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*ichard_EMids agony aunt

*ichard_EMids

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*ichard_EMids's profile:

Hi - I'm Richard.

Good to meet you. I live in the East Midlands of England, just in case you thought my surname was EMids!

I have had a wide range of life experiences - from ecstasy to tragedy. Like anyone who finds this site, I have had some ups and downs on the relationship front, despite being a "decent guy." Single or relationship status, they both have their merits. Neither is better, they are just different. I have two fantastic children sorry, fantastic teenagers. Life-loving, sensible and well mannered.

I'm into many different outdoor activities. Also reading, travel, biking and learning. I play badminton and go the gym. I like history in it's widest sense.

I had a 30 year career in management until the accountants and lawyers cut all the fun out. I work part time now which allows me to do all sorts of other things with my life. I am the same age as the number of cards in a pack. All of them....... Clubs, Hearts, Diamonds, and Spades (in that order).

I'm happy to try and help anybody solve their own problems by stimulating their thoughts, providing perspective or simply passing on some practical suggestions.

(where do I put my favourite car/ favourite film/ most unusual place.....)

AMENDMENT: Could you please change it from teenagers to young adults and add the word 'beautiful.' Thanks.

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Can I tell my boyfriend I slept with his friends? Now, I may be pregnant, what do you think?

Q.   I am really confused!! i broke up with my bf of 3 years about 4 months ago and went a little bit crazy and slept with a few people 2 of which are my ex bf's friends!! Now me and my ex hav recently started gettin closer again and i am still in lo...

A.   16 March 2008: I'm not certain this is a genuine question. If you're not, doesn't matter, you've had a bit of fun with me. If you are genuine, then you are in a very difficult situation. Priority number ONE - get a pregnancy test done. Knowing the outcome will... (read in full...)

Is a "blow job" considered sex? Do girls do this for fun?

Q.   I am curious as to why so many teenage girls, and maybe even some older girls and women, don't think a blowjob is sex. Do any of you girls or women here think a blowjob isn't sex? If so, why do you think that? And if a blowjob isn't sex, would...

A.   16 March 2008: Is this a Bill and Monica question?? Depends why you're asking. Legal reasons. An "under the age of consent" issue. Divorce grounds. Stages of intimacy. Birth control. What are you trying to determine?? ... (read in full...)

Is it normal for drinking to inhibate erections?

Q.   Alright so I've got a question here, is it normal to have a hard time getting an erection when you drink? I know it happens a lot when you get smashed, but for me it happens almost instantly. Last night for instance I drank 6 beers, not enoug...

A.   16 March 2008: "Is it normal to have a hard time getting an erection." Very funny!! "The girl I was with said it happens to everyone." Are you looking for a comedy partner?? Yes. Bad news beer and sex. Don't drink and ride. Not such a bad thing though. Avoi... (read in full...)

There's this girl I have a yoga class who I think likes me.

Q.   There's this girl I have a yoga class who I think likes me. After class, there is definitely a tension between us, but I think she expects me to make the first move. I'm not really sure what to do, I'm flattered that she likes me, and she has a ...

A.   16 March 2008: Stage fright huh? Fear of her rejection. Thats OK - you're only human. Then plan what you want to say in advance. And plan what you do if you do get rejected. An approach plan and an exit plan. Good luck. Richard.... (read in full...)

Desperate and confused...

Q.   I have been with my partner for 10 years, he already has a partner an 2 kids, we have son together and have just brought a house together, even though he still lives at home with his family. I can't stand this double life any more he calls me his ...

A.   16 March 2008: Well, both you and he share the responsibilty for where you are now. Not necessarily 50/50 but no matter. Whilst I do understand you may have been living in hope, and now feel mislead, you are still an adult. A cynic might say you are only doing now ... (read in full...)

Should I break it off or break it up?

Q.   Here is the background. I married the wrong man for the wrong reasons... I found someone else who was the person I had wanted to be with. Him and I started a relationship in June of 07 and ended in Oct 07 with him going back to his wife. He would...

A.   16 March 2008: Hi Tatooed Stacy. Let's forget this other guy and just talk about you and your life. You say that you married the wrong man for the wrong reasons. That's the issue you should be concentrating on. Deciding to persist with or finish your marriage. ... (read in full...)

