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Should I just keep talking to my ex to help her? Or cut her off completely?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Friends, Health, Sex, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 August 2011) 7 Answers - (Newest, 14 August 2011)
A male United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hi.

I broke up with my girlfriend a month ago (we're not getting back together, don't suggest us to) but she's been really depressed and miserable without me. She's always been depressed, but she's even worse off without me. I'm very worried about her, and I offered to talk to her once every 2 days for support so she could feel better even though it'd mean that I wouldn't be able to get over her.

The main problem is, she's been flirting with boys and having sex. It really hurts me to imagine her doing this, especially after what we had together. It really depresses me to talk to her because I have to deal with images and her new attitude about boys.

I want her to get over me, but she says she can't. She says I'm exaggerating and I should still talk to her once every 2 days. I don't know what to do. Should I keep on talking to her or should I just cut off all contact with her? I was thinking we could email each other once a week or something.

Thanks for help.

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A female reader, hannah76 United Kingdom +, writes (14 August 2011):

hannah76 agony auntDelete everything and stop contact. She is OK. She has other guys. You are not responsible for her.

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A female reader, Lucky786 United Kingdom +, writes (14 August 2011):

Lucky786 agony auntShe's getting over the break-up physically by having sex with these other men. She's getting over you emotionally by crying on you, telling you about these men and making you feel doubly bad. End all contact with her and let her deal with things on her own.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (14 August 2011):

I do think that you need to cut contact for your own sake. She seems to be keeping you around on a lead a bit here, so that she can feel better. I think there comes a time where you need to be your own man and do your own thing, and this is it. Don't be her lap dog.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2011):

She's playing you.

Stop all contact and let it go.

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A male reader, jc2008 United Kingdom +, writes (14 August 2011):

All I can say to this one is have you heard the expression you've got to be cruel to be kind. It sounds like shes emotionally dependant and she depends on you emotionally. I take it that it was you who decided to end things?. I would say move on yourself, its nice of you to care about her but someones caring for someone doesn't always mean being nice to them. Hope it all works out for you.

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A male reader, jc2008 United Kingdom +, writes (14 August 2011):

All I can say to this one is have you heard the expression you've got to be cruel to be kind. It sounds like shes emotionally dependant and she depends on you emotionally. I take it that it was you who decided to end things?. I would say move on yourself, its nice of you to care about her but someones caring for someone doesn't always mean being nice to them. Hope it all works out for you.

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A female reader, bunnyblueeyes United Kingdom +, writes (14 August 2011):

bunnyblueeyes agony auntYou need to cut her off for your sake. She seems to be moving on fine and seems to want to keep you tied to her as well. She can't have it both ways.

Tell her you need time to move on and then maybe eventually you can be friends.

Good luck,

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