New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login241253 questions, 1066927 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

I'm thinking I'm holding onto this girl in the hopes that when she loses weight, I'll already be the one dating her...is this a bad thought?

Tagged as: Dating, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 January 2012) 15 Answers - (Newest, 6 January 2012)
A male United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

so ive been talking to this girl over msn and we have connected straight away. we like all the same stuff and we have been talking to each other basically all day everyday since we started talking vis texting and msn.

we both like each other and we are meeting up of thursday to hangout and were going to the gym as well together. she said she is a dress size 12 and she is pretty but i have liked and seen better if i am honest. she says she wants to drop down to a size 8 or 10 and i said id like more upper body strength hence us going to the gym.

i am excited and nervous and a part of me thinks that i am only going for her so when she loses weight and looks "better" then i will be there already going out with her.

is it bad for me to think this way for someone?

ps i do think her personality is great and that we can have something together

View related questions: msn, text

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2012):

BA uk size 12 is a us size eight. There should be no debate about that.

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (3 January 2012):

chigirl agony auntI don't think the clothing size matters too much in this though, maybe she's really short and looks square for all we know, or maybe she's tall and slender and the OP and her are both messed up about what is healthy looking and what isn't. Her size, varied as it might be, doesn't say as much as her height, age and weight and waist-line proportion etc, which are all facts unknown to us. But we're not here to run a test and see if she's healthy or not, nor can we know, being online as we are. Anyway I'm going with trusting the OP and this girls own opinion, that she could look better (and be healthier?) by losing some weight and being more fit.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (3 January 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntFor what it's worth... I wear anything from a size 4 skirt to a size 10 jean... it depends on how something is cut....

I average size 6 so that's what I say

but I was a size 26/28 at one point.....

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (3 January 2012):

chigirl agony auntThe converter I used said a UK size 12 was a US size 10.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (3 January 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntSize 12 american is QUITE LARGE? umm no.

14 is average....

12 is not QUITE LARGE.......

granted 12 is not a tiny petite fragile looking thing... but she's not Cass Elliot either...

doesn't matter... my advice is the same... you have to love a person where they are

if the OP prefers tiny girls then the OP needs to end it with the size 12 lady

just like a guy who prefers size 26 women needs to not be a feeder and make a size 16 girl a size 26.....

love and accept a person where they are... if you can't, then you leave....

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, PerhapsNot United States +, writes (3 January 2012):

PerhapsNot agony auntYes, size 12 is quite large. I am not here to sugar-coat, nor am I here to tell you to feel guilty. The fact is, if you're not attracted to heavier women, you're not attracted to them. You may like her personality all you like, but if you're not physically attracted to her, why stick around?Leave her now before you drag this out and make it messier than it has to be. I have never been attracted to fat men, or ginger men....And no one is crucifying me over it.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Mickkiee United Kingdom +, writes (2 January 2012):

Mickkiee agony auntHello my lovely,

To be honest it is technically 'morally' wrong to say these things. However, you’re a teenager its part of it all, it’s part of the growing up and in today’s society it’s all about competition about who’s the best looking etc. I understand where you’re coming from you think you like this girl, but what happens if she becomes 'stunning' and other guys start to like her! Whereas if you’re in there first you can build upon the relationship before she changes and make it almost like a joint pact to get fit! There is always the battle for the best looking couple!

However, teenage years will affect this girls body in a number of ways boys physically cannot comprehend, have patience with her because it could turn out that if you were to get together she may decide that your happy with her shape, and so should she i.e she has no one to impress anymore cause she’s got a man. If you see where I’m coming from.

Yes, it may be a shallow thing to say though the majority of people do not have the courage to say what you think, and i think your quite brave. So you have to decide what’s best but don’t pressure her, turn it into a get fit game, if she wins she gets a kiss or something like that, make it fun!

Hope this helps

Mickkiee

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (2 January 2012):

chigirl agony auntActually, I haven't read what everyone else said, just your follow up. I think maybe you have been told it's bad? Hehe, well I don't think so. You're still at the early ages of getting to know her, and at this stage I don't see anything wrong with you picturing what might or might not happen in the future. I am pretty sure people who date someone on the verge of a beer gut also checks out how often they drink and work out to estimate how they would look 5 years from now. And if this girl is so amazing you are willing to stick to her for 5 years to see the results, well then, I think that just shows how great you think she is.. and nothing else.

