Like what
she writes?
... Add Enzian to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send Enzian a private message | | | Enzian's profile:Ciao! I'm from Switzerland and my mother-tongue is Swiss German – so please excuse my English and all my spelling errors!
I'm mid twentys and very happy together with my boyfriend for four years. Also we have our ups and downs, so I found this page asking questions myselfe.
I'm Christian and so I may seem to be quite conservative. In my free time I read a lot of Christian books about relationship, marriage. I believe that – also it may seems to be a very old-fashioned perspective – this is a very honest perspective and it really helps for a good relationship. For me what is normal for most people today seems to be very selfish. One should try to look away from oneself and try to do best for the others. On the other hand I very much like to talk to other people, friends, singles and married couple and especially to my grandmother, which was very happy married for 60 years (my grandfather just died a month after their diamond wedding).
Therefore not everything I write is my own experience, but I'm sure it is honest. I write what I think and what I learnt. I'm rather straight forward, so I can't say if the advice I give is always helpful. It also could be because of ly language that I don't always find the right words for my sentence and so it could be that you don't understand what I meant to say. And it is probable not allways what you want to hear, but it is one point of view and I hope it will at least be thought-provoking.
I can learn from other peoples answers and would like to learn from your comments aswell. So I would love to hear your comments on some of the advice i have given. |
|
He wants me to give my virginity to him to show my love
Q. Hey frnds plz............ help me to come out of the complicated situation. For the last 4 years i am in relationship with a married man. Though he never forced me for anything, i was equally involved. we both r Indians and in India this type of ...
A. 9 June 2009: Ask him to wait for you (until he married you) to show you HIS love FOR YOU!... (read in full...)
Girlfriend too much to handle
Q. I need help...I'm 33 and my girlfriend and soon to be fiance is 27.We love each other very much and we both know that we want to spend the rest of our lives with each other, but I have several problems with her and I need to know if its me, is it ...
A. 8 February 2009: Hi I agree with Sugarbuns and I also think you should postpone your wedding plans. You really should talk to her and tell her that you are no longer willing to do everything she wants and always give in. She seems not at all to be willing to give ... (read in full...)
Not ready for a commitment
Q. What should I do when my heart isn't into a relationship?Me and my girlfriend have been dating for a little over 3 years. And I've been laid off from jobs three times in the last two years.Sometimes I just don't have the emotional strength to get ...
A. 24 January 2009: Every relationship is alway more work than a fun after a few years. At first you are falling in love and everything is great and fun. Also any afflictions don't bother when you first go out - this is normal and happens in new and young ... (read in full...)
I feel used.
Q. Hello, I have a minor question, regarding a problem with my friend. Just this afternoon I have had a message off her on msn, which I am currently ignoring, because I feel like I have been used. The situ is this. At Xmas, just gone I went to her...
A. 24 January 2009: Well, I have to confess, that I reacted the same way as your friend did against a good friend of mine. The point was, I did a very nice home work Christmas present for her, but because I was a little lazy, it was not finished on Christmas. I was so ... (read in full...)
Although I enjoyed his interest I'm not sure I want to meet him, as I am committed, so what should I answer him?
Q. Dear aunts and uncles I'm with my boyfriend for 4 years. We had some problems the last few month, but know, we want to stay together and may go further. At the beginning of our problems in October, I went to a advanced training course, where I ...
A. 3 January 2009: Just to add: I am not tempted to cheat, but I know that I will give him the message that I am available. But I want to tell him, I am not and if it is allright for him, I'd like to keep in contact with him, if this is allright for him.... (read in full...)
Although I enjoyed his interest I'm not sure I want to meet him, as I am committed, so what should I answer him?
Q. Dear aunts and uncles I'm with my boyfriend for 4 years. We had some problems the last few month, but know, we want to stay together and may go further. At the beginning of our problems in October, I went to a advanced training course, where I ...
A. 3 January 2009: Thanks for your answers! Sadly, I didn't get them early enough. He phoned me and I was overstrained. I didn't know what to answer, so I lied to him :-( I tried to tell him about my boyfriend, but didn't get the possibility. So we talked and it was a ... (read in full...)
I WANT to cheat on my girlfriend...
Q. We've been together for 3 years and I love her... but the love could be "stronger." I have a great emotional relationship with my girlfriend and she rocks my world when it comes to physical sex. She gives me everything I desire in bed and we love ...
