| Latest articles: I'm a thoroughly modern brand of old-fashioned
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12 August 2016: I was particularly amused by a recent comment about my views. I was described as living in “the 1950s,” which I found highly amusing. But when I’d had my chuckle, I got to thinking: what would it be like to be stuck in the 50s? How does the ...
I hate cheating, but not as much as a failure to forgive
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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23 August 2015: IT’s been the story that hasn’t gone away all week. Ashley Madison sent journalists in to a spin trying to access the 9.7 gb of data leaked on to the internet, trying to find any public figures who may be embroiled in the scandal. Suspicious spouses ...
Childless by choice: please stop judging us
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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6 July 2015: This morning, as usual, I was perusing the questions on Dearcupid, when I stumbled across a question from a woman regarding her feelings about not wanting a child. Although I gave a comprehensive answer to the question, it touched a nerve with me, ...
On-line dating: my honest look
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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12 January 2014: On-line dating: my honest look Those who read my column with any regularity will know there is considerable absence of references to my personal life. I am, for the most part, keen to concentrate on advising because, good advice is good no matte...
Revenge is sweet: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that.
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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9 March 2013: REVENGE IS SWEET: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that. Revenge, they say, is sweet. Well British people have, if they have been following the news, witnessed a very public case in point to prove that the reverse can ...
Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies
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6 January 2013: Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies You may or may not know that in Ireland, the date of 6 January is known as Women’s Christmas (Nollaig na mBan). On this day, the tradition (still strong in parts of the country) is that men take responsibil...
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My daughter was cheating on her fiance with her best friend's father. How do I contain this situation?
Q. My 27 yr old daughter has recently admitted to me she's been cheating on her fiance with her best friend's dad, and she's thinking about ditching her fiance and marrying her best friend's dad. She admitted she was discreet about the affair. I am...
A. 17 August 2013: There are indeed a lot of issues here but you can’t do anything to stop your daughter. Is she still seeing this man? Or has she broke it off to work things out with her fiancé? She has indeed been reckless and utterly selfish, and has shown no ... (read in full...)
He is out of my league. What does he want from me?
Q. Dear all, I'm dating a guy whom I'm sure is out of my league. I just turned 26. I was born in Hong Kong and educated in England. I'd say I'm curvy but short. I have fair skin and big eyes which are considered good-looking by Asian standard. ...
A. 17 August 2013: You might think he’s out of your league, either because you’re lacking in confidence, or because you’ve not had some-one show such an interest in you before. But he obviously doesn’t think he’s too good for you, and he likes you. Don’t spoil this ... (read in full...)
Is there something wrong with me because I've been single for over a year?
Q. I need to know whats wrong with me! Im 22 My last serious relationship was over a year ago. My friends and family are pressuring me to get a new boyfriend and its really stressful.Even after all this time Im still not ready to commit to anyone ...
A. 17 August 2013: There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with people who have been single for many years or all their lives, let alone some-one single only for a year. You’re being made to feel inadequate by pressure from your family and friends and ... (read in full...)
I want him to feel love for me, not just lust!
Q. I m in a relationship with a guy...before dating him i was in love with someone else...but yet i m dating someone who i was friends with for 1 year. but i m not able to forget my past love. i want him desperately...but hes a complete ...
A. 17 August 2013: The only help anyone can give, unfortunately, is to tell you that you need to take a reality check. It’s hard loving some-one who doesn’t feel the same in return, of course it is. But you can’t make some-one feel differently, or hope that by ... (read in full...)
How do I get my children to talk to me again after I left their mother?
Q. I left my wife just over six months ago. Not for another woman, I still live alone, but we had been arguing for years and years about everything under the sun, and in the end I just got tired of it. I deliberately chose a flat not far from our ...
A. 14 August 2013: IF things are still civil between you and your wife, and you think she may be able to help get through to your kids, talk to her about helping you reconnect with them, if nothing else because it is in their interests to have a father in their lives. ... (read in full...)
B/f was bombarding me with drunken phone calls so I turned my phone off and he couldn't contact me when his gran died. He now hates me for not being there for him. How do I handle this?
Q. Hi. My boyfriend had a lot of financial stress and he started drinking heavily, then he would phone me for these stupid drunken conversations. I tried to help with money, emotional support, trying to arrange nice things to do that he din't have to ...
A. 11 August 2013: What everyone else has said here is absolutely correct. This is ridiculous, and lesson learned for your boyfriend: don’t drink, don’t behave like a fool, don’t show people no consideration whatsoever and then expect them to be there for you when ... (read in full...)
