| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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I asked him to delete his ex's number ...
Q. I am seeing a guy for two months and i found out that he texted his ex last week saying how much he misses her and how she would feel if he got a new girlfriend. Ex said it'll be weird but nothing I cant get over and I'll be happy for you. He ...
A. 19 April 2014: You're being unreasonable to yourself.
You shouldn't be asking him to delete her number. You should be deleting his. His texts are showing that you are the rebound and he really wants his ex back. the fact he claim to be have been drunk is no excu... (read in full...)
Am I stupid for wanting my cheating boyfriend back?
Q. Okay so, me and my boyfriend have been going out for about 5 months and today I figured out he cheated on me...We have been arguing a lot lately and I heard through a friend that he was cheating and I addressed him about it and told him to be 100% ...
A. 19 April 2014: You're not stupid, and you must't be harsh on yourself. You care for this guy, and it's natural to feel the way you do especially when you've just been very hurt by him. It's normal to panic and get scared when you think you'll lose someone you care ... (read in full...)
Relationship went from bad to worse after I moved in with my boyfriend, but I don't dare leave him.
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for three and a half years and two and a half months ago, I moved into his one bedroom flat with him. Our relationship has been far from perfect but since I moved in with him, its gone from bad to worse. I agreed to mo...
A. 7 April 2014: No matter how hard, it's best to leave. You think your 3 1/2 years is a long history? It's not. Compare that to the idea of 20, 30, even 40 years. This, what have now, for that length of time would simply destroy you. As hard as it is, as sad as it ... (read in full...)
Relationship went from bad to worse after I moved in with my boyfriend, but I don't dare leave him.
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for three and a half years and two and a half months ago, I moved into his one bedroom flat with him. Our relationship has been far from perfect but since I moved in with him, its gone from bad to worse. I agreed to mo...
A. 6 April 2014: You absolutely must leave this man and start over. You must. It's not even a choice anymore really. It's a must. You don't have to accept this treatment, and this man is being emotionally abusive. Also, I think you're slipping into depression for ... (read in full...)
Men: is this a real belief?
Q. Question for the gentlemen only please :) This doesn't actually relate to me as such, but it's something that I heard and thought was ridiculous. I was talking to my male friend and we were discussing girlfriends and things and I ask...
A. 6 April 2014: I think this friend of yours lives with the fairies! A woman's bra colour has nothing to do with anything. God knows what he was on, but either he was having a joke with you, or he has some serious problems and needs help. ... (read in full...)
I'm uncomfortable with how he talks about a colleague
Q. Hi My bf of 2 years often flirts with his colleagues and say lewd comments about them to me which makes me feel in-secured and uncomfortable since most of them are very young girls around early 20s. When i tell him to stop he says even im talking ...
A. 6 April 2014: What WiseOwl below says. Dump him. This guy sounds immature, and he sounds quite cruel. I am 100% sure you can do better.... (read in full...)
I've fallen hard for him and don't know what to do
Q. Hi, so there's this guy I really like who I spend a lot of time with cos we're in a lot of the same clubs together. We invite eachother to parties, walks, concerts and movies together, both as a group and one-on-one. I really like him and have done ...
A. 6 April 2014: There are two things that are in your post that you need to think about. The first is that he's possibly an attention seeker. This isn't a good thing, if true. But you only say you think that, so it's possible that he's not one. If he is though, ... (read in full...)
Threesome with a friend, should I do it?
Q. My best friend asked me to join her and a guy she is casually dating for a threesome. I am thinking about it because there are no feeling involved and maybe it could be a good idea to see what this is all about. Do you think I should do it? Would ...
A. 6 April 2014: The thing is, she is casually dating this guy, so there are feelings for her somewhere. She may not think it a good idea now, but when you're having sex with this man she may not like it at all.
Personally, I think the only one that will wind up h... (read in full...)
I stupidly had sex with two different boys on the same day!