Why do I tend to let my guard down in relationships after 6 months or so?

Q.   Hey everyone not sure where to start but I'll do my best. I have had 2 relationships in my time now both lasting 2 years. In both relationships the first 6 months were perfect, getting to know the person, flirting, making an effort to look good but ...

A.   16 March 2008: Hi. You shouldn't concern yourself at all. This is very normal and to be expected. Doesn't mean you've failed in any way. The chances of finding someone compatible in two relationships is slim. You don't really need to question your love either. ... (read in full...)

He hacked into my email and copied them onto his PC!

Q.   My boyfriend lied to get me back and I found out. Now what? We were split up for months, I loved him but was tired of the fighting. He continued to call and write. Finally, tired of being lonely and missing him, I tried to be honest with him and ...

A.   16 March 2008: Oh dear, what is Irish49 arguing now: "I think it takes an Aunt with compassion and respect for others to never publicly criticize another's Aunt's advice." I've just come from my Follow-Ups where she was needlessly telling the other Aunts on... (read in full...)

Does young love last?

Q.   hiya =] I'm 14 and i was just wondering, if i fell in love at this age, do you think i may be able to spend the rest of my life with someone? I know its unlikely. But it's a complicated story..... If you need more info just ask...but ...

A.   12 March 2008: Extremely rare Pure chance if it does work Very limiting if it does work Nice fleeting idea - but that's all. In reality it's not good for so very many reasons. Take care... (read in full...)

Why does my boyfriend feel the need to lie or cover up the fact that he looks at porn when I know he does?

Q.   Why does my boyfriend feel the need to lie or cover up the fact that he looks at porn? I was gone for 4 hours one day and when I came home he was gone and I know that I shouldn't do this and it's wrong of me to look at his computer but under hi...

A.   12 March 2008: Because what is a turn-on in fantasy mode is very personal to some people.... (read in full...)

Is my husband up to something??

Q.   Ask Cupid, I've been married for 21 years. I was my husband's first lover. I had other experiences prior to marriage and have remained faithful. Our marriage has had its ups and downs-but we always find our way back to each other. Lately, he's bee...

A.   12 March 2008: It seems the relationship is disintegrating and has been for some time. Has it gone beyond repair - Maybe! You two need to react very quickly now to try and identify what seems to be many "Unresolved/unaddressed issues." This is a situation wher... (read in full...)

My marriage has just been on self destruct and my wife won't change, I don't want to cheat again...

Q.   Ok need advice. I have been married for 10 years have two kids aged 7 and 4. When i met my wife she was a size 16, over the years she has put more weight on and she is now a size 30. She does not work I have more to do with the kids than her, I h...

A.   12 March 2008: I'll put a few points forward for you to consider: 1) How does a gastric by-pass sort out the washing and hoovering? 2) How many hours work does it take for you to earn £10,000? 1000 hours? 2000 hours work maybe deductions & expenses?? T... (read in full...)

I want him for nothing other then pure passion, but could we remain friends?

Q.   ok i need help!! i'm with my man for years now and i love him to bits don't get me wrong. but there's this guy who's in the same situation as me and we both want eachother soooo much, just for sex like! we always tell eachother that it cant happ...

A.   12 March 2008: Hi. Imagine the day your man finds out you're cheating. What's his face like? And his eyes? How would his voice sound? And what will you say to him? What sort of guy is your man who you love to bits. How would he confront you? Or will he ca... (read in full...)

Can a person male or female, truly have the belief or values which consider that cheating on someone they absolutely love is totally wrong and they have always considered it that and then go to a person.

Q.   Can a person male or female, truly have the belief or values which consider that cheating on someone they absolutely love is totally wrong and they have always considered it that and then go to a person; Who considers it just something which ...

A.   12 March 2008: The degree of mental turmoil caused by betrayal is generally underestimated. It's not just the sex that hurts, but the lies as well. It's the whole 'deceit' thing. Perfectly rational, well balanced people are often unable to prevent themselv... (read in full...)

My marriage has just been on self destruct and my wife won't change, I don't want to cheat again...

