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*skJAY agony aunt


South Africa  (Male   XML/RSS

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Hi there all ye people in agony!

I am a young guy living in South Africa, right near a quiet beach. Its wonderful place to reflect and meditate when i need to think about decisions and issues. I have been through my fair share of "agony" over the years too. Some say that every page in my book of life appears to be a different person's story, due to the vastness of experiences (particularly relational) recorded.

Anyway, i enjoy listening to people's problems. I am a Gemini though, so most of the time i have two opposing opinions haha.

You might find me quite mature and practical at times, though moments of silliness and a "get over it" attitude spring up from time to time.

I sincerely hope that through reading all of our different opinions regarding your issue, you find some insight at least. Also knowing that you are not alone in whatever you are dealing with.



Am I really starting to fall in love with my brother?

Q.   My older brother and I have been sexually active with each other for some years now. I know this started as him abusing me but I no longer see it that way and I think I might be falling in love with him. He is 4 years older then me and started uni 2 ...

A.   6 January 2009: Oh my am sad for you young guy. What you are feeling is an emotional attachment created through the unnatural bond you and him share. Don't be ashamed to feel those feelings, but please understand that they are not the truth fo... (read in full...)

Is masturbation a homosexual act?

Q.   is masturbation in fact a homosexual act ? no matter who or what you think about you are still having sex with your hand and you come on yourself you are giving and recieving so its male on male or female on female. any thoughts?...

A.   23 December 2008: LOL... Simply put, masturbating is not considered a homosexual act. now, if you are looking in the mirror and think yourself to be quite a hotty, it might just be borderline homo-like...but not homosexual...that would have to include another ... (read in full...)

Ladies please answer: He's 19 years younger is it ok to bring sex into the relationship?

Q.   I have a good relationship with a younger man who is 19 years younger than I am. It is ok to consider sex in our relationship? The age thing won’t get in the way? Ladies please respond. Should an older woman have sex with a younger man? Any...

A.   22 December 2008: i don't think its necessarily wrong. have consenting fun.... (read in full...)

Hair? Or no hair? What is a guys preference?

Q.   I have a personal question. I currently have not had sex but I want to and soon. However, I was wondering do guys want a girl to have hair down there or not? I've read mixed opinions, and I'm just not sure if I should get rid of it or not, if you ...

A.   22 December 2008: its age related i think... older guys who grew up with furry fun might not be as picky as us youngsters, seeing as you are under 21, my opinion would be to remove all the hair. you might find after a while that you needn't do this, but for now, guys ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend called me by his ex's name. Would you tolerate it?

Q.   Would you tolerate the person in your life,your loved one,to by mistake call you by a ex's name?My fiance was married to a Liezel for thirteen years and my name is Lizel.Is it just because both start wit and L and am I just making too much of ...

A.   18 December 2008: haha.from a guy's point of view, i don't think you should be concerned. forgive him on this occasion and tell him you don't like it. how different is the pronunciation though? in South Africa those names would sound VERY similar LOL. take it easy.... (read in full...)

Does it get less painful for girls to have sex with a big man over time?

Q.   Does it get less painful for girls to have sex with a big man over time? My girlfriend and i decided to have sex last night and she is very small (5ft, 95pounds) and im quite big (6'1 230) and roughly 7inches big, and she has only been with 1 othe...

A.   18 December 2008: she really needs to be wooed into a completely relaxed state...her pelvic muscles need to be subtle and the mood needs to be overwhelmingly romantic, so that her being is consumed by the gentle passions of love, RATHER THAN the big cock about to ... (read in full...)

Could my boyfriend be bisexual?

Q.   Could my boyfriend be bisexual? I have this weird feeling inside that something is not right in the relationship. My boyfriend would be happy only having sex every other week. He never gives me oral sex unless I ask for it. He acts like he is ...

A.   18 December 2008: i think that you should trust your intuitive gut. i have an old surfing buddy who used to speak similarly and act homophobic...also couldn't go down on his girlfriend(so she says lol)...turns out he was sleeping with his best friend!! bisexual... (read in full...)

He had sex with other men in prison!

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 2 years now and he spent 1 year in prison, He admitted to me he had sex with other men while in prison, but he says it won't happen since he is out of prison now. But I wonder could he be gay? or was he ...

A.   18 December 2008: hmmm...i agree with honey girl about the health and the gay thing.... also though, i hope that he is efficiently "rehabilitated" and free from any criminal urges relating to how he landed up in prison in the first place LOL. be careful Sara. ... (read in full...)

Can I ask my brother to watch him masterbate?

Q.   Hi, hope u can help bit of a dodgy question but I walked into me older brothers room hes 15 and cought him touching himself. We both freaked out but it was to late and he came, he insists that he didnt but i saw it, he was shouting at me a...

A.   18 December 2008: shame sweet young girl...there is nothing wrong with being intrigued by the act, but perhaps its not the best for you to ask your brother. i have sisters close to my age and i remember going through puberty(whatever you call it)...its not some... (read in full...)

