| Latest articles: I'm a thoroughly modern brand of old-fashioned
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12 August 2016: I was particularly amused by a recent comment about my views. I was described as living in “the 1950s,” which I found highly amusing. But when I’d had my chuckle, I got to thinking: what would it be like to be stuck in the 50s? How does the ...
I hate cheating, but not as much as a failure to forgive
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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23 August 2015: IT’s been the story that hasn’t gone away all week. Ashley Madison sent journalists in to a spin trying to access the 9.7 gb of data leaked on to the internet, trying to find any public figures who may be embroiled in the scandal. Suspicious spouses ...
Childless by choice: please stop judging us
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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6 July 2015: This morning, as usual, I was perusing the questions on Dearcupid, when I stumbled across a question from a woman regarding her feelings about not wanting a child. Although I gave a comprehensive answer to the question, it touched a nerve with me, ...
On-line dating: my honest look
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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12 January 2014: On-line dating: my honest look Those who read my column with any regularity will know there is considerable absence of references to my personal life. I am, for the most part, keen to concentrate on advising because, good advice is good no matte...
Revenge is sweet: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that.
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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9 March 2013: REVENGE IS SWEET: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that. Revenge, they say, is sweet. Well British people have, if they have been following the news, witnessed a very public case in point to prove that the reverse can ...
Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies
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6 January 2013: Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies You may or may not know that in Ireland, the date of 6 January is known as Women’s Christmas (Nollaig na mBan). On this day, the tradition (still strong in parts of the country) is that men take responsibil...
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Why does my married lover remain with his wife if they've stopped sexual relations with each other?
Q. Been with my married lover for a few years now and the other night I asked him if he was sleeping with his wife? He didn't like me asking because I have kept mentioning it, anyway he said he didn't and if he was to cuddle his wife she would be ...
A. 28 October 2015: I endorse completely everything YouWish has said to you. She’s right: the more restless you get, the more likely you are to get unceremoniously dumped and thrown on the side-lines so he can try and reconcile with his wife. The reason why he doesn’t ... (read in full...)
Should I say something to this guy's girlfriend about what transpired between us?
Q. So, a few years ago I was at a friend's birthday party. I was several weeks post-break up and very narrowly missed possible rape that evening. I was very shaken up. There was a friend who started comforting me - we talked through the night before ...
A. 27 October 2015: I agree, let this go. This was a very long time ago. There is nothing between you now and, frankly, it was only a bit of a kiss and a cuddle anyway. Neither you nor he have done anything wrong so there isn’t anything his girlfriend needs to know. ... (read in full...)
How do you cope with the social pressure to get a girlfriend?
Q. I'm 27 and haven't been in a relationship. Although, I'm average looking enough that I probably could be if I wanted to. But more and more people around will tell me to get into a relationship: my parents, my siblings, and my friends. I don't re...
A. 27 October 2015: There’s no easy answer. Everyone seems to have an opinion and it can get extremely irritating I’m sure. What I would say is that if you show indifference to it, they’ll soon get bored of repeating the same nonsense over and over. I would simply say ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to loose your virginity to someone without being emotionally attached?
Q. Hi, im 18 a virgin ,by choice, but i met this guy im thinking of loosing it to, but he doesn't want to be in a relationship but stills wants to have sex. on one hand im thinking to do it because i know the sex would be AMAZING so i would have a ...
A. 27 October 2015: How do you know the sex will be amazing? First times are often far from amazing: they can be awkward, painful and cause considerable anxiety. Why don’t you browse the archive of sex and virginity questions and see for yourself? That’s why it’s best ... (read in full...)
Did she enjoy the sex? Or is she just trying to be nice?
Q. Hello dear cupid . I have a nice girl am dating right now, she even was the one who confessed her love to me on text. i have developed these intense feeling for her and we have grown so much fund of each other. sometimes she text me that she wish to ...
A. 27 October 2015: I don’t understand why you’re so upset. I think you imagine that there is a really high standard of sexual performance that you somehow failed to live up to, and that’s just not the case. You got a 10-minute erection, penetrated her and then did it ... (read in full...)
I'm 19, he's 31. Do we have a chance?
Q. helo. I am inlove with a 31 year old man (im 19). He saw me passing by one time last year december and gave me his number the same day and i gave him mine. He called me later the same day unfortunately i was with my boyfriend by that time. He told ...
