| Latest articles: I'm a thoroughly modern brand of old-fashioned
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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12 August 2016: I was particularly amused by a recent comment about my views. I was described as living in “the 1950s,” which I found highly amusing. But when I’d had my chuckle, I got to thinking: what would it be like to be stuck in the 50s? How does the ...
I hate cheating, but not as much as a failure to forgive
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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23 August 2015: IT’s been the story that hasn’t gone away all week. Ashley Madison sent journalists in to a spin trying to access the 9.7 gb of data leaked on to the internet, trying to find any public figures who may be embroiled in the scandal. Suspicious spouses ...
Childless by choice: please stop judging us
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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6 July 2015: This morning, as usual, I was perusing the questions on Dearcupid, when I stumbled across a question from a woman regarding her feelings about not wanting a child. Although I gave a comprehensive answer to the question, it touched a nerve with me, ...
On-line dating: my honest look
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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12 January 2014: On-line dating: my honest look Those who read my column with any regularity will know there is considerable absence of references to my personal life. I am, for the most part, keen to concentrate on advising because, good advice is good no matte...
Revenge is sweet: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that.
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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9 March 2013: REVENGE IS SWEET: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that. Revenge, they say, is sweet. Well British people have, if they have been following the news, witnessed a very public case in point to prove that the reverse can ...
Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies
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6 January 2013: Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies You may or may not know that in Ireland, the date of 6 January is known as Women’s Christmas (Nollaig na mBan). On this day, the tradition (still strong in parts of the country) is that men take responsibil...
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Is a water infection a STI?
Q. My wife cheated on me a month ago, we are working on things and hopefully will be able to move on from this. However she now has a water infection, is this an STI? How do you get a water infection?...
A. 24 August 2012: In women Urinary Tract Infections are common and it is definitely not an STI. However your wife should, if she’s had sex with some-one else, get an STI check anyway. It’s important to remember that an STI may present no symptoms but needs to be ... (read in full...)
I made a sex joke about her mom
Q. Hi agony aunts :) well I'm having more problems with my girlfriend. Last night she was angry with me because I made a sex joke about her mom. We got into a huge argument and she told me I wasn't funny, I take things too far, yada yada. And I wasn't ...
A. 24 August 2012: Perhaps you should apologise for the joke. Do you think most people would find a sex joke about their mother entertaining? IT sounds like it was very inappropriate. However, her statement that she doesn’t feel you should be together but is not ... (read in full...)
After ten years of marriage, I find out my husband has had an affair.
Q. I am writing because I need advice. After 10 years of marriage and two kids of ages 8 and 2, I found recently that my husband was having an affair. I kicked him out of the house but now I want him back. My husband now blames me for our split and ...
A. 21 August 2012: Your husband is an utterly selfish man and I’m afraid the harsh truth is that there’s no way back for your marriage. If he loved you, he wouldn’t be so cruel as to try and convince you that his affair was your fault: he chose to have an affair, and ... (read in full...)
Ffacebook issue with my LDR. Help Please!!!!!
Q. So, Im here in need of advice =) My ldr girlfriend and i are happy, i love her and she loves me. We ve been together for 3 months and I just came back from a trip to europe to see her, mom and some of her friends and she doesnt like the idea to ...
A. 21 August 2012: Not everyone likes to post every detail of their lives on Facebook: for some people, a relationship, their photos, their travel history, family life, career and all kinds of other information are private and they don’t want absolutely everyone to ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to sleep with other women while I'm trying to get over her?
Q. I was recently rejected by my best friend. I'm doing the best I can to get over it (mostly by trying to get with as many women as I can so I don't look totally pathetic to her), but it's hard to care about anyone else because I'm still in love with ...
A. 21 August 2012: It’s not wrong, if you’re not being dishonest to these women about your intentions: if it’s just sex, and they understand that, you’ve not misled anyone. However, your thinking is wrong: sleeping around isn’t going to impress this friend that ... (read in full...)
Does being a stay at home mom mean I have no say in this relationship??
Q. Do I have no say over anything because I am a stay at home mom and I don't make any money? Does that give my husband the right to act anyway he wants because he is the sole bread winner and I just have to except all the things he does.. He can ...
A. 20 August 2012: O really? So does his house magically clean itself? Does his dinner appear on the table out of thin air? Are his children looked after by the fairy godmother whilst you sit around at home all day doing nothing? His attitude is very poor: he doesn’t ... (read in full...)
