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How do I force myself to want to care?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 November 2016) 10 Answers - (Newest, 4 November 2016)
A male India age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hey all,

I wanna know more about how to be more sociable. I am tired of being the quiet, minding his own business guy. I was a very quiet kid and am a quiet adult today. The problem is not fear or lack of confidence. Infact, in my head, I'm the smartest, coolest guy there is. I genuinely don't care about people other than my family, 3 friends and a woman I am romantically interested in. How do I force myself to want to care? I want to be a more helpful, friendly and approachable person.

View related questions: confidence

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A female reader, LoveShoudntDestroy United States +, writes (4 November 2016):

LoveShoudntDestroy agony auntPray. Feed your Spirit and pray to God for whatever you want, also toastmasters is a cool place to become more social, and speak confidently with ease in front of others. Open your mind to meeting new people to, if you really want to be more social. These are just my opinions and I wish you the best. God Bless.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (3 November 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntIf you don't want to care about other people then why is it a problem? It is okay to only be close to a few people if that is what makes you happy. As long as you are friendly and not rude to others then it should not matter. If you wanted to change then you would. As you said yourself if someone was in trouble you would help, maybe you don't need or want any more friends because you are happy with the people in your life. Nothing wrong with that.

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A male reader, BrownWolf Canada + , writes (2 November 2016):

BrownWolf agony aunt

Your problem is simple...

"Infact, in my head, I'm the smartest, coolest guy there is."

So if you are all that already...you don't need anyone else. You are the best there is. So of course you don't care about other.

The is one word you need to learn...HUMILITY !!! Humble yourself, or you will find yourself alone.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2016):

My friend has Aspergers/High functioning autism and despite often wanting to care about others he simply doesn't really see it as important to his life. That's not him trying to be selfish but because he lacks certain social skills and empathy. He is one of the most outgoing people but doesn't allow many in to get to know him closely. Your post did remind me of him slightly so I wonder whether you share some traits - it'd be worth you doing some research online as advice for those with aspergers who want better relationships with others may also help you connect better with others. I'm in no way saying you definitely are and no one but a professional could actually diagnose and that would take in depth analysis and conversations so please don't take offence and think that is the case :-)

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (2 November 2016):

Andie's Thoughts agony aunt*"It's possible" was what my first response was supposed to start with.

Anyway, in that case, I think you're fine. Not everyone has lots of personal relationships and most of those that do are not close to all of them because we tend to attach to a few people and less attached, but still very friendly, with others.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2016):

@ Anonymous 123. I asked this question. Ofcourse I would help in all of those situations. I'm not completely heartless. It's just that I don't find myself in many personal relationships compared to those around me. There are people I've known for years, and would help them in any way if they needed it. But they don't matter to me as much as a very few others, even if they're good people. I don't feel protective about these acquaintances.

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy + , writes (2 November 2016):

Anonymous 123 agony auntHere are some questions for you.

If you saw an animal in need, would you help it? If you saw a dog starving outside your house, would you give it food and water?

If you saw an accident victim on the side of the road, would you stop to help?

If you saw a girl being harassed by a boy or a group of boys on the road, would you intervene?

I want you to think about these questions and answer honestly. No one knows you here and there's no judgment.

Your answers to these questions will help in answering your question here.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2016):

I know someone like you, except that they are friendly to everyone but know who their true friends are. Just go out and talk to people more. Once you get to know them and their story you'll automatically care for them. One major plus point is that you yourself want to be caring - since you already have intent, the rest will follow naturally.

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A female reader, TELLULAH United Kingdom +, writes (1 November 2016):

TELLULAH agony auntYou can't make a person care if it's not in their personality to do so.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (1 November 2016):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntIran possible you're inner confidence is arrogance and you're subconsciously afraid of people not seeing you as highly as you see yourself.

You don't have to care deeply about anyone else, but caring on a general level is a useful skill. Try volunteering somewhere, to humble yourself and help you see how less fortunate people/animals live, which will hopefully trigger the general caring in you.

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