A. 27 October 2015: I think I need a lie-down. This is ludicrous. The age gap is one thing: age gap relationships can and often do work, but this is not going to be one of them. So you immediately exchange numbers upon meeting a year ago, you then tell him you’ve got a ... (read in full...)
I want to hide that I am not a virgin
Q. i am going to marry after 5months and i want to hide that i m not virgin from my husband...
A. 27 October 2015: Lying, especially to some-one you’re about to make a lifelong commitment to is not a good idea and you don’t explain your reasons for doing so, but if you really must, there is no way to prove that a woman is not a virgin. It’s sometimes assumed, ... (read in full...)
He left me before I could learn anything!
Q. Hello, I'm conflicted... I don't know what to do. One time, just one, I get mad for a foolish reason. He told me, " let's not talk anymore" and deleted me everywhere. I loved him. It just hurts to see how easily he let me go, away from his life...
A. 27 October 2015: I’m sorry if my words sound harsh because you are young and I don’t wish to upset you, but actually you can learn a great deal. If you fought all the time, it means you couldn’t establish good communication and it is a clear sign that you weren’t ... (read in full...)
My lady friend couldn't accept that my wife was in my life and ended things. I miss her!
Q. Hi People I am married but separated and live alone. My wife and I continue to be friends and I spend a lot of time with her and our 2 girls. Sometimes we share vacations. We go back a long way and I cannot imagine not having her in my life. 6 y...
A. 24 October 2015: It’s finished. Perhaps she had feelings for you and couldn’t settle for friendship so has made a clean break. Either way I think that if she’s not been in contact for that long, she doesn’t want to hear from you anymore and I really do think you ... (read in full...)
Is feeling good about yourself is a sin? Or am I expecting too much from him?
Q. Dear Cupid I have on and off relationship with my current be of 4 years. Yesterday I changed in profile picture , which is my really fav picture and I like how I look in the picture. Earlier I used to have low self esteem issues, never really lik...
A. 24 October 2015: I agree completely with Honeypie. This guy is not the sort of person with whom you can have a happy relationship. He liked the person who felt little self-worth, who probably wouldn’t argue back and probably didn’t think she could do any better. ... (read in full...)
My guy says he'll give me oral sex if I shave but I don't want to do that
Q. Been with my partner for just over a year, my only problem is...I've gone down on him many times, but he has never gone down on me. He told me he would touch me "down there" more often even possibly go down on me if I.....Shaved. ...
A. 24 October 2015: Well if you’re not prepared to shave down there, that’s your right and you should tell him that it’s not something you want to do. In that case you either have to accept that receiving oral from him is out of the equation, or see if there is an ... (read in full...)
I can't forget about him but is he worth waiting for?
Q. Dear cupid In March of this year I received a message from this young irish man saying ''i love your looks, i love your smile and I love your style'' we built up from that to talking about each others work lives, home life and personality, he ...
A. 24 October 2015: One thing I’ve learned about the online realm is that it’s particularly brutal. I don’t know why but it does seem to make people behave very differently towards each other. What can feel like deep and meaningful connections that become very intense, ... (read in full...)
I'm stuck on an ex..how do I get over it and realize we are over?
Q. Hi. I have been going through this since long and I just don't know what to do about it. I dated a guy for 5 years. He was my first love, first kiss, first everything. . We were really close, made each other so happy and had an amazing connection. I ...
A. 24 October 2015: I’m sorry but it hasn’t been 1.5 years, with respect. It was yesterday that you last saw him. By keeping in touch and by continuing to confess your feelings for each other, you are keeping the hope and the memory of what was alive, and if there’s no ... (read in full...)
How do I tell the girl I'm dating that my female room mate is actually my ex wife?
Q. Hi, well I met this girl two times, we are going out again, , I wonder when should I let her know, I have a woman roommate, but the thing, about it is, my room mate is my ex wife, we have teenager, I have custody, we are just friends, you see she is ...
A. 24 October 2015: This is a complicated situation but I think you have to explain it to the new girl exactly as it is. I understand from what you’re saying, that you and your ex-wife have remained on good terms and, given that she is seriously ill, she lives with you ... (read in full...)
How do I fix that I cheated on my wife and then kept lying about it?
Q. Over 2 years ago I broke and destroyed my wife's heart by having an affair, at a time when we should have been at our happiest expecting our first child through IVF. On revelation of what happened I cowardly hid the truth in order to save our rela...
