A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my ex of almost two years way back in February. Things started off well in the relationship, but gradually things went downhill. He only had a job for the first two months of our entire relationship, and I was the one that had to pay for everything. Dinners, movies, concerts, clothes, phone bills. Just about anything you could think of, I was the one that was buying it. When I broke it off with him, a week or so later he said he didn't want to lose me, was going to get his life back on track, was going to work on his temper, and everything else that caused us to go downhill. I hear from him every now and then, see him very little, and he still doesn't even have a job. For the whole month of December, I've been talking to this new guy. He has a lot of the same values and interests that I do. I've just been so torn as to what I should do. This new guy, I feel, has the potential to add to the happiness I already have in my life. And although my ex isn't the best..I don't know. I still have feelings for him, and I guess I grew comfortable with him. We had made all these plans for the future, and I think it makes it harder for me because I know he still wants to be with me. I never really felt this way about someone before..My question is, what sounds like the better option? Waiting around for my ex or taking a chance on this new guy? And how do I let one of them go? Someone's going to get hurt in all this..I just don't know how to do it in a way that won't hurt as bad.
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (28 December 2013):
 Yes it's clear who is the better option.
Regarding your ex, you only hear from him "every now and then" and rarely see him; it's not like you have to dump him, you just carry on with your life and if he brings it up (getting back together) you can then tell him that a lot of time has passed since the breakup and you've moved on.
See how things go with the guy you've met and keep contact with the ex to a minimum (certainly don't initiate contact with him).
I'm sure he'll be upset you've moved on but it won't come as a huge surprise. And don't forget: you're not responsible for his happiness, he is. That might sound a bit harsh, but you don't need to be excessively worried about feelings at this stage - a long time since the split, and you're not close friends. Unless you feel you've been stringing him a long a little bit, there really is nothing to feel bad about.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 December 2013):
Your ex is a loser who has no future. Pick the new guy. It's absolutely that simple, reading your post.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (28 December 2013):
 February, almost 12 months and the ex still hasn't made a start on getting it together. How long do you intend waiting for him to magically turn into somebody else? Another year, two years, five years, your whole life?
Sister, the choice is clear, if your ex really wanted to be with you, he would have made the changes to ensure that happened.
So what do you want, a partner who has the same values and interests, who supposedly is actively working towards his future, or a loser you left way back in February and who hasn't moved or made an attempt since?
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