Q. Ok so today I did something really stupid and I don't know why I did it but here goes: so in order to revise for my exams I invited a few friends around, it ended up just being two of my close guy friends (let's call them a +b) and a couple other ...
A. 6 April 2014: To be honest, you haven't really done anything wrong as such. You're not in a relationship, not committed, so therefore you're free to do as you please with whoever you want really. And it takes two to have sex - you wanted it, and they wanted it, ... (read in full...)
I did the most well known cliché of falling for my friends with benefits.
Q. I did it. I did the most well known cliché of falling for my friends with benefits. I don't know what to do. All my friends are saying walk away, forget about it, told you so and the usual remarks. Of course I know they are all right but once y...
A. 6 April 2014: Your cousin was right. He, being a man, knows what this FWB of yours is thinking - he never wanted anything more than a casual fling between you two. To be fair, he did make that clear, so it's not like he's a bad guy. The problem is that it's hard ... (read in full...)
Should I stay or go?
Q. Hi I’m getting so fed up of my wife. Over the years she’s accused me of affairs, routed thru my phone and laptop, accuses me of the most ludicrous things, shouts and screams unnecessary. I cant talk to her cos I know she’ll raise her voice. ...
A. 6 April 2014: I would defintely speak to a solicitor (use the phone, they will often offer free advice over the phone for 15-30 mins in the UK), the Citizen's Advice Bureau (they offer free advice) and also the bank or credit card company who may be able to ... (read in full...)
Can one person destroy an entire family?
Q. Can one child's actions wreck the whole entire family's life , for lifetime? It seems, my son first destroyed my life, than my whole family's life, and now he is wrecking his wife's life, and his young children's life. How one person can be so ...
A. 6 April 2014: Sadly, it is possible for someone to have an undiagnosed mental illness that can cause this kind of behavior. In fact, the term 'sociopath' is no longer really used by psychiatrists, because it generalises various mental illnesses too easily. It's ... (read in full...)
I want to use this meeting to get closure
Q. Hi My question is next weekend I will meeting my ex to return his dvds. It’s been 3 months since our breakup and this will be the first time we’ll meet. I am dreading this meet up but another reason to meet up is to get closure. We were togethe...
A. 5 April 2014: I agree with the idea of 'closure' being a waste of time. You can spend so much time working out what happened, what could have been different, what went wrong, what if you'd said something, what if he'd said something etc, etc, and you still can't ... (read in full...)
Am I being horrible to ask him to get tested?
Q. What should I do? Why won't he get tested? Am I overreacting? So I haven't being with a guy sexually for 3years now and I've been dating this guy for almost a year now and I want us to start a sexual relationship. He says he hasn't been with any...
A. 5 April 2014: Don't touch him with a barge pole. ... (read in full...)
As I haven't heard from my boyfriend in over a month, does that mean I'm single?
Q. It's been about 4 or 5 weeks since I've spoken or even remotely heard from my boyfriend. About this time last month he asked me to pay his phone bill. I politely declined because I thought it was too early in the relationship to be asking to pay one ...
A. 2 April 2014: I'm afraid you are. But, let's face it, this guy was after your money, not you. As upset as you may be, I think it's for the best. The guy was only wanting you to pay a bill, I don't think he wanted anything else. Best to move on. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has celebrity crush and it makes me uncomfortable.
Q. My boyfriend has a crush on a TV star, she has been in several movies he watched when he was a child and basically grew up with them. Everytime he sees her on TV he is sooo enthusastic, and goes 'aaaawwwww look, it's ******'. It's extremely ...
A. 1 April 2014: Have you spoken to him about it? To be honest, he sounds like he's taking it a little to seriously. I'm sure lots of people have the occasional crush, but I don't think they talk about it as much as your boyfriend does. You might want to talk to him ... (read in full...)
Why do guys string along lots of women at once?