A. 22 October 2015: I have great sympathy for both of you. I have sympathy with your wife because she was betrayed in the worst way and still has to share a house with the person that did it. I have great sympathy (or rather, compassion) for you because you have been ... (read in full...)
My ex's new girlfriend is out to get me!
Q. Since my ex split up with me back in March and went straight with another woman, this girl has done nothing but try and wind me up. Ive let them get on with things, I never publicly slated her or tried to split them up even though on this inside I ...
A. 22 October 2015: Most people will tell you to ignore them because that is exactly what you need to do. He’s not your problem anymore, and if you react to her attempts to wind you up this will only encourage her to do it more. She obviously feels threatened by you, ... (read in full...)
The ex and a FWB relationship. I want her to be honest with me and not jerk me around!
Q. Okay, so thank you all for reading and responding, I truly appreciate it. Okay, so what I'm going through is not a huge deal but I do not want to make it into a big deal. Some information about me: I am 21, senior at college. So basically, my ex gi...
A. 22 October 2015: It sounds like her head’s still messed up from the relationship she has recently left, and to be honest having casual sex with an ex is really not going to help. My judgement would be that you should move on and her be, and stop having sex with her. ... (read in full...)
I'm scared of this man's behavior!
Q. Actually I am in a trouble. Opposite to my PG one guy is staring. At the very first time he used to stare at me and one night he was coming along with his friends and i was talking on phone he called me by making some noise. I got scared and ran ...
A. 22 October 2015: I’m sorry if I’ve missed something in your question but I don’t really understand what the problem is. All you do is say hello and exchange polite pleasantries with each other. You say that he scares you and that you’re not ready for a relationship ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's stomach is coming between us
Q. I met a guy of 40 on a dating site we have been dating 6 months. He is about to complete his divorce and has two children under 8. His wife left him two years ago and things are amicable. If I have a future will I be expected to share my house w...
A. 22 October 2015: When it comes to his appearance, it’s not awful to say (as you are when you break it down) that you’re not attracted to him. Of course personality matters but the chemistry has to be there too. But you must have known it wasn’t there 6 months ago. ... (read in full...)
Was I nothing more than a fling to him? How long do I hold out hope that he'll contact me?
Q. Where did I go wrong? I'm quite a mess at the moment. I just returned from a visit to Europe. Long story short, I was studying abroad for college, and we travelled by coach (bus) to all countries. We always had the same bus, and the same bus dri...
A. 21 October 2015: Only he can contact you, and he hasn’t. He knows this, so it’s not like he’s waiting for you to make the first move. He knows that if he wants anything more from you, he has to reach out and he hasn’t. I think he’s probably realised that so far ... (read in full...)
Could our marriage be fixed? We have both cheated!
Q. My husband and I have been married for two years. We have only ever been with each other and both have a very strong religious upbringing. Shortly after we were married we moved across the country and both made major career changes. We agreed to put ...
A. 21 October 2015: The fact is you have both done wrong and first have to commit to really forgiving each other. That means agreeing to trust each other and start again, reaffirming to each other your desire to remain faithful and refusing to doubt each other’s ... (read in full...)
Our sex drives are not aligned. Is there any way I can lower my sex drive?
Q. My husband and I have been together since high school and we have a great relationship all Expect for one thing. Our sex drives are not at the same level. I'm not worried he is getting it any where else or anything like that. I know he loves me and ...
A. 21 October 2015: I would normally try to encourage you to talk and meet each other halfway, but 5-6 times a week? That’s a lot for any couple as it is. His sex drive is high, yours is very high. IF the masturbating isn’t interfering with other aspects of your life, ... (read in full...)
Am I being played? I've me a wonderful girl, but she's unhappily married.
Q. I met a wonderful girl at the end of june, and i have fallen so in love with her. and she said she feels the same way too. But she is married and unhappy. so now nearly 4 months in to this crazyness im feeling like im being played. we meet u...
A. 21 October 2015: Unhappily married? So unhappy that she wants one more Christmas with the hubby? Married is the more important word in that description. She’s a cheat: if she can do it to him, she can do it to you, and by having an affair you’re no better than her. ... (read in full...)
Why did my ex give up on me? Why does he do things with his fiance that he refused to do with me?
Q. We dated for three years. He went through some tough times and I was always by his side, helping him and never leaving him. We went through a bad patch, argued every day. He said we needed a short break. He said he will always love me and be there...
