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*ELLULAH agony aunt

*ELLULAH

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*ELLULAH's profile:

Hi, I have been through loads in my life. Marriage break up, boyfriend break ups, and been a single parent. I have been treated really bad sometimes, but i think this is all to do with life. I dont hold grudges, and have a good sence of humour. I just love all my friends and family, and have loads of support from them. So i thought i could share that with a few of you. I have asked for advice a few times. You dont always want to hear it, but there are some smart people out there.

I have now found, after a lot of searching, my soul mate. But lifes not all a bed of roses for us. But he keeps me smiling, well most of the time anyway.

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Should I have sex even though I'm just 13?

Q.   ok im 13 and i want to have sex. i have a boyfriend, and we have been dating for about 4 months and i think i am ready he is 14 and is a freshman in high school i am still in middle school (8th grade). but my main question is, should i even though i...

A.   17 August 2008: Hang on!!!! 14th August, you write in asking for advice on having sex at 13 years old. We all say "No babe its a terrible idea, wait until you are older and ready" Next day you have sex anyway??? Day after that you think you might be pregnant????... (read in full...)

I confronted my partner about Adult Friendfinder. Does his behaviour show guilt and embarrassment?

Q.   Last night i confronted my partner about this adult friend finder account that i had come across. Saying it looks like he could have written (by the way i know itt was his) it. His reaction was instant denial then angry. I asked him to look at ...

A.   14 August 2008: Sorry I dont agree, they just get there kicks a little different from us Normal (whatever that is) people. My partner likes to look at women tied up. I let him tie me up a couple of times and he said he felt so guilty that he couldnt do it. He know... (read in full...)

He's leaving, do I text him that I'm still crazy about him and will miss him??? He has a GF.

Q.   I have an urgent request, my friends are sick of me asking and im spinning with this. The guy ive loved for years is leaving to go travelling tomorrow and ive found out he has a girlfriend out in oz who he is meeting up with. We dont talk but ...

A.   14 August 2008: He may not reply, but I bet he will think about while he is away. And you never know, he may come back to you. X... (read in full...)

He's leaving, do I text him that I'm still crazy about him and will miss him??? He has a GF.

Q.   I have an urgent request, my friends are sick of me asking and im spinning with this. The guy ive loved for years is leaving to go travelling tomorrow and ive found out he has a girlfriend out in oz who he is meeting up with. We dont talk but ...

A.   14 August 2008: Oh thats so hard!! Normally I would say that you should leave him alone to meet up with his g/f, but under the circumstances I think maybe you should say something to him, otherwise he will never know. Be prepared that he may not feel the same, bu... (read in full...)

Should I have sex even though I'm just 13?

Q.   ok im 13 and i want to have sex. i have a boyfriend, and we have been dating for about 4 months and i think i am ready he is 14 and is a freshman in high school i am still in middle school (8th grade). but my main question is, should i even though i...

A.   14 August 2008: No NO NO NO, You are to young and you dont need to do this at your age. You should be sharing clothes and make-up with your mates, not worrying over stuff like this. If you do it, I bet you and your B/F wont last anyway. Then darling your reputati... (read in full...)

I confronted my partner about Adult Friendfinder. Does his behaviour show guilt and embarrassment?

Q.   Last night i confronted my partner about this adult friend finder account that i had come across. Saying it looks like he could have written (by the way i know itt was his) it. His reaction was instant denial then angry. I asked him to look at ...

A.   13 August 2008: I think it almost certainly was. I found my partner looking at it a while ago, and asked him what he was doing. He had the same kind of reaction. I remembered him telling a friend (long ago) his pass word. I had never heard of this site befo... (read in full...)

What has he told his work mates? I feel so humiliated.

Q.   I was seeing a guy who works in the same building as me for a few weeks, we met up in a hotel and at his place and also at lunch times. These meetings became just for sex for him. We decided that after a certain week end we would leave it so no ...