I slept with my best friend's girl (whom I've been in love with since the day we met) Now she has broken up with him, should I come clean with him about what happened?
Q. Hey readers. I really need your help. My bestfriend introduced me to his girlfriend a year ago. I instantly found her attracive, she is so beautiful. When I began talking to her even her voice was beautiful. I have always had a crush on her but 2 ...
A. 20 August 2012: You need to accept the possibility that, if you do take things further with this girl, your friendship with your friend may well be a casualty of that decision. You mightn’t be able to have it all. There is no point sneaking and lying for months, if ... (read in full...)
Does he love me as much as he says he does? Am I his only one or am I just another one???
Q. HELP!!!! I get alot of attention from boys at school and most of them are in my form but usually I ignore it and just think of them as my close friends I have a really good looking boyfriend in another form and some of his friends have told me i'm '...
A. 20 August 2012: Remember that the attention that he gets from other girls isn’t what’s important. What matters is how he chooses to deal with it, and just like you shrug off attention from other boys, he’s doing exactly the same thing with these other girls that ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong that I feel bad that he'd rather see me, when his friend came all that way to see him?
Q. I've been with my partner for just under a year, we've been friends for two. Yesterday a friend of his who he hasn't seen for a year due to living the other side of the world came to our town. He didn't really know what time he was meeting ...
A. 20 August 2012: If you were making it difficult for him to see his friend, that would be out of order. However, you shouldn’t feel bad in this case because you weren’t stopping him from spending more time with his friends, so don’t blame yourself for any of this. ... (read in full...)
If your boyfriend was going away for college and he was living with two girls, would you be paranoid?
Q. Hey Everyone, Okay, I'm going to get right to the point...if your boyfriend was going away for college and he was living with two girls, would you be mad/paranoid? Now if you're willing to read some of our background..here it is, otherwis...
A. 19 August 2012: There’s no one rule for all guys, just as there is no one rule for girls. A man can live with girls without anything sexual happening, especially when he’s in love with some-one else, which it sounds like this guy is, with you! It’s slightly unusual ... (read in full...)
I still love her. We have a child together. How can I get over the fact that she has rejected me? It hurts.
Q. Hello all Last April my partner of 7 years suddenly broke off our relationship, saying she no longer felt happy. She had been going to see a therapist about her life in general, and ending our relationship seemed to be part of what she felt sh...
A. 19 August 2012: There are no easy answers, unfortunately. It does sound like she is sending you mixed messages, which isn’t helpful at all. If you’re ever going to deal with this, you firstly need to know where you stand and what the situation is, yet she is making ... (read in full...)
How do I answer this question? He's asked me to be his FWB.
Q. I've known this guy for 2 years, we're not best friends but we're good friends. I'll stop by and see him at work, or he'll do the same for me. But last night our mutual friend stranded us both, and we got to talk. In the meantime he said that he...
A. 19 August 2012: Don’t rush to give him an answer. Take your time and think this through. Would this really help you to move on more quickly from your recent relationship breakup? Or would you actually be substituting meaningless sex for dealing with your emotions ... (read in full...)
I realized life is short, made a bucket list but don't have the money to do things!
Q. I don't really know how to say all this but, I'm 17 and would like a little advice. In May 2011 I almost lost my mother, she was fighting for her life and thankfully made it! In November 2011, I lost my grandad, this was a complete shock a...
A. 16 August 2012: You don’t need to rush to do all these things, you have years ahead of you. Are you working or in education? If the latter, perhaps you might like to get a weekend or evening job to start earning. It’s a good idea to start saving and learning to ... (read in full...)
I'm scared he will turn out like his dad. What can I do to help?
Q. i am dealing with my great nephew who is headed down a long hard path. he is 14 years old. his mother died of a sucide 8 years ago, his dad remarried after several relationships and pretty much through his kids to the wind. he is now in prison and i ...
A. 16 August 2012: However hard you try, he’s too old for you to be able to make him do anything. He needs to see sense off his own back. You can, however, tell him that you expect him to abide by your rules, which includes being treated with respect.
So, if you c... (read in full...)
Why did he do this? He has blocked my number, blocked me from his facebook and on other social network site
Q. Dear Cupid My bf of 2 years always put me down whenever he talks to me, he talks as if im invalid, good for nothing,uses me just for my money. I had enough and i told him im not going to call him anymore. I thought he might chnage his ways...