A. 20 October 2015: I’m afraid YouWish is right. Unfortunately too many people try to hang on to relationships that are failing because the couple just don’t work together. This is where all this nonsense about taking a break comes from: naivity or the reluctance to be ... (read in full...)
How does one tell if a person is a true friend?
Q. Hi everyone, I have a bit of a unique situation. Some of you may recall it. I've been out of high school for 16 years and one of my former teachers left teaching at the school the year after I graduated to raise her children. I went back to vis...
A. 19 October 2015: Here’s what I think. Is it a true friendship? Probably, but I wouldn’t assume you’re ever going to be best friends or anything like that. IT’s true in the sense that at the moment, it doesn’t seem as though she wants anything from you or has any ... (read in full...)
I love him but I don't want to be in a sexless relationship
Q. Dear cupid, i am really stuck and dont know what to do. I have been with my BF for 2years now and for the past year or so there has been very little sex, ive tried litterally everything and he always has excuses or very rarely wants to do anything...
A. 19 October 2015: What’s interesting about your question is what you don’t say. You say that you hate spending time apart, and you say that you have tried to tell him how you feel but that you don’t think anything’s going to change. You don’t tell us what his ... (read in full...)
Why would he "like" a picture of her on facebook?
Q. My fella is separated from his wife and lives apart, but yesterday I saw a photo in of his wife on Facebook with her friends and he pressed " like" on it....I was a bit stunned, why would he want to do that? Should I be worried? ...
A. 18 October 2015: Get this in perspective: it’s Facebook and he pressed a button. Perhaps he thought it looked a nice picture of friends enjoying themselves, or perhaps it was a funny picture? Or perhaps he even did it in error. People don’t take this button very ... (read in full...)
I can't decide on college but I can't put it off for ever!
Q. I'm having a really difficult time figuring out what I want to go to college for. I took a year off after high school to relax and figure it out but still have no idea what I want to do. The main reason I find it difficult is because of the b...
A. 18 October 2015: Denizen is absolutely right in the advice he gives. Lots of employers value a degree because it shows you are disciplined, articulate and able to work hard to achieve something, rather than because they are really interested in the content of the ... (read in full...)
How can I feel like less of a failure towards my Gf?
Q. I've been with my S/O for five months now and recently found out that this whole time I haven't made her cum. She took my virginity so I understand that I am not super experienced bUT I can't help to feel useless and like a failure. She says ...
A. 16 October 2015: She’s not putting pressure on you, so why are you putting it on yourself? She is reassuring you but you’re not listening. She knows you’re not experienced but she chooses to continue in a sexual relationship with you. Does that tell you nothing? ... (read in full...)
My parents are splitting up and I need help to work out the best options for celebrating Christmas and where?
Q. Hi, sorry if this seems a really petty comment.. So last December (2014) when I was in my final year of University my parents told me they were selling the house. When I asked where they were moving to, they told me separate places. That was...
A. 14 October 2015: I agree with Honeypie. A lot of people find Christmas difficult because you can’t please everyone. There’s just one day and you can’t be in multiple places at once, so perhaps you could alternate each year which person you actually spend the day ... (read in full...)
Why do people say a couple is being ''selfish'' if the couple make a conscious decision to have one child only?
Q. Why do people consider you selfish for making the choice to only have one child? My boyfriend and I have thought hard about this. We have decided to have only the one child when we marry. It's a thought out decision. We are both self employed a...
A. 5 October 2015: I think that a lot of people believe that a child misses out on a special relationship if it doesn’t have a sibling. Perhaps they believe that when you have any number of children your own wants and desires do always come second to the interests of ... (read in full...)
Question for men: is it really difficult to leave your wife if you've been having an affair? Or am I right - is he just offering me excuses?
Q. I have done the unthinkable for the last 8 years of my life. Please don't hammer me. I have been dating married man. No kids. He's much older than me and at first I was just having fun but it turned into love. He's taken me on many trips an...
A. 5 October 2015: I’m sorry to be plain-speaking but he doesn’t love you, or even care for you all that much. You’re a bit of fun for him. He’s kept you dangling as his mistress, to pick up when it suits him. Yes, it’s difficult to leave a marriage and break ... (read in full...)
Should I sacrifice my life and go help my mom? Am I being a bad person because I want to be selfish?