Q. Hi, Why do guys string along lots of women at once? I know this middle aged guy who's about to get married (to his dying fiancé) and has kids, and he has loads of women adoring him at work and is sleeping with many women from work. He's n...
A. 30 March 2014: There aren't that many guys who would behave this appallingly to be honest. He's not worth anyone's time. More than anything it raises real questions about the women as well. To be honest, they all sound pretty shocking and pathetic. My advice is to ... (read in full...)
Have I lost her friendship? Should I give up or contact her?
Q. Hi,- sorry for rambling on a bit but this is really badly playing on my mind. A few months ago I wrote this question http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-best-friend-has-changed-for-the-worse.html I just don’t understand why I can’t get over ...
A. 30 March 2014: I don't think this so called 'friend' is a friend at all. I think that she was quite cruel to you, and your housemates weren't all that great either. If I were you, I'd drop this lot and start over by making new friends. As painful as it is, ... (read in full...)
Time for a break or time to settle down?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, since we were 17. He was my first everything as well as my best friend and I really care about him. However, now that we're coming to the end of our degrees, we've started planning what we're going to d...
A. 24 March 2014: I agree entirely with WiseOwl. You need to find out who you are, and what you want. Your future, realistically, is not with this guy. It will be with another man some time in the future, when you are genuinely in love, and genuinely ready to settle. ... (read in full...)
Strip Clubs and the Committed Man....how often it TOO often??
Q. Should my boyfriend/husband be going to the strip club?It seems to be a common question women have. But my question is about frequency, is it really acceptable for a man in a committed relationship to go to the strip club not every now and then ...
A. 22 March 2014: He sounds pretty dreadful to me. He's probably the sort of man that women should ditch before they get too involved. ... (read in full...)
Our friends found out my b/f was a virgin till very recently and now is angry/embarrassed that they know
Q. My boyfriend of four months recently told me he was still a virgin at 26, (he told me at Christmastime) I was shocked, but I told him it didn't matter because it wasn't that uncommon. We talked about it and he told me the reason why he has never ...
A. 22 March 2014: To be fair, I can see why your boyfriend is angry. It obviously meant a lot to him to be with the right person, and that person was you. And then you told your friend about it and in a sense you broke a part of that trust, especially since you ... (read in full...)
When is it going to be my turn in dating?
Q. Hi, Well, here I am, a 25 year old woman and I have never had a relationship with a man, in all these years have never even held a man's hand. I don't know what I can do to improve my lot in life, because I feel completely rejected by the entire m...
A. 22 March 2014: Where are you meeting men, and what type do you like? Chances are you're either not quote in the right places, or you like the same type of man that has the same type of flaw each time. Take a look at what you want from a man, where you meet them ... (read in full...)
Is this much older man giving me signs that he wants me again?
Q. Hes 47, im 23. Yes big age gap but we clicked in the first instance, i fell for him and him for me i believe. But we had a big falling out when i said i did not fancy him. I ws trying to protect him from office rumours, we fell out and he made my ...
A. 22 March 2014: Yes,I'm afraid the post below is right. This is just him trying to get back into your pants. None of those points makes up for the fact that he made your life 'hell' when he didn't get what he wanted, especially when you were actually trying to ... (read in full...)
What can I do to get my LDR boyfriend back to me?
Q. So, if you want someone you have fight for it, isn't it? But what if me and him are in a long distance? Once he got used to send me a message first, ask what i'm doing, and all those thing. But now, he never contacted me again, or ask how I was ...
A. 22 March 2014: I think also that you need to let him go. There's nothing wrong with fighting for something, but he seems too far away, and it's too easy to lose interest in someone if they are always too far away. Also, twice you tried to contact him, and twice he ... (read in full...)
Is this his way of asking whether I'm single or not?
Q. I know this guy from a book club, we used to meet about 5 years or so ago. We kept in touch through e-mails. We're continents apart and whenever he writes or I write back, he addresses me like so: Dear Miss/Mrs.Name... he insists on using this we...
