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Do I wait for him to leave his girlfriend or just walk away?

Tagged as: Cheating, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 March 2011) 2 Answers - (Newest, 30 March 2011)
A age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hi everyone got a bit of a issue and would love all opinions on it.

I started a new job about 6 months ago and I met this guy there which I got along with great straight away. We were always flirting and he got a new girlfriend who lives on the other side of the country.

Two months later into this relationship with this girl and him. Without seeming like a bitch, I think its an immature and delusional relationship, and with me being with him all day everyday, we started out little 'thing' up again. Things got pretty heavy and then he suddenly called it off as he felt guilty for his girlfriend. We tried to cool it off but we keep coming back together. it has gone on like this for a while.

He's now telling me he wants both of us, he's curious to see how we go as a couple, but he doesn't want to risk losing her over it. He's also now talking about moving to where she is and living with her, which I think is just ridiculous. I think if me and him get together it'll be great.

Do I stay and see how things turn out, or walk away? I feel pathetic waiting around like a lost little puppy while he tries to figure himself out. But I just want him to be with me and me alone.

View related questions: flirt, immature

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A female reader, k_c100 United Kingdom +, writes (30 March 2011):

k_c100 agony auntI'm sorry to say this but I have seen this hundreds of times on this website and the outcome is ALWAYS the same - you are the other woman, and the man will never leave his partner for the other woman. Thefore there is no hope for you in this relationship, you are the one that is going to end up hurt so please walk away now.

He is talking about moving to be with this girl, and living with her - he wants to make a massive commitment to her! You should have realised when you found this out that his future is with her, not with you.

The whole wanting both of you thing is a typical cheater mentality - he wants to have his cake and eat it, and you are letting him. He wants the safety and security of the woman who loves him (his girlfriend) and then a bit of fun (I presume you have been having sex as you said it got pretty heavy) on the side with you when he is bored and lonely.

Look - what you are doing is not fair on yourself, and it is not fair on his girlfriend. She has no idea that her boyfriend is a liar and a cheat - and that is her boyfriend's fault, not yours, but what you need to do is stop being a part of all these lies and deception. You are willingly hurting another person with your actions, and you are hurting yourself by allowing your feelings to develop for a man who doesnt want to be with you. You should have more self respect, and dig out your morals again and stop being part of this affair.

This guy is the lowest of the low, he basically has gotten everything a man dreams of - one girlfriend who he wants a future with and who loves him, and then a bit of fun on the side who he can see whenever he wants and is following him around just waiting for his call. If he says jump, you jump, and he knows this and is loving every minute. Of course he wants to see how it goes with you, he wants to keep on with this affair until he makes the commitment to his girlfriend and moves to be with her, then he can drop you and pretend it never happened. He has this all worked out, and I'm afraid you are just blinded by him and oblivious to his games.

To put it simply - he is having an affair with you, he is a liar and a cheat and not a nice person. You are the woman on the side, he is using you and will never ever choose to be with you over his girlfriend. I'm sorry if this is harsh but you really need a wake up call - dont lower your standards to a jerk of a guy like this.

Please get some strength and walk away, you deserve so much better than a guy like this.

I hope this helps and good luck!

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A female reader, TELLULAH United Kingdom +, writes (30 March 2011):

TELLULAH agony auntOh dear!

Doesn’t sound like he is “into you” as much as you are him. He wants the best of both worlds and you are allowing him to have it. If he is saying that he might move to be nearer to her, what does that say about you? I think you need to ditch him, and find a man without another person on the side.

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