A. 16 August 2012: You’ve broken up, so what do you expect? He obviously doesn’t want to change, he’s accepted that the relationship is over and now you should do the same. Breaking up with some-one isn’t a good way to make them change their ways: you can’t force ... (read in full...)
What can I do? Things seem troubled and I am not sure I want to be his partner any more
Q. Hello and thank you for reading this. I'm not sure if I want to be with my partner anymore. My fiance and I have been together for 13 months, and are renting a room together this friday (moving in together) My fiance is kind to my family and ...
A. 15 August 2012: You’re in denial about how serious this is. Biting you, standing on your foot and slapping you is physical abuse, and do you want to wait and see if it gets worse? Instead, pay attention to the red flags that are all over the place here: he’s ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend fondles himself constantly
Q. My boyfriend has this habit of fondling his penis all the time. Even in non-sexual situations like when he's reading a book or just having a drink, he has his hand on his penis, fondling it or playing with it. It embarrasses me since he does it ...
A. 13 August 2012: This obviously needs addressing because it sounds like he’s doing this all the time even when it’s inappropriate. Most people can control themselves enough to know that there’s a time and a place. When you confront him, what does he say? The first ... (read in full...)
My brother left his wife for a younger woman -- and it looks like he's in over his head
Q. help! my brother left a perfect marriage with a woman who treated him like he was some kind of king. for a girl half his age. this girl moved in with him, she doesnt work. hes always taking her to the golf courses, takes her out to eat almost ...
A. 12 August 2012: Two things: as far as money goes, he needs to get specialist financial advice to make the repayment of his debts manageable, and he needs to look at tightening the belt because he’s obviously been living beyond his means, not helped by a girlfriend ... (read in full...)
Why do I feel this way? Advice needed!
Q. I started dating this guy back in May. He is a great guy and I know I care about him, but I always get this feeling in the back of mind if we really should be together. When we are together everything seems great, but when we're not I get random ...
A. 12 August 2012: It’s quite normal for people to question their life, it may even be a good thing because sometimes people stick with relationships that don’t work because they never think about whether they’d be better off under different circumstances. The thing ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend's behavior normal or did he just use me?
Q. Dear cupid I am in LDR with my bf for past few months. I stay in a different country cause of work. I traveled 2 weeks before to my place to visit my parents and my bf. We had a very good time. He asked me to buy him few stuff from here, whi...
A. 12 August 2012: You’ve got some pretty big issues in this relationship if you think that you’re being used because, on one occasion, he didn’t phone you. Did you say your good-byes the night before? Perhaps he just thought he’d leave you to it with a stressful ... (read in full...)
Are the fights between my wife and me just a veiled passive-aggressive fight to be the one to "wear the pants" in our relationship?
Q. My wife is awesome, smart, beautiful, an amazing mother, and a accomplished ballerina. I love her with my entire being. I'm confident she feels that same love for me We have one big issue to tackle and it is a matter of pride and control ---...
A. 12 August 2012: It may be a contest for control, but it is ultimately caused by the both of you having unconditional confidence in the belief that your way is the right way. It’s not about trying to assert dominance, it’s an inability or refusal to try and see the ... (read in full...)
To wish impossible things, What do you think of this situation?
Q. Love is a fickle thing sometimes. I love my friend, have for the past 7 years, but he doesn't love me. Recently, I introduced him to my best friend since childhood; they get along well together. Too well, as I found out about a week ago. A...
A. 12 August 2012: Well, you’ve figured it out already haven’t you? You do indeed need to move on. This guy has done nothing to give you false hope: letting you rest on his shoulder on the bus isn’t a flirtatious gesture. You’re just reading too much in to his actions ... (read in full...)
I'm going through a messy custody battle ....
Q. I'm going through a custody battle with my ex. I was experiencing fanancial difficulties so stupidly asked my ex if he could have the children live with him until I had a tax rebate. After 2 weeks my money provlems were sorted so asked for them back ...
A. 12 August 2012: Frankly everyone seems to be forgetting the impact this must be having on your poor children. It’s not about you, your ex or your boyfriend, who by the way needs to keep his temper under control or your ex is going to get good ammunition to use ... (read in full...)
Our relationship ended for good, He doesn't want to talk any more, What should I do?
Q. I know this is going to be long but please help me with your inputs, advice , and kind words. Hello Everyone, I just broke up with my scorpio man. We have broken up before but made up right away. This time was really for real though because ...
