| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Heartbroken father of three loves his wife with all his heart, but.....
Q. My wife sent extremely sexually suggestive photos of herself to a guy that she had a sexual relationship with just before we started dating. We had been together for nine years when she did this. It was a part of some extremely sexually suggestive ...
A. 17 August 2011: I would absolutely agree with those who have said it's time to move on from her. She has checked out of the marriage, and she is guilty as hell and knows it - that's why she blames you. It's so much easier to blame you than it is to face up to what ... (read in full...)
Am I too controlling?
Q. My boyfriend says im controlling. We both have very different views on the world and the way to act in a relationship. He told me he cheated on me in the first year and i said id forgive him because i knew he was in a bad place and had just broken ...
A. 17 August 2011: I'll tell you what it was for me that made me sure he's someone you should ditch - it was when he said "other girls wouldn't care about this sort of thing"
ANYONE who has been cheated on will tell you that you need to care, because it's clear that... (read in full...)
He spent more money on his ex than he does with me, did he love her more?
Q. did my partner spend more money on his ex because he loved her more? He was with her for a short time but furnished her house and paid her rent, got her a car and paid for her boob job. With me, he is not like that. ...
A. 17 August 2011: Yes, just think - he furnished her flat, paid her rent, got her a car and got her a boob job.
And what did he get?
Nothing - she's an ex.
This is a case of once bitten, twice shy. He had a bad experience with this ex who clearly used him (an... (read in full...)
Is this an emotional affair?
Q. How can i know if i'm in a emotionnal affair with my male bff (i've known him for one year)? I adore my boyfriend but i like the attention i get from my bff he listens to me and notices me more than my bf it seems. I'm addicted to it I think like a ...
A. 17 August 2011: I don't think that this is an emotional affair (as the title suggests), and I don't think you're an attention seeker. You've made it clear that you're not romantically interested in him or anything like that, and that in fact you're just a very ... (read in full...)
Is it an insult to be called "posh"?
Q. Would you consider it an insult to be called " posh " ?. I am well mannered, intelligent, kind and caring, and i usually dress smartly. So, i think that's why this person called me " posh " once. I also don't usually swear , unless i'm really angry, ...
A. 17 August 2011: I think this guy was a bit threatened by you, and maybe he didn't feel good enough or something. I don't think it's an insult in this case, but merely something that reflects all those things you wrote in your post. He's a guy who swears a lot, ... (read in full...)
How long should I wait for the right person before I just accept there's no such thing as a perfect first time?
Q. im 17, i'll be 18 in march and ive just come out of a relationship of 3 months. im also a virgin. i thought my last boyfriend was the right person to lose it to and i told him i was a virgin and that i wanted to lose it to him. he was fine with it ...
A. 17 August 2011: Trust that your judgement about waiting for the right person is right - take that from someone who probably lost it to the wrong person (a girl who later cheated on me).
It's better to lose it to Mr Right, and that Mr Right is someone who'll give... (read in full...)
I am not sure about making the first move.
Q. Hi Cupids. I am having trouble with the concept of a woman asking a man out. I was raised in a very traditional home and it was drilled into my head from early on that if a man is REALLY interested in a woman, he will ask her out, period, end...
A. 17 August 2011: I think you'll find that over the past thousands of years, there are a great many women who have missed out on good men because of this idea that 'men must ask women out'. There will be a lot of women who have fancied a good man, failed to make it ... (read in full...)
Should I remain single and party or settle down?
Q. I'm almost 20 and I've never been in a relationship mainly because I'm attracted to much older men (teachers, etc.) But I've recently fallen for someone my age and he's really mature and I think he's the one (he's my close friend and doesn't know ...
A. 17 August 2011: Slow down there - having a boyfriend doesn't mean that you can't have a college life in terms of parties, going to clubs and bars and all that. It just means that you have to manage your time more effectively so that you do the things you want, and ... (read in full...)
Why do people think its okay to berate women who sleep with married men?
Q. I'm so fed up reading people taking the moral high ground on every topic, especially that of married cheats and 'home wreckers' There is so much contraversy surrounding cheating at the moment on this site and I would like to express my views as...
A. 17 August 2011: Because ultimately it shows that the woman has no respect for herself, or the wife of the married man. It shows that she is untrustworthy, that she seemingly knows few boundaries, that she is dishonest. A woman having sex with a married man isn't ... (read in full...)
I've spotted a cute new guy. Will he think I'm a stalker if I add him on facebook?
Q. So theres this guy, who was friends with 1 of my exes who had came up to me(usually does talk to me if im near) and said hey and asked me for a hug....which he had never asked before. He even was walking all the way to my class with me. (If it wasnt ...