Q. I've asked a question related to this but I want to ask once more just cos I don't know how I feel and am sure you can help. I am 40 year old Asian woman. I live alone as I was in a marriage with an alcoholic spouse for many years and now am...
A. 29 September 2015: There’s nothing selfish about your choice. Your mum probably needs support, a shoulder to cry on and, if at all possible, help getting care for your nan so that she can have a break and so that there is care in place should your mum ever be unable ... (read in full...)
I recently discovered that my husband had secretly taken nude photos of me while we had sex. How would you react
Q. Would you be a) be flattered and not let it bother you, b) be disgusted c) feel violated d) be angry and could never forgive him e) be confused f) wonder if he secretly takes pictures of other women in public unbeknownst to them g) be on edge if ...
A. 29 September 2015: I would be very angry about this, because he shouldn’t have done it in secret. I don’t necessarily think that he will be posting them on the internet or that he would take pictures of some-one else, after all it’s you who is his wife and perhaps he ... (read in full...)
Is it too dangerous for me to be delivering pizza?
Q. This isn't a relationship question but I would like the honest opinions if the people here on dearcupid. I am a 20 year old girl and a college student. I have been hired as a part time pizza delivery driver for a local pizza place. At fi...
A. 29 September 2015: This may have happened to some pizza deliverers, but then it will have happened to all manner of others too because crime does happen. The question to ask is whether delivering pizza is in itself more risky than just going about your daily business. ... (read in full...)
Monday through Friday, he's the man I fell for. But Friday to Sunday, I don't recognise him! How do I get through to him?
Q. I'm worried about my boyfriend's drinking buy I have no idea how to get it through to him that he may have a problem. He is 13 years older, making him 37 and myself 24. We have been together for two years and although both families had an ...
A. 21 September 2015: A drink problem becomes just that – a problem, when either the person is unable to control it or function without it, or when it starts to interfere with other aspects of life. He’s a classic binge drinker: able to go without drinking for regular ... (read in full...)
I have developed this really bad phobia of marriage and relationships! Help me see reason!
Q. Hi! I had a very bad experience of my first marriage of 1 week! I asked for divorce and am still a virgin, that's how bad my experience was. Anyways my problem is that now I can't seem to trust anyone! Everyone says that not everyone is like your ...
A. 21 September 2015: I don’t think there’s an easy answer for you, but I think you need to understand that keeping relatives happy is not a sensible reason to take on the serious commitment of a relationship, let alone marriage. I think you will need to first form a ... (read in full...)
How do I make him feel comfortable with me in that department without being pushy?
Q. Hi I really need help. My husband and I broke up a few years ago. He now wants to give it a go at fixing things. He wants us to be a family. I've always wanted this and we have given it a go before but he changed his mind and left. Now he said he ...
A. 21 September 2015: I’m confused. Pushy in what department? You say you could live without sex, then you ask how you can make him feel comfortable in that department again. Or else you are asking a more general question about pushing him in to being a family, which ... (read in full...)
What exactly are morals?
Q. What exactly are morals? I would define morals as standards set by society. Are morals flexible? I am very guarded about my sexual side. I have often read about people who give advice on this forum saying keeping your body till marriage is outdated. ...
A. 21 September 2015: It’s a really good question and you might get as many different answers as there are people who want to answer it. I think that morals are much stronger than rules. Rules can be approached flexibly as required by the situation, but morals are those ... (read in full...)
Desires versus beliefs, what are my options?
Q. I am in love with several different ladies. I want to make love to all of them. Yet I am a strict Christian, and have not acted on my desires, yet it is getting harder not to. What should I do....
A. 21 September 2015: Well, if you’re unwilling to compromise your beliefs, you obviously can’t make love to them, but if you aren’t just interested in having sex you could decide which, if any of them, you might like to date with a view to forming a relationship. If ... (read in full...)
He doesn't want me near him, and all I want is to be able to love him!
Q. ok to sum this up my ex recently cheated on me then told me he was done with our relationship. I was devastated but kept my head up. knowing that this is the end of us about a month later he tells me he's sorry and be willing to date me/ be physical ...
A. 19 September 2015: I’m probably going to sound harsh here bashing a sick man, but I can’t help wondering if you’re so understandably knocked sideways by his cancer diagnosis that you’re not seeing things clearly? He cheated on you, dumped you but was quite happy to ... (read in full...)
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