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*ELLULAH agony aunt

*ELLULAH

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Hi, I have been through loads in my life. Marriage break up, boyfriend break ups, and been a single parent. I have been treated really bad sometimes, but i think this is all to do with life. I dont hold grudges, and have a good sence of humour. I just love all my friends and family, and have loads of support from them. So i thought i could share that with a few of you. I have asked for advice a few times. You dont always want to hear it, but there are some smart people out there.

I have now found, after a lot of searching, my soul mate. But lifes not all a bed of roses for us. But he keeps me smiling, well most of the time anyway.

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What is with men and older women?

Q.   Guys:- Are men really attracted to older woman? (For example women in their 30s or 40s?) Why do some men date older women - is it because they get bored with younger girls or does age really not matter? Also what age gap between younger men and...

A.   19 November 2008: Its because we are hot! sister.. Why wouldnt they want us he!he.... (read in full...)

Broke up with my boyfriend and now my best friend is seeing him!

Q.   My ex (we were on/off for almost a year) broke up with me almost 2 weeks ago and he re-asked me out about 1 week ago, I said to wait a week to see how we feel being single and we did, so he asked me again on saturday and we decided to stay single in ...

A.   19 November 2008: Darling, You gave him up for a good reason, because it wasnt right between you both. You are very young and will meet plenty of other Boys, but until then I would ask your friend nicely " I am happy for you both, but would rather you didnt rub it i... (read in full...)

If a girl is raped, her first time, will it always affect her?

Q.   if a girl gets raped her first time will it bother her her whole life?will she ever be happy?wil she be able to live happily?will it be terror for her life?or will she be alright afterwards...

A.   19 November 2008: Darling! If this girl lets it effect her life then it will. But you can get over it, I can assure you. Of course it is there in the back of your mind, but over time it gets less and less. Eventually, if you are strong you will come to trust men ... (read in full...)

My wifes Dad is sexually harassing me and and it's stressing me out!

Q.   Normally you'd get a woman asking this question, but no, it's also happened from a male perspective as well. I'm 31, and my wife's 28. We've been married for a month now. For the past few weeks my new father-in-law's been sexually harassing me. ...

A.   19 November 2008: Tell your wife, your best man heard it happen at your wedding so you do have a witness dont you?. And I agree totally with uncle Phil, if this is true why havn't you punched his lights out by now. I bloody would have and I am a woman.... (read in full...)

He's telling me I'm hopeless in the bedroom!!!!

Q.   My boyfriend has a very high sex drive, and is now saying I have to improve our sex life or he will end the relationship. (basically he told me he doesn't enjoy having sex with me.. I need to get into it more and seem like I'm enjoying it) I would ...

A.   19 November 2008: In short Babe, "Ditch him". If he cant be bothered to be patient, and kind towards you, he isn't worth the effort. Talk about insult you!! I cant believe anyone could be so cold. XX... (read in full...)

We have finally split up for what I thought was for good. I feel that I have made a massive mistake but when we were together I was so unhappy. I am just so confused :(

Q.   my partner ( now ex ) and i have been together for 6 years on and off we have finally split up for what i thought was for good and that i wanted now he has really gone and moving on i feel that i have made a massive mistake but when we were together ...

A.   17 November 2008: Hi, I carried on with a man for nearly 11 years, always hoping that things would get better, but they never did. Sometimes they were a little better, and others! really bad. I left him a couple of times, but went back when he assured me he woul... (read in full...)

Bullying... how do I fight back?

Q.   Why do I let people get to me? At college I am quite good at the subjects I do especially drama and I had a brilliant year last year and now other people are being nasty and horrible to me. It seems it all centers around friendships. I done all I ...

A.   17 November 2008: Hi, Sorry to hear that! I think the best way to fight back is to not let it bother you. its just jealousy, as you are already aware. You are letting it get to you, when really what does it matter? There will always be people like this through life... (read in full...)

Problems with husband's ex-girlfriend (mother of his son)

Q.   Hi. I have been married to my husband for 2 years now. He has a 9-year old son with an ex-girlfriend. They broke up when their son was 3 but the ex still expects my husband to help her out with her own finances as well as to help her family. The son ...

