| Latest articles: I'm a thoroughly modern brand of old-fashioned
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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12 August 2016: I was particularly amused by a recent comment about my views. I was described as living in “the 1950s,” which I found highly amusing. But when I’d had my chuckle, I got to thinking: what would it be like to be stuck in the 50s? How does the ...
I hate cheating, but not as much as a failure to forgive
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 August 2015: IT’s been the story that hasn’t gone away all week. Ashley Madison sent journalists in to a spin trying to access the 9.7 gb of data leaked on to the internet, trying to find any public figures who may be embroiled in the scandal. Suspicious spouses ...
Childless by choice: please stop judging us
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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6 July 2015: This morning, as usual, I was perusing the questions on Dearcupid, when I stumbled across a question from a woman regarding her feelings about not wanting a child. Although I gave a comprehensive answer to the question, it touched a nerve with me, ...
On-line dating: my honest look
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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12 January 2014: On-line dating: my honest look Those who read my column with any regularity will know there is considerable absence of references to my personal life. I am, for the most part, keen to concentrate on advising because, good advice is good no matte...
Revenge is sweet: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that.
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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9 March 2013: REVENGE IS SWEET: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that. Revenge, they say, is sweet. Well British people have, if they have been following the news, witnessed a very public case in point to prove that the reverse can ...
Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies
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6 January 2013: Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies You may or may not know that in Ireland, the date of 6 January is known as Women’s Christmas (Nollaig na mBan). On this day, the tradition (still strong in parts of the country) is that men take responsibil...
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He abused me for years. Then he found a new Gf. Now he is ill he wants me back. What do I say? I said "no" but he's not listening.
Q. I was in love with this guy in my early teens and he was 16 at the time. We were together for many years had two kids and then he winds up being over protective very mentally, verbally,physically abusive toward me. The abuse started after I had ...
A. 13 January 2013: How self-indulgent of him to expect you just to forget years of abuse because he’s sick and he wants the chance to put things right. He’s been given your forgiveness, that’s big enough of you to do that. Now if he really cared for you he’d leave you ... (read in full...)
Am I too traditional? If a guy was attached, is it ok for him to go out one on one with a female friend?
Q. Hello all, I was wondering if a guy was attached, is it ok for him to go out one on one with a female friend? Personally I wouldn't go out with an attached guy one on one even if we're just friends because I find it weird, and maybe a little disr...
A. 13 January 2013: It’s absolutely fine so long as you are both just friends. It only becomes a problem if one of you crosses the line or if he lies about it, then his girlfriend is entitled to get suspicious if she finds out he’s not been upfront about it. If the 2 ... (read in full...)
Can a drunken kiss ever be a sincere kiss?
Q. So I've known this guy for 15 years, but we've never really talked. Over the years we've seen each other at parties, sometimes drunk and other times not, and we talk at all of the parties. Before Christmas, we talked while I was drunk and he was s...
A. 6 January 2013: Abella’s right, this needs a conversation with the both of you sober. That’s because whether it was sincere or not would depend on whether he actually has feelings for you and would be interested in you, or whether it was just because he was drunk. ... (read in full...)
My husband has terminal cancer and has suggested we have a baby. I'm very confused about what to do.
Q. My fiancé has terminal cancer and has asked me if I want a baby to look after me when he's gone. I feel so confused because we had talked about getting married and having a child together before he was diagnosed and it was something we had both ...
A. 6 January 2013: This is tough, no doubt about it. The thing to remember is that although he’s asked if you’d want a baby to look after you when he’s gone, the reality is that you’ll be looking after it for many years. Think also about the fact that as his cancer ... (read in full...)
Are public displays of affection at work OK or not? In disagreement with my BF over this.
Q. Hello! Hope you can help with some advice on this small issue. How much physical contact is OK/to be expected from your partner when at work? We work in different departments and when we met up for lunch he wanted to walk with his arm arou...
A. 6 January 2013: They make you look unprofessional. You don’t need to be hands all over each other the whole time to show you care for each other, walking down the street with your arm around somebody’s probably okay, but kissing and other sexual contact really ... (read in full...)
Why do I feel so upset all the time when I don't have the right to be unhappy?.
Q. Hello, I'm 17, just started my A Levels and I'm really unhappy. I hate my life, I hate the repetitiveness, the work and the pressure put on me by seemingly everyone, all demanding different things. It's making me really upset all the time, and I ...
A. 5 January 2013: IT’s actually very common at your age to feel like that. That doesn’t mean you just ignore it, or you don’t seek help, but don’t feel guilty for being unhappy, or troubled by the fact that it’s not always easy to explain or understand why. It ... (read in full...)