A. 12 August 2012: “I don’t deserve this.” You seem to excuse all of your silly behaviour: sending private information to your friend about him, then pretending to be texting another guy. Frankly, the conclusion that comes out of this is that two people who are as ... (read in full...)
I've never been turned down for sex in the middle of the night, I feel hurt! Am I over reacting?
Q. I'm so hurt it's unbelievable. I live with my boyfriend but went away abroad with my mum and sister for a week and got back last night. everyday we called and texted a lot, he told me all the time how he missed me and couldn't wait to see me. I've ...
A. 12 August 2012: Stop being so utterly ridiculous, selfish and childish. How would you feel if he started crying and saying he was hurt whenever you didn’t feel in the mood for sex. You’d probably expect him to respect your feelings and the fact that you just ... (read in full...)
Should I write this letter to my ex? My friend says no. But I think he deserves it.
Q. I have so much to say to my ex... nothing bad. He was a gentleman til the very end and I wanted to thank him and tell him how sorry I am for not putting my all into the relationship. It will be a kind letter and let him know that maybe our pa...
A. 11 August 2012: Your friend has given you good advice. Whilst you might want to let him know about your own regrets, what about him? It might make you feel better, but if he is trying to move on with his life it might have exactly the opposite effect on him. Don’t ... (read in full...)
We broke up but are still FWB. So why was he so outraged at the thought of me dating others?
Q. My ex-boyfriend and I have not been in a relationship together for about two months, but we continued to sleep together and hang out. Technically since I’m single I thought it was ok to sleep with other people. I mentioned it to him and he was furi...
A. 11 August 2012: A classic case of the numerous problems with FWB arrangements, especially where there was previously an emotional relationship. You can’t jump from a relationship to FWB, it just doesn’t work. Why on earth would you want him to forgive you? You’re ... (read in full...)
How can I stop my ex asking me for money?
Q. hi. my ex girlfriend keeps asking me for money for fags and food because i live at home and have no bills to pay and she has her own place with bills and rent but isnt working, she on benefits. she is an ex who i have never lived with and wasnt ...
A. 11 August 2012: If you reply, regardless of what you actually write, she’s going to keep contacting you and pestering you for money, which of course you shouldn’t give to her: she should get a job and earn her own. Call her, tell her that she’s getting no money out ... (read in full...)
When we broke up people reckoned he was scared, Now hes moved on, what can I do to get him back
Q. Basically theres a guy I fell in love with years ago, when we finally got together it wasn't a proper relationship, I'm not the most confident person and neither is he, not with me anyway. With other girls and relationships he fine but with me he ...
A. 11 August 2012: Leave them be. You mightn’t want to come between them but you would probably end up doing so anyway. You could spend ages hoping for something that might never happen, something that it seems will never happen. I suggest you leave them alone and try ... (read in full...)
What else could I have said or done when he was unable to perform? We'd been partying and he was drunk.
Q. I tried to hook up with this guy i've been seeing but he couldn't get it up. We'd been out partying, so it was pretty late and he was drunk. The foreplay went on for ages. I just want to know if there is anything I could do (if it happens agai...
A. 11 August 2012: Don’t bother trying again whilst he’s drunk, that was probably the reason why he wasn’t able to rise to the occasion. If he’s sober and it happens again, just reassure him that it’s okay and carry on with foreplay. Are you looking for a relationship ... (read in full...)
Ladies: Is it right that I be treated like I have the plague for being a socially inept, shy and awkward 42 year old virgin?
Q. Hi, I am a socially awkward, socially shy, 42-year-old virgin and am wondering how ladies across the spectrum would view such a situation? I can learn but should I be treated like I have the plague? ...
A. 11 August 2012: In what way are you treated like you have the plague? If you’ve not had relationship success, it may be because you are shy and don’t come off as interested, or it may be that you’ve just been unlucky in not meeting some-one by now. That doesn’t ... (read in full...)
I asked her out in 2010. She refused. Since then she will not speak to me. Is it now time to confront her on her Ostracism of me?
Q. My friend stopped talking to me after she rejected me, I'm not sure what to do My friend said no when I asked her out. It makes sense that she stopped talking to me too. I guess I expected it when it happened, but that was December 2010. I mean I d...
A. 11 August 2012: After such a long time, you’re best off just trying to move on. It’s a shame that she’s chosen to behave like this, rather than realise that asking her out was a hard thing for you to do, and at least trying to keep the friendship going. Confronting ... (read in full...)
Am I over-reacting or is he trying to confuse me? After he's been away a few day he changes.