Q.   Ok need advice. I have been married for 10 years have two kids aged 7 and 4. When i met my wife she was a size 16, over the years she has put more weight on and she is now a size 30. She does not work I have more to do with the kids than her, I h...

A.   12 March 2008: Hi Buddy. It's clear you felt the time had come in November to give your wife a final ultimatum. You did that. You wouldn't have done it if you didn't feel it was warranted. If she hasn't made any reasonable effort to change - then you have your ... (read in full...)

Ever since my girlfriend's night out she's been receiving text messages from another guy.

Q.   My girlfriend (age 34) went out to a nightclub with her girlfriend the other night. Since she returned she has not stopped receiving text messages. I finally did the unthinkable and pinched her cellphone and took a look. Sure enough, there is...

A.   11 March 2008: Do not raise it with her. This is always a mistake to react immediately. You only confront when you have strong evidence of wrongdoing. You don't have that. You watch and observe. If you raise it - you'll almost certainly get fobbed off - she then ... (read in full...)

Can a man have an affair and still be seeing the 'love of his life' ???

Q.   I'm in agony here. I am having a long distance relatioinship with a guy, for a year. We see each other 2 or 3 times a month. Last time I saw him, I found a movie ticket in his pocket for 27 dresses. After lying, he admitted he took his neighbor to ...

A.   11 March 2008: Sorry but - the answer is YES... (read in full...)

Has anybody else been in this position and got back with their ex after a year break and it's worked?

Q.   Ever since I split from my cheating boyfriend I hate being on my own, I'm still friends with my partner from before the one that cheated on me and I know he would like us to get back together, we were together for 12 years when I left him for the ...

A.   11 March 2008: "we were together for 12 years when I left him for the cheating one" So can we assume that you started seeing the new man whilst still with the 12 year man!! Dovetailing your relationships is not a good idea - you have just experienced one ... (read in full...)

The thought of commitment scares me, what is it that holds me back?

Q.   well i'm 19 years old and i'm really scared of being committed to another person i mean the thought of it scares me..i mean i've been with lots of girls during high school but just made out with them or mess around but i never wanted to settle down ...

A.   10 March 2008: Only commit when it feels right. Out of three teenage friends, one got married at 21. I was 28 before I felt comfortable. My other friend was 35. Put it to the back of your mind and forget it. When the time is right, you'll find the matter decid... (read in full...)

Can anyone help or is it just a question of time until I am over my ex husband?

Q.   My husband and I split 14 months ago, his choice not mine. I still love him so much and even though he has made it quite clear he is happier without me I cannot let him go and still spend my days thinking about him, who he is with and what I can do ...

A.   10 March 2008: You can either keep looking back or start to look ahead. Decide now what you could be doing in May, July, October and December. ... (read in full...)

Is money more important then my happiness? Should I stay tied to this relation for my son's comfort?

Q.   PLEASE HELP IM FALLING OUT OF LOVE.. me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years we have a 2 year old son, and about one year ago we bought a house, he is the one who earns the money even though i do work i don't earn much. i have fallen out ...

A.   10 March 2008: Money and happiness aren't mutually exclusive. Some people have both. We live in a world of equal opportunity. You can always let your boyfriend have custody of the boy allowing you the opportunity to develop your own career. You could return t... (read in full...)

He's still supporting his ex wife. Am I wasting my time?

Q.   This is a long story but will try and condense it down. The man I am with has a problem letting go of his ex wife. We were living together for two years when he couldn't decide what life he wanted anymore, so he went behind my back and made plans wi...

A.   29 February 2008: It would seem he is the type of person who is steered by a strong sense of responsibility. He is almost still seeing his wife as a dependant. Presume they were married for quite some time. It's difficult to judge her situation, he is obviously ... (read in full...)

What are the benefits of marriage?

Q.   In the week when Paul McCartney and Heather Mills agree monetary settlement, the question of fairness and behaviour arises. What are the benefits of marriage, if any? Isn't it just an unfair contract where if one party breaks the terms, the other ...

A.   25 February 2008: So - are there any benefits????????... (read in full...)

How long to get my results back?

