A
female
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anonymous
writes:I am in bits right now.....really need some help. Ive been seing my long distant lover for 9 months. Hes in the army but we saw each other when we could. Latley he had become really distant from me though......his calls and texts became very rare and then last week I text him and he didnt even reply. So then I phoned him and asked if everything was ok. He was so quiet and it was obvious was wrong. However, he said everything was fine and stuff that he was just tired etc. Anyway, call it sixth sense or something But I knew there was something wrong. So I did the worst thing possible and texted him from a phone number he didnt recognise and pretended I was another girl......I wasnt flirty at all in the texts but he was, begging me to send pics over to him and even said he was single. I had to stop because I was too upset to continue, but he carried on texting being real flirty. Now Im in turmoil because I obviously cant tell him the texts were from me. Im so shocked adn cant stop crying. I put so much time and effort into being with him. I really fell for him, stayed faithful when he was abroad and let him stay at my home sometimes. And he does this to me. The thing Im most upset about is that im 28 now and dont want to keep having relationships that end with me having a broken heart. Im worried I will never find someone to settle with and marry. What should I do?? I feel like sending him a nasty message and ending it but he will know that its me. So at the moment Im just going to ignore contact with him if he tries to contact me! is this right?
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female
reader, Red591  +, writes (23 September 2011):
 well he is surrounded by men who are probably filling his head with crap. I would tell him that you know he is being distant and that you are sensing something is wrong so you will let him go and have his freedom. If he freaks out and tries to win you back then confront him on the texts. If he loves you then he will feel bad that that you had to do that to find out what was going on. If he just gets pissed off at you and hangs up then let him go play the field. The field is full of holes and piles of dog crap and maybe he needs to find that out the hard way
A
female
reader, Madalo 1  +, writes (23 September 2011):
He was disrespectful and clearly he's not seriously into the relationship as you are. Just ending it by saying things are not working out is easier, though i agree with the poster who said he should know what he morally did wrong therefore he should be told why you're ending it. If you're taking the last option you have to be strong because he might try to smooth talk his way out, and might even convince you! "But baby,i wasnt serious,i was jus playin!come on i dont even know the girl, its you thats always on my mind.i'm jus bored and lonely here,i'm stressed but i love you,i miss you,blablabla," and who knows, he might even come over if he has the chance! Therefore if you believe that ending it is the best decision and he doesn't deserve a second chance, be firm and hold your ground.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (23 September 2011):
 What you did was hardly the worst thing possible. Whatever you may think of it, it gave you the confirmation you needed.
Normally I prefer being up front, but some people just don't deserve the courtesy of being officially dumped. Your boyfriend is one of them. Let him figure it out for himself. Don't make contact with him and ignore his attenmpts to reach you (at either phone). Do your grieving in private.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (22 September 2011):
 i know you feel devastated right now but in time you will be just glad that you found him out for what he really is. you could send him a nasty message or call him and tell him what you know or you could just let him sweat and wonder what he did wrong. i think the best way to get closure though is to tell him, what you did, what you know and where he can go and stick his phone! otherwise you may be further upset if he does not make the effort to get in contact and win you back as much as you think he should.
breaking up with someone is NEVER nice, especially in these circumstances but it beats staying with a cheater! these feelings you have of maybe feeling like he has treated you like a mug, worrying what else he has been getting up to that you don't know about, worrying about your future relationships, feeling like you have wasted your time by staying faithful - just ACCEPT these feelings, roll with them and know that they WILL pass and you will come out of this a stronger person at the end. you listened to your intuition (which is something a lot of people fail to do) you should be proud of yourself for that, you are NOT a fool, so don't let him talk his way out of this now. sack him off and make yourself free to meet someone who respects you more than this.
spend time with family and friends, come and post questions and your thoughts on dear cupid, there are always people here who will listen and some of them will have been in exactly the same situ as you are in now. just heal. plan nice things to look forward to, maybe book a holiday with friends for the summer time, take up a new hobby, look after yourself physically and this will help you emotionally
best wishes
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2011): I think you should confront him about it when he gets back, if that's not an option then you might as well do that over the phone. I quite think it's best to tell him that it was a friend and that you did it because you missed him and wanted to test his love for you. Tell him that you've been faithful and wanted to double check if it's the same for him, but you're disappointed :( You can also add that since things were room temperature of late you'd both need to evaluate where you're both heading in the relationship. It could be the stress/boredom/homesickness abroad that's driven him to flirt and such...Men are flirty creatures, but then again it doesn't really justify much, does it?! You're still young 28!! and it's good that you've put your relationship to such a test before advancing more and committing. God may have better plans- a better man for you. Keep +ve
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A
male
reader, Cupid Boy +, writes (22 September 2011):
 If you're ending it, then who cares if you tell him? At least then he will know it was his own moral failings that destroyed his relationship and will hopefully learn from it. If you just disappear or dump him for no apparent reason, he learns nothing and will think it's you that has the problem.
You could claim it was your friend who texted him and then told you what happened.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2011): You need to end it. You don't have to mention the texting thing. Just say that long distance is too hard or something.
This guy obviously can't be trusted and it would be stupid and even more painful to drag this out any longer.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 September 2011):
What's the point? You did the honey trap, right or wrong, and now you know that he's not committed.
The best thing you can do here is just end it, and say that it's not working out. Don't tell him you know, don't keep in contact. Just end it and move on. No need to waste time, no need to fess up.
And of course you'll find someone to settle with and marry. You're only 28, you have a lot of time. What you can't afford to do is waste time on the wrong man when you should be moving on and getting with the right man. He's out there waiting. So get rid of this one now, and move on.
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