At 41 I'm still a virgin. What do ladies think of that?
Q. being a virgin at 41 Hi am a male am 41 and yes still a virgin I have never had a girlfriend never been in love is it cool to be a virgin at that age am shy with girls have no confidence ...
A. 11 August 2013: Why are you worrying whether or not people will think that your virginity at 41 is cool? You can’t change it anyway. And ladies that are worth your time would think you were a lot less cool were you to lose it on a one-night stand or, as some ... (read in full...)
The boyfriend, his ex and their child are going to the movies!
Q. Hey. This site always gives me great advice and I was wondering if you lovely people could give me your opinion. Dating boyfriend 1.5 years. He has a 6 year old daughter with an ex. Bit if history/ Seen as myself and my other half knew ...
A. 11 August 2013: I think that rather than confront him, this may serve as an opportunity for a broader conversation. Tell him you’d seen the text and assure him that if he’s going to see the ex he doesn’t need to keep this from you as you understand they’ll always ... (read in full...)
I asked out a girl at work and she backed out at the last moment. How do I act around her now?
Q. Hi all, mine is a simple question but really boggling for me. A girl at work has been real flirty with me for a while now, over two or three months. Finally i asked her out but at the last minute she flaked despite me earlier telling her that...
A. 11 August 2013: A little bit of advice: don’t tell a girl if she flakes you won’t respect her. Even if that’s what you think, keep it to yourself. It’s her choice whether or not to date you and if she feels uncomfortable with it, or doesn’t wish to date you again, ... (read in full...)
Should I have confronted a married man in a restaurant who kept staring at my pretty daughter?
Q. My 19 year old daughter is very pretty. She along with my wife and I went to a popular restaurant for dinner last week. As we were being seated I see this middle aged guy sitting with his wife and kids staring at my daughter, he didn't take his eyes ...
A. 11 August 2013: I am sure he was sufficiently embarrassed by the realisation that you’d noticed he was staring at your daughter. His wife might have twigged what he was up to anyway, and even if not what would you have achieved? You’d have embarrassed your wife and ... (read in full...)
Do I give up trying? Want to hang out with her. Are there better ways to interest a girl? How should I approach this situation?
Q. There is a girl that I really like and have very strong feelings for. We have talked every night and have become very close. We have also hung out numerous times. One night I kissed her and she was completely on board. I like her and she likes me...
A. 11 August 2013: You think it could work only because you’d rather be friends than nothing, or because you believe that if you spend enough time with her things will change. But in reality, you want to be her boyfriend and that’s not going to happen, so you’ll ... (read in full...)
I'd like to date again but I am in remission from cancer and worry every day that the cancer will return. How soon should I tell someone I'm dating about it?
Q. I am a 33 year old man who has been single for 2 years but I feel I am ready to get back out in the dating game again and see how it goes. However I am a little hesitant because of a possible terminal cancer diagnosis. Last year I was diagnosed ...
A. 8 August 2013: I usually try to give people some advice rather than simply re-direct them to counsellors, but in your case I think you would benefit from it. You are writing as if you actually have a terminal diagnosis: “How soon should I mention to a potential ... (read in full...)
I need to get over my insecurities.
Q. Im not sure where to start. I only had one serious girlfriend before my wife. Sure we had sex, but I was only 19, lived with my parents and she lived with hers. Our sexual activities were mostly in the backseat of my truck, with a few nights in a ...
A. 4 August 2013: I really do not understand why people push their partners to talk about what they’ve done in the past, when they really do not want to know the answers because they’re going to get upset by them. She was quite right not to want to tell you the ... (read in full...)
I'm a nice guy but not getting treated nicely relating to dating
Q. I've never had a gf in my life (well for a few weeks was the longest one). In my past, my date left me on prom night. I've had issues ever since then. It's nine years later, and I feel miserable at times. I see everybody with dates or getting ...
A. 4 August 2013: Hang on just a second! How are you not being treated nicely? You weren’t treated nicely by some-one 9 years ago, since then you’ve only been on 2 dates that didn’t work out. The rest of the time you’re meeting people you yourself wouldn’t date. You ... (read in full...)
Why am I wanting to have sex so much?
Q. For ages now I've been getting really horny, really easily! I mean, i went to see "The World's End" (the ending movie to the Simon Pegg and Nick Frost trilogy thingy) and I got really turned on in the meant to be funny fight scene in the pub ...
