A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been single now for about 2 years. I don't really date much but I went out with a Co worker the other night, we just went to dinner. Physically I know he's attracted to me but he did mention to me that I was "boring". I right away felt a bit offended but he said that it wasn't a bad thing because he likes the fact that I'm simple and easy to talk to. He mentioned that past girls were crazy or complicated but the fact that I'm boring is different and it's what he's looking for is the simplicity. I really don't see how that sits with me. I've always known I had a very chill laid back personality but never had I been told that so it caught me off guard. How can I change that? Maybe not come off as boring?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2013): It was rude of him to call you boring. If what he meant was uncomplicated and easy to get along with then he should have said that. Everyone knows that "boring" is not good. It means "not interesting" and "not enjoyable". You were right to be offended. He then tried to back peddle.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2013): He probably meant "drama free" and "non psychotic" and "pleasant to be with" which are compliments. But I think most people for whom English is the first language, would know that "boring " has negative connotations so I don't blame you for being offended. I certainly would be.Don't change anything about yourself just because of one stupid guy's limited vocabulary. Also I wouldn't want to date him anymore. Maybe he knew very well that this was a back handed compliment and intended it that way. People who have abusive personalities do that as a way of establishing dominance in a subtle way (since being overt would drive the other person away too soon) so this could be a red flag. Watch hm very carefully. If he makes another back handed compliment, drop him. Now if many people tell you that you're boring then maybe there is something to it.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (5 December 2013):
 I betcha that was a compliment you thought you’d never hear someone say; you’re BORING?
Pity you missed the que to reply in humorous form by saying; well that’s one way of not getting laid tonight… :)
I understand it caught you off guard… Just focus on the compliment of being less crazy and complicated as he explained, not the unintended foe par of a blithering idiot, otherwise you’re going to turn this into a Federal Case and not be as chilled and laid-back as you normally are.
He did not mean you’re DULL boring to talk to did he? Cause ‘boring’ to him apparently means something different to you and the rest of us. Had he said, your live is like a breath of fresh air, and explained why, you wouldn’t be upset!?
CAA
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 December 2013):
 It's funny, as I started reading your post, I bristled myself when I read that he thought you were "boring". However, as I read your post and his explanation of why he used the word, he actually complimented you in a dumbass way. To him, "boring" was a good thing, meaning that the opposite wasn't "exciting", but "high-strung" and "volatile".
If you like him other than his stupid word choice, then treat it like you would when someone accidentally passes gas in the office - feel embarrassed for him, but take his words in the spirit of how they're meant.
If you really want to play with him, then don't tell him everything that's on your mind. Women, even laid-back ones, have the gift of mystery. Flash a smile at him at work, and keep him a bit on his toes. Make him chase you for a bit more as if you know a secret he doesn't, and that every date ends on a cliffhanger with him wanting more. You may be laid back, but if you do that, to him you'll be exciting as hell.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 December 2013):
 I think he said the first word that came into his mind, not THINKING that calling a girl BORING is a really bad move.
Then he back-peddled as fast as he could, when you told him it offended you. You know he could just have called you uncomplicated or easy to talk to. If he can call OTHER girls complicated his obviously have the vocabulary to call you SOMETHING besides boring.
I once had a blind date and because I didn't order lobster (I hate lobster lol) he called me a cheap date. At first I was kind of offended, but I also knew what he meant. My best friend (guy) had been dating a girl who did this "test thing" with potential BF (apparently if was a "thing" some girls did back then, straight out of Glamour magazine) - anyhow she would order the MOST expensive thing on the menu EVERY time, be it food, wine, desert you name, JUST to see if the guy would blink or tell her no. I don't and never did play games like that. I didn't accept another date from the guy, but not because he called me a cheap date, but because I found out he was a coke-head.
My guess is he isn't used to girls who aren't HIGH maintenance. However, I wouldn't go on a second date with him. Because if crazy and high drama is his norm, he isn't for you.
Now, he could have said it for whole other reasons. Some guys use the "put down method" in the beginning of a date, to make the girl feel like she isn't good enough and LUCKY that HE will date her. Those are the kind of guys you REALLY want to avoid.
Be chill, be laid back. Be WHO you are. IF a guy isn't into that, HE ISN'T for you. HIS loss.
Don't change.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 December 2013):
 I think he didn't mean boring... he used the wrong word.
he meant uncomplicated.
continue to be yourself and be true to yourself and if you are willing to see if he just made a verbal faux pas go for it.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (5 December 2013):
 It sounds like he has a limited vocabulary and doesn't express himself very concisely. I wouldn't change a thing about yourself but maybe you might purchase the guy a thesaurus and leave it on his desk.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (5 December 2013):
There's absolutely nothing wrong with you at all. You just picked a bad apple on this occasion. A man who sits there, goes on about other girls that were crazy or complicated, then says you're boring, isn't worth your time.
You're not the one here who needs to change. Don't. The right guy will like you for who you are, not sit there over dinner and say you're boring. What a crap guy.
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