| Latest articles: I'm a thoroughly modern brand of old-fashioned
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12 August 2016: I was particularly amused by a recent comment about my views. I was described as living in “the 1950s,” which I found highly amusing. But when I’d had my chuckle, I got to thinking: what would it be like to be stuck in the 50s? How does the ...
I hate cheating, but not as much as a failure to forgive
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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23 August 2015: IT’s been the story that hasn’t gone away all week. Ashley Madison sent journalists in to a spin trying to access the 9.7 gb of data leaked on to the internet, trying to find any public figures who may be embroiled in the scandal. Suspicious spouses ...
Childless by choice: please stop judging us
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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6 July 2015: This morning, as usual, I was perusing the questions on Dearcupid, when I stumbled across a question from a woman regarding her feelings about not wanting a child. Although I gave a comprehensive answer to the question, it touched a nerve with me, ...
On-line dating: my honest look
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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12 January 2014: On-line dating: my honest look Those who read my column with any regularity will know there is considerable absence of references to my personal life. I am, for the most part, keen to concentrate on advising because, good advice is good no matte...
Revenge is sweet: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that.
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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9 March 2013: REVENGE IS SWEET: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that. Revenge, they say, is sweet. Well British people have, if they have been following the news, witnessed a very public case in point to prove that the reverse can ...
Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies
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6 January 2013: Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies You may or may not know that in Ireland, the date of 6 January is known as Women’s Christmas (Nollaig na mBan). On this day, the tradition (still strong in parts of the country) is that men take responsibil...
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I find it it weird and disgusting that my mom posted an old pic on Facebook, of her breastfeeding me while I was a toddler!
Q. My mom posted an old pic of her breastfeeding me while I was a toddler on facebook. What should i do? I logged in on facebook today and saw on my home page that my mom had uploaded that pic. The pic was not in her album but on some facebook pa...
A. 23 June 2012: There’s nothing disgusting about breast feeding, though it’s perfectly understandable that you wouldn’t want to see a picture of yourself being breast fed, let alone have it put up on the internet. Unfortunately, one of the problems with social ... (read in full...)
I don't trust my boyfriend because of his ex! What should I do?
Q. I have been seeing this guy fro 3 months now and things are awesome with him! I feel great when I am with him. But I have a huge insecurity when it comes to his sons mom. I know they had strong feelings for each other but I also know he really ...
A. 20 June 2012: This sounds like it’s all in your head. Things are awesome with him? No I’m afraid they’re not. You’ve gone to the ex’s house and he wasn’t there. He’s sent you pictures of himself at home to prove where he was. What more do you need? Okay he lied ... (read in full...)
My friend wants to bring another girl on holiday with us, I have a bad feeling about this girl and don't want her to come, but I don't want to lose my friend either! What should I do?
Q. I have a friend, let’s call her Laura, who I have known since we were 4 years old. She is a lovely person, but is also a people pleaser to the extent that she lets others completely walk all over her on a regular basis. She lets people treat her ...
A. 20 June 2012: You’re in a horrible situation, but you need to be tough and stick to your guns on this one. It’s likely that Emily is ineeed a classic attension-seeker, I think you’ve got a pretty sound understanding of the kind of person she is. It may be a ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to tell him to tell her mother that if he breaks it off she will kill herself so she can get some help?
Q. My bf has this female friend that they hardly see each other because of distant but they text twice a week at least. She doesn't have any other friends and she got out of an abusive relationship with his help. She refused to meet me and when I ...
A. 20 June 2012: What makes him think that she’d do something as drastic as kill herself? Has she said something to indicate that this is the case? If so, those closest to her should indeed be informed. It’s not your boyfriend’s responsibility to save this girl. ... (read in full...)
She says she doesn't know why we broke up?
Q. Hello everyone, I met this girl late last year, just intended to be friends at first and didn't want a relationship, but it didn't take long for her to impress me enough that I knew I had to have her. It didn't take long for us to hit it off, ...
A. 20 June 2012: Well, how could you make it clear? It’s a confusing situation because she hasn’t been at all specific about why she broke it off. She doesn’t sound deceitful or manipulative from the way you describe her in your post, so that’s probably because she ... (read in full...)
Will he ever man up to her? Or am I a rebound?
Q. I hope this doesn't come off mean but I need a few questions answered Maybe someone has went through this. My boyfriend of 8 months left his wife n family to be with me. I rent from them and that's how I got to know him. He's been married for almost ...