I like my best friends brother but she's forbidden me from seeing him! Who should I choose?
Q. I like my best friends brother. We have liked each other for several years and we started to date for 3 monthes but then my bestfriend found out and she was angry at me for a very long time. We still like each other but i cant date him because my ...
A. 4 January 2013: It comes down to whether you want to date him or not. It’s not a matter of conscience because you’d be doing nothing wrong if you did date him, though if you do it behind your friend’s back that might finish off the friendship. She’s probably ... (read in full...)
I love my BF and we see each other everyday but he never calls me at night. Am I being selfish?
Q. Okay, so I've been with my boyfriend for about 4months, I'm 18 and so is he. He was my first everything. I'm completely in Love with him, and he tells me he's in love with me. He's the best ever and he comes everyday to spend time with me. We text ...
A. 4 January 2013: Yes you’re being selfish. Maybe he doesn’t call you at night because he’s sleeping. That’s what people generally do at night. Isn’t attention throughout the day enough? At best you’ve got some insecurities whose cause you need to get to the bottom ... (read in full...)
Have I lost her? Or could I ever rekindle the love between us? I think she's lost trust in me.
Q. There is a girl I work with we have known each other for 9 months. For three of those months we were casually dating but we only went on a few dates but we would talk regularly every day. Just when things we starting to get serious her father was d...
A. 4 January 2013: How do you suppose she can read your mind and know that you were distracting yourself with other women? Not a good idea by the way but what’s done is done. So if this lady has confessed her love for you and you think it could work, confide in her ... (read in full...)
How would you define the differences between FWB versus FB relationships?
Q. I'm curious about FWB and FB relationships. What exactly are they? I know what the terms stand for just need to know the differences. In a FWB relationship is there really friendship? In a FB relationship is it just do the deed and leave? ...
A. 4 January 2013: On the basis of 2 years writing for this site, I don’t think there’s much actual difference. I think you’re right that there is more of an expectation of friendship alongside no-strings sex with FWB but in reality what you often get is something for ... (read in full...)
Is there something wrong with the fact that I just cannot see myself in a relationship?
Q. All of my friends seem to be in a relationship, or interested in someone. The running joke in my group of friends is that i am a "whore" and cannot stick to one guy. I've been asked out before, and have liked guys before, but nothing has ever ...
A. 4 January 2013: No there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re young, maybe you don’t feel ready for a relationship or you just haven’t met anyone yet who has made you want to be in one. I’m reminded of a dating site’s television advertisement in the UK which states: ... (read in full...)
Cheating and guilty men?
Q. I understand that both men and women can have the possibility to cheat and some act on that. My question is directed towards men. Do men who cheat, specifically married men, actually feel guilty for what they are doing? And if they do, wher...
A. 2 January 2013: It depends. You need to look at each situation, there’s no one type of cheat. Some are serial cheats, they either cheat on every partner they have, or they have a long-term partner or even spouse but have affairs regularly. They don’t feel guilt ... (read in full...)
Do we go on with our family life as is and very rare sex? How do I fix this?
Q. Hi everyone. I am sure this is a common question on here but I will ask anyway because I am really depressed about the situation. Here goes…I’m 37 and wife is 38. We have been married for 12 years and have three awesome kids, 10, 6 and 4. My ...
A. 2 January 2013: That must have been upsetting to here for you. It’s important to make sure your wife knows just how upset you are by this, don’t fall in to the trap of playing down the impact this has on you for fear of upsetting her. Ultimately it may be that ... (read in full...)
He watches porn, there's talk of threesomes and dominance. What's wrong with this relationship?
Q. So my bf is always stating that I want threesome and I tell him I don't and I never wanted it when it was offered. But he refuses to believe me or pulls some other guy outta the air and says I want it with him. It's so hurtful n annoys annoying, I ...
A. 2 January 2013: Leave him. That’s the blunt truth. Normally the best thing would be to talk to him but he already knows what your sexual boundaries are and he doesn’t respect them and keeps trying to pressure you in to compromising just so that he gets what he ... (read in full...)
My husband watches porn while I am at work.
Q. I have been with my husband for three years marrird for two.I am very depressed .my husband watches porn while I am at work.He doesnt work or do anything around the house.I tried to talk to him about this but he days he doesnt have a problem.He lies ...
A. 2 January 2013: Why doesn’t he work or do anything around the house? Laziness, or does he have a good reason for this? What exactly are you getting from this marriage? A workshy husband who presumably relies heavily on your money, who then does something that many ... (read in full...)