A.   17 November 2008: No your not wrong at all. The boy lives with you, and the mother pays no maintainance, therefore your husband shouldnt be doing anything for her. When you take on another mans children, there are always going to be a few problems, but this is ... (read in full...)

I feel resentment towards her for breaking my heart in this way.

Q.   I fell in love with a girl around 6 months back. On one of the first few times I met her. We became good friends and I asked her out a few weeks ago, she said no. It was heart-breaking to say the least and I think about what I could have possi...

A.   17 November 2008: Hi, I really hate to say this, but I think you are going a little over the top. I mean what has she done wrong really?, she acted like a friend and nothing more. She didnt talk you into going to bed with her, then ignore you, or anything else nast... (read in full...)

She likes me too but isn't fully over her ex. How to make sure I don't lose her?

Q.   Hey. er i need help, Basically im in love with this girl, or at least its nothing ive ever felt for anyone before. She just broke up with her boyfriend of like, a year, a week ago, and after liking her for 3-4 years i decided to tell her. I got ...

A.   14 November 2008: No babe, If she likes you that much, she will get in touch when she is ready. It doesnt sound like you will have to wait long anyway, does it? Just a little word of warning.. Give her a bit of space to get over her ex, because the last thing th... (read in full...)

Her text said I love you then she turns up with 2 guys and has me thrown out??? What gives?

Q.   I was seeing a girl for 7 months, she moved away to work 70 hours a week, so I went there with the intention to live and work with her, to save our relationship. We ended up arguing about the job which after looking on the net about, found out it ...

A.   14 November 2008: Your totally right, not every girl of 19 acts like this. This is how a 13-14 year old would act, she has no respect for you, it doesnt matter what she looks like. Life is a learning curve babe, just move on and forget her.... (read in full...)

Her text said I love you then she turns up with 2 guys and has me thrown out??? What gives?

Q.   I was seeing a girl for 7 months, she moved away to work 70 hours a week, so I went there with the intention to live and work with her, to save our relationship. We ended up arguing about the job which after looking on the net about, found out it ...

A.   14 November 2008: Honey!! Your mates are right. Forget her, she sounds very imature. I am sure you can do much better. You dont say how old she is, so I am presuming she is a simular age to you. What woman of that age gets her new B/F to phone up her EX and tell him ... (read in full...)

I have to stop feeling this way before it kills me. How do I handle this ?

Q.   I need help. I am getting seriously sick - literally and metaforically - because of the situation I am in. Here goes..I have been married for several years now. During the marriage me and my guy have been through a lot ups and downs and I see him ...

A.   14 November 2008: Bugs, I totally understand your point of veiw on marriage, its a wonderfull thing if you are both happy and honest with each other. But the fact remains, that sadly! these days it's not that common. Marriage should be for life, and I really hope... (read in full...)

I have to stop feeling this way before it kills me. How do I handle this ?

Q.   I need help. I am getting seriously sick - literally and metaforically - because of the situation I am in. Here goes..I have been married for several years now. During the marriage me and my guy have been through a lot ups and downs and I see him ...

A.   13 November 2008: Hi, I was one of the first people that answered your post. You will get a lot of great advice on here, but unfortunatly you can also open up a whole can of worms and get bad advice. I dont believe that if you were a man you would have "got sla... (read in full...)

He looking up ex girlfriends on facebook on google

Q.   Okay so I have been dating this guy for 2 1/2 years and man has it been rocky. The main problem with our past is his past relationships or fool arounds they have not gotten out of the picture part to his fault and part to the individuals who have ...

A.   11 November 2008: He sounds like hard work to me. I think I would give him the elbow now, before he hurts you as well.... (read in full...)

I have to stop feeling this way before it kills me. How do I handle this ?

Q.   I need help. I am getting seriously sick - literally and metaforically - because of the situation I am in. Here goes..I have been married for several years now. During the marriage me and my guy have been through a lot ups and downs and I see him ...

A.   11 November 2008: Blimey!! have you ever thought of writing a novel. I do feel sorry for your predicament, and as you say! you only have yourself to blame. But to my mind you only have two options. 1) Tell him how you were feeling and why the affair happened... (read in full...)