A. 20 June 2012: Sorry but this relationship’s a disaster. Whatever he thinks of you, he’s not ready to let go of his ex and family yet, how long are you prepared to stick around to wait and see if he can let go? And won’t you always be looking over your shoulder ... (read in full...)
What are the UK laws involving sex at this age?
Q. ok i recently turned 16 and i dont know the laws on sex. i just want to know one thing i like this girl who is 15 now i dont want to go out with her because im scared about certain laws that i think are in place.( pedofilia i definatly dont want to ...
A. 20 June 2012: As others have rightly said, the age of consent is 16 which would make sex with this girl illegal. Actually, this gives you both a great excuse to really get to know each other first whilst sex is off the cards. You can date her, the prohibition on ... (read in full...)
I saw noticed my girl check out another guy, should I be worried?
Q. I saw noticed my girl check out another guy, should i be worried? Ok lets put it into perspective, yes iv checked out other girls, but not infront of her, difference is i dont 'want' or 'feel' the need to be with these other girls, i just lo...
A. 19 June 2012: Who isn’t paranoid? Well, actually most people would think that the extent of your paranoia is very unhealthy. And, if it’s honesty you want, you’re being a bit of a hypocrite. You love your girlfriend and don’t want to be with anyone else, but yet ... (read in full...)
My parents have banned me from sleeping with my boyfriend!
Q. hi, im 17 and have been with my boyfriend for 6 months, my parents found out we was sleeping in the same bed and have now banned me from staying there, i wanted to know if they are aloud to do that?...
A. 19 June 2012: Only been together 6 months and already sharing a bed? Why does getting to know each other and waiting a while seem so last century these days! Basically, if you don’t like their rules, you’d better find yourself some-where else to live. They have a ... (read in full...)
I might get dirty on the phone but I am not ready for sex!
Q. My boyfreind has been away for some time now,we do comunicate ,chat and get naughty on the phone(dirty).I am a virgin and he has made it clear that when he comes back his going to f*** me,now mi feel am not ready for sex,hw do i make undertand ...
A. 19 June 2012: Your boyfriend does not have the right to decide when he’ll have sex with you, you should not have sex until you’re ready. The only thing that you can do is to tell him that you’re not ready and do not want to have sex yet. There’s a big difference ... (read in full...)
I've scared myself to death about this upcoming surgery!
Q. Hi all agony aunts, this isn't a relationship question, but I really need help. I'm really stressed out. :( I'm moving 6 hours away to college this upcoming Saturday. Yesterday, I went to the eye doctor to get some new contacts, and find out I h...
A. 18 June 2012: The description of any procedure can be pretty gruesome. The thing you need to remember is that you will not be placed in the hands of some-one who’s “scissor happy,” but some-one who is trained and experienced. Of course the prospect of an ... (read in full...)
How can I overcome this persistent fear that my young cousins will one day suffer pain?
Q. Today, i was holding my cousin. He's only 6 months old, and the cutest, most smilely baby ever. And all i could think of was how terrified i was for him. I'm so scared he'll get bullied or something, and may become suicidal. I don't want him to ever ...
A. 18 June 2012: It’s normal to worry about those you love the most, even about things that might happen to them years ahead. However, I’m concerned that the extent of your fear is unhealthy and so I’d recommend that you follow the advice of IAmHeretoHelpYou and ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my wife that I cheated on her once?
Q. I need advice on an age old question. To tell or not to tell. I cheated on my wife one time. After 1 year of marriage. I felt horrible and vowed to never do it again. Promised myself I'd make up for it by being an amazing husband. And I have been....
A. 17 June 2012: It depends. Firstly, is she likely to find out? How likely is it that she’ll find out from some-one what happened. If it is likely, you should tell her first. If not, why tell her? You’ll only hurt her. If you have identified the reason for you past ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend asked me for a mmf threesome with my bestfriend
Q. My girlfriend's engaged friends starting having threesomes and this sprung curiosity in her.but As a result, she told me that she would like to have one with my best friend. I admit immaturity in my response, but I flipped the fuck out because the ...
A. 17 June 2012: You’re right to be cautious about multiple partners within a relationship. Bringing other partners in to a relationship, especially one which started exclusively, is very risky and can often lead to the ruin of a relationship. Why? For all kinds of ... (read in full...)
I'm a 40 year old virgin and do not want sex
Q. I am a 40 year old Virgin. And I do not understand how the rest of the human race can be so relaxed about something like sex! When the so called facts come out on T.V show '' most males lose it aged 16 '' 16 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I remmber being 16...