A. 4 August 2013: IT’s your age. Your body is going through a lot of changes and you’re awash with hormones, it really is as simple as that. You’ll hear a lot more about how sex-mad teenage boys are, because they talk about it more. But girls are the same. You’re ... (read in full...)
My ex and father of my children seems happier away from me. Will he come back when our 2nd child is born?
Q. So me and my ex broke up 5 months ago at first we were seeing each other and we were thinking about getting back together we have a son (1) yr n one on the way. We used to live together but everytime we argue he would leave the house take his ...
A. 4 August 2013: Having responsibilities for 1 child hasn’t stopped him being feckless and irresponsible enough to leave without giving you any means to contact him in relation to the child you have together, so I’m afraid I have to ask, what makes you think a ... (read in full...)
We broke up but when met up again and had sex. I'm confused about what he wants
Q. I dumped my ex about three weeks ago. Let me tell you why, he started saying he doesn't know how much longer we would be together because he doesn't like being chained down all the time. I took that as him saying he wants to see other people. I ...
A. 31 July 2013: Well if you want some advice it’s this: love doesn’t conquer all. Maybe you do love and care for each other, but your relationship ended because what you both wanted couldn’t be reconciled. Meeting up may stir up all kinds of emotions, but having ... (read in full...)
He said I should pay our bills because I don't have kids
Q. Hello Aunts and Uncles. My boyfriend is always short of money, I have to pay for our all our travel, the whole rent and he pays 1/2 our food. He says he can't afford any more because of maintenance for his daughter who is 8. I do not know what he ...
A. 31 July 2013: He wants you to take all the responsibility for the finances because he has children? No, that’s not on. Why should you foot the bills because he has a child? As for him finding work and struggling, I know it’s tough out there but how hard is he ... (read in full...)
I'd like to get married one day but since my stepsister died from HIV I have been terrified of men and dating
Q. I would like to get married again but I am afraid of all the diseases out there. My stepsister was a nice person with two kids and when she came up to visit she seemed really happy and was going back to school. She stayed not to far from my dad's ...
A. 29 July 2013: CMMP is absolutely right. There’s always a horror story. The truth is that what happened to your step sister is tragic and awful, but, although it must be cold comfort to you, also very rare. Also HIV is, increasingly, a chronic illness and far ... (read in full...)
How strange is it to feel relatively normal so soon after leaving a bad relationship?
Q. I left an abusive relationship about a month ago. In retrospect, I wonder why I put up with the screaming and cursing, the threats of violence, the baseless accusations of cheating, and the infliction of pain and discomfort (e.g., puckering up as ...
A. 27 July 2013: You’re feeling so normal because you’d already gone through a lot of the process of accepting the relationship had no future, whilst you were still in it. Walking away was actually the end stage of that process for you. It was a dysfunctional and ... (read in full...)
My neighbors are careless regarding security and have been consistently rude to me since I politely pointed this out to them
Q. I am pretty irate at the moment. I have new neighbours who I can refer to as hypersensitive. When they first moved into my building, their visitors used to leave the main building door open and this posed a major security risk. I even witnessed ...
A. 27 July 2013: She may have been holding out an olive branch but you’re perfectly entitled to politely tell her you’re in a rush.
The best you can do is remain polite, say hello when you pass them and make conversation if you get any response. As for the secu... (read in full...)
I'm with an alcoholic who goes back and forth between his ex and me
Q. I have been in a relationship with a man who is an alcoholic and drinks liquor and beer everyday.He has for 5yrs. now been going back and forth between his ex-girl friend and me.He'll be at my house one month,then at her house the next month.He ...
A. 27 July 2013: What on earth are either of you doing keep taking him back? Presumably she knows you’re his other woman too?
The short answer is that if you want to stop getting hurt, rid him from your life. That might be more painful in the short term, but he’s... (read in full...)
At what age did you really start to enjoy life?
Q. I turned 21 over the summer. I am single with no kids. I am a full-time college student and I will be graduating next year with a degree in accounting. I live at my parent's house, and I work part-time. I have never really felt so low and depressed ...
A. 27 July 2013: I think it’s normal to feel low and fed up sometimes when you’re following a work and study lifestyle that requires you to be disciplined, committed and hard-working. The trouble is this: it takes up so much of your time that when you’re struggling ... (read in full...)
I don't want to feel like I have to defend my boyfriend all the time!