A. 19 October 2008: He there To cheat is surely not the solution - it would only make your girlfriend miserable and maybe she will eat a lot more because of it. If you really love your girlfriend, you would care more about her feelings and less about what she looks l... (read in full...)
If I don't agree to be her guardian my sister will go into foster care...
Q. My sister (who's 3) was being abused by our parents. To cut a long story short child services called me asking if wanted to be her guardian or she'll be in foster care. I thought about it and her don't want my sister living with brunch of strangers ...
A. 19 October 2008: Hi dear
This is not an easy decision and it is not easy to give you an answer, because I don't know the laws in Canada (I am from Switzerland). But I heard from two children in my country which lost their parents by a car accident. Unfo... (read in full...)
I thought my marriage was OK until I met my first cousin and he fell in love with me. I love him too, but don't want to hurt my family!...
Q. Dear Cupid, This question is hard to bare. Butt, I have been married for 14 years and have 2 kids. My marriage I thought was okay, until I took a trip to Texas with my mother to meet some realitives i have never meet before. I meet my first co...
A. 21 September 2008: How do you know, you love your cousin more than your husband? Couldn't it be that you just fell in love with him and that could be over sometime? I try to explane you what I have learned about the different aspects of love: Falling in lov... (read in full...)
How do you know when to get out of a relationship?
Q. Ok let me fill everyone in. I have been with this guy for 3 years. We have a 1 year old together. We've had problems from the beginning because he has a hard time dealing with my past. Everytime he's ever questioned me about it, I tell him what he ...
A. 18 September 2008: Hi there To me, he seems to be jealous. He cannot deal with your past. But if he loves you, he would have at least to try to deal with. If he can't, you are not the right one for him. Because neither him nor you can change your past. So either h... (read in full...)
I'm in love but not with my husband. Do I follow my heart?
Q. Dear Cupid, I've tried to deal with this situation alone but, it's getting the best of me. I got into a relationship in 2006, everything was wonderful, it was like he was made just for me, so we got married in 2007, had our 1st child in 2008. B...
A. 15 September 2008: Love ist not about feeling! Real, deep, solid love is the decision to want the best for someone and to make this person happy. You can compare love with driving in a sport car. You have a new car (thats when you are falling in love with someone) and ... (read in full...)
Getting married was a mistake. I am not in love?
Q. I think I`ve fallen out of love with my husband, we`ve been together for 5 years and married for 1. I know I don`t feel the same way about him that he does about me, my feelings aren`t as strong, and I don`t know if they ever were. But recently I ...
A. 11 September 2008: I realy agree with the previous writter: love is not about feeling it is a decision! I try to explain you what I learnt about different aspects of love:
Falling in love just happens to you. You can't really control it yourself. It is like being on... (read in full...)
I bleed when I use the toilet. What can I do?
Q. I am having a problem, anytime i go to the toilet bloods comes out, it just started for one week and 3 days now, someone should please refare drug to use and how to go about it....
A. 6 September 2008: Sorry, there is no drug you can get without seeing a doctor! You realy need to see a doctor as soon as possible, because blood in your toilet can only just be a symptom af a more serious problem. There could be something wrong with your your liver ... (read in full...)
Anybody have any advice on what I should do?
Q. I'm beginning... Actually, I already think I am. I'm 25, never had a gf, never even kissed a girl, and still live with my parents. I don't think i'm ugly, in fact, most people tell me i'm cute. And it's not like I don't try to ask people out, I just ...
A. 6 September 2008: Hi there First of all, you need to get some self-confidence. For this you have to start thinking good of yourself! You are not bad just because you can not find a gf! You are no loser! You are ok as you are! It is not only because of you, that you... (read in full...)
I'm disabled and can't date. Is it wrong to pay for sex?
Q. Im disabled for 3 years now, is it wrong to pay for sex ive never had to resort to this but now because of my disability i cant get out to meet women so i feel that is the only answer...
A. 5 September 2008: Are you sure that this is the only answer? It sounds to me more like you are feeling insecure because of your disability and now you wallow in self-pity. But this is no solution! I am sure you are a great man and you still are even you are disabled ... (read in full...)
Does anyone have any tips on asking girls for their numbers?
