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How do I handle a man who thinks its funny to wind me up?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 March 2011) 4 Answers - (Newest, 30 March 2011)
A female Australia age , anonymous writes:

HI

I am in a relationship with a man and have been for about 7yrs, we get on fine most of the time but what i am finding annoying about him is him saying I love tormenting you because i love the way you bite back;I'm beginning to feel he has no respect for me, so what i would like to know is how to handle someone who thinks it's funny to wind you up.or should i just give him a wide berth and find someone who respects me,he doesn't do it often but i still do not like it,he just thinks i can't take a joke if i say anything about it,sometimes he'll say something then say has that stirred you enough

I really would like some help as how to handle him when he goes on like this,

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2011):

He sounds like he has a bit of a sadistic steak...which isn't unheard of between people who claim to love each other. They think of it as simply teasing and you think of it as crossing a particular personal boundary. He doesn't see your hurt feelings as pain he caused, he sees it as you having a poor sense of humor or being insecure. He blames you for the pain he inflicted rather than take responsibility for it. It's a bit abusive, but it's the kind of thing that happens between family, friends, and partners.

In real life, when I am heckled by my brothers or by a friend, I sometimes heckle them back. If they bring up a particularly sensitive issue, I might bring up an analogous sensitive issue to them and offer to talk about it openly. Usually they back off. It's probably not morally right, some might say I'm "stooping to their level"....But it's effective...especially if "talking" doesn't work.

If you've been together 7 years and are mostly happy, I doubt it's the sort of thing that you should break up over. But if it really bothers you and talking doesn't work, you might have to up the ante to show that you aren't willing to deal with it.

Can I ask what he heckles you about?

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A female reader, jonas Singapore +, writes (30 March 2011):

jonas agony auntI think he's sick and enjoys making you worked up and trigger some kind of reaction from you like seeing you upset. The more upset you are, he derives satisfaction simply from doing that.

If you could, ignore him, treat it as a sick and stupid joke. Treat it as if he's dead. I'm sorry I don't mean to be mean but sometimes ignorance is the best policy and after a while, he will learnt that he better show you the respect you deserve. Also in other areas you could treat him without the respect and tell him you learnt it from him. It's not tic for tac, it's you reap what you sow.

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A male reader, Illithid United States +, writes (30 March 2011):

Illithid agony auntSounds like my ex. A self admitted people watcher, she would frequently do things just to enjoy my reaction. I didn't really mind at the time, but if your guy is frustrating you, know that he's unlikely to change after seven years. Talk to him, let him know how big a deal this is to you, then if he cannot stop, you either have to get used to it or walk away.

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A female reader, TELLULAH United Kingdom +, writes (30 March 2011):

TELLULAH agony auntPersonally I would dump him and say "Has that stirred you enough". I presume you have tried to tell him it upsets you?

If he is like my ex, he will stop for a few days, and then get straight back in there. It’s a form of bullying in my view, and should not be ignored. After all would you do this to him?

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