Q. My bf and I have been together for a few months and have been friends for years. Within the past year I have experienced a deep depression and recently have felt better with my bf's support as well as time weekly with my therapist. There are time...
A. 26 July 2013: I’m sorry but I’m confused. Defend him over what? Are your homegirls criticising him, for example the way he treats you? If so, he obviously wants you to put them right if those criticisms aren’t valid, because perhaps he finds it hurtful to hear ... (read in full...)
Should I tell him off for giving my friend herpes?
Q. My friend had sex with this guy she hardly knew (we're on holiday) and firstly he stole her headphones and totally avoided her, but now she has got ulcers on her tonsils and it looks like herpes. Plus she has all the other symptoms like muscle ...
A. 10 July 2013: As others have already said, her condition needs to be diagnosed by some-one medically qualified to do so, otherwise you’re making an assumption that might not be correct. Even if it is, you should mind your own business. You haven’t said anything ... (read in full...)
How can I get my son's father to see him more often??
Q. I've been practically begging my son's father to see him more often/call/anything-to no avail. He treats me like I'm nagging and then accuses me of making it sound like he doesn't love or care about his son. He sees him about twice a month. We...
A. 10 July 2013: You’re right not to try and reconcile for the child’s sake. Lots of people do this, or refuse to leave a relationship that’s clearly broken beyond repair, thinking it’s best for the child and it really isn’t.
I’d want to know what the reasons are ... (read in full...)
Did we miss important steps by having intercourse?
Q. Hello cupids! By the way, thankyou for taking the time to read and hopefully answer some of my questions! I will explain as best as I could. So, my boyfriend and I have known each other for 4 years and have been together for a month now. He's 23 ...
A. 9 July 2013: These things don’t follow a rigid formula, or sequence. There’s that old favourite of bases, did you get to base 1, 2 or whatever. IT’s ridiculous. You may have found intercourse easier to cope with than other forms of sexual pleasure such as ... (read in full...)
I finally told my girlfriend about all the concerns I've been holding back. Was I an idiot? Should I have just kept my mouth shut and carried on?
Q. My Long-term GF Leah and I have split up, at least for a while. We've been together just over 7 years now, had a couple of bumps down the road, but nothing we couldn't overcome. I met her in college the opposite side of the country where I'...
A. 9 July 2013: You were not an idiot, you did the right thing. You can’t go on allowing resentment to simmer away indefinitely, eventually this would have all come out and boiled over so it’s better you told her rather than allow this to destroy your relationship ... (read in full...)
We've been together a week and now he wants to have sex! I don't know what to do!
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for a week now, he is asking me for sex ,we are both 14, i dont know what to do can you help me? x ...
A. 9 July 2013: It’s illegal, both of you are too young. You’re obviously not ready and even if you thought you were it’s not possible. No boy who will treat you with any respect should expect sex after just a week. Tell him no and don’t allow him to put any ... (read in full...)
I'm scared my boyfriend will leave me for someone with a bigger dick
Q. Hi I have a boyfriend (I'm gay) and we've been dating for a good while now and are very committed to each other. When we have sex normally both of us get off and we kind feed off each other's energies. We constantly tell each other how much we love ...
A. 9 July 2013: Is size really all that matters?
This fear sounds like it isn’t based on anything rational: there is no evidence whatsoever that he would wish to leave you. You describe a clear satisfaction with your sex life, which from what you say, he seem... (read in full...)
Should I believe he doesn't really want to be with her? Or should I accept that he lied to my face and move on?
Q. My last year in college I met this guy who is only a year younger than me but 2 years behind me academically because of where his birthday falls. He and I got along well and were always friendly when we saw each other but didn't hang out. I ju...
A. 9 July 2013: You don’t knowh for sure that he lied, but regardless, there’s still cause for concern here. He may see her attractive qualities and the things that some-one else may like about her, without being attracted to her himself. But the point is this: if ... (read in full...)
I thought I was gay but now I'm confused!
Q. Hi:) i'm 16 and I'm extremely unsure about my sexuality. Ive been certain since I was 13 that I was 110% gay. But recently I've been questioning it. I've never had a full on crush on a guy before and I have these weird dreams that indicate that I am ...
A. 27 May 2013: I agree with CMMP. Many people make the mistake of rushing to give themselves a label, which they later question. “But I thought you were gay? So what are you now?”
Trust me it’s not worth the bother. You do not need to rush to attach a desc... (read in full...)
I want this older man but his wife is fighting tooth and nail to keep him!