A. 16 June 2012: It’s great that you’re happy remaining a virgin, nobody should be disrespectful of the choice you have made not to have sex. However, some of your views about sex don’t really stack up: Firstly, you write that: “Females just have a hole,” presumably ... (read in full...)
He doesn't think of me when he mastubates!
Q. Hi all, I have a problem some people may find strange, my boyfriend said he thinks about me when he masturbates but only sometimes, he then went onto say he thinks about me when sitting at his desk or playing a quiz and to him that's more important ...
A. 15 June 2012: What’s the problem here? It’s not even the case that he doesn’t think about you whilst masturbating, he sometimes does. Maybe the rest of the time he doesn’t need to think of anything at all to get turned on. So why is that more important than the ... (read in full...)
I'd like advice on becoming a young parent
Q. Hi:) my question is about having children. I'm 17 years old,and have been in a relationship for just over a month. This is not my first relationship. I am,by no means,considering having a child right now,but in the near future,possibly. Me and my ...
A. 14 June 2012: You seem to have given a lot of thought to this, and, apart from the bit about the child being blessed because of the looks of its parents, which say nothing about their abilities as parents, you have some very sensible thoughts. What’s more, you ... (read in full...)
Can a Catholic date a Muslim?
Q. Hi i was like this girl at school but im a catholic and she's muslim is it ok if i ask her out and she said yes ? ...
A. 14 June 2012: Your question is a tricky one. Why? Because it will depend on not only what her religion teaches, but how strictly she and her family observe their religion. Consider Catholics for example: they are prohibited from sex before marriage, or even ... (read in full...)
What can I do to discourage this woman who's been having meaninless sex with my husband for two years?
Q. Hello, I'm dealing with my husband's infidelity right now.He's the best hubby in the world and I love him to bits.. Only one tiny little problem.He's been having a meaningless sex fling with this floosy for 2yrs.It's a lady I have to see on a regu...
A. 13 June 2012: So, the woman’s entirely to blame is she? Obviously your husband had no choice but to have sex with her because she’s so attractive, yes?
Come on! Your husband is choosing to cheat on you with this woman, and seems unashamed about it. Still, when... (read in full...)
Why won't he show he loves me in public?
Q. We've been together for 3 months now, and when we're alone, he always kisses me, and hugs me, cuddles me, and tells me he loves me. But when we're out and about, he doesn't do any of that - he'll only hold my hand when I hold his first, and he ...
A. 13 June 2012: I suspect that what’s going on is relatively easy to explain: your boyfriend is not keen on public displays of affection, lots of people aren’t. It doesn’t mean that they don’t love their partner, or are embarrassed by them. They just think that ... (read in full...)
I don't want to flirt with her again because she's already turned me down twice
Q. There's this girl that I used to fancy a couple months ago. I had a very intense crush on her, so I talked to her and asked her out. The first time she rejected me by saying that her boyfriend wouldn't want her to hang out with any other guys. The ...
A. 11 June 2012: Given that you asked her out twice, you’ve made it clear to her that you have feelings for her. She can’t reasonably expect you to make the first move every time, the ball is in her court now if she has changed her mind. Still, even if she does, ... (read in full...)
How do you cope moving far away from family to go to University?
Q. How do you cope moving far away from family to go to University? First off, I'm not the 'traditional' student. I'm 23, have a great relationship with my mom, not really into the whole being alone, living it up partying phase, I feel like I've ...
A. 9 June 2012: Certainly you should get your Mum to show you how to do these things for yourself before you leave, otherwise that’s going to be an additional difficulty for you. That problem is easy enough. It’s not that hard either: most people avoid washing ... (read in full...)
He cheated, and lied about it; I need advice!
Q. So last year my partner cheated so let me just start from there. Last April we were having difficultys in our relationship and we grew distant although we remained intimate and had sex things seemed off with us. Following that we had a night out he ...
A. 7 June 2012: I think the only way you can move on from this is to have an honest conversation with him and insist that you both get everything out in the open. This means that you will have to confront him with the evidence. Explain that lying about the cheating ... (read in full...)
Why do women seem to use alcohol as an excuse for random hookups?
Q. Women, Alcohol, and Sex Question. Thank you in advance for your responses. My wife has had sex with 60 men or so since before meeting me. Most of these were with guys she met out at a bar went home had sex or maybe actually set up on a date or two...
