A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:For about three years I have had feelings for a close girl friend of mine. I have told her I was bi/ pan sexual. I have also told her about my feelings for her a couple years ago. It didnt go anywhere because she is straight. But this past summer she was in a relationship with a girl. It was very hard for me to deal with especially because I was the only friend of hers that knew of it so she told me just about everything. I'll be honest i put up with all the details of their relationship, but I cried myself to sleep A LOT that summer. she realized i was upset and I ended up confessing that I wasnt over her. Her relationship with that girl ended and for a while I felt better. but I started wanting her again. Then I met a guy. He was very nice very charming, we were together and I was telling myself I was over my friend... but I wasnt. I'm not. I confessed this to they guy and we broke up. As much as I understand why I can't I still want to be with her. I feel so dumb. We had a good relationship. He told me he loved me. I'm giving up something so great for something that will NEVER happen! Also I kind of lied to my friend... I told her we broke up because It was to much work for someone I'm really not that crazy about (it was long distance). Wich is partl true. But I didn't want to confess that I STILL wasn't over her. I just want to know If I'm making a mistake by breaking up with him. and if I should tell my friend the REAL reason why I broke up with him... and some advice on getting over someone would be nice too!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2011): This is the question writer:
I can't just cut her out of my life! shes been one of my closest friends for several years now! And besideds I already know that long periods apart from her, well I just miss her and want her more! Durring school last year we were at different colleges and were too busy to see each other for almost 6 months! I missed her like crazy!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 September 2011):
Actually you really did make the right decision to break up with that guy, one that I'll commend you for because there are a lot of people who'd have just used someone and throw them aside later on. You didn't do that. At the time you were together, you simple weren't over this other girl. You knew that, and you knew that your relationship with this guy wasn't going to continue properly. You did the right thing by ending it, because it will allow him to find someone who can commit, and will give you time alone to continue working on everything else in your life. You could have used him. You didn't. So you did the right thing, and you can feel good about that at least.
Moving on to your friend, I'd say it would be useless to tell her why you really broke up. She knows you were bi, but made it clear that she was straight. Then she ended up with another girl, which means she's bi ad suggests she knew you liked her but she didn't feel the same way. You know it won't happen, so why put yourself in a position where you will end up even more hurt.
As for getting over someone, I know of only one way - cut contact and move on. That's all I have to say on moving on. I think if you keep someone that you fancy in your life knowing it can't happen, you close doors to many, many better opportunities. If you're not over her after all this time, and you know it won't happen, then perhaps you need to move on from her entirely and get some space.
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