A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend says im controlling. We both have very different views on the world and the way to act in a relationship. He told me he cheated on me in the first year and i said id forgive him because i knew he was in a bad place and had just broken up with someone before we met. However since we met, i have been jealous of females he has hung around-almost like i sensed he was cheating. Anyway now i thought things were good. But then he went on hols with the boys-met afew girls in a hostel and photos have appeared of him with arms around them on facebook (very cosy photos). He said nothing happened (which i believe) but he wont admit that its inappropriate for him to be acting like that.He says i am overeacting and im wrecking his head and other girls wouldnt care about that kind of thing. Now i dont know am i or is he just twisting things to make me out the freak. Im very upset, please help me. Even criticism i welcome, as i have been quite sheltered growing up so i dont know much about how things should be. Thanks
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 August 2011):
I'll tell you what it was for me that made me sure he's someone you should ditch - it was when he said "other girls wouldn't care about this sort of thing"
ANYONE who has been cheated on will tell you that you need to care, because it's clear that his behaviour and attitude hasn't changed at all. Believe me, if those other girls had been cheated on, and their boyfriend behaved like this after they had forgiven him, they'd care.
Sounds to me like you need to give this man the push.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 August 2011):
 I totally agree with YouWish...
also unless you KNOW you are being unreasonable... trust your instincts.. IF you think he's cheating and you get any sort of proof... he is. probably.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (17 August 2011):
 Like YouWish said, he lost his privileges to be defensive about cozying up to girls when he cheated. I don't think you're being controlling at all. The very fact that you took him back after he cheated is something he should be grateful for, not something he should be abusing. It doesn't sound like he cares that he cheated and hurt you. Trust your gut on this one, if something seems not right, it probably isn't. Of course he's being angry/defensive, you're calling him out on his bad behavior and he has nothing to say other than to flip it on you. It means he has no response so he has to change the topic back to you so he can regain control of the situation.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 August 2011):
 In my humble opinion, the fact that he cheated on you and you forgave him utterly disqualifies him from uttering a single syllable of protest at your distrust of him.
You were actually a lot more graceful to him than I would have been. I would have dropped him the moment I found out he cheated the first time. There's no excuse. The "I'm in a bad place" is a bunch of grade A crap.
Apparantly, he's not left his "bad place" if he's all over new women. You're not a freak, nor are you controlling. However, this relationship is over because you can't trust him, nor is he making steps to help you trust him.
He hasn't changed, and he's messing with YOUR head.
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