A
female
age
30-35,
*pendy
writes:Why do I feel the way I do? Is this normal? I loved my ex boyfriend so much but he cheated, lied to me and dumped me.I was so hurt, I was crazy about him and now I've lost interest in dating and love altogether.He wanted us to stay friends but I've told him no but he still won't leave me alone!I don't feel nothing for him at all..he means nothing to me now, all the feelings have gone. But when we split and I found he cheated I cried so much took me 6months to get over him and now I feel nothing.So does that mean I never loved him?Thanksx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2012): how you're feeling is completely normal. the shock and betrayal have wounded you deeply. now you're numb toward him because it's your mind and heart's way of protecting yourself from further hurt. Your mind has classified him as being an unsafe person for you because of the intense hurt he caused you. therefore your mind and heart will not ever get close to him again, it's a survival mechanism.
think about it. if an animal experienced a traumatic pain from stepping on a thorn, it will tend to never want to go near such thorns ever again. it's a survival mechanism.
it's the same way with the human heart when it comes to relationships that hurt us. it's a survival mechanism to shut down towards the person who has hurt us so as to not have to experience such pain again.
consider this a blessing. many people force themselves to stay in hurtful relationships and override their survival mechanisms by lying to themselves and deluding themselves to manage the pain. this means that they continue to experience repeated hurt from staying with that partner (who continues to cheat on them or lie to them).
what you're feeling and experiencing is much healthier for you because it's keeping you safe from further hurt by turning you off completely to a guy who is a toxic partner.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 January 2012):
The post below has said it all. This means that you're over him. You did love him, but now you see him for what he is, and you've moved on.
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A
female
reader, Bobbyjo +, writes (17 January 2012):
 No. It means that you loved him so much, and gave him so much of your time and energy, that you literally couldnt take anymore. Its your heart's way of saying Im through with this, I need a break and to move on.
I know this because I was the same. I loved my ex to death yet he lied to me and cheated on me. The final straw was a few months back when I found he had lied about yet something else to me. Instead of going off on one like I usually did, I just finished with him and Ive never looked back since. I still loved him but it was as if there was a voice inside me saying dont go back, just keep walking away. I am now like you where I have no interest in love or dating. In fact I feel quite numb. But I think this is a good thing as it gives you time to heal and concentrate on yourself. This is important in order to move on.
So yes you did love him. But in the end your heart told you that you had given your all and wasnt receiving anything in return. It had simply had enough. xx
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