Parents won't let me travel to see my guy!

Q.   I'm in a long distance relationship with a guy that I am very much in love with and have been with for about 7 months now. Recently we made up this plan that I was going to drive to see him. He is about 1000 miles away. I have my own car, and mo...

A.   18 December 2008: um...let him do some traveling. goodness gracious.... (read in full...)

What is the best masturbatory device for us men?

Q.   Hi guys an gals - ok so we keep hearing about 'rampant rabbits' and the like for you gals, but what do y'all think is the best masturbatory device for us men? (Bin on my own lately an my right arms' knackered!)...

A.   18 December 2008: oh shame...this is sad...surely you can just get out of the dam house and go meet someone?...try going without "wanking" for a might meet someone that does more for you than just please you sexually... but in the context of your question... (read in full...)

How can we make anal less painful?

Q.   my husband and I tried anal for the first time about a month ago. He says he has always liked it.. it was my first time and I really didn't. I was told it is very dangerous, and is a no no. I have seen it done in movies and jesus, those people ...

A.   18 December 2008: sis. i would feel like such a bastard asking my girlfriend if i could stick anything up her bum!!!! my lord!!!! i may be naive and narrow minded, but the anus seems made to excrete waste. i am not in the least bit religious, but i think anal sex... (read in full...)

Isn't what he's done to me cheating?

Q.   I'm writing because my head is so confused I don't know what is right or wrong any more. I've been with a guy now for 4 years living together and he's been fathering my 2 children, don't get me wrong he's a nice guy, good father to them but I've ...

A.   18 December 2008: what a pathetic man. sis. i wouldn't stick around. ... (read in full...)

She acts likes she's possessed by a demon during sex!

Q.   Hi guys i have been with my current girlfriend for 2 months now. Things are going great, and we have just started having sexual intercourse recently. The sex is great, but is sort of getting over shadowed by the way her reactions are during. Her ...

A.   18 December 2008: i laughed myself out of my chair reading this question. hahahahaha listen, i had a very similar experience with a girlfriend. it was so freaky that i couldn't continue having relations with her. she would zone out and her eyes rolled back and she ... (read in full...)

Inappropriate touching between step mother and step son!

Q.   I'm a 45 year old step-mother of a 19 year old male, and I've recently made a horrible mistake. For the past few weeks I've been flirting and teasing my step-son. My husband has ignored me for the several months now, and I just wanted some ...

A.   18 December 2008: hmmm...i don't think the problem is the age. its just that you need to sort things out with your husband, but please don't bring his son into it. shame lady, you wouldn't want his father to have unnecessary issues with him now would you? don't tell... (read in full...)

I want sex with my cousin but she says no.... what to do???

Q.   Hi my name is jaan, iwant to have sex with my cousine sister.whenever i tried to seduce her she refuses. i am very cofused and frustrated. please help me. Thanks...

A.   18 December 2008: hmmm...if she says no, then no means no...i don't care what country or culture you are from, but NO means NO. understand that!... (read in full...)

If you swallow sperm, can you get pregnant?

Q.   Hi, my question is really embarrassing and I know a lot of people will feel awkward answering it... but I have always wandered but I am to embarrassed to ask any one else... Ok so I'll cut to the chase... basically if cum (sperm) gets on or in any o...

A.   18 December 2008: my goodness!!! LOL... well obviously you are too young to be sexually active if you don't know such simple things. at least you are asking now. maybe you haven't swallowed cum yet haha. either way, its not about pregnancy...why the f would anyone ... (read in full...)

Worried and intimidated by a blooming sex toy that my girlfriend is waving around me!

Q.   My new girlfriend and I have known each other for 5 months and been going out with for 6 weeks, she told me today she got a dildo as a gift from co-worker... apparently not as a joke either. We are yet to embark on the sexual side of our ...

A.   18 December 2008: gosh man...advice can't help you fix your insecurity. you need experience and if she knows that you aren't experienced and hasn't voiced any disappointment, then use the opportunity for her to teach you how to pleasure her and have fun with her. ... (read in full...)

He thinks I want to break up with him... but I don't!!!!

Q.   My boyfriend randomly showed up at house after I ate some spicy food that gave me bad breath. I was home alone and we watched a movie together. He put his arm around me and tried to kiss me. I didn't let him because I didn't want him to smell my ...

A.   18 December 2008: silly silly little girl LOL...just tell him you ate the spicy food and laugh it all off. no need for such drama over little issues like this. ... (read in full...)

My roommate is straight with a girlfriend. I'm gay, I love him, we make out, what should I do?

Q.   Ok so here we go.. I'm gay and all my friends and most of my coworkers know it. I have one straight room mate and about 8 months ago my straight room mate asked me to give him a massage and it turned into more then that. At the time i thought ...

A.   18 December 2008: whoops, i didn't note how old you were before i wrote my your age you probably need more than just fun with the/a guy. communicate your feelings to him. tell him that he is disrespecting you by using you for quickies. its up to you t... (read in full...)