Broke up with him due to his halitosis and very bad personal hygeine. Can or should or how do I tell him?
Q. Hi, So I have this issue with this guy I dated almost four years ago. See I broke up with him because he had bad breath and is hygiene was not the best in the world. We stayed for him again but I don't want to say anything because I'm not sure if ...
A. 2 January 2013: He wants to be with you but what do you want? Only tell him tactfully if you’re looking to give this relationship another go. If not, don’t bother telling him, just say you weren’t attracted to him anymore or something a little more generalised to ... (read in full...)
What alternative actions would help? Will my tough love response help my daughter recognise the problems she appears not to see?
Q. I am a 62 year old semi retired man living in a Mediterranean island. My daughter of 35 lives in Ireland with her partner. They have a daughter of 2 years. Both are unemployed and living on the dole. I have so far supported my daughter to ...
A. 2 January 2013: This is tough, but the only alternative really would be to continue giving them financial support, but there will come a time where you can do that no longer. Ultimately you should tell her that you can’t carry on funding the family in this way. She ... (read in full...)
Is she genuinely interested in me or desperate?
Q. I am writing this letter to seek your valuable advise. There is this woman working in the same building as me but in a different office. When she joined her office, she was introduced to me by the HR who is common to both of us. It has been alm...
A. 1 January 2013: Whether this goes anywhere’s something only you can tell really. Don’t assume she’s desperate just because of what her parents want for her, or because of your looks. There’s no one type of man all young ladies are attracted to, bald may well be ... (read in full...)
Have I ruined my new relationship by being insecure?
Q. The guy that I've been seeing for three months has just told me that he thinks we shouldn't spend so much time together. We see each other nearly everyday at the gym.. And then afterwards and also at the weekends. He says that he thinks I need to ...
A. 1 January 2013: At least you’re not in denial about it. You recognise the issue and are being pro-active in trying to change it. If your last boyfriend encouraged dependency, that’s hard behaviour to unlearn. Tell the new guy that you appreciated his honesty and ... (read in full...)
How am I going to talk to her about what happened? And what do I say when I see this guy (who has a crush on me) next?
Q. When my best friend's boyfriend found out I was bi, he started hanging out with me more and told me he was questioning his sexuality. That was three months ago. Last week he told me he didn't just like me, he loves me and that he was going to bre...
A. 31 December 2012: Your best friend deserves the truth. And you should tell her because at the moment what’s probably upsetting her more than anything is having absolutely no idea why her boyfriend has broken up with her seemingly out of the blue. You told him nothing ... (read in full...)
I got pregnant from a drunken night with my ex and he doesn't want me to have the baby!
Q. I broke up with my ex at the start of the year a few months later I met another man, things with him seemed great at first but quickly got worse as we were both still hung up on our ex's. Things came to an end but we stayed in touch and about a ...
A. 30 December 2012: What do you want? He might be pressuring you in to an abortion but it’s not him who’ll have to go through it. It’s no quick fix to the problem of an unwanted pregnancy, it’s a huge and emotionally traumatic decision to make. So do what you want. If ... (read in full...)
How do I break up with my younger girlfriend?
Q. Hi I've been seeing a much younger girl now for around six months. I should have listened to everyone who said "just have fun, don't get serious, it will never work"...well now we've done the Christmas thing, her presents to me were ridiculous,...
A. 30 December 2012: So_Very_Confused is right. Don’t get her to come down for New Year tomorrow. Call her and put her off. And tell her honestly that it’s not working out between you. I don’t think it’s even an age gap issue here, maybe you are at different stages in ... (read in full...)
Am I enabling my 17 year old son on how to be a responsible young man?
Q. Dear Cupid, I want your opinion on this .Well my mom has fallen sick and I have to work because I have a 17 year old son at home and he watches my mom while I work so when I get paid I shower him with money and clothes and shoes. I would like to ...
A. 29 December 2012: It doesn’t matter whether you pay him for his work caring for your sick mother, or whether you reward him with gifts. The main thing is to make sure he knows that everything in life needs to be earned and you have to work hard for it. Presumably you ... (read in full...)
Can I trust men after this? And why do I fall for men too fast? I want to stop doing that.
Q. Hi I am not sure why i fall for men so fast. I was just in a two year relation ship and he cheated on me so bad. I finally got sick of it and after two years i dumped his ass. Well I got involved with a nice guy I thought hit was nice. ' He opened ...
A. 28 December 2012: You can’t judge all men as being untrustworthy, that’s as crazy as saying that no woman can be trusted because, like men, some women cheat, lie, and break hearts without a second thought. Anyway even if you set out not to ever trust a man again, ... (read in full...)
