A
female
age
36-40,
*unnamuck
writes: Hey , im not really sure what to do so im asking for some advice ..My ex broke up with me about a month ago due to still having feelings for his ex of 7 years ..its hard coz we wanna b together still ..The other day when we were chilling he told me he wants me but he's attached .. Since the break up we have spoken every night and sometimes during the day via internet .. When he broke up he told me he didn't wanna do it and he's really sorry for jumping into it so early .. It broke my heart .. I really like him , he is the most amazing guy i know ,its so hard to let go because we both want to be together but he still has some feelings for her .when we hang out it's amazing we get along so well , even after everything that has happened .. I'm really stuck .. Do I give him time ?? I can't give up on what we have , but I can't live in limbo ...The thing that confuses me about it all is the fact that when we hang out we kiss, cuddle and occasionally have sex ..thing is these days it feels different to how it was when we were together . I feel so much closer to him , he is much more cuddly and loves to snuggle up to me on the couch which was something that didn't feel this special when we were dating , it feels like there is really something there , not just what we had .. He keeps telling me he's going to cook me up a storm and that when my bro gets the job we are going to annoy him and stuff .. Surely if he didn't wanna be with me he wouldnt go to the hassle of this ?.. I stayed at his last weekend and he had to drop into work for 1 hour early in the morning He asked me to go with him .. It's strange cos where he works is where I used to work soeveryone knew who I was ..y would he want me to go with him so early in the morning ?? He also talks about te future and shows me what his plans are .
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 September 2011):
He's using you, pure and simple. It's really, really obvious he's using you as well. It's like he's bought the book of cliched male excuses and lies and started reading them to you.
He dumped you because he 'still had feelings for his ex'. Yet, he still sees you, you still snuggle up and have sex (there's the clue!), and he still tells you all this stuff about 'cooking up a storm' and 'annoying your brother' and telling you all his future plans and blah blah blah.
But, strip away all that rubbish and what do you have?
A man who dumped you because he still loved his ex, but is happy to have sex with you because you're there.
You've simply got to wake up, before you wind up getting even more hurt. You say you don't want to lose what you have with him - even though you have nothing. It's him holding all the cards. It's him getting what he wants. He's just there for the sex and that really is it. If he wanted more, he'd be with you. And yes, for the sex he'd make that hassle.
Sorry, but you're the one with all the feelings for him. There's little from him towards you. So it's either a case of being second best to him until such time as he moves on and leaves you well in the past. Or it's up to you to take control of your love life and move on now.
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