A.   13 August 2008: Honey, why should you feel humilated. It sounds to me like you would have dated this guy, its him that used it as a sex session, not you. He is an immature idiot, so dont worry about it. So what if his stupid mates have a laugh, they probably thin... (read in full...)

Was it an affair or a case of sexual harassment?

Q.   Was it an affair or a case of sexual harassment? My privious post: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-was-working-as-a-nanny-but-was.html Here’s my story: I was interviewed and hired by the wife. I never met the husband before I started wo...

A.   13 August 2008: I have read your post over and over and I am finding it hard to understand. If you felt that uncomfortable with this family why did you stay??. I also cannot understand the wifes reaction or even that of his family. Are you sure that you didnt emag... (read in full...)

Says he's too busy to meet... so sad

Q.   Hi.. I have a text/phone call/IM relationship going on with a guy who says he has feelings for me. Trouble, he says he works 7 days a week and long hours and don't have the time to meet. I asked him once if he could just meet me for 10 mins.. and at ...

A.   13 August 2008: Honey, you dont have a relationship really do you?. And if he seriously had feelings for you, he would put himself out and meet up with you. He is either married or stupid, either way I think you are wasting your time with the guy. You say h... (read in full...)

Is this considered sexual assault?

Q.   I went on a date with this guy and he took me to dinner the first date. The second date we went dinner again. He keep asking me to go to his place after that. I didn't want to go but he said he's not going to do something that i don't like and ...

A.   13 August 2008: I dont think you should see him again, he doesnt sound very nice. I'm affraid that some guys (although very rare, thank god) think that if they take you out for dinner you owe them sex. It would be a good idea to take what Uncle Phil said into ... (read in full...)

He caters to his immature adult children to the detriment of our relationship. How should I handle this?

Q.   i need to get your opinion on how to sucessfully date an older man that is dysfunctional and his two children (married) are very dysfunctional. i have been dating him for almost four years and he still will not take up for me with his kids. ...

A.   12 August 2008: Honey I really feel for you, as I am in a very simular situation. Although my partners family (parents, brothers and sisters) are very nice to me. His son will not except me. He has a daughter and she is not to bad towards me, but is only polite not ... (read in full...)

I am depressed and don't know how to get out of it

Q.   A few months ago i had an early miscarriage and although i was quite upset, i never really grieved about it and i just carried on with my life. Recently i fell in love with a boy four years older than me and although things were going well i haven't ...

A.   12 August 2008: Honey, drinking, taking drugs or anything like that is not the answer (as you probably know). The thing is drinking will make you feel better for a while, but its not getting to the route of the problem, and that is that you lost a baby and B/F at ... (read in full...)

I am having trouble getting over her past. Help!

Q.   My girlfriend has a sexual past, as do I. But for some reason hers bothers and haunts me. She's lived a much different life than me. She just got divorced about 2 years ago, and has been with 5 guys since. My mind can't stop picturing her past, It ...

A.   12 August 2008: Look I'm really sorry, but how many guys do we get on here bleeting away, that their partner has had sex with more men than the guy has women. So what if she has!! she wasnt doing it when she was with you, she was free and single, as were you. Woul... (read in full...)

I am irritated with my girlfriend because of her flaws, what should I do?

Q.   I have a big problem. My girlfriend is lovely and everything but there are some things I don't like about her. I know this myght sound like bitching but most of the time she doesn't keep up her promise: she tries hard and everything but s...

A.   12 August 2008: Get rid of her!!! She has a moustache, she likes children, she is kind and conciderate towards you even though you cant get a job. Oh my goodnes why! oh why! are you wasting your life on this woman. And not only that but she's crap at sex. Get over... (read in full...)

What is the average penis size for a 13 year old?

Q.   What is the average penis size for a 13 year old boy? I am just curious......

A.   11 August 2008: I cant believe so many guys, ran out and measured thier nobs. Now is that normal, LOL? I especially found the guy who gets smaller as he gets harder very funny, 5" when soft 2.5" when he's hard. Do you think he got it the wrong way round, I certai... (read in full...)

