A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend gets all teary and upset when I express interest in wearing a bikini. He hates the idea of someone looking at me but I'm proud of my body and sometimes I just want to show it (most of the time however I like adequate coverage...) Is this normal?? Should I continue to wear my tanks and shorts or give the bikini a shot? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2011): Sounds very controlling. Most guys like seeing their gf wear a bikini. I've never met anyone who didn't. What if he starts controlling everything else you do aswell?
A
female
reader, emogurl321  +, writes (26 December 2011):
 My boyfriend gets upset when i wear short stuff or whatever but i do it because its my body he doesn't own it! my bf gets over it. i'm sure yours will too! (:
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 December 2011):
 No it's not normal. He tears up because you want to wear a bikini ???... That would have been a tad strange even when bikini came out first ( 1946 !). But now, he's got 65 years to get used to bikinis and women wearing them as a normal fact of life .
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A
male
reader, oneguy +, writes (25 December 2011):
 Does your boyfriend hate anyone looking at you even when you are wearing tanks and shorts?If so, stop reading this answer, and leave him. Now.If not, and his problem is only with bikinis due to the obvious reasons, please read on.It's probably to do with his cultural upbringing. Some cultures place great emphasis on certain definitions of womanly dignity and bikinis don't fit into those definitions. You must not forget that these definitions held even in Europe and the Americas until a few decades ago, before you were born! Times have changed rapidly. Expecting people and cultures to change immediately is unrealistic. Things take time.To call your boyfriend controlling is a joke. If he were the controlling type, he would be aggressive in telling you not to wear a bikini. The sap is *crying*.Anyway, he is immature. There is a chance he'll improve with time and with the right encouragement and people around.Does he cheat on you? Does he look at other girls when you're around? Does he not shower you with attention and love? If he doesn't do any of these, you have a decent guy. It would be quite stupid to lose him. Don't listen to the other agony aunts in this case. They are being aggressive but they probably cannot feel what a blessing it is to get a good boyfriend/girlfriend/life partner who loves you.You must compromise in a few things in any relationship. You cannot have everything. If the guy is a good guy, why would you want to fight unless there is a good reason to? Maybe there is a good reason here, but I will not emphasize something that can jeopardize a relationship.If you believe that you will get a much more compatible boyfriend, then you are the best judge of what you should do with your current relationship.So, all said, do tell him that if he cannot accept your culture for what it is, and he cannot be detached to a certain extent, he is coming in your way and not helping. Based on his answer, you may want to make a decision.Regards,
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (25 December 2011):
 You have a very short-sigted view of this issue(in my opinion) You want to show off your body/That in and of itself is way out of bounds from normal.Now it may be drop dead beautiful but that's no excuse for flaunting it. Common modesty would dictate a more cautious approach. Your BF might have a poin. why tempt others by going all 'Lady Ga-ga" on the rest of us. We might not need to see your atributes.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (25 December 2011):
 Does he also leave notes around the house suggesting a burka? Because it's the same theory behind both, that other men shouldn't be looking at you.
I can understand being jealous if you were dressing up for a specific person, but shouldn't he be happy that his girlfriend is getting stares? Does he exhibit any other controlling behaviors or is it just this? If there's other stuff I'd recommend rethinking the relationship. If it's just this you should talk about why it makes him so upset to think of anyone else looking at you. You should remind him that it's partially a compliment to him that he's with someone who gets so many looks and that you getting leered at by strangers does not in any way make you even remotely attracted to them.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 December 2011):
 What Caring Guy said... it's an over the top reaction and it is either that he's not secure enough to be a healthy partner or he's being controlling and manipulating with his behavior in which case he's again not a healthy partner.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (25 December 2011):
 Wait, sorry I didn't read this very clearly...
I somehow missed his very start about him becoming teary and upset, didn't read it very closely, doh. No that's not normal at all. Maybe if he became a little bothered by it or jealous of other guys looking at you.
But tearing up? No, definately not right.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (25 December 2011):
This is not normal. It's not even near normal. Your boyfriend has serious problems to be honest. I'd suggest seriously looking at whether you should be with this guy. He's either very controlling and is using emotional blackmail, or he's got huge insecurities that will lead to controlling behaviour.
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A
female
reader, bunnyblueeyes +, writes (25 December 2011):
 He definitely blowing this out of proportion.
Its not down to him to dictate what you wear and as long as you're
Happy and confident he should be proud of you.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (25 December 2011):
He has no say over what you wear, sure it's normal for him to be jealous that other guys would be looking at you, but at the end of the day, you guys are a couple so why does he need to worry?
Just remind him of that fact, but also be firm that it's not up to him what you wear and you make that decision.
Does he just say he's not happy? or acutally tell you to change? Because that could be the start of controlling behaviour so stamp it out immediately, good luck.
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A
female
reader, Crazykatee +, writes (25 December 2011):
Hes sayin that cuz hes insecure!! If other blokes take intrest he thinks ul run of with em, just wear it, if u got it flaunt it, thats my sayin x
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