A. 16 August 2011: I think add him. If you've talked before, I don't think he'll mind. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend broke up with me and won't give me the chance to change
Q. my girlfriend just broke up with me over a question that happened a while ago. i posted a question a few months ago and didnt take the peoples advice and now she broke up. i could not trust her so she broke up. She said she still loves me and had to ...
A. 16 August 2011: I think you're out of luck now. If you asked for advice because things were going wrong, then didn't take that advice, you can't blame her for what she's done, and you can't blame her for not wanting to take you back again.
To be honest, at this... (read in full...)
Should I just keep talking to my ex to help her? Or cut her off completely?
Q. Hi. I broke up with my girlfriend a month ago (we're not getting back together, don't suggest us to) but she's been really depressed and miserable without me. She's always been depressed, but she's even worse off without me. I'm very worried abou...
A. 14 August 2011: I do think that you need to cut contact for your own sake. She seems to be keeping you around on a lead a bit here, so that she can feel better. I think there comes a time where you need to be your own man and do your own thing, and this is it. ... (read in full...)
Is there a time limit for how long I can keep a sugar Daddy interested?
Q. I turned 29 a fortnight ago. I will be 30 next year at this time. Throughout my 20s I have had several sugar daddies, older men who supported me financially whilst I was pursuing my musical aspirations. They've been good chaps over all, tho of cour...
A. 14 August 2011: Yep, what the others have said. You're basically out of time, and you seem to be missing out on other parts of your life that are now starting to catch up with you. ... (read in full...)
Will he catch my genital warts?
Q. Hi me in my boyfriend had sex twice with condoms. And I have genital warts. Will he catch it, even though we use condoms ?...
A. 27 July 2011: Yes, he might. Does he know? He needs to. ... (read in full...)
How do I get it across to him that I want him back?
Q. ive made such a mess of things and Im so depressed about it. I finished with my boyfriend 2 weeks ago because of something so trivial. A couple of days later I realised Id made a mistake and told him I wanted him back. He said he needed time to ...
A. 27 July 2011: I'm sorry, but I don't think there's anything here that you can work with. You have made some mistakes, and now he's off to Iraq - I don't see any way that this can be fixed, and it's become very clear that he doesn't want anything more to do with ... (read in full...)
Trying to get back with my ex but he has just told me there could be a woman pregnant with his child....what should I do?
Q. Me and my ex have been trying to get back together for 3 months but today he told me there might be another female out there that maybe 3 months pregnant with his child, but he doesn't know for sure. my question is should I stay and wait to see if ...
A. 27 July 2011: 1 - He's an ex. That means there were problems there before that weren't addressed properly by you two as a couple. Therefore, it's highly likely that the same problems will exist even if you get back together.
2 - You say you've been trying to g... (read in full...)
Should I try and call people after I got so badly drunk and see how they react to me?
Q. I am ashamed of myself. I am in my mid 30's and got drunk at a party, acted very stupid and said so many things that I wouldn't normally say. All I remember is that it was pretty bad and my inhibitions had dropped very low and I would have said ...
A. 27 July 2011: I would just apologize to the people. I think that's all you need to do. ... (read in full...)
When a man takes longer with sex, does that mean he has had sex recently??
Q. my boyfriend lives away and we see each other ever weekend, when we have sex he usely comes quick, last weekend i had sex with him and he toke longer than normal, i do trust him but i have heard that when a man takes longer it can mean they have ...
A. 26 July 2011: This is pretty meaningless. There are all sorts of reasons why a man might take longer, and cheating is virtually last on the list. I don't think there's anything here at all that suggests he's cheated. ... (read in full...)
Should I try and call people after I got so badly drunk and see how they react to me?
Q. I am ashamed of myself. I am in my mid 30's and got drunk at a party, acted very stupid and said so many things that I wouldn't normally say. All I remember is that it was pretty bad and my inhibitions had dropped very low and I would have said ...
A. 26 July 2011: I wouldn't ring up and ask what happened and what they think. I would ring up a few people who you're close to and apologize for your actions, and explain that you were in a bad place following a break up. An apology will make more difference than ... (read in full...)
He's a virgin and I'm not
Q. Hello all! Hope you are doing well. Got a bit of a connundrum to deal with today and any help is appreciated. What does one do when they are more sexually experienced than their partner? My boyfriend is a virgin. I am not. We haven't had a se...
A. 25 July 2011: I've never been with a virgin - and it's never affected me. I don't think you need to say anything to him. I think you just need to be yourself with him and relax. There's nothing wrong here, but there will be if you both make a big deal about it. ... (read in full...)
Do I persist, or just accept that he took advantage of me and its over?
Q. Hi everyone - please could I have some help. I met a guy at a party last week and we did some stuff together (he wasn't drunk at the time, I was a little bit). Nothing major, but it was like really intense and I felt more like connected to him than ...
