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I lost my virginity and now he says he doesn't want a relationship

Tagged as: Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 March 2011) 6 Answers - (Newest, 25 March 2011)
A female Canada age 26-29, *eecee15 writes:

Two nights ago, I had lost my virginity. The first time, I really do love this boy, even though we had have a rough past. Very rough. He's the type of boy I had kissed when we were in about grade 7 and I had felt a "spark". He hurts me to the point I feel like nothing will ever be okay again,and then I love him more than anything. Even a "Hey" through a text message makes my heart skip. We had started to talk and see each other more but not in any relationship sort of way. Then the two nights ago, we had spent the whole night on the computer talking. He told me he loved me, and even phoned me plenty of times. He invited me over and I went. It all happened and it felt right for me to be there with him, and to lose it to my child-hood best friend and old boyfriend. Now he does not want a relationship and he will pull, "I still love you though". It is driving me insane and for me not to have a relationship after giving him my all is probably the hardest thing ever. He wont even meet me to talk. I'm not sure if hes scared or what? I really need help, because this is extremely hard. Thank you so much.

View related questions: best friend, lost my virginity, text

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A female reader, SaphiraGold16 United Kingdom +, writes (25 March 2011):

SaphiraGold16 agony auntSorry to say hun he's played you like a good one it seems.

It's what the women called use and abuse... it's not what you want to hear but it's true, alot of women experience it and sadly will keep experiencing it.

You can't get what you've given back but take something back now! Your time, don't waste it on him, don't give him the satisfaction.


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A female reader, largentsgirl89 United States +, writes (23 March 2011):

largentsgirl89 agony auntI really hate to tell you this. And as a fellow woman who went through the exact same thing when I gave my virginity to a man who I thought "loved me", I feel your pain.

He used you. He only wanted one thing from you (sex) and he got it so now he no longer has any need for you.

I truly believe that if he did love you or care about you, then he would at least have the decency to talk to your face about the whole situation. People can say "I love you" and they don't have to mean it, based on his actions so far, I don't think he loves you.

Move on sweetie and don't spend another second crying over this guy as he wants you to.

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A female reader, TELLULAH United Kingdom +, writes (23 March 2011):

TELLULAH agony auntHi Hun,

This is such a hard lesson to learn! But the others are right I'm afraid. He doesn’t sound like a very nice person, and is not worth your tears honey. You would do better to move on and not let him effect you in this way,

We have all been through heartache at some point. Sometimes if you’re unlucky you will keep going through it. That is unless you only let men treat you how you should be treated, and that’s respectfully.

Unfortunately it doesn’t sound like this guy has any.

Have a good cry and move on with life, and you will meet a nicer guy next time. xx

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (23 March 2011):

There is a lesson here that you are simply refusing to learn about this guy. He is using you, and you are letting him get away with it. He has always been using you, and he will continue to use you.

Really, the question that needs to be asked is why you lack the self respect to tell someone like this to get out of your life. Imagine all those decent guys who will just walk past you because you're so hung up on a guy who is just out to use you.

How much more crap treatment will you accept before you understand he just wants you there for a thrill?

Why is it that in 7 years or so, you've allowed him to treat you this way?

Why are you still in contact now, knowing that he's lying to you by telling you he 'loves you' when he so clearly doesn't?

You need to be moving on from men like this, or in 10 years you'll feel dreadful that your friends are in steady relationships whilst you're still wasting time.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011):

Learn your lesson from this and move on.....You did not ask him if he wanted a relationship before you slept with him, you are only assumming that he will because it is what you want...A lot og girls make this mistake with men...Even women in steady relationship assume a man would want to make a commitment to them just because they have been going steady or exclusive...But if a man does not tell you specifically in exact words, NEVER ASSUME....Regardless of his behaviour, seemingly dropping hints...If he doesnt say it directly and clearly then never ever assume what he wants..No matter how caring, faithful, affectionate he seems....Learn you lesson and move on, dont hang about and continue to allow yourself to be hurt

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A female reader, GeeGee255 United States +, writes (23 March 2011):

GeeGee255 agony auntHe is probably scared because he knows it meant more to you then it did to him. Some guys are jerks and will say whatever they have to say to get what they want. I love you doesn't mean shit without the actions to back it up.

Personally I'd rather hear, I'll be there, to a 1000 I love you's.

Only time will tell if he truly deserves your love, so hold on to it until he proves he loves you back just as much.

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