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How does one make new friends at this age?

Tagged as: Friends, Health<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 January 2012) 8 Answers - (Newest, 11 January 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I find myself in my thirties and without friends of either gender. I worked abroad and lost contact with everyone and now do a very solitary job which brings me into contact with people only on a professional basis where personal relationships with clients is absolutely not allowed and I have few colleagues mostly married with kids who are only aquaintences not friends. I got into contact with an old friend from school but she disliked my boyfriend (now ex boyfriend) and we drifted apart again.

I've joined groups, gone to classes and church meetings but nothing in 2 or 3 years.

Most people already seem to belong to a group that's quite rigid and has been going for ages.

How does one make new friends at this age?

I'm single without children and I'd really like friends, not really worried about romantic relationships.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012):

There are so many avenues to try. Depending on what sort of person you are. Choose something you are really interested in anyway - volunteering is a great way to get involved in projects. If the 'main group' seems well established in any of these areas, stick with it, it can take a while to break through. If you are there for the love of the subject you will find a way in. Newcomers are sometimes given a while to see if they last (by experience I know people take up interests but drop them pretty quickly so you wait to see if they are in it for the long haul).

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A female reader, gallagher1991katrina United Kingdom +, writes (11 January 2012):

Hi, like the previous 3 have already suggested, do not be afraid to join clubs but they have to interest you as you will be more approachable if you are having fun and will meet people who will have at least one thing in common with you.

You could also try a class, perhaps there are some near your place of work.

I also think you should try and be more confident and instead of waiting for someone to talk to you (assuming you are shy)try and start a conversation with someone in your group/class.

Good Luck

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012):

It's not easy for some of us to make friends. I haven't made a new friend in 20 years that I still talk to and I am 38 years old. My only true friends left are one from high school and my wife (who I met in college.) I did make some friends in college, but I went to college far from where I live now and I lost touch with those people. That was more a matter of convenience anyway, as those friends were people who lived in my dorm with me and we couldn't help but hang out together. There's a coworker I talk to. My wife and I have been to dinner with her and her husband a few times, but she's not someone I would confide in like a true friend. I did have a female friend of my wife's I liked, but she died tragically some years ago.

For me, it's not so easy as "learn a hobby" or "take a class." I took a lot of classes at grad school and to get a real estate broker's license. I met and talked to a lot of people. However, none of them ended up being friends outside of class even though I knew a few of them for several years while in school. Some women showed interest in me, but being married I couldn't very well go out with them.

My problem, maybe like yours, is not meeting people. I meet lots of people. My problem is meeting someone I actually like to be around. My mom-in-law is a social butterfly and she meets "friends" everywhere - the hotel maid, the clerk at the store, church, and so on. However, these are all shallow relationships and they don't last for more than a year or two typically. That's not what I want. I am not looking just to keep myself company or find a partner to bowl with. I find that for the most part people come and go from each other's lives and it's more effort than it's worth to invest time in them. An ever-changing social circle is not something I want.

What do you want?

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A female reader, justlikeu India +, writes (11 January 2012):

hey,

many of us undergo similar situations...there r times in life when u feel like that u dont belong sumwhere..but dont give up..

heres some stuff u can do...

1. re-invent urself- first know urself.. see what u like, why u like..if u have a hobby let the people know abt it..

2. go party.. it may be weird to just go by urslef to a party, so tag along with some of ur collegues, u make a plan with them..get to know their friend circle..

3. join book clubs, classes like cooking o pottery.. ul meet new people.. try to stay in contact with them..

4. go for family functions and gatherings..ul meet ur cousins..get to know them..make future plans with them..

5. internet is also a growing option..facebook/twitter/blogs..etc..plan a group re-union o sumthing..

one of the reasons why u lose ur friends maybe coz u have a opinion about them too early.. dont make judgements.. everyone have their flaws..accept them the way they r..

it always takes time to be accepted by people.. dont lose hope..

try these things out and make sure tht u make the plans and invite ur collegues, neighbours over.. take the first step..

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A male reader, JakeChaucer United States +, writes (11 January 2012):

Its all personality, some people can go out by themselves and have a great time. Find a way to honestly click with people and work from them, Take peoples numbers be straight foward about it, ask them Where to go out, what to do. Nothing wrong with being honest

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (11 January 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntBoard Gaming has been my salvation for meeting folks...

granted we are all a bit odd... and it's mostly men but I've made great friends board gaming. I actually met my fiance at a board gaming convention...

http://www.boardgamers.org/ will give you an idea of what's going on... most of it is in the USA but there are groups around the world... and many folks come for the convention in August...

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A female reader, TELLULAH United Kingdom +, writes (11 January 2012):

TELLULAH agony auntThere is a man on here with exactly the same problem as you! It must be tough to try to make new friends if your not very confident. I find it hard to believe that you have done a lot socially, and yet nobody has become your friend? Surely you must have spoken to some of them? Perhaps if you put yourself out there a little more, and dont keep expecting rejection from everyone? Try a new club with a new attitude and see how that goes. Good luck xx

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A female reader, bardia United States +, writes (11 January 2012):

bardia agony auntTake some community classes. Take up a new hobby (the arts, sports, etc). I joined a community theater on a whim, just to see if I could do it--met a whole slew of people that way). Just some thoughts--good luck! :)

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