A. 25 July 2011: I think if you tried to contact him and he didn't reply, he's probably not interested. Sorry, but maybe it would be better for you to move on so you don't get hurt even more. You're not a slut, and you've done nothing wrong. I think you put your ... (read in full...)
Trying to pass off another man's child as my husbands....Is this really such a big deal?
Q. I have been married for 2 months, but pregnant with another man's baby. i dated by husband for 3 years, but he really treated me badly for a while. I fell pregant by him and he "forced", me to abort, which i regreted.I resorted to cheating on him ...
A. 25 July 2011: 3 things:
1 - The law is now taking this more seriously - your husband could sue you if he finds out, as it is basically fraud and subsequently theft. There have been law cases in numerous countries around the world.
2 - If your child's real fat... (read in full...)
Is she trying to shrug me off? Should I keep trying to contact her?
Q. There was a girl who I thought we got along very very well for 7-8 months, then she became very very withdrawn and quiet. We haven't spoken for 3 weeks now, I was the last one to text her. We met 3 years ago in a few days time, had we still bee...
A. 25 July 2011: I think sadly, this is the time for you to bow away from this woman. Continue to be a good man, but don't make the mistake of chasing after a woman who so clearly doesn't have respect for you. I would just not contact her again.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend earns more than me, should he pay for more once we buy a house together?
Q. Hi. I have just had an interesting conversation with my colleague. I am about to buy a house with my bf of 18 months. He has fronted the 10% deposit for the house as he has managed to save really well over the last couple of years whereas I am c**p ...
A. 25 July 2011: Exactly what the post below says - in the end, it your own choice as a couple.
If you feel that you should pay half, then go ahead and pay half.... (read in full...)
Opinion on a girl who has made out with 13 guys before age 18?
Q. Guys, in complete an utter honesty. If you were seeing an 18 year old girl and she told you she's got with (kissed) about 13 guys, none of whom she was in a relationship with. What would your opinion on her be? And would you want her to tell you ...
A. 24 July 2011: I know loads of girls who kissed loads of guys when they were teenagers - that's what teenagers do. It's never really changed my opinion on them.
However, there are some guys who won't like that for whatever reason. So unless you're having a very... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't want me, but he won't let me move on without him either, please help!
Q. I've been with my husband for almost 14 years. We have been separated for the past 2 years. We have been on again and off again . Our marriage hasn't been perfect at all. There has been infidelity on both sides. I filed for divorce but he decided he ...
A. 24 July 2011: I would speak to a lawyer - if it's been two years, you may just be able to apply for the divorce and not have to worry about him. Get some serious legal advice about this.
Also, I would move on from him. He sounds like he just enjoys the cont... (read in full...)
He was really hurt when we broke up, but that was almost 2 years ago, so why can't we talk now and just be friends?
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend a year and a half ago after dating two years. He took the break up very hard, he was in counseling for like four months because it destroyed him so much. Because I felt kind of bad about everything, we reconnected about ...
A. 24 July 2011: Sorry, but you dumped him. He really isn't under any obligation to have anything to do with you at all. Far too much has happened between you to be friends anymore. He obviously took it badly, and once something like this has happened it's virtually ... (read in full...)
Raunchy pics and dirty talk...Was he just using me? And should I confront him?
Q. hi i am 21 years old and recently i met a 31 year old guy online. we got talking and i liked him. for a month we talked almost every day for a few hours however, we weren't able to arrange a meeting because he lived a good distance away. but we s...
A. 23 July 2011: You were used. Entirely. There's no easy way of saying that sadly.
What you now have to do is learn from this, because you placed far too much trust in a man who you know nothing about, and now he has photos and God knows what else. Please make... (read in full...)
Am I just being insecure?
Q. I've been told that in order for a relationship to remain healthy, one must let their SO hang out with their friends without having a problem with it. Totally understandable and that's how my boyfriend is with me. Just in advance, neither of us ha...
A. 23 July 2011: I think the problem is that he has friends that he can hang with, and he also has you - whereas you only have him because your friends have both moved away. So you're entirely relying on him for contact of any kind, and because you're becoming more ... (read in full...)
I love him with all my heart and yet just like Eve, I surrendered to temptation because of my weakness. Is there any hope to reconcile?
Q. ive been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we were happy all throughout. We moved in together on our 2nd year and lived together for 3yrs. Ever since we moved in together, we had less and less sex. it would be about once a month.. i would get ...
A. 23 July 2011: Unfortunately, with the relationship going as it was, something like this was inevitable.
The first thins is that you're not a horrible person. You have, at the very least, tried to account for what you've done and you have accepted resp... (read in full...)
Ladies - do you 'reward' a guy if he makes the extra effort?
Q. This is not really a problem, more just another question to help with my understanding of the opposite sex. I need all the help I can get in that regard, and Im not the most outgoing guy in the world, also a bit shy. I have experienced a co...
