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My ex wants to hang out with me but has a boyfriend!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Friends, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 January 2012) 6 Answers - (Newest, 11 January 2012)
A male United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

So my ex and I went out for 3 years and we broke up. Now a month after our break she started dating this other guy (ling distance) and after 4 months we started hanging out but I couldn't take the fact that she's dating someone else, so I stopped talking to her, so now after a week and a half she says she misses talking and hanging out with me and said she would consider going out with me again if she was single. So moments before we Hung out she said she doesn't want to cheat and think that she's leading me on. What does this mean? What does she want?

View related questions: broke up, has a boyfriend, my ex

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A male reader, LovelessAct1 United States +, writes (11 January 2012):

Stay away, dude. I've been there. She's not interested in you, she's just clinging onto the good feelings she used to have around you without actually having to commit to you. Sorry, but she needs to know that it should be all or nothing; this is not a smart time for "friendship."

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012):

What she is doing is the female equivalent of a guy who keeps having sex with a girl after breaking up with her. She's still dating other guys but she's ready to keep using you for emotional support and interaction like when you dated.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom + , writes (11 January 2012):

I think she's keeping you around as a back-up in case things go wrong. I think you know that you're better off moving on from her, so I'd suggest telling her that you need to move on, then cut contact.

She can't have everything. You two broke up and it's hit you hard. She can't suddenly expect you to be friends and hang out.

I think that you're being kept around like a pet, to be honest. And I don't think that's fair of her. Best to tell her again that you think it's best to move on, then cut contact. Don't be one of those people who is treated like a pet by their ex.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

During the times that we hung out before she started contacted me saying she missed me, I flirted with her a lot so she knows I still have feelings for her. And everytime we hang out there are moments that we just stare at each other and smile, when were together hanging out I don't necessarily call it flirting because its mostly laughing, joking, and random moments that I feel that we still have strong feelings for each other. It's just frustrating, that deep down I do want to go back out with her but I don't want to be a second choice. I just want to know if this girl is worth it..

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012):

Sounds to me that she doesn't know what she wants. I am in a long distance relationship and they are hard, you want to be with the person but they aren't physically there, and it takes a lot to make them work. My feeling is that she doesn't know how to handle it and is looking for the things like hanging out and having someone to talk to face to face to because she can't have that with her boyfriend. I'm sorry to say it, I know that it must hurt you but that is my honest thought on this. You need to do what is best for you, and I would suggest that you cut contact with her and tell her that until she knows for sure what it is she wants it's best for her to let you move on. Good Luck.

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A male reader, Edgardo Mexico +, writes (11 January 2012):

Edgardo agony auntI think this amount of information is not sufficient to know for sure what she wants. I see the following options as the most likely

a) She is having second thoughts about his current boyfriend. What she said is just a way to know if you'd take her back and to see how you feel about that possibility.

b) She clearly prefers hum but wants to keep you as a back-up instead anything happens.

If you have any more information I could give you more specific advice. Take care!

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