A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Should I break up with my boyfriend of 9 years? I have been dating this man for 9 years, we have had our ups an downs, but i have never felt so lost. There are a lot traits about him I love and Hate. But my biggest issue is he won't talk about marriage with me, and I recently have been diagnosed with endometriosis, and my Dr. told that if I planned on having children, then I really should be doing it soon. Since I have already had to have my left ovary removed. Every time I bring up that subject then he dismisses it, and leaves the room. I just don't understand. After 9 years he still doesn't know if he wants to start a family with me? I am just not sure I want to be with someone that after 9 years still doesn't want to have a family with me. i just don't know what to do.... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 December 2011):
 I have learned that men do what they want fairly quickly... if he wanted to be married and have children after 9 years you would be doing it already.I hope the night of thinking and peace brings you answers.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI didn't know what else to do. So I showed him this post. We have cried our eyes out for the last hour. No decisions have been made yet, but i do think that all of your words have opened his eyes a little bit. He is very emotional right now, and so am I. We have decided to just be alone for the rest of night and tell each other our decisions in morning. We both don't want to say anything that we will regret later by discussing while so emotional.
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A
male
reader, Dodds  +, writes (26 December 2011):
 give him an ultimatum and if his stance persists, you know what you need to do, it's your life, it's your future!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2011): "After 9 years he still doesn't know if he wants to start a family with me?"He knows exactly what he wants. He knew exactly what he wanted nine years ago. He's never wanted to start a family with you but knows if he ever came out and admiited as much then you wouldn't give him no-strings sex on demand, which is exactly what he wants. "I am just not sure I want to be with someone that after 9 years still doesn't want to have a family with me. i just don't know what to do...." Would you want to be with someone who still didn't know if he wanted to have a family with you after 20 years? 40 years? Don't worry if not sure and can't make up your mind this minute, I'm sure bf is willing to give you all the time you need to decide.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 December 2011):
 AFTER 9 YEARS????? .... he won't talk about marriage with me,"...????? What the heck are you doing, continuing to hang around with this indecisive loser????? I suggest you dump his sorry bottom and get a REAL boyfriend....P.S. I used to date a woman who endured your predicament (endometriosis)... and had no children. She didn't regret things... BUT, I learned, from her, just how important that a woman who DOES have this condition might want to have children before she endures the inevitable hysterectomy....Good luck... with your NEW, REAL boyfriend....
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A
female
reader, HippyChick  +, writes (26 December 2011):
 Did he talk about the future before this happened? If yes then maybe this has freaked him out and he is not dealing with it very well. If he has always avoided the subject, then you probably want different things and it's for you to decide what to do about it.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 December 2011):
To be fair to him, he's still a young (I presume that he's in his 20's) man, and therefore may not want children or marriage yet. That's his right to feel that way.
However, given that you have been together for 9 years, he should at the very least be able to engage in conversation with you about it. If he's just dismissing your feelings and leaving the room, then that would suggest to me that his feelings for you are in no way strong enough for you two to be together. He should, at the very least, be able to talk about this with you.
I think you probably know the truth - he's not the one. I think that you probably need to move on from him and find someone who is willing to commit to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2011): If you want a family that badly, then it may be time to walk away from this man. He obviously doesn't want the same things you do from the relationship, he just hasn't said it in words yet. He should be honest with you and tell you, but him avoiding the topic and walking away when you bring up the subject suggests that he does not want to have a family right now, if ever. I think you will have to end the relationship now, and find someone who wants to have a family. Try one last time to talk to him, saying something like "You know that I want a family and due to my situation healthwise I really want to do it soon. I get the feeling it's not want you want for our relationship, if that's the case please tell me so I can decide whether to continue in this relationship or not." I hope it works out for you, good luck"
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