Q. I'm trying to get better at dating in general and talking to beautiful women. People say that I'm really good looking now, but being as I was overweight in high school I just don't feel comfortable chatting up strange women I meet and asking them ...
A. 5 September 2008: Hi Well, I am from Europe and here things might be a little different, but anyway, I'll tell you my opinion. I myself don't mind if I can see that a man is a little nervous when he talks to me. Because that shows me, that I am not only the next on... (read in full...)
Girls appreciate me for my advice and maturity - but why then can't I find a relationship?
Q. Why can't I get a girlfriend? Every girl I meet loves me because of my advice and maturity, kindness and I am reliable but no matter how much they tell me to stay the way I am and that the world needs more nice guys like me I can't get a ...
A. 1 May 2008: I think the last anonymous male reader made a good point: don't be available for everyone and everytime, because if you are, there is one part of the mystery missing. He also made other good points for what I would call "flirt strategy" ;-). Jus... (read in full...)
Weight problems, period delay and suspect urine smell - what could be the root of my problems? Any advice?
Q. Okay girls, if anyone can help me i could really do with some advice. I’ve lost in the past few months a bit of weight, 54kg to 48kg so now i’m considered as underweight. my period came last month okay, but this month it hasn’t shown up. urine ...
A. 1 May 2008: If you lose too much of weight, your body will not have enough energy for getting pregnant and so stopps the perjod. But never us this as a contraceptive, because it will harm your body! So if you miss one of your perjods, you should go and see a ... (read in full...)
Girls appreciate me for my advice and maturity - but why then can't I find a relationship?
Q. Why can't I get a girlfriend? Every girl I meet loves me because of my advice and maturity, kindness and I am reliable but no matter how much they tell me to stay the way I am and that the world needs more nice guys like me I can't get a ...
A. 1 May 2008: Well there is a womens view on this, but I don't know if I will be much of a help... I know a men like you. Everyone is friend with him and especially he has a lot of female friends - but: no girlfriend and he never had one :-( I recently wondered... (read in full...)
My wife wants a 21 year old guy for 24 hours for her 50th!
Q. Hi I am looking for anyone who has been through this situation before. My wife is turning 50 next month and i asked her what she would like for her birthday. (she has every thing you could wish for) or so i thought. She could come up with an...
A. 16 April 2008: Like TELLULAH said: If you have done a lot of sexual stuff before (swinging etc) why are you so surprised?
and like you said: things like this can be dangerous in a relationship.
Do you realise something? There is allready something destroye... (read in full...)
Should I give him a month to think things through?
Q. "I have been with a guy for 7 years who is not ready to get married yet, we are both approaching 30 and to make things worse we have been living in different cities for 3years now. Our relationship has survived the distance until recently when we ...
A. 7 April 2008: Hi there
7 years are a long time, one month ore more is nothing at that ratio. So give him that other month, but don't give him an other an another and only one more and an other one... He had 7 years to think about it, that should be enough. ... (read in full...)
I have had my period twice in one month and am worried something is wrong with me...please help.
Q. hi! I need some help and advice please. this time is is not about boys! *surprise surpries* lol. Well i had my period right at the start of the month about 3rd or 4th of decemeber that was expected and fine etc. But today i had my period again,...
A. 8 January 2008: Hi ellie
You don't have to worry anything. It's perfect like this. If you would have started you period allready again in the beginning of January, this would be a thing to worry.
You allway start to count the days for your next period on the day ... (read in full...)
I have had my period twice in one month and am worried something is wrong with me...please help.
Q. hi! I need some help and advice please. this time is is not about boys! *surprise surpries* lol. Well i had my period right at the start of the month about 3rd or 4th of decemeber that was expected and fine etc. But today i had my period again,...
A. 25 December 2007: Hi ellie
I think you are fine and you don't have to worry about this.
I once asked my gynaecologist about this and she told me that everything between 3 and 6 weeks is ok. So if you start your period on the 3rd on a month and 21 days later you star... (read in full...)
What is this discharge?
Q. i am 16 and this might be too long but plz answer my questions i will be veery thankful it will make my life alot better. I have this liquid stuff coming out of my vagina it has been there for as long as i can remember probably before when i starte...
