience tells ... (read in full...)
What problems could happen if we did become older parents
Q. Me and my husband both want children; we're young professionals, aged 29 and 32, and we've been married for 2 years now. We're middle-class, own a Citroen and a Lexus, and our own house, and are fairly wealthy by local standards. I'm Italian-English ...
A. 2 January 2014: I can think of one problem. He wants them when he's 43-45. That will mean you're late 30's. Whilst clearly not impossible, you will find it harder to conceive because of your own body clock. It's not so bad for him - he'll be able to have children ... (read in full...)
He met his ex behind my back and now I don't feel like I can trust him!
Q. I've just found out my bf of a year has met his ex behind my back. He's been split from this girl for 3 years and has had 2 relationships inbetween, both of which he cheated on them with this girl. He told me about it when I was getting to k...
A. 1 January 2014: I don't think you can trust him at all, can you? You know that previously he has cheated on not one, but two girlfriends with this ex. And he has not met her behind your back and not told you either.
Whether he did cheat on you or not, it's clea... (read in full...)
Younger guys are attracted to me, but I would like to date an older guy!
Q. Just a simple question.... I hope :) I seem to attract all of the younger guys. It must be me. :/ Im only 23 and I just need an older, more mature man and I wanna know guys of age 25+ what do you find attractive in a woman? I can be childish...
A. 31 December 2013: Kindness, a good sense of humour, ambition, hard working, independent, loyal - well you get the picture. I'm sure you're those things and more, so it's really a case of making sure that you're out there meeting guys. You will find someone. ... (read in full...)
I need to move on, how should I tell him?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 4yrs, yet, he hasn't talked to me about marrige. He knows that I would like to get married and have kIds but I'm 28 he's 29, and I feel like I'm getting to that point where I need to move on. How should I bring u...
A. 31 December 2013: Move on? Have you actually sat down with him and asked him to marry you? Or at least set a timetable, or asked him about when he wants to get married? Just because he hasn't talked about it doesn't mean he doesn't want it, but you both need to ... (read in full...)
Cheater Cheater!!!
Q. My husband bought another woman clothing and jewelry for Christmas I found the receipt in his truck, I know he will deny it, should I ask him about it or leave it alone? ...
A. 31 December 2013: If I were you, I'd secretly contact a lawyer, get ready to divorce your husband, then serve him divorce papers with the receipt stapled to them, with a note saying "I know who you bought these for".
That should make the point rather nicely. ... (read in full...)
Why do they have to ask extensive questions when testing for STDs at the clinic?
Q. Why do they have to ask extensive questions when testing for STDs at the clinic? I believe this is what puts people off going, the only question they should ask is how long since you last had unprotected sex. I also believe they should only ques...
A. 30 December 2013: They have to work out where it may have come from, and where it may now be. i.e. are you a drug user, in which case where is the needle? Have you had unprotected sex, and who with, in case it's been passed on etc. Then they also know what they need ... (read in full...)
I want a baby but can't get my husband on board!
Q. Hi I've been married to a wonderful man for 2 years (hes 25)but I can't get him on board to have a baby. I have always wanted to have my first before 30 and im 29 in a month. When I ask he says he wants children but that hes not ready yet. When I ...
A. 30 December 2013: If you made it clear that you wanted one before 30, did he agree to it? If so, then he's lied to you. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend spends no time with me!
Q. Hi there iv bin seeing this boy for bout 3wks know and he has said we are girlfriend n boyfriend but every time I ask him to spend time with me he says yes then when it come to it he doesn't answer any off my phone calls or text! He said he needs ...
A. 30 December 2013: Dump him. You've only been seeing him for 3 weeks, and let's face it, there's not much actual 'seeing'. I'd dump him and move on asap. ... (read in full...)
I think my marriage is ending and I don't know how to stop it!
Q. I suppose I'm really asking for people opinions here..... I have been married to my husband for 13 years and married for 3 of them. There is a 13 year age gap between us, I am 30 he is 43. Our sex life has always been ok, but over the past year it...