Having a preference at this age is perfectly fine. She's not your wife, you didn't swear to love her no matter how she looks. You're perfectly allowed to think she would look better if she dropped some weight. As long as that isn't the be all and end all of your relationship then I don't see a problem with it. But then again, as you enter a relationship with her her weight and size might the the least of your problems, who knows what she's like as a girlfriend.

Date her, figure out if you think she looks ok and if she actually is likely to lose weight, or if you'd rather find someone who you are more attracted to. But people tend to grow on you.

Don't feel bad about thinking like you have! You have eyes and a taste in women, nothing wrong or immoral about that, and I don't think ANYONE can be 100% pure in thought. It's what comes out of your mouth that matters, and the actions you take. Your thoughts are private and you're allowed to think whatever you want.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, celtic_tiger United Kingdom +, writes (2 January 2012):

celtic_tiger agony auntOP, well done for taking advice and realising what is important.

You CAN be that better man, just love her for who she is. You have already said you think she is pretty and has a lovely personality, show her that is why you love her, not because she is a size 8.

You have proved from your follow up that you can listen and learn. So go and be worthy of her.

Good luck!

Tiger x

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, ScaredForLove United States +, writes (2 January 2012):

I'm a size 12...-__- Gurl! That is a horrible thought. If you like her, you like her, so go for her either way!!! Don't wait, because a) she will know you wanted to wait till she was smaller or b) she will meet someone else.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

hi everyone thank you for replying you have all helped put my head in a place i have been talking to her all day and i really do feel something for her and to be honest i have just forgotten everything and i do want to be with her and i think i believe you when she deserves better i just feel really bad and maybe she should go for someone much better than me just feel really bad now

thank you for showing me what an immature teenager i am

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, TELLULAH United Kingdom +, writes (2 January 2012):

TELLULAH agony auntOh dear! you sound very shallow. Lets hope she does loose the weight and realise her options are far better, and that she could be going out with someone that doesnt care about weight! Size 12 is not big anyway, the average is a size 14 I think?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2012):

"You can not love a person's potential."

This is it exactly OP. Most people will never live up to the potential that you think they might have and 90% of women who want to lose weight never do.

Literally every girl I know at the moment has set post-xmas weight goals. It means nothing.

Besides I agree with Celtic Tiger this girl can do way better than a guy who thinks "she could be better".

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (2 January 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntYou can not love a person's potential. you have to love them where they are and if they improve it's icing on the cake.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, celtic_tiger United Kingdom +, writes (2 January 2012):

celtic_tiger agony auntI think she can do much better than you.

If she is only a size 12 then that isn't "large" or overweight, and I think you are being very shallow for thinking like that.

If she is pretty and you like her personality you should want to be with her for WHO SHE IS, not because in a years time she will be 2 dress sizes smaller.

Why is dress size so important to you?

Think about it a different way, the roles reversed.

"so ive been talking to this guy over msn and we have connected straight away. we like all the same stuff and we have been talking to each other basically all day everyday since we started talking vis texting and msn.

we both like each other and we are meeting up of thursday to hangout and were going to the gym as well together. He is a bit weedy and skinny and he is handsome but i have liked and seen better if i am honest. He says he wants to bulk up and i said id like to lose a little weight as I am very self conscious that I am not as pretty or skinny as the normal girls he fancies, hence us going to the gym.

i am excited and nervous and a part of me thinks that i am only going for him so when he gets muscles and a nice hot 6 pack and looks "better" then i will be there already going out with him.

is it bad for me to think this way for someone?

ps i do think his personality is great and that we can have something together"

Now, if you were to see that question, how would you reply to this girl? What would your advice and opinion be.

Try and see it from her point of view. It will make you a better man in the long run, rather than a selfish teenage boy.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "I'm thinking I'm holding onto this girl in the hopes that when she loses weight, I'll already be the one dating her...is this a bad thought?"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.0468751000007614!