A. 10 October 2007: I'm not a doctor, but I know that even they can not tell you what excatly you have got without seeing you. Only a test can tell what kind of infection you have got und which one would be the right therapy. If you don't want to see a man, see if ... (read in full...)
What is this discharge?
Q. i am 16 and this might be too long but plz answer my questions i will be veery thankful it will make my life alot better. I have this liquid stuff coming out of my vagina it has been there for as long as i can remember probably before when i starte...
A. 9 October 2007: Hi there
I had something similar so I went so see my gynaecologist.
She made the normal checkup they do and did some swabs. It was a fungal affection. So she gave me some pharmaceuticals and I had to stopp using tampons (What is hard, but seems to... (read in full...)
I fear her reaction. Should I ask her out?
Q. i want to ask a girl out. But i fear on her reaction. I want to do it face to face nothing else. But i just don't know how a kind, shy girl will react if they were told i like her? How would you girls/ladies react to a guy who was your friend a...
A. 7 October 2007: Hi there
I allways feel/felt very honoured when a guy asks me out and I'm sure most of other girls and ladies feel that too (except when I knew he just wanted sex or my money or anything from me, but it is not real interest in my person. Then I woul... (read in full...)
Holding out until marriage, but the plans haven't begun.
Q. I have been with my fiance for 6 years and engaged for 2 and a half of them. We have never had sex. She says she wants to wait until marriage and I agreed to that. So I proposed with the intention of getting married soon after. Now its 2-1/2 ye...
A. 5 October 2007: She is playing games with you and you have the right to know where you are. I very much agree with flower girl. So sit her down and tell her how you feel. But don't put the screws on her. She has to do the right decision for her freely, because if ... (read in full...)
I love him but don't want to sacrifice my chances of having kids on him maybe never being ready for anything official. What should I do?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 and 1/2 years, from day 1 we both knew it was serious and agreed this was it together forever etc. We have talked about marriage and babies etc. Thing is its always in the future and even though I have my ...
A. 5 October 2007: Hi Dear
I can imagine how you feel and I wouldn't know how I exactly would react in your situation. It has been 4 and 1/2 years. That is quite a long time. I would consider him as playing games with you and you have a right to know where you are.... (read in full...)
Should I stay married?
Q. My husband of 4 years is very caring and a good father.He is very neat,tidy and organised. Problem is I'm not tidy and I can't stand him insisting to be organised all the time. I wish not to be married to him because I feel suffocated. Everyda...
A. 3 October 2007: Sorry to say this, but you sond like you are married to be happy, you are taking but not willing to give. Sorry for beeing harsh, but that's what I read between your lines. But to realy deeply love someone is a big difference!
Real, deep, solid love... (read in full...)
I've been sending anonymous love/sex mails to my wife's sister
Q. I am 40 and married. I am seriously in love with my sister in law who is 22 unmarried. I have been sending anonymous love emails to her and finally got a positive reply. Should I reveal my real identity and come out in front of her as myself.....I ...
A. 3 October 2007: Hi there
What about your wife? Do you still love her? What about your children (if you have some)? Do you feel somehow left out or what is the reason you are looking for an other women? How do you know you are seriously in love with your wifes sits... (read in full...)
I'm 15. I want to loose a few pounds the healthy way. Any tips?
Q. okay well im 15, and pretty healthy. i swim 3x a week (with a club) and walk to school and the park etc. Im also a pretty good runner and used to do crosscoutry and run for my school, i dont anymore but im still pretty good. But yeah, im not parti...
A. 1 October 2007: Hi dear
You may don't like my answer, but you I have to say that you seem to have a normal body index! Also 1000 callories is not enough to cover the minimum requirements of your body. Your body also needs callories if you do nothing (=no spor... (read in full...)
Too much too late?
Q. Have been married 18 yrs and 3 kids 17, 15, 11, last few years Ive been unhappy. I finnaly told husband I wasnt happy and I dont have the same feelings for him. Now he is trying to change over night and do things he has never done, do dished, ...
A. 28 September 2007: I very much agree with elitzabeth, penta and rcn! Think well about what you do. I'm sure you would not ask this question here, if you would be sure about leaving your husband would be the right thing to do.
To the very good answers of elit... (read in full...)
I don't know how to handle marriage anymore!
Q. Early in our marriage, getting way too challenging, don't know how to handle it anymore. We met in grad school, only dated for just over a year before getting married. We had (I thought) very similar goals in our careers, and we both liked the s...