How do I steal him away from her?

Q.   I really like this guy but he has a girlfriend. How do I steal him away from her?...

A.   11 August 2008: Honey, For whatever reason, he likes this other girl, right?. You on the other hand admit your not bad either, so you could easily get another guy. The fact is in my opinion, that if you could "get him of her" why would you want him. How do you k... (read in full...)

My husband adopted my daughter, now his son wants to date her.....

Q.   I married my husband in 2004, he adopted my daughter in 2005 as his own; she was 14. This year my husband's ex-wife kicked their 17 year old son out of the house in March and he is now living with us. My daughter and his son want to dat...

A.   11 August 2008: I think you would have to find out the law on this one. I understand that it doesnt seem right, but even though she is adopted, she is not blood so would this count? Woody Allen was the adopted father of his (now) wife. I dont remember him goin... (read in full...)

I broke up with my girlfriend, because she cheated on me, after a year or so, we got back together, because she said she has changed, I can't trust her completely, how do I protect myself for getting hurt again?

Q.   I recently got back with my long term girlfriend who I broke up with over a year ago. After breaking up with her boyfriend that she had for a year, she admitted having feelings for me once again, which led to us seeing each other and me breaking up ...

A.   11 August 2008: You cant! and thats the problem. You have 2 choices, one is to try your best to trust her and see if she really has changed, or you can go with the other option and let her go. If you dont at least try to trust her, it will never work anyway. ... (read in full...)

I really love this girl, but we have trust issues and we argue all the time, should I break up with her, and if so, how do I do it without breaking her heart?

Q.   ive been with a girl 8 months and i really love the girl but we have no trust in our relationship and argue all the time ..... i dont think i can make this relationship work .... do you think i should give up and leave her ? and if so how do i let ...

A.   11 August 2008: Brilliant advice from Hope. Having your heart broke is extremely hard, its also character building, and makes you grow and realise that its better to walk away than to keep going, even if you are un-happy. She will get over it, but its how you hand... (read in full...)

I have a husband who loves me, and a mad crush on my younger brother-in-law, I feel awful about this,can anybody help me get over this craziness?

Q.   I have a crush on my younger brother-in law.I havn't made a move yet and i think there is a mutual attraction. My hubby loves me dearly and i feel awful about what i feel but i just can't help it. Can someone please help me!!!...

A.   11 August 2008: Just think of all the hurt if you do act on this. Broken marriage, sleepless nights, everyone upset and crying over what you have done, husband going to pieces. Still think its a good idea?... (read in full...)

I have a loving husband, recently I met a guy on the internet who I connect with, he has cheated on his wife before, I have never cheated on my husband, should I have some fun and cheat?

Q.   I'm recently married to a loving husband. We've been dating for 5 years before we got married. I met this guy who's also married on the internet and there's a definite attraction between the two of us. He has cheated on his wife a couple of times ...

A.   11 August 2008: Why are you asking such a stupid question??? Of course you shouldnt go and cheat for fun.... (read in full...)

Being a teenager is hard, with growing pains and other stuff, why is it that adults think it is so easy?

Q.   why is it that adults think being a kid is so easy? i mean they lecture you about how good their childhood was but they can never accept the fact that we are not perfect... not like they were..i think they should spend a day being a teenager with ...

A.   11 August 2008: Darling!! Being a kid is easy, its just that you dont realise it until you get older. When you have gone through the truma's and worry's of relationships, work, children, and all the other things that adults have to deal with, you will see that a ... (read in full...)

I have said I wish him well because to me this must totally be on the rebound. Has anyone been through the same?

Q.   Can my ex have really got over our split in only 2 months after being together for 5 years? My ex-partner and I were together for almost 5 years before I ended things in February 2007. He then kept texting me and desperately wanted us to try...

