| Latest articles: I'm a thoroughly modern brand of old-fashioned
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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12 August 2016: I was particularly amused by a recent comment about my views. I was described as living in “the 1950s,” which I found highly amusing. But when I’d had my chuckle, I got to thinking: what would it be like to be stuck in the 50s? How does the ...
I hate cheating, but not as much as a failure to forgive
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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23 August 2015: IT’s been the story that hasn’t gone away all week. Ashley Madison sent journalists in to a spin trying to access the 9.7 gb of data leaked on to the internet, trying to find any public figures who may be embroiled in the scandal. Suspicious spouses ...
Childless by choice: please stop judging us
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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6 July 2015: This morning, as usual, I was perusing the questions on Dearcupid, when I stumbled across a question from a woman regarding her feelings about not wanting a child. Although I gave a comprehensive answer to the question, it touched a nerve with me, ...
On-line dating: my honest look
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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12 January 2014: On-line dating: my honest look Those who read my column with any regularity will know there is considerable absence of references to my personal life. I am, for the most part, keen to concentrate on advising because, good advice is good no matte...
Revenge is sweet: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that.
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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9 March 2013: REVENGE IS SWEET: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that. Revenge, they say, is sweet. Well British people have, if they have been following the news, witnessed a very public case in point to prove that the reverse can ...
Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies
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6 January 2013: Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies You may or may not know that in Ireland, the date of 6 January is known as Women’s Christmas (Nollaig na mBan). On this day, the tradition (still strong in parts of the country) is that men take responsibil...
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Two children and a home together breaking down over a kiss. Something doesn't add up. Should I still meet him?
Q. A guy of 40 I'm chatting to online lost everything in his divorce. He said he kissed his wife's best friend and that her friend was jealous of their relationship. His wife of 10 years never trusted him again. To me this sounds a bit far fetched. Two ...
A. 8 December 2015: You say that something doesn’t add up, but he might just believe that this was the issue. In fact, it was probably the trigger and the final straw in a relationship that was probably troubled for some time. Perhaps she ended it after the kiss, and ... (read in full...)
Are blow jobs a bit overrated? Do people go through stages of what they like in bed?
Q. I've been seeing my boyfriend for just over three years and we've always had a great sex life but I'm starting to worry about things. At the start of the relationship our foreplay involved the both of us doing things to each other. I really...
A. 8 December 2015: The question isn’t about whether blow jobs are overrated or not. They are to some people, not to others. Everyone is an individual when it comes to sex, what turns them on and what does not. I don’t think you have to make it an issue to try and talk ... (read in full...)
Is this relationship in trouble or going no where? What is the answer?
Q. One week before school let out in May he told me he loved me, but then took it back the next week and told me that if I wanted to break things off with him then that would be my choice. I was leaving for a summer job the next week and would no...
A. 5 December 2015: I think that he’s still dealing with a lot of issues, some of which relate to his current circumstances and some of which are a legacy of the bad relationship with the ex. He’s emotionally unavailable and unable to communicate his feelings properly. ... (read in full...)
I have hurt two boys who mean a lot to me. How do I get out of this mess and get my life together?
Q. hi, i really need your help. I am a compulsive liar and it has caused a lot of problems for me in the past but not as bad as the situation i am currently in. I started seeing a boy a few weeks before i left for university, we've been friends ...
A. 5 December 2015: There is always some-one to speak to, if not your family and friends, than us at Dear Cupid, Samaritans or a counsellor. Don’t ever think that you’re completely on your own. I feel for you, because you’ve got yourself in to such a mess that it’s ... (read in full...)
Former FWB relationship, am I just a text buddy to him now?
Q. A guy ive known for two years texted me to see how I am. We have had sex in the past and I know he doesn't want more from me because he as never took me out and as only got intouch when he wants sex. He texted me a week ago and I said when shall we ...
A. 5 December 2015: I’m afraid Ciar’s right. Maybe he doesn’t want sex just yet but just wants to keep you sweet for when he does. Perhaps he was just fantasising about you and thought he’d send a text because that felt good to him. Whatever the case, don’t kid ... (read in full...)
