A
female
age
41-50,
*lendedfam
writes:My situation is rather complicated.My boyfriend yelled at my son. He told my son that he needed be spanked him if he doesn't listen. Its a shock because he and my son usually get along well and his boundaries with my son are usually very appropriate. He is positive and patient with him daily. My son has autism and he can be very challenging at times and especially non-compliant. I am considering ending the relationship.I am particularly worried because me and my son are living in a shelter now. My boyfriend also lives at the shelter in a seperate area. The shelter has a rule against fraternization. My son and I moved here last year because he was being molested by my fiance of 6 years. He was getting him off the school bus for me while I was driving home from work. I reported him to the police.I talked to my son and let him know that I think what my boyfriend said was wrong and I was sorry that it happened to him. My boyfriend has never showed any anger to my son. He apologized to us both immediately. My boyfriend has been under a lot of pressure because his son has a rare form of leukemia, cannot find a donor match and had a heart attack a few minutes before this incident. I am not saying this to make excuses. My boyfriend was wrong. I just have never known him to act in such a way normally.My boyfriend was temporarily suspended from the shelter because of what he did.Based on my son's history, I am just not sure if it's worth working through it with my boyfriend.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (4 July 2012):
I hope his son does make it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2012): Look at it this way: if your bf acted this way in front of other adults, what would he do to your son if the two of them were ever alone?
Your son's safety should be your primary concern.
If the shelter can provide it, I'd look into counselling to find out why you are attracted to men who abuse your son, and how to break the pattern. I don't mean to sound harsh, but your son depends on you.
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A
female
reader, blendedfam +, writes (4 July 2012):
blendedfam is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks CaringGuy....his son is 37 years old and set to get married again on Aug 5. We dont think he will make it.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (4 July 2012):
I would say, having read your post, that at this time you both have far too much to deal with to realistically make this work out. His son has a rare form on leukaemia, and that will no doubt be having a massive effect on your boyfriend. I think you'll find that him snapping at your son was because of the heart attack that his son had had moments before.
On top of that, your son has clearly been though a lot, and I think doesn't need the hassle of someone else in his life that is going to be unpredictable.
And then, on top of that, neither of you are really set up home wise etc.
For what it's worth, you both sound like good, caring people. But I think at this time you both have too much going on and maybe it's best if you both go separate ways and focus on being parents.
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A
female
reader, blendedfam +, writes (4 July 2012):
blendedfam is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCorrection: He yelled at my son that he needed to be spanked by me if he doesn't listen.
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