A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:how do i end a relationship with my boyfriend who last time got angry and said im stupid to give him up. he does control me and get jealous and i want out of this relationship without him getting angry or sending angry texts etc. how do i keep him carm and walk away and make him feel good at the same time. he always puts me down and i do not ever see a life with him.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2012): "I want to end this with him walking away calmly"
You are asking the impossible. You can only end the relationship, you cannot control his reaction to the break-up. If he was capable of walking away calmly, then he wouldn't have previously become angry, said you were stupid, controlled you and gotten jealous, and you wouldn't be ending the relationship AGAIN.
Your only concern should be wanting to end this with YOU walking away SAFELY.
Contact your local domestic violence hotline or shelter for the help, information, and support you need to make a clean, final and SAFE break from an unstable, irrational, hot-headed, jealous, controlling, potentially physically abusive, potentially dangerous individual.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 June 2012):
My advice is always the same. Do it in a public place, say a coffee shop, where he can't do anything. Also, have a friend of two on standby outside so they can get you away from him.
I would not try to go down the route of worrying about whether he feels good. Nothing you do will make him feel 'good', and that is in no way your job. You just need to get away from him, and the best way to do that is in a place where he'd be mad to try anything.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 June 2012):
 If he always put you down and he controls you etc.etc., what do you care about how he feels, good or bad ? just care about walking away, and fast.
If though your concern is that if you dump him in person he may make a scene, and become violent or abusive ( hopefully not to the point of hitting you, but maybe hitting walls , throwing things, stuff like that ) I understand how would you want avoid all that drama, and I give you my permission to do something that normally I consider malicious and unacceptable, i.e. : dumping him by email or text. After which, you just have to ignore his calls, block him on social networks, delete his angry texts without even reading them, etc,... if you are consistent he'll stop. Cold , steely determination is generally enough to discourage quite soon even the bullies like him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2012): You may want to just leave. Block his number.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 June 2012):
 he makes you feel bad
he puts you down
why do you care about making him feel good?
oh well... you could tell him the classic
"it's me not you"
have you stopped calling him and texting him?
are you giving him CLUES that things are wrong?
if so you have an opening..
"Bob, I'm sorry but things are just not working out with us right now. I know you think it's all good but I'm not happy and it's not YOU, it's my needs (yeah the need to be loved and cherished and respected)... and I can't see you having to suffer to make me happy any more, so I think it's best for both of us if we go our separate ways"
then DO NOT take his calls
do not contact him
do not send texts
if he has a key to your place and you to his... do the key exchange, get your stuff back...
do NOT argue with him.
do not let him try to convince you of his CHANGING (if a person is going to change they do it for themselves not anyone else)
wish him well and keep going.
if he gets angry you won't know it as you've gone NO CONTACT...
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