A.   11 August 2008: I do beleive that if you meet the right person even after a short while, that enables you to move on quickly. How do you know that he's on the rebound anyway? After all you can only try so hard before you end up giving up. You sound a little disa... (read in full...)

I've been giving my mom money to pay bills but she is giving money to my sister

Q.   I want to know how to handle this. Over the past year, my mom has been asking me for money to help pay her bills. She is elderly and on social security. There is this one sister who drained her of her life savings so she has very limited ...

A.   11 August 2008: Its really rather simple... Pay a bills if you can but dont give her any money, then she cant give it to your sister. Dont take it out on your Mum because of the sister, even if she was a bit awfull when you grew up. Tell the sister her free ride is ... (read in full...)

I'm too shy to go on top. My boyfriend keeps asking me to. Tonight I'm going to try. Any advice?

Q.   Im quite a shy girl, and tonight i'm going on top for the 1st time. I lost my virginity to my boyfriend im with now. That was about two weeks ago. And he has asked me to go on top several times. And i say next time alot. Or i dont want to. He asked ...

A.   8 August 2008: I really dont know why you are worried, you are only young and you probably look great. Wait till you get older and do it and your face falls forward, and boobs end up on his, even though you are sitting up... LOL. Now thats something to be scared ... (read in full...)

I had a great husband of thirty years who passed away, now I just left an eight month relationship, where my boyfriend lied, cheated and watched porn, others have been just as bad, what has happened to men, I am losing faith in them, can anyone expla

Q.   i just came out of a relationship of 8 months, I have found the man i liked , likes porn, also cheats, and lies,I couldn't trust him at all. I have also found this in lots of other men, What is my problem, or what is their problem i am turning ...

A.   8 August 2008: Although you may not think it, you are a very lucky lady, to have had 30 years with one wonderfull man. They are as rare as rocking horse S***. LOL. I seem to have spent my life picking up one dodgy bugger after another. Hopefully I got the righ... (read in full...)

Should we have a threesome with this girl??

Q.   My wife and I recently went through a "rough" patch in our marriage, she basically was on the verge of leaving me because of my depression and generally feeling sorry for myself. That's all sorted out now, I'm walking on air and we are better than ...

A.   8 August 2008: Mmm!! Its a massive problem who to shag, and who not to. I cant understand the men that want to watch thier wife have sex with anyone else (man or woman). It must be a man thing, because the thought of watching my B/F have sex with another man! ... (read in full...)

Should we have a threesome with this girl??

Q.   My wife and I recently went through a "rough" patch in our marriage, she basically was on the verge of leaving me because of my depression and generally feeling sorry for myself. That's all sorted out now, I'm walking on air and we are better than ...

A.   7 August 2008: She wont have sex with you, because you are married!! eh!!Isn't your wife married as well then. Sounds like a recipe for disaster to me, as they say "Itll end in tears" ... (read in full...)

Please help me - I've been raped and it's destroying my life!

Q.   i feel so dirty! i always wanted to save my virignity for marrage, and even if i didnt wait until marrage i wanted to wait until i had settled down with the right guy and i knew i was fully comfortable! well, even though i am in quite a good ...

A.   7 August 2008: Honey, First of all you must go to a doctor, or family planning and get yourself tested. If you dont want to tell the police then thats up to you, but remember this guy will not stop, and he may do it to someone else. He needs locking up, if they... (read in full...)

My husband prefers porn over me - Should I leave him?!

Q.   My husband acts like Mr. Perfect Christian, but he would rather masterbate to porn than have sex with me. He does it all the time and I am sick of it. I have low self-esteem, this makes it worse, should I take my daughter and leave?...

A.   7 August 2008: Have you tried talking to him about this (or is that a stupid question). Maybe if you pointed out how much it hurts you and efecting you wanting to be with him, he might take some notice. The trouble with porn is that it can be very adictive, and ... (read in full...)

