A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid. I've been in a 10 month relationship and im so happy with my boyfriend. In some situations, when the girlfriend gets the boyfriend angry, he'll tell her off or lay his hands on her. Obviously we all know he's a douchebag if it gets to those two levels. Well in my relationship, i guess im the guy. Whenever i find out something that my boyfriend was keeping from me but was planning to tell me, I FLIP OUT!I have told him off SO many times and i simply cannot control my anger. Since this has happened before, me and him have been off and on. He tells me he wants to be "friends" but the next day he winds up kissing me and acting like my boyfriend. The last argument we had he specifically told me that if i tell him off one more time, he's done. But since he's said that many times i didnt take him seriously. So on thursday i was so stressed out about many things and since he was texting me i decided to take my anger out on him AGAIN :"( I definetly didnt use any bad words but i was yelling and acting retarted. So he broke up with me 2 days later and now that he's actually serious about being done and showing no emotion that it affects him...ITS KILLING ME!!!! How can i win him back? I know i messed up. Please dont tell me that :"( just please give me advice on how i can try to change or make it up to him. Thank you!
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (20 July 2011):
I also know this is not what you want to hear - but you need to sort your own anger issues out before you can enter any relationship, let alone try for this guy again. There is no way that you can be in a relationship whilst you can't control your temper. So read YouWish's advice and take it to heart. You really need to change your behaviour.
As for winning this guy back? You can't and you won't. And I can tell you that for sure, because I've been your boyfriend. He has given you chance after chance, and in no way have you attempted to change your behaviour. There is only so much that a man can take before he decides to cut you out. He has now cut you out - and there is no way of winning him back. The fact that he has entirely changed his behaviour towards you shows this. After that last argument, your boyfriend spend 2 days really thinking about what he wanted. And then he dumped you and since than has made no attempt to come near you or show you affection. Whatever you did, it was enough to make him entirely change his mind about you, and walk away. You can't win him back. It's too late, too much has happened and you're still not addressing the problem - your anger. You had many chances, and he has finally had enough. There is no advice I can give to you that will bring him back, because I know from personal experience that he will not come back. You can be sure that I did not go back to my ex when she treated me badly for the last time. And she really tried hard to get me back. It was too late.
If you get help with your anger and control your temper, later on you will meet another guy who will love and care for you even more. If you don't, the good men will run for their lives.
A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (20 July 2011):
 This is not what you want to hear, but you the best thing you can do is just leave him, and not bother.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 July 2011):
 There is no magic fix on how to change or make it up to him. Words are so cutting, especially in a relationship. Add to that the part where he said that he just wants friendship with you.
You can't use someone like a verbal toilet to just drop all of your anger diarrhea onto them because you're stressed. Those words are like bullets. They cut, they keep on cutting, and you can't call them back. That's verbal abuse. You must learn ways to control your temper, and if it takes anger management or talking to a school counselor or something, you need to do it for YOU, because your temper issues will cost you everyone you love, be it friends, or boyfriends, or family. No one has the right to take out their anger on someone else.
You should take this much more seriously than simply a "I know I messed up and I want to make it up to him". You should allow what you've done to fill you with horror at your ability to filet someone else alive with your words. It's only a deep desire to change and become better that you will really be able to break free from this destructive pattern.
I would not focus on getting him back. Instead, devote your energy into changing just for you. Tell yourself that even if you never get him back, that you *need* to change this by any needs necessary. You are young and immature, but this might act in your favor, meaning you can react and get this right before your behavior patterns are set in stone beyond help.
You never mentioned this, but if you've actually put your hands on him and shoved, slapped, or punched him, you need to *really* stop what you're doing. It's just as wrong to put your hands on a guy as it is a guy hitting a girl. Never put your hands on anyone else. Ever. Not ever. If you're doing that, then you're *really* in trouble and need to get help immediately.
You need to win yourself back. Devote your time not in pining after him, but permanently changing. Please. You will be forever relieved and happy you did. As for this guy. You might salvage it, but you must understand...your words cut.
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