My roommate is straight with a girlfriend. I'm gay, I love him, we make out, what should I do?

Q.   Ok so here we go.. I'm gay and all my friends and most of my coworkers know it. I have one straight room mate and about 8 months ago my straight room mate asked me to give him a massage and it turned into more then that. At the time i thought ...

A.   18 December 2008: hmmm...quite tricky... he is disrespecting you by using you every now and again for a bit of a quicky. you are allowing yourself to be used. so either you continue to just be that, or you put an end to it. i think you'd rather have a bit of him t... (read in full...)

Should I offer to split the bill and pay half the room cost?

Q.   There isn't a right or wrong answer to this - I am simply looking for people's opinions on what they would do in this situation. My friend decided to go to Venice at the last minute and invited me to go also. I declined because I doubted I could ...

A.   18 December 2008: hmmm...first of all, it shouldn't really be a question. on the other hand, you say she almost casually just booked the double room on the off chance that you could join her? well, if she's your friend, you can casually ask how much you can ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend masturbates to trans-sexuals

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for over one year and we are both in our early 20's. About 3 months ago, I was dinking around on his computer and I found a site with t-girl porn (men qo view themselves, and live, as women). I asked him about ...

A.   17 December 2008: gosh. hectic. shame, what a situation. i'm sure he has issues LOL. sorry you have to feel that way, but i wish you could leave him actually. you don't deserve that.... (read in full...)

Does giving blowjobs make a girl a whore?

Q.   If I like giving bj's does that make me a whore...? I give my bf plenty of them cuz in my opinion I find it fun, my friends say that girls who do it a lot are dirty... and even though I try to ignore it, it always comes back... is it bad for a girl ...

A.   17 December 2008: you are not a whore. lol... (read in full...)

Allowed to stay for a couple of hours then home by myself on the train while fiance stays!!!

Q.   Could you please help me! I am going to my fiance's works night out, but he's only allowing me to stay for a couple of hours! He said I have to get the train home myself while he stays at his friend's house. I think he has plasnned to meet up when ...

A.   17 December 2008: i would not even attend the work function. that is disgusting of him. even from my point of view, as a guy who has cheated before. i won't do it again, because its revolting behavior. don't bother going and don't try to control what he ... (read in full...)

Does giving blowjobs make a girl a whore?

Q.   If I like giving bj's does that make me a whore...? I give my bf plenty of them cuz in my opinion I find it fun, my friends say that girls who do it a lot are dirty... and even though I try to ignore it, it always comes back... is it bad for a girl ...

A.   17 December 2008: you'd be a whore if you were giving all the guys bj's LOL...i take it you aren't, so rest easy young ain't a whore. why tell you friends what you do in private anyway? Ciao... (read in full...)

One moment he won't be able to keep his eyes off me, but then another he doesn't even pay the slightest attention to me...

Q.   Dear Cupid, I need help! I know this person that "might" be attracted to me, but I'm not for sure. I've debated whether he does, for over 7 months now. This is really hard to explain, but he's kind of off limits, ok I'll just say it, I think wh...

A.   17 December 2008: This teacher is attracted to you, but he is mature enough not to act on it, now trot on dear. Look at the boys your age :)... (read in full...)

He says there's something about me that's pushing him away...

Q.   What do you do if a guy you're dating tells you there's something about you that's pushing him away from you? and when you finally confront him about the issue he tells you that, he wants to be just friends with you?...

A.   17 December 2008: What a dick he was. Sorry about that. You'll have to take nothing he said seriously, or you'll blame yourself and end up having a complex that ruins your future relationships. be strong... (read in full...)

He broke up with me, however we still live together, any advice?

Q.   i been living with my boyfriend for 10 months but at the end of november he told me his plans for next year . He wantd us to live separate .He said he needed his onw space and his onw stuff. But the problem was that i went nuts ! i got very angry ...

A.   17 December 2008: shame. not pleasant. he's being silly. you have to suck it up and take responsibility for your own emotions. this happens in life. we cannot control others, so we have to look after ourselves. be positive within yourself. use this opportun... (read in full...)

I go soft during sex...

Q.   Hi Just a quick question, I have been having problems keeping hard during sex, it's been on and off for the past year. I have taken viagra and I get a good normal hard but it still goes soft durning sex and takes ages to cum. I have a new ...

A.   17 December 2008: hmmm...definitely psychological...unless you've just had too much sex and are slowly getting a bit subconsciously bored with the conventional. ... (read in full...)

Scared of making a mistake since I am not sure what I want. I love him but am not IN love with him any longer!?

Q.   Rite guys.. I've been with my boyfriend for 18 months now. But I've met some new friends when I went to college and didn't really have any this good at school. I am really ejoying goin out more and am wondering whether I would enjoy being sing...

A.   17 December 2008: WOW! Been there. Now there again! Remember the film called "why did i get married?"? Someone said something there that made a lot of sense. I just wish i could remember the actual phrase, but it was somewhere along the lines of never leave the ... (read in full...)

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