He said he was divorced. Now I know the truth I want to tell his wife. Am I being fair?

Q.   dear cupid, i was just recently broken hearted by a guy 13 years older than me which i found out later that he's married and with 3 kids. he lied to me, he keeps on telling me that he's divorsed and no kids. i respect him so much and care for a l...

A.   6 August 2008: What an awfull man. His actions are discusting and he deserves nobody's respect or love. Although if it were me I would be so tempted to tell his wife like Big Sis say's. I wonder will you feel better for doing this. Its true that the woman always ... (read in full...)

A girl at work is the most perfect person ever! I'm her boss.. what should I do?

Q.   So I got a dilemma. There is this girl I like at work. I really like her, I never connected with anyone like this before, people probably say that a lot but I've been through a lot of crap to know she is the real deal. I'm her boss though but she ...

A.   6 August 2008: Your so welcome. Its lovely that you took the chance and it worked out. XXX Good luck... (read in full...)

PLEASE how do I get this MM out of my life, my head and my body.?

Q.   Iam married and have been having an affair for 3 years with someone who is in a relationship. We had very very good sex,his sex life with his partner was almost non-existant (she told me that too). He always said that I was important etc,although ...

A.   6 August 2008: Hi, You my darling have to finnish it first. You have no other option, then you need to get your life back. Of course it will be hard at first, but you have to be strong. This man doesnt love you or he would be with you. Dont let yourself get used... (read in full...)

Should I have an affair while my bf is in prison?

Q.   The guy im with is locked up and im feeling so lonenly should i sleep with my close friend ? he dosnt come out intill jan 2009 thats A pretty long time ........

A.   6 August 2008: Hi there, Its not a long time really, only 6 months. Would you want him to wait for you, or think it exceptable to sleep with another girl and not wait?. Another thing to concider! Is he likely to re-offend, or was this a one off thing. Because ... (read in full...)

Did I fall in love with a slut without knowing it?

Q.   Alright, My girlfriend and I sort of met one night while we were both out drinking, we ended up having sex that night, either of us knew anything about each other really more than our names. Yes, a one night stand. We both were extremely dr...

A.   6 August 2008: Oop's I bet you now wished you hadn't asked. Does it really matter that much if she slept with 5 or 10. The fact is that you love this girl, who by the way sounds wondefull, and you are treating her like she was an ex-hooker (not that there is anyt... (read in full...)

He has been acting weird since finding pics of my ex!

Q.   I'm really in love with my boyfriend, but last week he found some pictures of my ex in my flat that I had completely forgotten I even had. He was upset and asked if I was still in love with my ex. I told him I wasn't. Then a few days later my ex ...

A.   6 August 2008: Hi, I was listening to a radio news programe yesterday (about battered wifes). Apparantly one of the first signs of an abuser is jelousy. I am not saying that your partner will turn out that way, but its not a very nice thing to have to live with... (read in full...)

How could I prevent myself from being laughed at?

Q.   Sometimes when i'm shopping i'm afraid to walk into some stores, because the sales associates might laugh at me the way I look, tease me, or just won't bother to help me. What could I do to get over this? How could I prevent myself from being ...

A.   6 August 2008: What you are discribing is very common, I'm affraid all that is wrong is a lack of self esteem. The people are working in shops to help the likes of us, we are! after all the customers, and without us they wouldnt have jobs would they?. I unde... (read in full...)

How I am going to manage on my own, who will employ a pregnant person?...

Q.   i really need some help and advise. i am currently travelling in australia. meet a guy who i have been friends for a few months and starting sleeping together a few weeks ago. i found out i am pregnant. he said he will help me whatever i decide but ...

A.   5 August 2008: Sweetheart, nobody can tell you what to decide, it has to be your choice. All I can say is that when I was 19 I got pregnant myself, and I knew because of the father, I was going to be on my own, but my choice was still to go ahead with the ... (read in full...)