Q. Here is the deal. My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months about to go on 8. I'm 19 and he is 22. For his job he goes out of town a lot. Well, for the first couple days he is gone he is so sweet, caring, and acts like he did when I fi...
A. 10 August 2012: Do you really need to be called beautiful and told he’s missing you all the time? Like you said, you’re passed the honeymoon stage now. It’s obviously something he feels is private and so he prefers not to say those things when his colleagues and ... (read in full...)
Could my marriage be ending before it even started?!
Q. Hello people! My marriage is currently in a critical state. I separated/strategically ran away from my husband after 5months of our marriage. That short duration was clouded with misunderstandings, i saw his mean, self centred, unempathitic, ...
A. 10 August 2012: You say in your post that you had sleepless nights fearing for your life, and that his actions were extreme. If we’re talking about extreme controlling behaviour, or violence, you should not go back to him. Did you feel unsafe, or just insecure? You ... (read in full...)
What is wrong with me, do I regret my decision?
Q. Hello everyone I'm Jasper, i'm 18 years old and live in Belgium. A month ago I broke up with my girlfriend after begin together for a year and three months. When we were together i had periods of nausea and after a while I discovered that ...
A. 10 August 2012: If you did not want to be in a relationship with this girl anymore, you did the right thing being honest. Sometimes people can’t always put in to words why something’s not right, they simply know that it is. How exactly did you conclude that anxiety ... (read in full...)
I scared off my partners friend's while they were visiting now my partners mad at me! what should I do?
Q. Dear All, My partner and I have been together a year and live in the UK together. Our flat is seriously tiny, with only one bedroom, but he invited three of his friends to stay with us for a week when they came from Brazil, his home country. ...
A. 10 August 2012: Explain to your partner that you didn’t intend to drive his friends away, and that you did not want things to turn out like this. However, you should also tell him that you acted out of frustration because you didn’t feel that they were being very ... (read in full...)
I love being a step mom, but we're having trouble with my partner's ex. Advice needed!
Q. My partner and I are engaged to be married next year, I have a daughter from a previous relationship and he has a daughter from a previous relationship. The children have really bonded and we are happy as a family, the problem is his ex. When the ...
A. 10 August 2012: Instead of going for full custody, first get some legal advice about this situation, to find out whether she is failing to comply with any agreement or order that is legally binding and what could be done to enforce such agreements. Once you know ... (read in full...)
Mixed signals from ex are really confusing me.
Q. A confusing scenario, probably simply answered by you guys, and girls, one of my ex girlfriends, who absolutely without a doubt does not want to be with me any longer, has moved on, but shows up when her and her mom or her boyfriend get into an ...
A. 10 August 2012: She’s playing games, I’m afraid. She wants to move on and come back to you whenever it suits her, and this is why you’ll only hear from her when she has an argument with her new boyfriend. Do you still have feelings for her? She probably thinks that ... (read in full...)
I don't want to lose my dad, but he doesn't have the will to live. I just need some advice.
Q. I owe my life to my dad; I know I do and he wants nothing of it. I know this post is long but please, the details are needed. I need you all to understand the fact that I can't not live without my dad in my life. He's done everything for me under ...
A. 10 August 2012: This is a tough situation. The problem you face is that it seems that your Dad has decided that, from his point of view, he’s had all that he needs or wants out of life, and because he’s reached that stage where he could die a fulfilled man, he ... (read in full...)
What do you think of this situation?
Q. Hi I just need a bit of help regarding this situation I met a man almost 2 years ago I fell for him almost immediately but not I realise he conned me into a fwb at forst he told me places we would go he was really loving saw him everyday for a month ...
A. 10 August 2012: If he says he wants to talk, you should hear him out. Find out what he’s got to say for himself and then you’ll know what the situation is and what it means for you. He might have lost interest, he might just be busy. Or he wants things to get more ... (read in full...)
I don't understand why my ex is ignoring me?
Q. why is my ex ignoring me? :( me and my ex broke up about 2 and a half months ago, at the time it was because we didn't have the time to see each other enough and had a massive argument about it, but i've since found out he was/ is scared of commitme...
A. 10 August 2012: He’s ignoring you because, remember, you cut the contact in the first place and now he’s doing exactly what you wanted and you’re unhappy about being ignored. Whilst I understand that you’re concerned for him, you might appear to be playing games ... (read in full...)
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These are mutual friends, so *o nonsense Aidan has
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