Please tell me am I just being stupid or is there something going on?

Q.   hi my husband went to hospital last week and i took his phone home with me but he told me to turn it off charge it up then bring it back to him, then in the morning i turned the phone on to phone his family and tell them he was in hospital and he ...

A.   11 November 2008: Sorry I wish I could say that you are worried over nothing, but in all honesty it doesn't look good. The only way that you will find out the truth is to get in contact with this girl and tell her who you are. You could ask your husband, but I doub... (read in full...)

I think he is married and all the signs are pointing to that. Should I talk to him about it or simply just move away.

Q.   hi, have been seeing this guy for 2 months but never been to his place. yesterday he took me to a lodge. i think he is married and all the signs are pointing to that. should i talk to him about it or simply just move away. he doesnt answer my...

A.   11 November 2008: I'm affraid I would agree with you, it does seem Suspicious. If you feel you are falling for him you need to talk to him, and get it out in the open. If he does have a wife, please dont fall for any lies or promises, the chances are, it will hurt ... (read in full...)

Fiance distant while I am in Iraq

Q.   Ok here's my deal. I am in Iraq and I have been with my Fiance for almost 2 years I try my hardest to call IM and email I even text and send her flowers once a month to let her know she is still on my mind and in my heart. the problem is she ...

A.   11 November 2008: Oh! I am so sorry that she is being like that to you. It must be very hard for you being away from home and not knowing whats going on. Please dont let this effect you, because I am sure you need to be on your toes, and keeping your spirit's up. ... (read in full...)

He took my virginity but he'd already slept with 7 other girls!

Q.   Dear cupids. My boyfriend lied to me for 8 months about being a virgin, but then after he took my virginity he confessed to previousy sleeping with 7 girls!! He told me he didn't want to hurt my feelings, which he did twice as much by lying! W...

A.   23 October 2008: Yes honey, you definatly did the right thing. If he has lied to you about something that important, he is a waste of space. Its a shame that you learn't the hard way, but its not the end of the world. Just remember you are a descent young lady and ... (read in full...)

Should I tell my boyfriend that the guy I cheated on him with is trying to contact me? Should I tell his girlfriend the he cheated with me?

Q.   I cheated on my bf in June and confessed to it about 2 weeks later. He reacted badly (unsuprisingly) but he's finally beginning to get over it and trust me again. However, the guy I cheated with has been trying to contact me, trying to add me as a ...

A.   23 October 2008: Your B/F must love you very much to have forgiven you so easy. So.. I think it would be best to be honest with him. Explain why you are telling him and that you dont want to know, but he is pestering you. Maybe a word from your fella would get him ... (read in full...)

Is this a healthy 'friendship'?

Q.   when i was in the 5th gd. i had a crush on my twenty three year old coach. well, i'm naturally a flirty person so of course i flirted w/him. well, we spent a lot of time alone together because he gave me rides home everyday because we were ...

A.   23 October 2008: Erm! You have your age down as 13-15 so no its not is it?... (read in full...)

I want to go back to my ex - what should I do?

Q.   am feeling very bad today because my recent question was attended to but i can not view it, i will still ask the same question coz i did not get the answer. well i have been dating a guy last year till early this year but then we split up ...

A.   23 October 2008: You could try asking him, and if he feels the same way maybe it could work. The best thing would be to be honest to the B/F you have now and tell him how you feel.... (read in full...)

How can I lose weight without diet or exercise?

Q.   Has anyone ever tried diet shakes with any sucess? Im at the end of my tether I have ALWAYS been slender and athletic but I have put on 20 kg in a year and cant budge it. I have gone from full time work to full time study. I also broke my ankle an...

A.   23 October 2008: There is no easy way to lose weight. You could try diet shakes or herbal tablets, there are tons on the market. But I have to tell you that once you lose the weight and start eating normally you will pile the weight back on and more. Quite simply, ... (read in full...)

Is it legal to have sex with him?