A. 5 June 2012: I don’t think your wife is blaming alcohol, she is simply saying that, were she sober and fully aware of her surroundings and in full control, she would not have had sex with these men. Perhaps she says this because, when she is sober, she realises ... (read in full...)
I'm over eating and trying my parents alcohol as a solution. Could it be depression doing this to me?.
Q. Hiya everyone, I'm feeling a little bit worried about myself recently as I've been feeling really down and miserable for no reason. I'm 16 and thought it was just my hormones but since I was 14 going on 15 I have always felt a little bit down and...
A. 2 June 2012: There is no exact way to diagnose depression other than by evaluating the symptoms: your mood swings, general disinterest, lack of motivation, anxiety and tiredness and fatigue are all indicators of depression, which means that you should go and see ... (read in full...)
Can I get a STD infection from having sex with 3 clean guys?
Q. I had sex with three guys unprotected the past 3 days drunk. I know they're all clean since I know all of them. My question is even though they're clean, can I contract a std from bodily fluid with 3 different guys in a short period of time. or some ...
A. 1 June 2012: You cannot catch a sexually transmitted disease, if all the guys you have had sex with are free from infection. Unfortunately, however, you can’t be sure of this: sometimes people can have an STD without symptoms, so they think they’re clean but ... (read in full...)
I'm married but involved with a 25 year Russian girl. How do I know if my feelings for her are true? How do I know if I still love my wife? Should I try having a baby with my wife to improve our marriage?
Q. How to start...I am 44 years old and have fallen in love with a 25 year old Russian girl who I met in Moscow while working there for 2 years. I am married (for 18 years) and my wife has never been able to have children. We have recently started...
A. 31 May 2012: Let’s break this down question by question then:
1) Your feelings for the Russian girl: You describe a sexual relationship, but was there any more to it than that or was it just about lust? Take away the sexual chemistry, and is there anything... (read in full...)
Are his comments about losing weight unreasonable?
Q. I need to know if I am over-reacting to this situation. My fiance are a happy couple, mostly. We've been together a couple of years now, and I feel that he accepts me for who I am and all my flaws. Except one. I have a hormonal condition that m...
A. 30 May 2012: I think it’s worth telling him that, whether he means to or not, you feel uneasy about the comments he has made. Sure, he might just be worried about you, but unfortunately when people are uncomfortable about their weight or any aspect of their ... (read in full...)
Is a marriage between two alcoholics more likely to survive?
Q. Can a marriage survive if both husband and wife are alcoholics. I continue to read that chances of a marriage to a substance abuser of any kind most likely will not last but, if both of them are alcoholics that possess the same characteristics, ...
A. 30 May 2012: If alcohol or drug abuse has taken over both of their lives, they may well be too absorbed in indulging their addictions to invest anything in to the relationship. So, they might just drift along together in a dysfunctional relationship for longer ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend controlling or just insecure?
Q. Sometimes I feel like my boyfriend acts like my father... if we spend time apart, he will often ask a lot of questions. I think he worries about me more than he should, because he is insecure and because I am so much younger than him. If I go ...
A. 30 May 2012: Asking questions isn’t itself controlling, it’s normal to take an interest in what your partner has been doing. But the sheer amount of questions he asks is a little worrying, and if he’s asking you if you’re seeing some-one else roughly once a ... (read in full...)
Am I right to be upset with my boyfriend for masturbating 3 times a week when we only have sex once or twice a week?
Q. Is it normal for a guy to masterbate 3 times a week even tho he has a girlfriend? And say your having sex once maybe twice a week. Does the girlfriend have a right to upset with him? ...
A. 30 May 2012: The extent to which men masturbate varies enormously from person to person, so that amount of masturbation is not abnormal. Perhaps your boyfriend has a high sex drive. Do you want to have sex more often? Have you spoken to him about this? Maybe he ... (read in full...)
Am I right to be jealous of my wife's new 'guy friend'? It goes so far that she even does his laundry!
Q. So, my wife and I have been married 12 yrs, and have always been admired for our relationship. About 6 months ago she started sharing her office with a single man, who quickly turned into her "guy friend". Since then, she's spent a lot of time ...
A. 29 May 2012: I think you need to explain to your wife that this is not about jealousy, or a lack of trust. It’s about the fact that, whilst she should of course have friends (male or female) and spend time with them, it’s important to make time for each other ... (read in full...)
My wife is pregnant, did she cheat on me and is having someone else's baby?
