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36-40,
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writes: It is quite a complicated problem well it is to me but here goes...basically last month i met this lovely guy who i really like and he likes me too. We have gotten really close and i think i am falling in love with him. The only thing is we were talking last night after he had a doctors appointment which he told me was just a routine check up for an old shoulder injury, and he sat me down and told me he needed to talk to me and then said he has testicular cancer. I just sat and hugged him while he cried but i'm confused. I have no idea what will happen to him or if i will even be able to cope with him having cancer. I really love him but i have never had to deal with it before. I want to be as supportive as i can as i know its worse for him but i dont even know how to be there for him without being overbearing or treating him like a victim. Any advice would be appreciated so much. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2012): I was in your shoes 3 years ago. My 27 year old boyfriend (who I knew since we were 13)was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma. Fortunately he is in full remission and although we are no longer together, I still love him very much.It is NOT easy. Make sure you are FULLY committed to him; you are signing up for a full time, all-encompassing journey that requires lots of love, energy, patience, understanding of the physical/emotional toll that the illness and treatment will take on both of you. Chemotherapy is usually followed by a steroid regimine that causes SEVERE side effects from loss of appetite to SEVERE mood swings. Always bear in mind that these short-lived side effects are directly caused by the life saving treatment and are out of his control.I wish you both the best of luck.
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female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (5 January 2012):
 I had cancer 18 months ago, and my partner also found it very hard to deal with. Whilst I was going through all the treatment, he was a constant support. I did not realise at the time, just how hard it was for him. He sat there day after day watching me go through one test after the other. He watched me drop to the floor crying, and being ill for 6 months every day. The best thing he did for me was to just be there, when I needed to lash out. Which I am ashamed to say I did! I think we all go through the "Why me" "It's not fair" stage. Just try to comfort him as best you can. I'm sure he will be ok. xx
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reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (5 January 2012):
 Like mYstiquek, I have experienced cancer/treatments with people close to me.... The most important thing to remember is that this is no longer a death sentence (as it was when I was your age)..... Today's treatments and protocals can arrest/eliminate/"cure" this dread interloper to our loved ones' bodies.....Stand by this guy.... support and love him.... and - at the "other end" (following surgery and/or treatments) and you will have been the best kind of friend that ANYONE could have.....Best of luck to you and your guy-friend.... Do keep us posted....
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reader, tobson +, writes (5 January 2012):
To quote wikipedia:"Testicular cancer has one of the highest cure rates of all cancers: in excess of 90 percent; essentially 100 percent if it has not spread ".I have worked in cancer engineering as a research assistant and I honestly would talk to him first and see how early they detected it, and what treatments he will receive. And then you should consider if you can bear the emotional stress you will encounter in the coming months. Also consider the possible side effects, will be able to have children, can he freeze sperm, do you want children etc etc..Best of luck
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female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (5 January 2012):
 I am so sorry. Cancer has shown its ugly head in my family several times, so I understand how worried and frightened you feel. The best thing you can do is be there for him. Offer to help him in any way that you can, does he want you to go to treatment with him, give him a ride there or home, those kinds of things. If you know what he likes in the way of books, games, puzzles, ect..perhaps you could buy some of those for him for all the long waiting times. Mainly..just be there, if he wants to talk, needs a shoulder to cry on. Maybe he won't even want to talk, but its comforting to know that someone is there. Please keep in mind that everyone deals with illness and sickness in their own way. Some people want to talk about it, some don't. Some people want someone around, others don't. Figure out what he wants, and just offer to be there or do anything for him. Trust me, he'll appreciate it whether he takes you up on his offer or not. Its really important that you stay positive ok? I know you are frightened but try to keep a smile on your face and make him feel like everything is going to be ok. He is young, and from what I know testicular cancer is usually very treatable and cureable more so than other cancers. Keep your chin up and you hang tough. Stay strong for your guy. I wish you all the best. Please let us know how things are going ok? *HUGS*
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