Q.   I recently went to the doctor because it was hurting when I went to the toilet. The doctor gave me some antibiotics and I gave a urine sample. Does anyone know how long it takes to get my results back??? Also I have had a bit of back pain and stom...

A.   23 February 2008: Phone your doctors surgery or clinic and ask them when your results might be available. Nobody can give you a diagnosis on a website like this. A qualified doctor seeing you in person cannot be certain which is why Doctor has sent for a urine ... (read in full...)

I do love my husband but he revealed to me after marriage he is against having children, time is running however so what should I do?

Q.   I've been married for 3 years and have reached a stage in life where my biological clock is ticking. i feel the need to have babies but my husband doesn't agree. when we were dating he never mentioned that he didn't want children..but now he is ...

A.   23 February 2008: I have always thought this the classic dilemma, children or partner. You can argue forever about who said what, but it doesn't really get you anywhere. You claim he didn't mention it when you were dating. Did you say you did want kids when you were ... (read in full...)

I do love my husband but he revealed to me after marriage he is against having children, time is running however so what should I do?

Q.   I've been married for 3 years and have reached a stage in life where my biological clock is ticking. i feel the need to have babies but my husband doesn't agree. when we were dating he never mentioned that he didn't want children..but now he is ...

A.   23 February 2008: I have always thought this the classic dilemma, children or partner. You can argue forever about who said what, but it doesn't really get you anywhere. You claim he didn't mention it when you were dating. Did you say you did want kids when you were ... (read in full...)

Am I being immature and overreacting or should this relationship be ended based on these problems?

Q.   Dating question Guy I've been dating for 5 months. 1. He has a son he gets every wkend who I've met, but never get invited when they do things. Doesn't seem too big because it's a new relationship. 2. He works full and part-time as well. I see hi...

A.   22 February 2008: Seems pretty minor to me. The way I read it, he has been honest. What do you think is going on?... (read in full...)

How can I get my husband to Man up?!

Q.   Is there a site where professional women can talk about their lives with blue-collar husbands? I heard something about that on 20/20 or something, but I really didn’t catch more detailed info. When I got married in my early 20s I was a junior a...

A.   20 February 2008: I have never met anyone who is able to colour in 360 degrees of a circle. Most people have around 60 degrees they are unable to colour. Of course it's different segments. Sometimes it's a large segment. In others it's sixty different degrees from ... (read in full...)

The 'safe but unhappy' longterm or a risk on a wonderful older man?

Q.   I am a 23-year old female. I met my partner 3 years ago and fell madly in love. He was without doubt the person I wanted to be with forever, marriage kids, the lot. But things have been declining for the last year, he has become not only less ...

A.   20 February 2008: All I can tell you is that bouncing onto a new partner whilst still 'attached' generally doesn't turn out very well. This applies not only to you, but as importantly to your mentor as well. The general rule is to deal with one thing at a time. Tryi... (read in full...)

This old friend helped my wife through hard times in the past, but isn't flirty/sex talk out of line?

Q.   My wife and I are recently married (1½ years). Since we were dating and a few times since our wedding she gets calls, text messages and e-mails often sexual and flirtatious in nature from an old friend. When she was single she says they talked a ...

A.   19 February 2008: Hi. I can understand your concern. I just think if you make an issue of these things they can go "underground." It also seems this other guy 'had his chance' and didn't make it to the altar. Unless there is anything else to be concerned about I ... (read in full...)

This old friend helped my wife through hard times in the past, but isn't flirty/sex talk out of line?

Q.   My wife and I are recently married (1½ years). Since we were dating and a few times since our wedding she gets calls, text messages and e-mails often sexual and flirtatious in nature from an old friend. When she was single she says they talked a ...

A.   19 February 2008: Hi. I can understand your concern. I just think if you make an issue of these things they can go "underground." It also seems this other guy 'had his chance' and didn't make it to the altar. Unless there is anything else to be concerned about I ... (read in full...)

A question to all: Have you ever loved someone so much that you just couldn't let go of them despite many relationship problems between you both?

Q.   Has anyone else had such a deep connection with someone and felt so much in love on a soulmate level that even though you feel so much is wrong with the relationship and you feel they treat you so badly - not talking any abuse but so many things ...