A. 30 December 2013: This isn't because of you, it's because of him. He appears to have reached that time of life that all men get to (hopefully not me!), in their early 40's, where things don't happen as easily as they used to. He's probably telling the truth about ... (read in full...)
How do I convince my girlfriend to have an abortion?
Q. Hello All, Need your help urgently on a matter. I am 28 and my gf is 31 and we have a relationship of 3 years that is not approved by either her family or mine as we have different religions. All through 2013 we have been having problems ...
A. 30 December 2013: You can't convince her. It's her choice, and her's alone. More to the point, if she did have an abortion, she'd probably resent you for it, and you'd lose her anyway.
Work out the maths, get ready to work hard and stand by her and do your duty... (read in full...)
I would like to know where my boyfriend is during the day, and night, 24/7.
Q. Hi all, I would like to know if its too much for me to ask my bf about his whereabouts. By asking about his whereabouts I mean just asking him his plans for the day and what he'd be doing, not the crazy gf sort of asking every hour. Personally I ...
A. 30 December 2013: It depends on what you mean by piece of mind. I suppose, the question is, why do you need to know everything? Are you worried about what will happen, or do you have a reason not to trust? I don't ask my girlfriend what she's up to at the beginning ... (read in full...)
Who should I choose?? my boyfriend or my mom
Q. Hii guys, i am a freshman in college. My mom found out that I was dating my friend for 4 months already. She got super pissed, and and she forced me to break up with him. She also forced me to promise her to never date him or be with him ever again. ...
A. 30 December 2013: You must live your own life. I think your mother is afraid that you are now growing up and moving on. Maybe she's worried about losing you. Whatever her reasons, you can't let her dictate to you or emotionally blackmail you this way. ... (read in full...)
I want a baby but can't get my husband on board!
Q. Hi I've been married to a wonderful man for 2 years (hes 25)but I can't get him on board to have a baby. I have always wanted to have my first before 30 and im 29 in a month. When I ask he says he wants children but that hes not ready yet. When I ...
A. 30 December 2013: Oh dear. It's a shame that you two didn't discuss this before getting married, because this will be a sticking point now. Did he know that you wanted children before you were 30? Did you discuss this? And if you did, what was his response then?
T... (read in full...)
Is it ok to have an affair when your single?
Q. Is it OK to have an affair with someone when I am single? I don't know the girls boyfriend but I know they have been together for over 3 years. She has been really coming on to me recently and I know something could happen if I initiate it. ...
A. 30 December 2013: Don't be a mug. Remember, if you like someone who is willing to cheat, you may well end up marrying one and not seeing the signs (i.e one day you might love someone who goes on to cheat, because you'll like the characteristics of a cheat). This can ... (read in full...)
I keep self sabotaging potential relationships
Q. I''ve got a really bad pattern when it comes to guys. I meet someone I'm attracted to, I assume that they would never consider a relationship with me, I have sex with them and then freak out because I assume that they would never want to date me, ...
A. 30 December 2013: The first thing I would say is to slow down with the sex. You don't need to have sex too early on with a man, far from it. You'd be better off just taking a bit more time getting to know the man before you have sex, so you know that he won't ... (read in full...)
I feel he is behaving badly on purpose
Q. Why is he being like this? Should i cut him off? We've been seeing each other for nearly 4 months. I told him I wanted to take things slow as he kept asking me to be his girlfriend after the first date. We hit it but he's now coming off as bi...
A. 30 December 2013: Read your own post back. You'll see very quickly that this guy is a total fraud of a man. He's rude about how you look, he basically screwed you over on your dates when he pays then suddenly turns and says you owe him half, and to top it off he ... (read in full...)
Does he deserve somebody who will love him as he is?
Q. Hello everyone, I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice on my situation. I have been with my partner for about a year and a half. It has been amazing. He is the most genuine caring person and i love him to bits. My problem is, I...
A. 30 December 2013: As hard as it may be, it would be better for you to end it. Many people have been in this situation, where they are with someone who is kind, generous, and genuinely good - but there is no sexual attraction. And that is a very dangerous thing for a ... (read in full...)
Is this a mid life crisis or can men change so quickly?
