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He used to mess me around but now he's back in my life wanting a bit of fun...I'm not getting any younger, so should I go for it?

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Question - (21 November 2011) 4 Answers - (Newest, 22 November 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, *antasyX writes:

I'm not getting any younger and will be a 40 next year but during those years, I have not really had a steady committed relationship with anybody as I have been messed about and let down a few times. I have had a few dates along the way but nobody who has left a lasting impression on me to want a long term relationship. However, I do have children and have been a single parent for the most part. I have spent the best part of my life single and not having much fun sexually as I have been trying to hold out for that special someone. I am at the age now where I feel that I should just go for it and stop trying to hold out for something that may never come my way. I did used to believe that "good things come to those who wait" but that is something that I have to question now. How much longer do I continue to wait?

The point that i'm getting at is one of the guys who had messed me about for a very long time is now back into my life. I don't know for how long, he says it's up to me but in the meantime wants to have fun. A part of me wants it too but I have been holding out by saying that I'd like to be in a proper committed relationship before indulging in sex. Neither of us are seeing anybody and he thinks we should just go for it and have fun because (as he puts it) I really don't have much time left and what am I waiting for. To a point I do agree with him and there is still a little part of me that is still hoping that I'll meet the right man but time is getting on. In the meantime, would it do me any harm to have a sexual relationship with this man that I have known for years as clearly I'm not really getting it anywhere else and maybe in a few years time, I may not even be getting any offers. Should I just go with the flow and have some fun for however long it may last and at least when it's over, I'd have had some fun along the way to remember.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (22 November 2011):

Honeypie agony auntIf you feel an itch - got for it. Have some fun for goodness sake!

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A female reader, natasia United Kingdom +, writes (21 November 2011):

natasia agony auntHow old do you think you are? What do you think is going to happen to you that you will be so past it?!! Frankly I intend to be having sex aged 95, with a nice young Brazilian of no more than 35. I may have to pay him, but hey.

Look, you don't meet people because you are a single parent and you spend your life probably looking after your kids. It is rubbish that you will get no offers 'in a few years' - how many? My god my grandmother was still getting offers well into her 80s. Men never stop being men, even when they are (very) old - they still chase women. So I doubt you will stop getting offers. They just might not be from the men you want ; )

Have sex with him if you want. Sex is usually healthy and good. An affair will perk you up and make you feel alive and real and connected. So I am not against that. But really it wd be nice if you could find someone proper. I don't like the fact that this guy is telling you its your 'last chance' to - what? Have sex? Be attractive? I know what he means. He means that once you get to 50 and the menopause, you will become an old hag and nobody will want you. Well I would personally tell him to F off with that! But ok. yes. Maybe you do need to find someone who will stay with you even when you can't have children any more. And the way to do that is to find someone now, maybe. But not just for sex. For more.

So: I say either just don't go there with him, and concentrate on finding the right person, or have sex with him just to get a little colour in your cheeks, but still continue searching.

Either way, he is very very temporary. And you need to search very decidedly for something permanent. And don't listen to his cr@p. You aren't old.

I, by the way, reached 39 and a half and stopped getting older. Cool, huh? ; )

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2011):

To start with 39 is not old these days. However, if you like him, why not have some harmless fun. It depends on you and if you can be happy with a casual 'let's have fun while it lasts' type of relationship. If you think you will be hurt or it will just be wasting your time, then don't. If it will make you smile and put a spring in your step - why not.

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A female reader, TELLULAH United Kingdom +, writes (21 November 2011):

TELLULAH agony auntGood Lord!! Your hardly over the hill are you Hun! If you waste time with a man that clearly just wants sex, then you will never meet a good man, that may want to settle down with you. I had all sorts of problems in my early years, single parent for most part, then met a couple of lovely guys that beat me to a pulp! One after the other ironically! then I met my partner(when I was 45) we got married 2 weeks ago, and he was worth the wait!

Dont sell yourself short, there are amazing guys out there, that need a decent woman to share a life with.

Good luck xxx

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