A. 22 March 2014: Honestly, I have no idea. It could be that, or it could be just a sort of in-running joke, or it could be that he's overly polite. Perhaps the best thing to do is ask him? He's the only one who will know. ... (read in full...)
He keeps texting me wanting to meet up but he hurt me bad!
Q. I fancied this guy for about 2 years, we flirted on and off for ages and made out a couple times. He then out of the blue kissed this other girl and they dated for about a month. They broke up quite quickly. Ever since he has been constantly ...
A. 20 March 2014: I think he's too immature to really be worth your attention. It seems that you really do like him, but I think he's more interested in just kissing as many girls as he can, rather than committing. It's pretty normal for teenagers, but you don't want ... (read in full...)
I'm virtually going to be homeless and this man has hurt me more than I can say! I'm so lost and afraid, how do I cope?
Q. Hi everyone, would love some advice as this issue has gotten to bad its tearing me apart. A few months ago I was a single mum with a one year old. Then a friend ive known for years came into the picture and long story short we moved in with him. I g...
A. 20 March 2014: I would strongly look at how you can move back towards family. Maybe he is depressed, but some abusive men are known to kind of 'reel you in' before showing their true colours. You've obviously talked to him about it, and he doesn't want to change ... (read in full...)
This guy is a scum. Do I tell his gf?
Q. My ex dumped me about a year ago. We had been together for 4 years, including 2 years LDR. We planned to get married, but he broke up with me 2 months before we could finally see each other. He thought I was too clingy. He cheated on me twice before ...
A. 20 March 2014: Have nothing to do with him at all. Block him again, or you'll risk looking like you're the problem. Stick to your new life. Much better that way. ... (read in full...)
I was hospitalised for 10 days, and my LDR boyfriend sent nasty emails! Should I even bother to contact him?
Q. Hello to all on the site. I am so hurt and confused. I took ill around 10 days ago and had to be hospitalised. I am now back home and doing ok but am a bit shell shocked to discover that while I was on the ward, my boyfriend (who lives in France)...
A. 20 March 2014: Yes, you're well rid of this man. He's nuts. Especially if your friend had contacted him to explain what had happened, and he never bothered to call.
Well rid of him. ... (read in full...)
Is this a good time to tell him I have feelings for him?
Q. I've been casually dating a guy I work with for nearly 6mths now. We both work shifts so we see each other when we can. Its great and we get on really well. He had a heart attack 2wks ago and it was touch and go for a while. This has made me realise ...
A. 19 March 2014: I would just spend a bit more time letting him get better. I think he needs to be focused on getting better before worrying about anything else. If you suddenly tell him how much you care for him, it might be something else for him to worry about. ... (read in full...)
He acts like he doesn't know the first thing about me! Should I give up for good?
Q. Some of you may know some of my relationship history with my past questions. I am still back together with my children's father. But still having issues. Nothing has helped and now the little things are starting to get on my nerves. Is it normal to ...
A. 17 March 2014: I think I have read a few of your posts before. To be honest, it does sound like he doesn't care. I think he does things on purpose to you because he enjoys mocking you. Perhaps the time has come to just end it and accept that this man isn't the one ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend got rough and said I made him do it! Am I being used?
Q. Help!!! Boyfriend got a little violet i make him do it. Will men please answer did i? Ok this day was bad i messed up so much. First good sex n blow job so i was thinking we gonna have great day. But right he texted a friend saying he board. Hurt my ...
A. 17 March 2014: This man should not be in your life. ... (read in full...)
I want to leave her but I want my kid with me! Advice?
Q. Me and my partner have a four year old daughter. Two years ago I found out she was setting another guy, this being bad enough, I then found out she was on a sex site posting pics of herself!!!! I confronted her, we split but I couldn't bear being ...
A. 10 March 2014: You need to speak to a solicitor asap. No one else is going to be able to give you better advice really. Sorry this has happened to you, but make sure you speak to someone who knows what they're talking about. ... (read in full...)