A.   19 February 2008: Wow. Well done. You've described the situation I was in so well. I am still getting over it thirteen months later. And puzzled why my heart can't understand clear practical logic. There ought to be a Government Health Warning. Richard ... (read in full...)

How can I move on from an affair?

Q.   I'm trying so hard to get through the heart ache I feel after my three year affair with a married man, I too started out married. I must say what is helping me get through this is to see that other girls have been through a situation that i...

A.   19 February 2008: Don't you think there has been enough heartache. Seems there are at least eight innocent people who have had to suffer becuse of you two. Eight people's lives have been put through pain and turmoil so that two people can have fun. A wife and chil... (read in full...)

Is it true that men prefer women of lower IQ than them?

Q.   I read an article in Metro which said (although it was at Valentine's event for geeky Massachusetts Institute of Technology students) that men often prefer to have sex with a woman of lower IQ. Do you think that's really true, because I know som...

A.   17 February 2008: Hi. First understand a few aspects of the world we live in. Small scale studies can say anything you want. There's almost one for every opinion. Media organisations commission many of these "studies" just for something to write about. They pay anyt... (read in full...)

Any tips for getting over being messed over by a guy?

Q.   Hi, Has anybody got any tips for getting over being messed about by a guy. I keep thinking about him all the time. Sometimes I'm angry at what he did, sometimes I remember the chemistry we had and I'm hoping he will call me, other times I'm trying...

A.   17 February 2008: Forgot to say, choose one that you REALLY believe in.... (read in full...)

Any tips for getting over being messed over by a guy?

Q.   Hi, Has anybody got any tips for getting over being messed about by a guy. I keep thinking about him all the time. Sometimes I'm angry at what he did, sometimes I remember the chemistry we had and I'm hoping he will call me, other times I'm trying...

A.   17 February 2008: Yes. Help other people. Certainly puts your own problem into context. Contrast your problem with those suffering famine; horrors of intrusive war or some physical/mental restriction. You can help the big organisations like UNICEF and OXFAM and othe... (read in full...)

My partner has more issues and concerns over my parent's money, than I do?

Q.   Hi there. I've noticed there are some good aunts and uncles on this site who can throw light onto baffling behaviour! So I've come to you with a question if I may? My partner constantly criticises my parents (to me) on a daily basis for not ...

A.   17 February 2008: Hi. Your partner is being totally unreasonable, but possibly doesn't realise it. Why not just reply with something like,"OK you've made your point. History can't be changed. Now please don't keep repeating yourself." Any other time he raises it, ... (read in full...)

Help before monday please.

Q.   I have been seperated from my ex for a year. he has stopped paying maintainence and now he wants to take our 21 month old daughter out with his new girlfriend (who i do not know) do i have the right to stop him from taking our daughter out....

A.   15 February 2008: Hi - you question is leaning towards the fact you don't like the fact your ex has a new girlfriend, so wish to prevent a visit. The real question to be addressed is why has he stopped paying maintenance? Are there formal arrangements in place fo... (read in full...)

How do I deal with their hurtful remarks?

Q.   I have always had a complex about my eyes, they are very sensitive and tend to go red very easily and i have bags under my eyes though not massive ones but i am aware of them. At work the maintenance men who come occassionally have recently being ...

A.   15 February 2008: You haven't said which country you are in!! If you know what they are like, why are you making them cups of tea? Best advice is to avaid them. Anyway, if you are at work in the UK the behaviour from these guys is unacceptable and preventable.... (read in full...)

Am I right to ask my ex if she has sex with this new guy, or to wonder what are their plans? We still share activities in common as friends and I'm jealous!

Q.   Hi there. I have been in a serious relationship for the last 7 years. Serious as in total love, mortgages, kids etc etc. The relationship ended in october, this is how. In September my ex told she wasn't happy, even though she had just signed to a...

A.   15 February 2008: Hi Martin. When one person in a relationship says it's over, it's over! She is moving forward. You are stuck at last September. You have no right to ask anything. I know how tough this is for you. You are just going to have get through it. Hold... (read in full...)

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