Married in 1975 and then in 2011 he cheated. He blames me for the break-up. Could we ever get back together?
Q. my husband and i met when we were 16 and 17 he was my only boyfriend. We married in 1975 and been married for 37 years. In June 2011 he did something unusual that he never did before it was only a phone call to me and said he had rang the wro...
A. 28 December 2012: It’s unbelievable that he says he regrets it, yet rubs it in your face that the sex is better with the other woman and, worse, blames you for his cheating. Honestly this is a terrible story. Even the most seasoned of agony aunts and uncles who think ... (read in full...)
I've just dumped my pot head boyfriend. Where do I go from here?
Q. Hi I'm 21 years old and I came home for Christmas and Broke up with my pot head (ex) boyfriend. I don't drink, I don't smoke weed, I graduated high school and I am currently on a holiday break from College. He smokes dope, drinks, dropped ou...
A. 28 December 2012: You’ve done the right thing. He’s not going to change, he’s lost you enough times and that hasn’t stopped him from behaving in this way. Either he doesn’t think enough of you to bother changing for you, or he thinks you’ll just come back to him in ... (read in full...)
Holiday blues. Why do I feel more alone than ever, and without a partner, especially during the holiday times?
Q. Why is it that I feel more alone over the holidays? I have family and friends, yet I long for the warmth of a man. I feel like I will never find a man and have that marriage I so long for. I'm 43 and never married. Something BTW, I always wanted....
A. 28 December 2012: It’s just bad luck. Honestly that might sound like a bit of an unhelpful answer but often that’s just how it is. I’ve lost count of the number of questions from both men and women in your age group and younger, they’ve always been single and they do ... (read in full...)
Does he see me as his rebound option? Is he reluctant as we work together? Or is he interested in me?
Q. Hi guys... I have a problem. Basically... I changed jobs less than 2 months ago and at my new job I have met a guy who is 6 years older than me. I'm 18 and he's 24. He's been in a relationship the whole time (couple of months) up until 3 d...
A. 28 December 2012: O I think people generally are complicated. Women complain men are too complicated, and men complain women are impossible to understand. But with this guy it’s pretty simple: leave him be. Maybe it’s a rebound, maybe he’s just flirty by nature and ... (read in full...)
Is it only me who gets upset that some people cheat, and then want to keep that fact a secret from their partner?
Q. Some Posters seem to be condoneing cheaters and ex promiscus people. Why do people think that its ok to lie to their husbands or wifes??? I just read where one agony aunt said "don't beat yourself up over it you just felt a connection so yo...
A. 28 December 2012: Cheating is by its very nature deceitful and therefore not justifiable. I think you may be confusing excuses with reasons. When giving advice, sometimes it helps to explore why that person cheated. Perhaps they were looking for an escape from a ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my friend that a guy tried to kiss his fiancee in a nightclub?
Q. I was in a nightclub the other night when a guy i know tried to kiss my friends fiancee. She moved her face so that he kissed her on the cheek rather than the lips he was aiming for. They then just continued to chat. I am now in a dilemma as to wh...
A. 28 December 2012: What’s the point in telling him? She moved her face away, nothing happened and she clearly had no intention of cheating on her man. So she did nothing wrong and no harm done. So why would you now want to tell your friend and have him start a fight? ... (read in full...)
He needs to accept that NO is an answer. Surely, if he cared, he's stop asking for anal?
Q. So I've been with my partner 2 years. He wanted to try anal since we got together but until a few months ago I said no. Well a few months ago I let him try and I hated it. Add to this I was in pain for 3 days. I thought to let him try twice mo...
A. 27 December 2012: I think alarm bells really should be ringing very loudly here. Here is a man who has been told by his partner that she does not like a particular act. Not only isn’t she keen despite having tried it for him several times, but it causes her pain. Yet ... (read in full...)
Ruined meal! I am disappointed with my friends and I don't know how to tell them how much. What can I do?
Q. I know there are people on here with real problems but if you could please take a minute to read my post I'd appreciate it. I feel really let down and annoyed by my so called friends. The 4 of us were trying to arrange a meal out before Chr...
A. 27 December 2012: There are a lot of people who are naturally stingy, sounds like your friends are among their number. You should just say that it’s better when you can all go out to eat because no-one has to clear up or cook all day, that way you are politely ... (read in full...)
I want to get back with my wife. I know deep inside she wants to give me another chance!
