A
female
age
51-59,
*onfused701
writes:I had casually been seeing a guy for a year, I wanted a relationship but he didn't as he "doesn't have relationships" and I know this to be true. He had his life and I had mine, we never went out, only saw each other behind closed doors (again his choice, not mine but he had been like this with previous girls he'd had casual relationships with so thought this was just his way). I then shockingly discovered I was pregnant (I didn't think I could have kids), I tried to discuss the options with him as didn't know whether to keep or not but he ignored me, publicly humiliated me and we have not spoken since. I have made the decision to keep this baby and do this alone and I'm looking forward to that and don't want him in mine or the baby's life. I have since found out that he is now in a new relationship with someone (has been a couple of months), takes her out, introduced her to friends and taken her on holiday and I'm a bit shocked as this is a guy that for 15 years has never had or wanted a serious relationship. Can a guy change like this so quickly? Not sure if it is the fear of becoming a father, turning 50 (hence having a mid life crisis), trying to redeem himself with friends who were not impressed at his behaviour towards me or if you can change your ways and mind set so quickly? Please enlighten me with your opinion!
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (29 December 2013):
 Maybe he never wanted a relationship until he met this new woman, perhaps she is the right one for him. I doubt it has anything to do with you or your baby.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (29 December 2013):
 you have gotten great advice so far
the man is not having a midlife crisis. MEN more so than women will stand by the statements such as "I'm not relationship material" "i only want FWB" "i'm never getting married" UNTIL they meet the right woman.
My husband was 37 when I met him. He swore up and down that he was not getting married. TO him marriage was stupid and not needed. I was pleased with this as I did not want to get married (again). Guess what... we got married.. because he WANTED IT. I even asked him three days before our wedding if he wanted to cancel it... He was 39.
We have friends who got married three weeks before us.. the first time bride was 40 the first time groom 52. WHEN the right girl comes along that's when they change... not before.. not for babies.. not for a goddess on her knees.... it's really all about love.. and wow, we still don't know how that works for each person now do we?
MEN who fall in love with someone make changes.
YOU were not the one he fell in love with but clearly the new lady may be.
When the baby is born have paternity testing. Take him to court and get court ordered paternity and child support.
best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, confused701 +, writes (29 December 2013):
confused701 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTanks all for your answers - the question is not about the baby, I know exactly what to do in regards to there and know my legal rights (this was just a bit of background information) and my baby and I are fine, the question is can a 50 yr old guy who has never wanted a relationship and is a very private person all of a sudden change or is it a reaction to what has happened? Just trying to understand the mindset of a man!
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (29 December 2013):
People change when they find 'the one'.
You were not 'the one' to him, you were just casual and now you are pregnant. He has a responsibility to the child but not to you, but do not expect things to be easy, these things never are.
You said it yourself, you do not want him in your life or the childs...so now he's in a new relationship, you have no fear of him coming around. Of course he has rights to the child if he is named as the Father and that is up to him if he chooses to follow that path. If you want support finacially, you will have to name him on the birth certificate and likely, have to go to court. He may also wish to have a paternity test.
He isn't having a mid life crisis or anything else, he just knocked you up whilst having casual sex with you and now he's with someone else.
Go the legal route to get financial assistance but don't look for reasons as to why he does not want to play 'Daddy', because the 'real' reason you arn't willing to face.
Good luck with your baby.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (29 December 2013):
 He is a user of women, and if he will not talk to you directly, you need to involve the court system.
If you are keeping your baby, that baby is your entire priority. To not make this man financially and completely accountable is to neglect your baby. He needs to contribute, and you need to make that happen. You need to care more for this baby than you do what he thinks or says. He was cruel to you in order to intimidate you into letting him off the hook.
It's not just financial either. What if your child has a disease or grave injury that a transplant from his father or a blood match or a family medical history could save his life? You could be sacrificing his or her life by shying away from making him accountable.
Involve the courts from day one. Inform him that you will be doing so, and that he had better start being cooperative, or he will be made to be. The guy USES women. You knew it right from the start with his "I don't do relationships" crap. Would he have stayed if you had said "I don't do sex"? Doubt it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (29 December 2013):
 It's really hard to tell why a person makes radical changes all of a sudden.
It's like the women who asks why their abusive BF isn't abusive to the next girl. No one knows. He might not be able to STAY and KEEP a relationship going, but maybe he finally realized that one day he might end up alone.
The thing is if a guys says I do not want or I do not DO relationships... and YOU want a relationship, YOU walk away from that guy. Because he will most likely not change his mind down the line.
Last but not least, don't worry about him and what HE does, focus on your pregnancy and baby.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 December 2013):
I think you'll find that his head is is well and truly in the clouds. He's probably in total denial about everything, and this is just a reaction to what has happened.
I am just glad that you made the right decision for you. Some women might have felt pressurized to make the wrong decision for themselves, but you made the right one for you. Whatever else, and no matter how angry you might end up feeling at this man, just focus on yourself and your baby. I would really avoid trying to read into his actions.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2013): It's a pointless question to ask really because it's stopping you from focussing on what really matters; pampering yourself and the baby.
I'd advise you to avoid snippets of information about his life now. It will drive you crazy.
Only he knows why he's doing this and I don't think any one answer would make you feel better about what happened.
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A
male
reader, M Proops +, writes (28 December 2013):
Well he will be legally responsible for the baby by law and will have to financially support it whether he likes it or not.I'm sure his new girlfriend will be thrilled by this.I think he's been playing with you all these years.He sounds like a jerk to me.
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