Q.   Hi, I am a 17 year old girl and seriously in love with a 27 year old. Is it legal if I have sex with him as I love him so much and hes been saying no to me. Pls help. anonymous....

A.   22 October 2008: Hi, Its not illegal for him to have sex with you, because you are over 16. Although maybe he see's it as slightly immoral, and good for him. There are to many guys out there that dont give a damn about sleeping with a younger girl. So you should t... (read in full...)

What is going through her head?

Q.   my girlfriend left me one day and went to australia a week later. she has two sisters there. she never verbally told me she was going but i did get a letter stating why the break up and why she had to go to australia. two months past and i went down ...

A.   22 October 2008: Its not easy to let a person go when you love them is it?. But from your post, I would say that maybe you should give her some time to see how she feels. You dont say if she is coming back or staying on with her sisters. If she intends to stay ... (read in full...)

I don't like to go out drinking, or be be around people who drink. Where can I, then, meet girls?

Q.   Briefly: As I have mentioned before I am overweight, but am trying to work on it. I know I have a good personality and am caring, considerate etc, am a gentleman and so on. Now here are my questions: I am uni, but I don't like to go out...

A.   22 October 2008: Hi, I believe that you are looking for a serious relationship, because you think it will be an easier option to working on yourself. There are many sorts of clubs you could join to make friends, as well as the Gym. But that would be a great st... (read in full...)

Guys, what do you like girls to do with their tounges in your mouth?

Q.   ok, i no its lame, but ive never been kissed like all my friends have. when we were 12, they played spin the bottle every weekend at the skating rink (yes, im from a small town in the midwest), while i was/am busy living a sheltered life with the ...

A.   22 October 2008: Dont worry it will come naturally, and anyway all men kiss different, so one tip for one would be no good with another. I never put my tounge into a guys mouth, but I do suck there bottom lip a little. That seems to work. Good luck XX... (read in full...)

Does he really love me if he can do that to me?

Q.   I have been going out with my boyfriend for almost two years now and i recently realised that he started going out with my workmate as well, I asked him about it and said he wasn't serious in the relationship, he called the lady on her mobile in my ...

A.   22 October 2008: He might have made a mistake, we are only human after all. Whether or not you forgive him is totally up to you, but if you do it will be a long time before you trust him again (if you ever can that is). I beleive that you can forgive a person for ... (read in full...)

Which cousin should I have sex with?

Q.   i was dating two guys who are often cousins, they are both very cute, and looks alike, they speaks the same way and has similar characters, the problem is i love both both the very same way and i do not want to let go of any of them. but then ...

A.   22 October 2008: I'm not sure what you mean by "They are often cousins" But I agree with the last poster, you should not have sex with either of them. It just wouldnt be right until you sort yourself out. Someone will get hurt and thats not fair.... (read in full...)

Is he using the excuse of phoning his daughter a smokescreen for talking to his ex?

Q.   i have been with my boyfreind nearly a yr.but the problem is his ex!!!they have a little girl together and he says he never rings or txts the ex any more.but when we first met i find out that he had rang her 43 times in 1 day and when i asked him ...

A.   22 October 2008: Honey! He doesnt sound very commited to you. I hate to say this and I could be wrong but it sounds to me like he still has feelings for the ex. You could ask him outright, and put him on the spot. Tell him how this is making you feel, and how upse... (read in full...)

Can we continue to live together as a threesome?

Q.   I have been married for a few years now and recently i met a girl and she moved in with me and my wife, i have got children with my wife and after sitting down and talking for a long while we decided it would be best that we stay together but ...

A.   22 October 2008: Actually, I know a couple that are doing this and they are really happy. I dont know why or how it works (its beyond me) but it works for them. They have even decided between them all, that the younger girl who joined them will have a baby. I must ... (read in full...)

Should I leave before my husband does to be the one who has more options?

Q.   Í' m very panicked now. My husband is going though mid -life crises, after 20 and more year marriage. Does it sound very typical? I'm sure it is. He does not have sexual desire,or any other affection, or excitement toward me..Is it any min now ...

A.   21 October 2008: Hold your horses honey. Not every man has a mid life crisis and buggers off, for a start. True a lot of mariages break down these day's but its not always the guy's fault. If you are truly that worried that something is going on with him, then get... (read in full...)

