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I miss my ex so much it hurts and I can't stop crying!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Faded love, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 January 2012) 10 Answers - (Newest, 11 January 2012)
A female Canada age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My story is a little complicated so I will try to make it short as possible. I was enganged to a guy. We were together for 4 years. I found out that he cheated on me... (several times) so I left him. I left him without a fight... I just packed my all my stuff and moved out whilst he was away on holiday (with his boys)! So when he came home he found our engagement ring on the table and my cupboard empty. I moved half-way across the world so it was not easy for him to get to me... so here's the thing...

I am back in his country and city. And we have chatted a few times on FB. He is married now (this is one and a half years later)... And I am with a great guy... who loves me to death! BUT I LOVE MY EX SOOOOOOOO MUCH. I can't stop thinking about him. I cry when I think of him. I wish that he had been different coz what we had was so good and why did he have to cheat!! He says bacause I left him he has decided to be a better man for his wife and he doesn't want to be hurt again so he is not playing around. I have no particular question but how can I stop loving someone... Its too late... its over but ... I LOVE HIM and I have never loved anyone that way... thanks guys

View related questions: cheated on me, miss my ex, moved out, my ex, on holiday

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A female reader, justlikeu India +, writes (11 January 2012):

hey,

i know it may be hard for u..but think of it this way..

why would u want to ven think of getting back together wiith sum1 who has betrayed ur trust of 4 years..

i think the fact tht he cheated on u should make u hate him more..

i agree it may have been perfect earlier.. but he cheated once..n now he is married.. no way should u even think of him tht way now.. and u have a boyfriend who loves u soo much.. be happy.trying to even talk to ur ex is gonna give rise to feelings which r gonna ruin 4 peoples lives... so dont do it..

enjoy that sum1 else loves u soo much..

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A male reader, JakeChaucer United States +, writes (11 January 2012):

why would you talk to him. Cut him off 100% he's dead to you. You would be miserable if you stayed with him. It would be a long term pain. Maybe your not with the right guy now thats the problem

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012):

The thing about serial cheaters is that since they are linked to being Narcissists; they don't really change. They are great Charmers and often rely on lying to their partner to change, to stop, or even hide their cheating because they are incapable of actually forming a close bond to someone else. They need the narcisstic supply of women admirers to help them feel good about themselves. Also serial cheating is like a drug and they will need their 'hit'.

So if he is not in counselling, working every day to stay affair free- he will cheat again.

Very few men/women can be reformed, especially if they are diagnosed as Narcissists.

A Good Article to Read Over:

http://tonjaweimer.com/tips-for-singles/dating-a-serial-cheater-how-serial-cheaters-can-seduce-you/pdf

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A female reader, Emily20 Nigeria +, writes (11 January 2012):

Emily20 agony auntMy dear that was the worst mistake u ever made,how could you just pack up and leave him,without hearing him out,that shows u dont love him,no matter what happen in your life always give people the chance to explain their selves,what you did was hash and wrong,but its to late now,what i will tell you now is love the one you have now,to forget the other one you have to accept this one now,spend more time,with him,and share your thought with him,everything will be find ok,just please learn these no matter what enybody do to you always hear them out,so you dont make great mistake in the future ok

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (11 January 2012):

Honeypie agony auntStop looking at him with those rose colored glasses. You did the right thing in leaving him.

Stop having contact with him and start to accept that HE moved on a long time ago and you need to let him go.

It's not fair to the guy you are with now.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012):

I would like to thank you all for such thought through answers. You helped me more than you know ... because I had / have to get my mind right... and ofcourse you are totally right. He cheated and lied and just made me look over my shoulder the whole time. I have to make sure that he remains in the past where he belongs and move on. Thank you all and God Bless! You are amazing people to dedicate your time to helping others!

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (11 January 2012):

chigirl agony auntHe cheated because whatever you and him had wasn't.. well, it wasn't working, and he was a cheater. Maybe you leaving him was what it took for him to be a better man, but if you ask me I wouldn't trust it. I mean really, it might look perfect, but in just a year and a half a serial cheater has gotten married. And while I do hope is stays faithful and that he and her know each other well even if they rushed into the marriage... I have to say I'd be suspicious.

First off, you don't want this guy back. He was engaged to you too, but still cheated. Now he says he is better, but who knows. He might cheat again, obviously being engaged didn't chance a thing, so why should marriage mean more to this guy? Second, he rushed into marriage with this other woman.. how well can he really know her? It took you 4 years to get to the point where you left him over cheating, so wait 3 more years and see if they don't divorce as well over cheating. Probably he will cheat again. In either case, you couldn't trust him with your heart again. Let this new woman take that risk, because your ex IS a risky project to take on.

Next, as for you.. you need to get over your ex. I don't know what made you enter a new relationship, but I feel you aren't being fair to the new man who loves you and is wonderful while you are still hung up on your ex. If you can't give yourself 100 percent to the new man then end the relationship. Because he deserves more than a woman who still loves her ex and cries about her ex.

What you and your ex had was NOT good. You can't pick pieces here and there and call it good, you need to look at the big picture. He cheated, that's how he was. If things were so great then him cheating on you would be great as well.. and it isn't. So things weren't great. You thought they were good until you found out he two timed you, and while that stings, it also means you had been living a lie. You lived in the belief that things were good when they weren't.

Stop talking to your ex. Tell him to piss off. Ask him if the new wife knows about his taste for other women. Then leave him be. That other woman is insane to have gotten married to a guy she barely knows. But thats her problem now, not yours. Your ex should remain out of your life.

While you may harbor feelings of care for him still, remember that he is no longer part of your life. Don't try to include him in your life or keep him a part of it, it'll only hurt you more.

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A female reader, TELLULAH United Kingdom +, writes (11 January 2012):

TELLULAH agony auntHun, I split from my ex 23 years ago, I never got over it. I think part of it is the fact they hurt you so bad, that you only remember all the good stuff, because thats what you think life would have been like. My ex then cheated on his next wife (that he left me for) and is now cheating again on his new wife. You are better off without him, so just try to except that although you love him, it wouldnt have worked. Thats how I get through it, and I am happily married to a really lovely guy. If your fella is really nice to you, dont blow it. Take care cookie xxx

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A male reader, dougbcoll United States +, writes (11 January 2012):

dougbcoll agony aunt look its over, he is married shortly after you left him. he is over you,and married. if anything you helped him wake up and see things clearly. i am sure he has a place in his heart still for you, but he married. the thing is you have met a great guy that loves you to death! don't mess it up over your ex. your ex cheated on you, and moved on. you need to move on also, give your new guy a chance. don't mess up a chance at a good thing. give the new guy time to grow in your heart and go from there, then see if hes the one for you. if he loves you to death like you say he does , you need to be putting your energy into your relationship with him. don't damage what you have now. i wish you the best with your new guy.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (11 January 2012):

Aunty BimBim agony auntHe is married, a mere 18 months after you cleaned out your cupboard and left the engagement ring behind.

Didn't take him long to find a new girl, get to know here, become engaged and then get married did it now.

And you too have found a great guy who loves you to death.

Here's the problem, YOU wont let go, it's you who refuses to accept he's moved on and married, its you who refuses to recognise the gift you have in the guy who loves you to death. It's you who can fix the problem, or not, your choice, either take the gift you have been offered, or dump it in the trash and waste your time mooning over something you can never have.

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