A
female
age
51-59,
*R_Scorpio
writes:I am an attractive, young hearted, full of life woman. I've never had any problems with finding a man, but for the last 3 years, I have been in a very disfunctional relationship. We've both made huge mistakes that have damaged the relationship, but since May last year, we both decided to put all the BS to the side and make the relationship work. Although I always struggle with trust issues because of what he's done in the past, I have been trying very hard to learn to trust again. Unfortunately, my latest suspisions which were dismissed by him by always saying that I'm making up stuff are correct. Once again he's been caught with his hand in the cookie jar several times after he's sworn he's changed his ways.I feel like I can't even be angry with him, but I've chosen to stay and I've chosen to believe him. I'm angry at myself that I find it so hard to move on and accept that I deserve better. Is my self esteem so low that I'm willing to stay with a person that sees me as a joke? Am I so stupid to even think that one day he'll change. I say I'm done and then I let him back in...again, MY fault. I'm so tired of this yo yo nonsense of relationship but at times I feel like I'm stuck..almost like an adiction.Sorry for rambling on...I just need a place to vent. I know eventually I will figure it out and I've vowed that 2012 HAS to be a better year for me. I'm just feeling so very frustrated.Thanks for listening (reading).
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (5 January 2012):
 WHOA... Cerebus.... Did you HAVE to put this so succinctly??? Perhaps you could have couched your reply with a few platitudes about how this idjit was in love with the submitter..... and was CERTAIN to "change" as he's claimed.....Submitter: Read Cerebus's response.... then decide just how much of the shell of a woman you want to be..... I HOPE that you will dump this sorry excuse for a "man" very soon... and get on with a REAL life.... without HIM... without ANY MAN, if necessary..... Is it REALLY worth the pain to spend even another hour with this cad?????Good luck....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2012): "I've vowed that 2012 HAS to be a better year for me."
Its 2012 already OP and here you are, still being a complete idiot.
I'm glad you had your vent but as usual it's not really going to fix anything is it?
You know what's happening, you know what you have to do and you know you're not going to and you're just going to keep on with this bullshit.
So 2012 is going to be one very long, tough, fucked up year for you. You think you feel bad now? You think your confidence, self worth and self esteem is low now? Well baby, you aint seen nothing yet, because it's just going to get worse and it's going to keep grinding you down until you are a broken woman, unable to forgive yourself or trust another man ever again.
Feel free to vent OP, you're going to need a hell of a lot of it over the next year, because this time next year if you're still with this guy, you'll be a shadow of the woman you used to be, you'll be timid little doormat that has been ground into the dirt.
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A
female
reader, bardia +, writes (5 January 2012):
 Oh my God! I just ended almost the exact same kind of relationship Monday night. I am torn to pieces about it, but every time I think about going back and trying to reconcile the situation I am reminded of why I left in the first place. Make yourself lists of what you have contributed to this relationship and what you have done and tried to work through. Keep it with you for a while as a reminder. Look at it as needed. Stay strong. My relationship was just over a year long. I gave it ALL, he gave NOTHING. And now I'm being painted as the bad guy. Even HIS friends know what an ass he has been to me. (And this was my first ever relationship, starting at age 35!) So hang in there. If you need to vent more, message me. Otherwise, good luck...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 January 2012):
 Sorry, honey he is NOT going to change or be the man you want him to be, why drag it out?
I understand the being mad at yourself more then him, but you have to realize that you are not MAKING him do what he does. HE is in change of his own actions. As are you. So you can either sit and have yourself a pity party or decide WHAT you want for yourself and go for it, even if it means ending this relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2012): 2012 will be a better year. You have to get rid of him first though. I could have written your story myself. The second part of 2011 was a better half of the year for me. I learned something PEOPLE DONT CHANGE. Well, the ones with no intelligence dont. There`s someone else out there waiting to meet you. When you do, you will look back at what a nightmare it was.
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A
female
reader, PR_Scorpio +, writes (5 January 2012):
PR_Scorpio is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTellulah, thank you so much for your post. I really needed to read that. I know I deserve to be with a man who's going to love and respect me. I'm tired of the tears, the dissapointments, the lies, and the disrespect. I don't want to waste another 3 years on this man that does not appreciate me. Mind you, he lives with me. I have been supporting him for the past 7 months. I have given so much and have recieved so little in return. I just need to find the courage to stick to my decision and not let him back in no matter what lie comes out of his mouth. Thanks again Tellulah..have a wonderful day!
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A
female
reader, unlovedgirl  +, writes (5 January 2012):
 well from what i have read, you have go low self Esteem and you need to know that you deseve better and you can't just give trust it has to be earnt! plus he seems to break your TRUST over and over again, it might be better to leave things broken and move on! you have nothing to feel gulity ofIt IS his fault not yours and you deseve better! plus if he cant keep his hand out of the cookie jar so to speak, you are better off with out him!
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (5 January 2012):
 Ooo! Been there, done that, and worn the T-shirt! Yes you are stupid to think he will change (believe me he wont) he doesn’t need to, because you are still there, rewarding his behaviour with your company. It’s so hard to break away from a relationship like this, especially as you get older. But unless you do, you will never be happy. Try to look at the bigger picture, and think about meeting someone that will truly love and respect you (you wont find him unless you get rid of that boil on your arse will you?) by that I mean your BF!! Lol. Hun I promise you will meet someone better, and you will be so much happier! It’s up to you, at the end of the day. But my mates begged me to leave my ex after 5 years, and I wouldn’t do it and wasted another 5 on the idiot! Take care and good luck cookie x
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