Q. My wife and I have been using the withdrawal method of birth control. If the timing works it is about 96% effective. While there were a few occasions several months ago where the timing may have been in question, this past two months, since her last ...
A. 29 May 2012: Where did you get your facts from? Doctors do not recommend the withdrawal method. The withdrawal method is not reliable, with a failure rate of between 15 and 28%. It can fail for many reasons, one of which being that sperm can be present before ... (read in full...)
What can I use my PhD to do next? Will I seem overqualified to enter good jobs in business?
Q. I'm currently feeling a bit lost and was hoping for some advice. I'm in my final year of a PhD in biochemistry (9 months left) and I'm not sure where I want to go next. I took the position because it was more or less offered to me on a plate at a ...
A. 29 May 2012: Anyone who’s spent any length of time in the world of academia, whether they left after attaining a degree or a PHD, will find it a big learning curve when they transition to the world of business. Firstly, congratulations on achieving so highly in ... (read in full...)
I feel awful that we had our first fight... what can I do from here?
Q. I have been seeing my lovely girlfriend for a couple of months and all has been great. She was with a bad guy before and i do treat her well, how she deserves and it's very sweet but she seems to think i am " the perfect guy" . We see each other m...
A. 28 May 2012: An argument like this can’t really get pushed aside without dealing with it. Firstly, she should apologise if she’s not already done so. Secondly, you need to have a conversation about trust in the relationship. You can’t continue with a ... (read in full...)
He comments on everyone's FB pics except mine??
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been going out for four months and we are friends on Facebook obviously. What bugs me is he has never liked or commented on any of my pictures but I see him commenting on my friends pictures saying things like "awww" and ...
A. 28 May 2012: Just a thought, but maybe it’s got something to do with the fact that he’s your boyfriend, so he sees you regularly enough anyway and prefers to compliment you to your face. It sounds very much like you’re sulking that he hasn’t made his every ... (read in full...)
I know I should give her space but I just cant let her go! How do I get her back?
Q. We were together for two years and known eachother for twenty. The anticipation built up and we didn't even know until we finally got together. We were so in love like nothing imaginable. Going to get married have kids the whole nine. I screwed up ...
A. 28 May 2012: I’m afraid you’re wrong. If she’s told you that there’s no way back, that’s pretty final, and because you can’t let her go, you’re behaviour is pushing her even further away. Ask her one final time, if you need to, whether there’s any way back for ... (read in full...)
Is simply being in love enough?
Q. So I used to date this girl for 3 years , 2 of which were sort of long distance. During that time we had our ups and downs and broke up a few times and always got back together. a few months back we broke up for the last time and she moved back h...
A. 28 May 2012: Whoever it was that invented that saying that “all you need is love” was a complete idiot. I’m afraid that being in love isn’t enough: people can want to be together, but their values, their expectations, their life circumstances and various other ... (read in full...)
Why is he commenting on how I don't stay over as much as he would like, when my life has always been this way?
Q. Had a good weekend with my boyfriend of 5 months but a couple of things he said has played on my mind. We are both in our 40s, I have a teenage child, he has no children. My home life is a little more chaotic than his and his mum still does his...
A. 28 May 2012: This is a little confusing. He says that he wishes you could stay longer, and more often, but judging by your post it doesn’t sound like this is for him a stumbling block in your relationship. Isn’t it a nice thing that he wishes he could spend more ... (read in full...)
What should I do? I apologized for making him angry
Q. I've been seeing a guy for a month or two. He was texting me some weird poetry. All I said was I hope you aren't faking it/ getting it from a book. As he's never said these things face to face to me. Then he cracked it and said its over. I ...
A. 28 May 2012: Forget him! That’s a ridiculous overreaction to a light-hearted comment. Even if he didn’t see the funny side, isn’t ending it a bit extreme? He’s either got anger issues, or he’s immature, or actually he’s not that serious about the relationship. ... (read in full...)
I've kissed over 50 guys on nights out and feel disgusted with myself!
Q. Ever since being in university I feel like i've lost my self respected, dignity and it makes me feel sick. I'm disappointed in myself for it... Basically, I keep kissing guys I meet on nights out! I've probably kissed just over 50 guys since being...
A. 28 May 2012: Your friends are right in that other students have done far more than you, but that’s not important. What’s important is how you feel about what you’re doing, and if you do feel shame about it, you should stop. But how? Well, don’t initiate kissing ... (read in full...)
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