A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My partner is and has suffered from depression for years (way before i met him but i didnt know about it for a while after we met.) his temper lately has been awful and he swears at me and calls me horrible names. he has even told me he doesnt want to live any more which breaks my heart. having just returned from a welcomed 4 days away at a festival, i feel i should have not come back. He wasnt interested in my time awayinstead he carried on reading his newspaper and watching the tv. i decided to upload some photos and videos from my time away with a glass or two of wine. this was the worst thing i could have done because later on he told me he was sick of how much i drink and how i was more interested in going on the computer. He then tells me how he cant be ***ed with me when i am like this and i am too deep asking him things (we've been together five years) he doesnt feel comfortable in my company anymore. He told me he didnt miss me and i should get over myself it was only 2 days away (it wasnt) i talk a loadof s***, thick c*** and a stupid f***. welcome home to me! Whats more house was filthy including cat sick on carpet and i didnt even pass comment about this either. all my affections were met with stone cold rejections. yes he is depressed but as my question states how much is too much?I am at my wits end
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (13 August 2012):
Walk away.
Depression is not an excuse to treat people this badly.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (13 August 2012):
 The only "question" that seems to need an answer is: How soon before you LEAVE this guy???????
DON'T try to validate some reason for sticking around. HE is not only mean to you - as you describe - but is DANGEROUS. WHY put/keep yourself in harm's way?????
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (13 August 2012):
 I agree with all the other aunts except on one thing. I wouldn't CONSIDER leaving, I WOULD leave. No ultimatums, no heart felt conversations, no teary eyed goodbyes. Just get your ducks in a row and when you're ready make your move. Your partner is not suffering from some disease that controls his mouth. Brain chemicals are not speaking for him against his will. He is speaking for himself and he is telling you very loudly, and very clearly exactly what he thinks of you.No amount of pills and therapy will cure him of being an asshole. Personally, I'm rather skeptical of mental illness as a medical condition. The 'symptoms' seem too self serving and target specific to be credible. Either they are legitimate illnesses which are grossly overdiagnosed or they're created by those who wish to absolve themselves of social accountability, and by those who stand to profit from treating them.Cancer patients have cancer regardless of where they are or who is in the room. Those whose illness 'causes' them to abuse others somehow manage to pull it together around someone they fear or need to impress. Your partner isn't lashing out at some big, burly street thug. He's picking on someone he knows won't hurt him. He has enough control of his thoughts and actions to select the safest target for his aggression. I'd consider this relationship long over and prepare for the next chapter of your life. An even better, happier, and more fulfilling chapter.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 August 2012):
 Wow, the guy needs help and more then you can provide. BUT just because he is depressed and not happy with himself doesn't mean you HAVE to stay and be his verbal punching bag.
I'm sorry, I would actually put forth an ultimatum, either he gets help or he can get the heck out of the home.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (13 August 2012):
 Yes this is too much, he sounds very ill and needs help but it is no excuse to be taking it out on you. Is he seeing a doctor for his depression? Is he seeing a counsellor as well as taking medication?
If he is saying he doesnt want to live anymore then this is getting more serious than just depression, if he is suicidal you really need to seek some professional advice. I would probably call his doctor if I were you and tell him what he has been saying to you. I would also have a look online for some support as you are in a very difficult situation. Some of these links may help you:
http://www.mind.org.uk/help/medical_and_alternative_care/how_to_help_someone_who_is_suicidal
http://www.livestrong.com/article/233811-what-to-do-if-your-spouse-is-suicidal/
I dont think walking away at the moment is the right thing to do, because this is not the real him talking so to speak, it is the depression. I think you need to speak to his doctor and see what can be done medically for him, as well as trying to talk to your partner and explain that you are trying to support him through his illness but you are finding the emotional abuse too hard to handle and you need him to make a more conscious effort not to take out his anger and frustration on you.
Sorry I cannot be more help, you are in a very difficult situation at the moment and this is not going to have an easy solution unfortunately. I think if you really love him you should stand by him as long as you can, this is the illness talking but equally you cannot continue to be abused. He needs a lot of help by the sounds of things, hopefully he is getting it but if not you need to push him to see a counsellor and get medication for his depression.
If he is trying his best to fight this illness then it will be easier for you to stand by him through the tough times, but if he is not making any effort to get better then there is only so much of this you can put up with. Keep on talking to him though, dont be afraid to tell him how you feel just because he has depression. You have feelings too and you have equal rights to say how you feel, regardless of what is going on with him.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Nats44 +, writes (13 August 2012):
You are doing well to have put up with this for so long. i really feel for you- I alos feel, depressed or not, he has no right what so ever to call you names and be abusive. he needs to go and get treatment - have you suggested that to him? Also, everyone that suffers from depression is not that nasty either. I am kind of wondering if your guy is just a generally natsy charcter?Whats good about him? Do these kind of episodes last for long? what's good inbetween times? I think, if you can - you should consider leaving him. Otherwise, you might be care taking him and putting up with this for the rest of you life, and that's not a nice thought is it? I also feel he seeks attention when you go off and do something. try not to feed into it. Consider leaving.... xxx
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