Q. hi i just want to know what you all think i should do about this situation. im 23 and i met a guy at work, we have been talking alot, and he watches me when i work, i work in the office on the second floor and he works at the desk on the first floor ...
A. 27 May 2013: Assuming you have thought about the significant age gap and all the problems that could create further down the line (well outlined in previous post), I can’t see what you’re asking. IT’s not like he’s promising to leave his wife, but dithering and ... (read in full...)
My only problem with him is his parents!
Q. Let me start by saying my partner and I are 27 and 28. We have pretty much the perfect relationship. We never argue, fight, lie or hide anything from eachother. We are so happy together. We have had problems in the past from outside influences but ...
A. 19 May 2013: They are being totally unreasonable. It’s clear that you have shown great sensitivity towards them, and understanding of the fact that they are acting out of love for their son, or at least have done in the past, so that you have not reacted badly ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants to call me a different name during sex!
Q. Ok so now my Long term boyfriend has asked if he could call me by another girls name during sex. Im very uncomfrotable and seriously am thinking of breaking us up. Is this normal??? And then when I told him no he went soft during sex. Lost his hard ...
A. 19 May 2013: This is odd. Firstly, if the alternative name he wants to use has no significance at all I can’t understand why he would want to use it. If it does have significance to him, what is it? Is it the name of another girl he likes? Is it the name of an ... (read in full...)
Was it my fault that she broke up with me? Was I wrong falling in love with a recovering alcoholic?
Q. Hi, I keep hearing I should have left her alone during her tweive step program, but we were together for three months. I don't know if she drank before I picked her up to go dancing, movies, walks in the parks, trips, picnics. I stopped drinking...
A. 19 May 2013: It wasn’t anyone’s fault. If you’re looking for some-one to tell you whether you should be trying very hard to forgive yourself, then yes I can do that for you. She was going through a huge transition in her life, quitting her addictions. She wasn’t ... (read in full...)
Anyone else really hate pick-up artists?
Q. I've never been remotely interested in a guy like that. It just absolutely puts me off. It's like someone knows I wouldn't be interested in him if he acts like his normal self, so he has to put on a "front" and try manipulative mind games like ...
A. 18 May 2013: Quite simply, if it doesn’t feel right for you, leave it. That’s the reality of meeting and dating. But remember that men can be just as confused about what a girl wants to see as women can about what guys want. Don’t rush to judge some-one who may ... (read in full...)
I'm a strippper, attractive and fit so why does my boyfriend still watch porn?
Q. so i am 18 years old, my fiance is 26. we have been together for a few years and we have a pretty good sex life. generally at least once a day. im just wondering why he wants to continue looking at porn when he has me. (i'm a stripper) i'm extremel...
A. 18 May 2013: He may well be so used to it now that he is addictive to it-porn has an addictive quality all too often, unfortunately. It may be that he has a high sex drive and so uses the porn for extra stimulation on top of the active sex life you enjoy ... (read in full...)
He "wants to bang other girls"
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together a year at the end of this month. He went on a "rugby tour" with alot of his rugby friends about a week ago, and since then a lot of his people have been saying to me "I just want to bang other girls" now until ...
A. 18 May 2013: You are probably reading too much in to it. IT doesn’t sound like he was referring to females that he knows, for example his or your female friends. He probably made the throw away comment to show off in front of his friends, maybe a little drunk, ... (read in full...)
At the moment, I am not ready for a threesome to happen in our relationship. My Bf would like it to happen. How long into a relationship before agreeing to it?
Q. Hi, Ok I would love some fair and informative advice here on my boyfriend wanting to have a FFM threesome. We have been going out with each other for 8 months and moved in together three months ago. At the beginning of the relationship he...
A. 18 May 2013: How long is a piece of string?
You’re asking the wrong question. The answer is however long it takes you to feel ready and to want it. Baring in mind you are already struggling with jealousy and insecurity issues, the idea of introducing some... (read in full...)
How can I walk away from this relationship without hurting myself?
Q. I have a boyfriend for already four years. The second year into our relationship he was not working and it aggravated me because it brought alot of problems. Eventually I got so annoyed, I went back to NY (we had moved to California) to just get ...
A. 12 May 2013: Do you think you will be hurt then if you walk away? You sound pretty fed up and very unhappy with this relationship anyway. You might feel some sadness because you’re leaving some-one you’ve been with for a long time and he may be hurt by this, but ... (read in full...)
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