Pain while urinating since I first slept with my boyfriend (I wasn't a virgin) - what to do?

Q.   I slept with my boyfriend of 2 years on friday 1st august. It wasnt my first time. But since then when i go to the toilet it hurts a bit whilst i pee, is this normal? i dont no what to do, and i dont want to tell my mum about it. I dont want to go ...

A.   5 August 2008: If you used precutions you probably just have cystitis, (not sure if thats spelt right) its fairly common, so dont worry. But with anything like this, you should always get profesional advice. There is nothing wrong with going to your doctor, he ... (read in full...)

"Should I marry my Northern Monkey?"

Q.   Hey to all, I am 26 and getting married next year (apparently)! My fiance is a very good man, he is two years older than me, a sober, clean living, intelligant, funny and caring person. He of course has his negatives, stubbon, petty, bit...

A.   5 August 2008: I really dont understand your post (perhaps its just me). You say he is kind wonderfull caring intelligant, and yet he verbally bullies you and you dont fancy him and do nothing but argue. Why do you also say you are apparantly getting married to ... (read in full...)

Married to a gay man - do I stay with him for the sake of the children?

Q.   I am married with two children. Three years ago I found out my husband was having an affair with another man. He still lives at home and continues his relationship with this man. I don't have it in me to throw him out and get on with my life. I am ...

A.   4 August 2008: Hi, I understand that you must be very scared about the future, but really your only option is to end this, like the previous aunts have already said. The only thing this will teach your children if you dont, is to live a lie. If he is longing ... (read in full...)

Why did he pretend that he didn't call me?

Q.   The guy that i like called me 3 times last night but i couldnt answer because i didnt have my phone with me that night. He left a message, but when i emailed him asking if he called he says "no why baby?" why did he pretend as if he didnt call me? a ...

A.   31 July 2008: Hi Honey, He sounds like he is playing games with your head. If I were you I would move on and find a guy that isnt going to lie to you.... (read in full...)

I think my wife is having an affair. Am I just insecure?

Q.   Dear Readers: I feel my wife is having an affair on me. Thsi has happened in the past feeling this way. She doesn't seem to come on to me or is not interested in sex. She never really wants to look at me when we do it. I initiate it all the time she ...

A.   31 July 2008: The good news!! Yes I think you are insecure. Unless you have proof, she is most likely inocent. The bad news is you will wreck your relationship if you dont try to trust her. Tell her your fears by all means, but if she assures you that noth... (read in full...)

Are tampons or pads better for periods?

Q.   Hey I was wondering r tampons or pads better for periods? I was going to try using a tampon for the first time, but the instructions said only use it if it's a moderate period. I happen to be having a heavy period. I'm afraid to use tampons though, ...

A.   31 July 2008: Great advice from emilysanswers, except I would definatly change the tampon more often. Its so easy to forget and leave it in. You can get serious problems with poisoning from Tampons. Its a good idea to not wear them all the time. ... (read in full...)

A girl at work is the most perfect person ever! I'm her boss.. what should I do?

Q.   So I got a dilemma. There is this girl I like at work. I really like her, I never connected with anyone like this before, people probably say that a lot but I've been through a lot of crap to know she is the real deal. I'm her boss though but she ...

A.   21 July 2008: How about!! "It would be a shame to lose contact with you, now your leaving. Would you like to meet up sometime for lunch, and a chat". If this girl likes you it wont matter what you say really. X... (read in full...)

A girl at work is the most perfect person ever! I'm her boss.. what should I do?

Q.   So I got a dilemma. There is this girl I like at work. I really like her, I never connected with anyone like this before, people probably say that a lot but I've been through a lot of crap to know she is the real deal. I'm her boss though but she ...

A.   17 July 2008: If she's leaving anyway, what does it matter. Tell her how you feel, and then if she doesnt feel the same you wont have to face her. I think she probably likes you though, from what you said. Good luck... (read in full...)

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