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I'm still a virgin at 20!

Tagged as: Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 March 2011) 14 Answers - (Newest, 16 April 2011)
A male United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

im going to be twenty in 2 days and im still a virgin. is this normal? at times i lie awake at night and despise myself for it. other times i think its fine and i shouldnt worry. ive considered losing it to an escort-going so far as to make the appointment but cancelled at the last minute. im so confused all the time. some people think its good some think its bad. i hate these feelings all whiring round my head whenever i see a couple in the street or hear friends talking about their girlfriends or whatever. i feel so lonely. i think i'll probably end up as a 40 yr old virgin :(:(:(:(

View related questions: escort, still a virgin

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2011):

Im 19 going on 20 and I'm a virgin as well. I don't feel sad or left out as it is by choice. Also, realistically, I would have not been ready for that kind of involvement with someone at a young age. even though my friends beleived they were, they were far too immature to deal with the pressures surrounding bein overly sexual, as well as the side-effects.

If you're worried about preformance or whether people will judge you, well, they will. But keep in mind that these aren't people you want to be with in any way. I've met a ton of people who commended me for the fact or understood why I was. Even though it wasn't *their* choice they respected that it was mine. Surround yourself with these people. Regarding preformance? When the time comes, whoever has sex with you probably will not care. As long as they are kind and have some sort of feelings for you.

As for relationships, I'd rather be with a guy who is a virgin. And I've had plenty of guys who did not mind that I was a virgin either. They would be more concerned if I was sleeping with everyone else. I feel like females feel the same way too, and if they find a virgin male they are more likely to view him as sweet and understanding...possibly even more of a long term person. If you feel like you are not finding these people, try looking in the right circles. Most of the judgement people feel are by people far too immature to be doing the act (and as a result act like children) or your own ego.

There's more important things to think about than whether you've had sex or not. Also, keep in mind that if youre too concerned with it, it will show (and you could look desperate). Any those who may consider you an option might be turned off. Feel confident in yourself, in your personality. Work on yourself and communication skills. You'll find someone (hopefully special) and eventually this will not be a concern. You're still young, don't worry!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011):

I'm going to be 41 and still a VIRGIN and very proud of it. I am getting married this year and my husband will be married to a virgin bride and he's very very proud and happy about that. He's a VIRGIN too!!!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011):

It's normal. Just because you're a certain age doesn't mean you have to be sexually active.

There's nothing wrong with being a virgin. I don't know why so many young adults and teens think that it's "in" being a non virgin. Honestly, I think a virgin is way more attractive than someone that isn't. That's just my own opinion.

All I know is that when I get married, I don't want to be with someone who's been with all these women and is "experienced" beyond years.

I want a man who will become "experienced" with me. I want him all to myself and only to myself. Nothing wrong with that.

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A female reader, chris's_wifey_23 United States +, writes (21 March 2011):

I think that is wonderful u should be proud =)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011):

It is good that you are true to you...never do anything just to please others....it is your life and your choice. You will in time meet somebody that you love and things will happen naturally and natural is often best. No need to feel bad about been a virgin...above anything be TRUE to YOU.

Good luck

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A male reader, Illithid United States +, writes (21 March 2011):

Illithid agony auntI'm 27 and a virgin. Honestly, it doesn't really bug me like it used to (sorta, sure, but not as much as it did.) I don't have a child to support but I cannot see. I don't have AIDS or herpes. I don't a reputation as a player. I DO have a job I like, many close friends of both genders, and my self respect.

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A female reader, Sincerely Yours United States +, writes (21 March 2011):

Sincerely Yours agony aunthttp://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-20-and-still-a-virgin-im-struggling.html

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-24-hot-and-still-a-virgin.html

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-19-and-still-a-virgin-is-this.html

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/21-and-still-a-virgin.html

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/19-nearly-20-and-still-a-virgin.html

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-still-a-virgin-at-39-but-how.html

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/21-and-still-a-virgin-what-can-i.html

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-am-still-a-virgin-at-24-and.html

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-turn-20-soon-and-im-still-a.html

I selected a few after searching for your question. I got only three pages in but there are at least 10 more with the same questions. My point is that it is normal. People worry about it more than you think..

Some of these posters are guys, some are girls. Most girls are just waiting for the right guy to come along who will traet them nicely and love them, some are looking for the guy who's also a virgin, and most guys are looking for a good relationship to have first.

Try not to focus so much on having sex before you're the last of your friends. Having the sex in general, is not important. It's the having sex with someone you care about, that's important. And being satisfied with the person with whom have chosen to embark.

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A female reader, Sincerely Yours United States +, writes (21 March 2011):

Sincerely Yours agony auntAt your age, there should be a million things more important on your mind, then sticking your penis in a girl's southern Orpheus.... Considering you have -/+ 60 years to do so

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A male reader, guy-2011 United Kingdom +, writes (21 March 2011):

there is millions of people the same as you, this aint even an issue. dont go to an escort or prostitute-thats for when your like, 50 years old. There is no rush with things. just get a girlfriend, and when it happens, it happens.

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A female reader, Amdz United States +, writes (21 March 2011):

Amdz agony auntIt will happen for you when the time is right! No need to rush into anything and I don't recommend losing your virginity to an escort! It is silly to think that there is an age that you "have" to lose your virginity, or there is something wrong with you! That is Hogwash!!! The time has to be right for you, not right for the people who like to talk garbage and pressure you into something that isn't right for you....be patient! It'll be worth it, if you are patient and wait for the right woman!

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A female reader, StarryEyes101 United Kingdom +, writes (21 March 2011):

StarryEyes101 agony auntMy friend is 21 and she is still a virgin. I know people think it's all about sex these days but it's quite rare someone being a virgin at 20+ Hell, it's rare if there are 13yr old virgins these days. Don't just get rid of it like that. You'll lose it. Go out meet some girls. Don't be an ass about it. And some girls find it quite sexy and it turns them on.

I hope this helps =)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011):

Why do you despise yourself for protecting your dignity?...and if I must add a bit of your sanity....These so called people you see in the street cuddling, kissing and whatnot is not all of the picture...Some suffer a heartbreak so great, you really dont want to know or experience...Dont feel pressured to give it up cos if you think you feel bad now, you will feel even worse if you give yourself to someone and feel hurt after words...You would actually long for the days when you were a virgin and didnt know such pain...Yes there are people who remain virgins way into their twenties or even thirties...Some wait untilthey are married and it is not a bad thing or something to be ashamed of..It is in fact something to be proud of....

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A female reader, TELLULAH United Kingdom +, writes (21 March 2011):

TELLULAH agony auntOf course you wont silly! Not everyone loses it at the same time. It will happen, just be patient.

When you find a girl that is special to you, it will happen naturally. Just dont try to rush things!

X

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011):

Hi there,

Firstly, get this firmly in your brain that there is no shame in being a virgin. It means that you are not desperate, you're not a people pleaser and that you are strong enough to wait for the right guy to come along, sweep you off your feet and EARN the right to take your virginity away when YOU decide. It's a one time thing and i personally believe loosing your virginity is a big thing and you make a deep connection with who you sleep with so you don't want to give it away lightly. I've chatted to guys around 21 + before and they say it's a major turn on if the girl hasn't lost her virginity yet, especially if she's been in relationships before becuase it means she takes relationships seriously and isn't one to just give herself to anyone. I know it's really hard because i've been through it but i'm soo glad i waited until my amazing bf came along because he didn't push me into it and i made the decision when i was ready and never had to live with the guilt loads of my friends have said they now have because they lost it too early, and too the wrong guy! Keep strong, keep confident! :)

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