A. 20 July 2011: Women do like a man who makes effort. In return, she puts effort into him too. They tend to be wary of men who don't give a damn, so it's pretty much safe to say that if you continue to make effort, you'll do fine. ... (read in full...)
Should I care that she did sexual things with her best friend?
Q. Even though this is a few weeks old i need help. My girlfriend who i have had for three months went over to her best friends house and they both swam naked in the pool and her friend "touched" her and when she told me this i asked. "Why did you let ...
A. 20 July 2011: The she cheated, and she doesn't care at all. Has she even cut contact with him?
To be honest, this girl's sounding worse and worse. ... (read in full...)
Pain in right testicle and also had a little rash. Plz help!!
Q. Hi, im 19 years old, male!! Im feeling a slight pain in my Right terticle for last few days!! I musterbate regularly (4,5 time every week) !! Is it causing any pain?? I also had a little rash outside!! I can also feel a little pain right side little ...
A. 20 July 2011: If you've had consistent pain in your testicle for the past few days, you should get it checked out. Don't take any chances. ... (read in full...)
Should I care that she did sexual things with her best friend?
Q. Even though this is a few weeks old i need help. My girlfriend who i have had for three months went over to her best friends house and they both swam naked in the pool and her friend "touched" her and when she told me this i asked. "Why did you let ...
A. 20 July 2011: Were you two together when her best friend did this? Because if you were, then she cheated and you should dump her.
If you weren't together, realistically you can't really complain. ... (read in full...)
My wife and her sister are in conflict over past issues..should I speak up and talk to the sister?
Q. My wife of many years recently confessed to me that she was sexually abused. It was something I suspected based on her behaviors over the years I have known her. She said that she has told no one else and she did not divulge any details to me. Her ...
A. 20 July 2011: I wouldn't say anything at all to the sister.
Your wife has obviously been through a huge amount, and it took real courage for her to say what she did to you. That won't have been easy, and it shows that she has total trust in you and knows that... (read in full...)
He cheated on me! I feel so gross, so horrible and devastated! Help!
Q. Yesterday I found out that my ex cheated on me last Thursday. He said nothing, he made me believe we were fine. But a friend told me he saw my ex with another girl. One of his slut friends... you know, the typical girl who hooks up with all guys in ...
A. 20 July 2011: I'm not sure I understand this - How long has your boyfriend been a ex boyfriend?... (read in full...)
If I stop making everything so easy for him...will he become more interested?
Q. So I've been talking to this guy and I think he has been taking advantage of the fact that if he stops talking to me to talk to someone else. That when he's done or finished with the other girl he can come right back and I'll take him back. So what ...
A. 20 July 2011: To be honest, if he doesn't have enough respect or inclination to speak to you more often of his own accord in the first place, it's unlikely that you making things more difficult is suddenly going to make him change.
You can't play hard to get ... (read in full...)
Girls say they don't like me in "that way"
Q. I really miss being in a relationship and I just want a girlfriend again, but no one ever seems to like me in that way and if they have they tell me like 2 years later. The girls I like always say they don't like me that way so how do I go about not ...
A. 20 July 2011: Wow, it could be me writing this! From my teenage years, that is.
I failed entirely during my earlier teenage years to get a girlfriend. As I recall, I asked out something like 10 girls from the age of 13 to 15 and they all said no.
So I stopped.... (read in full...)
Should I marry someone that I know has cheated more than once?
Q. I am 25 years old and engaged to be married. I have been with my fiance for about 4 and a half years and we have a 3 year old child together. About 9 to 10 months ago I found out he was cheating on me. I don't think the relationship was at a ...
A. 20 July 2011: I would absolutely not marry a person like this. He's cheated on you in your relationship, and he was married before and he cheated on her.
So he had no respect for his first wife or their marriage.
And he has no respect for you now.
You'd be ... (read in full...)
My anger made him leave me
Q. Dear Cupid. I've been in a 10 month relationship and im so happy with my boyfriend. In some situations, when the girlfriend gets the boyfriend angry, he'll tell her off or lay his hands on her. Obviously we all know he's a douchebag if it gets to ...
A. 20 July 2011: I also know this is not what you want to hear - but you need to sort your own anger issues out before you can enter any relationship, let alone try for this guy again. There is no way that you can be in a relationship whilst you can't control your ... (read in full...)
Do I need to be concerned about this sort of behaviour?
Q. Do men who like to slap women during sex have an anger issue,my boyfriend is a loving caring man but sometimes he likes to slap my backside which i don't mind during sex as i find it a turn on,but a couple of times he has just up and slapped me ...
A. 20 July 2011: I would be concerned about the slapping across the face. However, he could just be into that and he could be pushing the boundaries because you've allowed him to slap your backside.
The measure here is whether he will stop slapping your face duri... (read in full...)
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