Q. I had casually been seeing a guy for a year, I wanted a relationship but he didn't as he "doesn't have relationships" and I know this to be true. He had his life and I had mine, we never went out, only saw each other behind closed doors (again his ...
A. 28 December 2013: I think you'll find that his head is is well and truly in the clouds. He's probably in total denial about everything, and this is just a reaction to what has happened.
I am just glad that you made the right decision for you. Some women might have... (read in full...)
My husband never seems to notice hot women.....EVER!
Q. Hello, I am in my 20s and my husband is great, perfect even. He takes me out, listens to be me, we have a great sex life, we hardly fight. It's wonderful. However.... I recently began to notice that he never seems to notice young attractive...
A. 28 December 2013: The truth is he will have noticed them. But he probably respects you enough not to sit there staring at them. You need to relax more about this. ... (read in full...)
I'm standing up to my controlling boyfriend and he's getting more and more mad at me.
Q. Dear all. Please help. I.ve been seeing my bf for around two and a half years. I used to chase him like mad,and initiate contact. He is a controlling person,and got used to me doing that,and took advantage. I totally changed my pattern around two ...
A. 28 December 2013: Exactly as the post below says. End it. Someone who is this controlling and treats you this way will never, ever change into who you want them to be, no matter how much you stand up to them. You shouldn't even have to stand up to someone who's ... (read in full...)
On exchange: Should I give up a good school and see him instead?
Q. Hi :) He was the most gentlemanly, thoughtful and humourous person I've ever met. We met when he was travelling. At that time, he decided to cancel his next trip to stay longer with me. We had picnics, went biking and visited new places together...
A. 28 December 2013: To be honest, at this stage in your life, I don't think it's a good idea to compromise your future by going to a less suitable college for the sake of a guy that you met whilst travelling, no matter how close you were. I have a friend who has been ... (read in full...)
Wait for the ex, or be with the new guy?
Q. I broke up with my ex of almost two years way back in February. Things started off well in the relationship, but gradually things went downhill. He only had a job for the first two months of our entire relationship, and I was the one that had to pay ...
A. 28 December 2013: Your ex is a loser who has no future. Pick the new guy. It's absolutely that simple, reading your post. ... (read in full...)
Should I take two years off from my studies to pursue my dream of becoming an actor?
Q. Hey everyone, I am 24 years old and I have lived in a small city all my life due to which I couldn't pursue my dream to become an actor!education is a must so I dint want to quit studies and run after my dream so here I am,done with my studies ...
A. 25 December 2013: 2 years ago I had the chance to move to London, and to pursue a particular dream whilst working. I've not yet achieved my dream, but I am certainly much closer, and no matter what I still live in a great city and have better prospects that I did ... (read in full...)
26 never had a boyfriend, no confidence.
Q. Okay so I'm 26, I've never had a boyfriend, I've never been kissed or even been on a date. I was always very popular when I was little but we moved away from my home. People started bullying me and I lost all my confidence. I was called ugly and fat ...
A. 25 December 2013: I'm sure you're not fat or ugly. Quite the opposite on fact, as people obviously bullied you because they were either jealous or threatened.
One thing is for sure though, and that is that your confidence is very low right now, which is a clear sham... (read in full...)
Does she want to try again? Can someone give me some insight into what she is suggesting?
Q. Hi I'll try keep this short , about four month ago I pulled a girl in town and we started to see each other, she wanted to take it slow so I agreed with her as I really liked her, it went downhill when I introduced her on a night out to my best ...
A. 24 December 2013: Exactly what the post below says. You were the spare. She like that other guy, and think you were kept around in case it went wrong. It probably did go wrong, and now she's back to you. I had an ex-girlfriend who thought she could dump me then ... (read in full...)
I can't bear the thought of him kissing another girl!
Q. Do you think that kissing is cheating? When I was with my ex, I would have firmly said no - I really didn't think kisses meant that much and weren't personal, I kissed other people and he did too, it was never sober or with the same person more...
A. 24 December 2013: My general rule on 'cheating' is this - if you did something, whether it be go for a coffee, kiss, have sex or whatever, would you immediately go home and happily admit it to your partner, and would they be happy with it? If the answer to both those ... (read in full...)
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