Q. Hello, I am looking for advice to help me get back together with my wife. We were married for 8 years, knew each other for 15 probably, we have two boys 8 and 11. As people know that have kids, the intimacy in a relationship goes out the the door...
A. 27 December 2012: Thank you for your kind words Justin. And you are most welcome!
I think taking it day by day is the best thing you can do. I realise that you haven’t liked all of the responses you’re getting here but honestly you really do need to keep a bit of a... (read in full...)
I want to get back with my wife. I know deep inside she wants to give me another chance!
Q. Hello, I am looking for advice to help me get back together with my wife. We were married for 8 years, knew each other for 15 probably, we have two boys 8 and 11. As people know that have kids, the intimacy in a relationship goes out the the door...
A. 27 December 2012: Don’t do it. That’s not going to solve anything.
Giving her videos to watch, or buying her gifts however nice, aren’t the way to save your marriage. She’s separated from you, and you’re carrying on like you’re still in a relationship with her. IF ... (read in full...)
Do I let him go? I am now drug free. Trying to get my baby back. But my Bf talks the talk but still does drugs.Will he ever wake up and get drug free?
Q. Here's my issue .I met a man a few months ago and things were great. Shortly there after he became a drug addict, shooting drugs all the time. Selling everything. Stealing. I cared about him so much, but being a former drug addict (I quit 5 months...
A. 26 December 2012: Fair play to you for getting clean. It’s one of the toughest things for you to do. But remember you will always be an addict. I don’t say this to upset you or to understate the fantastic achievements you’ve accomplished, but to remind you that if ... (read in full...)
How do I get people to stop gifting me live Plants? I tell them I don't want them. I give them alternative ideas. They all ignore me
Q. This sounds really stupid, but it is getting on my nerves to the point where it is very hurtful to me. The issue is that I really like plants and I have a green thumb. My wife and my in-laws knows this, so for some years know they have been gif...
A. 26 December 2012: It’s easy to read this and wonder why on earth you’re getting so upset about an unwanted gift, everyone gets those. But it’s clear to see that what bugs you more than anything is that your opinions seem not to be listened to and the plants have come ... (read in full...)
Thank you Dear Cupid. This is a WONDERFUL site. You showed me good directions when I was lost.
Q. I just want to say thanks to all the wonderful people at dear cupid. Since from the beginning of the you have shown love and good advices. Mostly thanks to the wonderful founder of dear cupid. Its so good to know that there's someone out there who ...
A. 26 December 2012: A thank you is always such a joy to receive. It gives all of us great pleasure to offer our help and support to people who need it. For me it is an incredible privilege that people come to us often at times of great difficulty in life and invite us ... (read in full...)
I want to get back with my wife. I know deep inside she wants to give me another chance!
Q. Hello, I am looking for advice to help me get back together with my wife. We were married for 8 years, knew each other for 15 probably, we have two boys 8 and 11. As people know that have kids, the intimacy in a relationship goes out the the door...
A. 26 December 2012: If you want to know why things are so up and down between you at present, it’s because you’re supposed to be separated yet you carry on acting like you’re together around each other. Then reality kicks in and you remember you’re not, that’s why she ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to be addicted to masturbation? It's becoming distracting.
Q. Is it possible to be addicted to masturbation? Can't stop fantasising and it's stressing me out. It's not like I want a boyfriend or want a sexual partner. I rather not be sexually active and get tangled in at all that at the moment.It's real...
A. 24 December 2012: Is it possible to be addicted to masturbation? Yes. It’s possible to be addicted to anything. But it sounds like the problem is that you’re trying to resist the temptation to masturbate. That means you’re not dealing with your sexual urges and ... (read in full...)
He said his son was conceived in a toilet stall, I can't stop thinking about it.
Q. I am 28 and my boyfriend is 49. He told me something yesterday that has really upset me. I don't even know why he told me ( maybe it was because he was drunk when he told me ). He said that he and his ex wife conceived their son in a toilet cubicle ...
A. 24 December 2012: Don’t worry about it. It was 26 years ago. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone does something they shouldn’t. He’s not the same person now as a 49 year-old mature man who has experienced a marriage break-up and brought a child up, as he was when a ... (read in full...)
Child Support issues. Am I asking for too much? He thinks so.
Q. After separating from my husband if many years, I started to claim for child support When he got to know this from the agency he sent me a text saying, "can't believe you're doing this to me, taking my kids and family away and now also causing ...
A. 24 December 2012: If you’re asking the minimum that he is required to pay for his kids, no you’re not asking too much and he should not be complaining. If he was able to give more that would be nice for his kids but if there’s aminimum he’s required to pay this is ... (read in full...)
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