My man and I have been brought up very dfferently
Q. I'm not sure that me and my man are compatible. I seen a post on here a while ago about a woman thinking her man was needy and although I didn't agree with all of it it made me think. Me and my man have been friends since school and in a re...
A. 5 March 2014: You're lovely. You're hard working, you're smart, you're caring, you're independent, and some day you'll meet an actual man, who will appreciate everything you have to offer and actually add something to your life.
And with that point, here's the ... (read in full...)
He's gone a bit cold after our date.
Q. Sorry to ask such a banal question but I'm confused and don't know what to do. I have little experience of (healthy) dating and relationships so I would appreciate some advice. I met a guy a couple of weeks ago, we clicked, met for coffee and t...
A. 5 March 2014: You need to relax a bit,and just step back. You've met for a coffee, you've been on another 'proper' date (so that's two dates), and you've texted and he's texted. It's all right. Don't panic. Instead, just ask him out for another date this weekend ... (read in full...)
Why did she start to show interest when I ignored her? Should I pursue her?
Q. Hi I am an individual who doesn't believe in mind games and find it a big turn off! I was chasing a girl and dated her for a while until suddenly she became distant. I thought maybe she's not interested so I confronted her. She didn't give me a...
A. 5 March 2014: It's not a 'woman' thing, as such. This is just something some people do for attention. There was a woman who did this to me some time ago (years ago!). I chased her, thought she was interested, she got cold so I stopped. Next thing, suddenly she ... (read in full...)
It bugs me that my BF 'likes' a friend's photos on Facebook! Am I crazy?
Q. Hey, This may seem childish but it has really been bothering me. Or maybe this is a common type of thing that bothers people in relationships, I need your help and advice. My boyfriend will "like" an old friend of mines photos on facebook. Mos...
A. 4 March 2014: Facebook is such a bad thing in most respects. It has the power to utterly destroy relationships and reduce sane people to despair over so, so little.
He might like the photos, but you really have to look beyond just what he likes on a screen. Look... (read in full...)
Broken up for 1.5 years yet still cry almost every day
Q. Has anyone else ever thought about something an ex did even though you've been broken up for a year and a half? The thing he did was two years ago. I don't want to say what it was. I cry nearly every day. My parents think I'm mentally ill as I ...
A. 23 February 2014: I'm sure there are a lot of people who feel the way you do when they've broken up with someone. People can play things over and over in their head.
That said, you do seem to be unwilling to talk about things, and after 1.5 years, I think it may ... (read in full...)
Am I too unrealistic in wanting to find a guy who's not into porn or casual sex?
Q. Please don't be nasty with your replies but I would like to know the chances of finding someone who; 1. Hasn't got much of an interest in porn when in a relationship 2. Hasn't had a one night stand or a friend with benefits 3. Doesn't see...
A. 16 February 2014: Hi OP. There is someone out there. You'll find him. ... (read in full...)
I'm dating a man and love his personality but the spark is not there. I don't know how to proceed.
Q. Hi aunts, I've got a big dilemma! I've been seeing a guy that is not my type and I'm not really attracted to for the last 2 months. I was attracted to something about him initially when I first met him and wanted him to take me out. He did ask ...
A. 16 February 2014: Agreed with the others. A nice personality isn't enough for a long lasting relationship. I think that you need to move on from him, as hard as it may be.... (read in full...)
Am I too unrealistic in wanting to find a guy who's not into porn or casual sex?
Q. Please don't be nasty with your replies but I would like to know the chances of finding someone who; 1. Hasn't got much of an interest in porn when in a relationship 2. Hasn't had a one night stand or a friend with benefits 3. Doesn't see...
A. 16 February 2014: Hi. I think that there are men that will fit the bill, perhaps rather more than you realise. It's easy to look at the news, or papers, or internet, and with all the porn/stories out there that you read think that there are no men who will be what ... (read in full...)
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