A. 28 September 2007: Hi there
Hmmm... you seem to be in a very tricky situation. I feel sorry for you, but also resepct that you still are willing to stay in your marriage!
I don't know how to help you, as I'm not a specialist, but I just would like to recommen... (read in full...)
I'm on the pill, but am I pregnant?
Q. Please someone tell me what is going on. I have been on birth conrtol pills for about a year now. My period has always been on time, never early never late. Well lately my guy and I have been having a lot more sex than usual, yes he does ejaculate ...
A. 26 September 2007: Hi Dear
The pill normaly is a very safty birth control. But there are always exceptions. For instance the pill doesn't work together with some antibiotics and other drugs. So if you take some drugs, read the package insert and ask your doctor or c... (read in full...)
Can anyone suggest anything we can do different together and re-fresh and avoid the "predictable" ?
Q. I think I am bored with my routine in life. I don't know why but a few weeks ago I used to like going to my girlfriends and her coming down to mine but now I am so bored I find it harder to feel exited about going to her house. I get exited about ...
A. 26 September 2007: Hi there
I know what you are talking about, because there was a time of about half a year, my boyfriend had the same problem with me. I was just to stressed at that time that I didn't feel doing anything else but sitting around and doing noth... (read in full...)
Does wearing two comdoms decrease the risk of getting pregnant?
Q. Does wearing two comdoms decrease the risk of getting pregnant?...
A. 26 September 2007: Hi Dear
To be honest, I'm not 100% sure, but as far as I know, one should only use one at the time. The reason why two condoms could be less safe is that they would rub against each other what could actually injure the condoms and you could get preg... (read in full...)
I'm worried if I have a baby it will be ugly, because my boyfriend has been referred to as an ape.
Q. Ok this is quite possibly the most shallow question you will ever come across... but here goes. I am seeing my boyfriend 3 years now and I love him more than anything, we are in a very commited relationship and he treats me very very well, and v...
A. 23 September 2007: What ever beautiful or ugly means, much more importand is, what one lucks in it's inside. But from the outside very beautiful parents can have children which don't seem to look very nice and not very nice looking partens can have very handsome ... (read in full...)
Is my fiance cheap? He makes 2800 a month and spend 2000 on my ring.
Q. Is my fiance cheap? He makes 2800 a month and spend 2000 on my ring....
A. 15 September 2007: Hi there
I've got a question about cultures (because I don't really understand the problem behind this question):
How much is 2800 a month? Is that all the money he earns in a month? With ore without taxes? Does he has to pay the rent for his flat... (read in full...)
I'm 13 and need some ideas to make some money around the home!
Q. how can i make a bit of cash around my house. ok i saw this coat what i like what was £25 i realy want it, but i only have five pounds how can i make money around my house to get the rest (i have already had a paper round but i quit because i went ...
A. 9 September 2007: Hi there
I don't know how good you know your neighbour, but here are some ideas:
- ask a neighbour who has a dog, if you could go for a walk with it for 30 minutes twice a week (or more)
- offer a neighbour to look after their cat every day th... (read in full...)
I'm happy in my relationship and a guy at uni is interested. Whats the best way to let him down gently?
Q. Hi! I'm happily together with a very nice young man for nearly 3 years and I love him very much. At the moment he is working at the other end of town and I'm learning for exams at university, so we don't see eachother everyday. Last week I was lear...
A. 29 August 2007: Thanks for your help! Yesterday he joined me and my friends for coffee. After 10min I said, we have to go (what was actually right but mainly it was because I felt uncomfortabel. So we walked away, but after that I feel so bad, because it was ... (read in full...)
I'm happy in my relationship and a guy at uni is interested. Whats the best way to let him down gently?
Q. Hi! I'm happily together with a very nice young man for nearly 3 years and I love him very much. At the moment he is working at the other end of town and I'm learning for exams at university, so we don't see eachother everyday. Last week I was lear...
A. 28 August 2007: Thanks for answers! Because I'm not sure how professional I would be, I would prefer to write him an e-mail and just hope, I wont walk into him today. But I don't know what to write. Do you have an idea? It should be short and clear but still ... (read in full...)
| Enzian's friends
These are mutual friends, so Enzian has
added them and they have added Enzian!
|