He was a bad boyfriend - what makes him think he'd be any better as a friend?

Q.   Could someone please tell me why my ex boyfriend is so keen on being friends? We broke up one year ago- after I found out he'd been lying to me and seeing other women. He calls several times a day, calls when he has good news. I just don't see the ...

A.   21 October 2008: In a word YES. He is trying to worm his way back into your life, surely you can see that? Its true some guys make a lot better mates than they do B/Fs. But if you had trouble with him before, its very unlikely he is different now. Personal... (read in full...)

How can I 'roughen up' our sex life?

Q.   Hi, recently I found about my boyfriend had a few flings about a year ago, and was into really kinky painful sex. He would wake up covered in bruises and bite marks. My boyfriend and I don't have a realstionship like that, ours is passionate and ...

A.   21 October 2008: Are you sure he liked it, maybe he was with someone and had no choice? Before you go down this road, be very carefull what you start, because unless you are BOTH into this kind of stuff it can lead to all manner of problems, that will ruin your rela... (read in full...)

Do I do him a favour and let him lose his virginity with me?

Q.   ugh, so i used to do alot of stuff with this one guy right? okay well, we were like seriously so close to goin out like it could've happenend but didn't. drama happenend. so we never went out just did sexual stuff..and we haven't talked for a while. ...

A.   21 October 2008: I am surprised you need to ask. Basically your mate is only going to use you for sex, right? And you have a B/F that has done nothing wrong, and that you are obviously very keen on. Where is the Decision???? You risk losing a really nice guy,... (read in full...)

I'm in love with a gay guy!

Q.   What do you do if you love a guy...and this guy is gay? I told him i loved him AFTER he told me he was gay.....so im tellin him theres no point to say what i want to say. I gave in and said what i wanted, when i did a few minutes later he said he ...

A.   21 October 2008: Darling, he is either gay or not. Nothing you say will have changed his mind about his sexuality. Even he cant do that. You have to understand that he is not going to love you anymore than a mate. Are you prepared to except that? I have some mal... (read in full...)

How do I tell my mum that her boyfriend is my boyfriend's brother?

Q.   Hey everyone.. i know that this sounds like something from a tv show, but hear me out please: I've been seeing this great guy for about 5 months, hes 24 and im 22, and we get along really well. Everything is great, like im thinking id want to marry...

A.   21 October 2008: The only thing that you can do, is to tell her. It must have come as a complete shock to you, not knowing who he was actually related to. Even so, she deserves to know, and have the chance to make up her own mind. Or are you scared it will effe... (read in full...)

I wish to have a child with my hubby before it's too late but he won't cooperate...

Q.   Hi me and my hubby are both 39.We have children from past relationships but i really want one with him before its to late.I did a home ovulation test and its fine and ive been to the doc for blood test, that was fine too.My hubbys home test came ...

A.   21 October 2008: Hi, I feel Uncle Phil has hit the nail on the head here. It should be the two of you that want a baby, not just one. If you had never had children before I would say he is being unreasonable, and maybe you should move on to a man that wants the same... (read in full...)

Should I tell him the truth?

Q.   My boyfriend wants to be a writer when he finishes high school. He gave me a few pages to read and it was horrible. I let some of my friends read it too (without him knowing) and agree with me. He wants to know what I think, I just don't have the ...

A.   29 September 2008: Hi Maggi, Perhaps you should just say, that you are not really qualified to give an opinion. And that maybe he should ask one of his teachers instead. Even though you didnt like what he had written, it could be that the subject wasnt to you or your... (read in full...)

Should just tell him to drop dead?

Q.   I desperately need help before I lose the plot! My boyfriend cheated on me, and when I say cheat I mean he had a full blown relationship with another woman. We broke up for ages talked and finally decided to get back together. But since this ...

A.   29 September 2008: Hi, God!! I really feel for you, it happened to me as well, apart from we were married and had kids. Its just the worst feeling in the world, everyone knew except you. They make a right fool out of you dont they? Just remember though, he hasnt do... (read in full...)

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