A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:im living with a man twice my age. yes he could be my daddy. but i love him. he works hard, cooks for me, cleans. and i dont have to work. the problem is is that his wife is still in the picture. she just wont get the hint, that he loves me and not her. shes always liking things he posts on facebook. so i just recently started putting up photos of him and me and my daughter all over his page, with hopes that she will befriend him. shes told him im a gold digger and all i want from him is his money. huh, yea he makes good money, she gets her share every month. i love him, he is kind, and romantic and gives me everything i need from a relationship. i just want her to disappear, i want for them to get a divorce so we can get married. so tired of all of the accusations . any advice as to get her out?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (15 August 2012):
 From your update (I guess it was you) it sounds like you just have to wait for the divorce to become final. So sit tight.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 August 2012):
 “he works hard, cooks for me, cleans and I don’t have to work”
So what are YOU bringing to this relationship other than being his handy penis holder???
IF he wanted to divorce her honey he would have done it.
I have learned in my many years and vast experience with men, that they never do what they don’t want to do and you can’t stop them from doing what they want once they get it in their head.
If you are not contributing to the household you have with this man, how are you not a gold digger?
IF all you contribute is sex doesn’t that make you his prostitute since he pays your way?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (15 August 2012):
 Goodness you are naive, girl!
It's not like ANY wife can stop her husband from filing for divorce. Right now your "man" get best of both worlds he is still married to his wife of many years and "playing" house with you.
Why so bitter towards the wife? She didn't make any promises to you. He did. And to her to. This is what he promised HER....
In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.
Think on it.. Stop being mad at her and talk to that man of yours.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 August 2012):
 This is just another classic, "young girl meets and gets enamoured with an older guy who is experiencing his mid-life crisis and is willing to take advantage of (and enjoy s*x with) her... whilest she doesn't understand that her "man" is STILL married to wifey.... and he's got all he wants, and doesn't really much CARE about young tart's needs...... so he'll string her along for as long as he can until/unless: 1. Young tart comes to her senses, or, 2. Wifey comes to her senses..."
Long title, I'm sorry... but the facts are clear, here... You are on a collision-course with reality...
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2012): he left her for me. and she has filed for divorce its just not final yet. she had kids but it was not from him, it was from her first marriage and they are grown. he pays her monthly, she goes to the job and picks it up from him.
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A
female
reader, BsCake +, writes (15 August 2012):
So not only is he the one with a job but you make him cook and clean as well? You'll get old eventually to and won't be as attractive to him anymore. Once he gets over his mid life crisis you'll be out of the picture.
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A
female
reader, jinxx +, writes (15 August 2012):
 To me, it is quite obvious what is going on here.
As a man twice your age, I assume he was married to this woman for quite some time. I don't know how long they have been separated, or what the problems were in their marriage that lead to the separation, but it's clear they're not finished yet. Clear to everyone but you, it seems.
She's still his wife. Legally, spiritually, whatever. That means you don't get her out. It means she stays as long as neither of them file for divorce, which they haven't. If he wanted her out of his life, you wouldn't be here complaining about her because they'd already be divorced.
You're shiny, you're new, but most importantly, you're young. He treats you like a queen, and you haven't stopped to wonder why. I think now would be a good time to do this.
It's worth a try to ask him why he hasn't filed yet, but I have a feeling you're not going to get what you're after here. It may be nice being looked after for now, but I wouldn't count on it for the long run. If I were you, I'd start working again to make sure you're able to provide for your child no matter what.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (15 August 2012):
 He is married to HER, not you. If he really wanted to make a serious commitment to you don't you think he would have initiated divorce proceedings by now so that he could legally marry you?
Sorry, but in this situation you can talk about what you want until you're blue in the face, but the fact is, you don't have a leg to stand on.
Maybe you should tell him to either begin divorce proceedings or you're going to move out. That's about all you can do.
Oh - and stay away from Facebook!
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A
female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous +, writes (15 August 2012):
If he isnt divorced shes in the picture. Even when they do get divorced he pays her alimoney and shes in the picture. Technically hes cheating if they arent divorced yet. You need to look at the bigger picture other than just yourself and him. He has responsibilities to fulfill with his existing marriage. Until the divorce is final the alimoney is paid and everything is split or settled, shes in his life. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2012): I hate to say this, but the mere fact you mentioned you that you don't have to work, and he does all the cooking and cleaning makes it sound like you really are only in this relationship for the money. The other nice things you said about him don't sound genuine, it sounds as if you're just trying to kid yourself into thinking you're not a gold digger. Let me ask you this, would any of those other qualities matter to you if he was broke? Also, you are being very insensitive of his wife's feelings. All I hear in your post is me, me, me. Suppose you were married to a man for a long time, and then he just runs off with a woman half his age. You can't tell me you wouldn't be heartbroken, and that you would just disappear. Her reaction to this situation is perfectly natural. She feels she invested too much time in their marriage to just let it end without at least trying to save it.
I know I'm being rather harsh, but I feel you need to really rethink this. Do you really want to spend your life with this man? After all, if he does leave his wife for you, can you really trust him? If he left that many years of marriage with his wife for you, what's to say he won't eventually leave you? He's already proven he's not a faithful partner by seeing you while still married to his wife. Also, about him taking care of you: things may seem perfect now, but what about 20 years from now? You'll be in your 40s, and he'll be in his 60s. He'll be getting to the age where you'll have to start taking care of him. And if you're not even used to taking care of yourself, then how on earth are you going to take care of him?
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (15 August 2012):
 She is always going to be in his life regardless of a divorce. Especially if she is still vying for his attention and he is not doing anything about it. It is not his wife that you should be angry with...it's him. She's "in the picture" because HE ALLOWS IT. If he did not want her in the picture, he would make sure she was out of it.
Also, it does not do anyone any good that you are competing for him on Facebook. It just becomes two women fighting over a man who doesn't have the guts to make a decision. Plus, he gets to bask in all of your attention and fighting and get a boost to his ego.
I would consider staying off Facebook...who cares what she likes and dislikes. He lives with you not her. Secondly, have a serious talk with your man over why he hasn't divorced her. Personally, if you don't like your living arrangement with the ex wife in the picture, I would give him an ultimatum that it is either you or her. But only if you're ready to follow through with it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2012): If she won't file for divorce, he can do it.
Are you sure he wants to file for divorce and remarry?
I think you ought to discuss this with him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2012): "i just want her to disappear, i want for them to get a divorce so we can get married. so tired of all of the accusations . any advice as to get her out?"
Nope. She holds all the cards. She's the wife, you're the bimbo of the month. She's seen dozens of the likes of you come and go, and she'll see dozens more come and go long after the bloom is off your rose.
Time is on her side, not yours.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (14 August 2012):
I don't understand why he hasn't filed for divorce??
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (14 August 2012):
 You can't get her out. Right now, the primary relationship is him and his wife, not him and you. The only thing that will solve your problem is your married boyfriend filing for divorce. You should be asking him why he doesn't, because until he files and it's finalized, his wife has every right to be trying to get him back.
The only advice I have for you is patience. However, if your boyfriend refuses to file, there's nothing you can do. It will always hang over you that he's holding out hope for his marriage being restored, and you being a diversion to pass the time.
Your only choice is to stay or go. You may be left out in the cold, because his wife has the legal claim to the marriage, and he could change his mind.
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