Sex has been on my mind so much lately. Should I just have sex with one of the guys I know?
Q. I know some of you are probably thinking I'm too young, others thinking I should wait til marriage or the right guy, others that it's no big deal. Problem is, that's all that has been on my mind this past year, especially since starting college in ...
A. 5 December 2015: Wait for a boyfriend. If it’s just sex for the sake of it, there will be nothing to it apart from the act itself: no compliments, no-one to tell you you’re special and how much they care about you, no reassurance, no making plans for a nice day ... (read in full...)
I went out on dates with 3 guys, I like them all, they like me and I don't know which one to choose!
Q. Hey, so I'ma college freshman, 18, and new to relationships. I've been looking for something more serious and so my friend told me to go on some dates. I went on three, expecting one of them to be the obvious choice. However, all three of them went ...
A. 5 December 2015: I don’t think you have to make a decision after just the one date. I would say that if the distance is a big obstacle with any of them, forget about that. Whoever’s left, perhaps go on another date and be clear that this is just to see how things go ... (read in full...)
How do I get this married man out of my head?
Q. I have posted a few times about this situation. I have fallen for a married man. I don't want to feel a thing for him. Let me be clear I have never allowed us to cross the line. I have tried to avoid him, but down to his work this is impossible. S...
A. 4 December 2015: Like Ivyblue, I do think you have already crossed the line. I’m afraid there isn’t a way to magic your feelings away, but remember that nothing is going to happen. If it did, he’d be the kind of man that cheats and lies, so you’d be setting yourself ... (read in full...)
My former friend: Should I text him, wait for him to contact me, or just let it slide away?
Q. Dear AgonyAunt,i am 16 and in grade 11 now. Today i saw my past crush/friend/classmate but i'm not sure that's really him. should i text him and find out or should i wait for him or should i just let that slide away? I unfriended him once 3 ye...
A. 4 December 2015: I agree with Denizen on this. At your age friendships do drift apart because you’re transitioning in to adults who have your own choices to make in life. I had good friends at 11 or 12 that I’d drifted away from by 16. The friendships that stayed ... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend is addicted to porn
Q. Ok so me and my boyfriend have been together for four years now and everything in our relationship is good except for our sex life. In the begin, he had a hard time keeping an erection when we would have sex and it really hurt me and made me quest...
A. 4 December 2015: Yes, 3 times a day is rather a lot. It’s not totally out of the ordinary, but it’s a lot and will go a long way to explaining why he has erection problems. The problem is that his use of pornography has now become problematic. Porn, and what you ... (read in full...)
Due to work we only see one another on weekends
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for 5 years and I really love her. However for the last year I have only seen her at weekends due to work. We live an hour and a half from each other and driving to her's (and vice versa) daily is not an option due to ...
A. 4 December 2015: The question is, why are you guilty? This is just what it’s like in a longish-distance relationship. You can’t see each other except at weekends and for some couples, contact is on an even less frequent basis even than this. So, there’s no need for ... (read in full...)
Since masturbation is the only sexual gratification I've had, what can I do to make it less shameful?
Q. I am 24 and a kissless virgin. I am ashamed of the fact that I have no idea what it is like to be in an intimate relationship and that the only sexual gratification I can get is self given. I feel like by not having dated in high school and college ...
A. 4 December 2015: Why are you a worthless man? It sounds to me like you are basing your sense of self-worth completely on your sexual history. That is the narrow prism through which you are looking at yourself and coming to such a negative, bleak conclusion. You say ... (read in full...)
I'm a selfish idiot but one who needs help!!
Q. I got married when I was 19 and had two kids by the time I was 22. Also divorced at 22. Rebounded into a relationship with the wrong person for a year and then met my ex 3 years ago. I was 24 she was 19.She is beautiful and has a huge heart. She ...
A. 6 November 2015: I think you were very young when you had your first marriage and took on responsibilities you were never really ready for. All of your relationships have gone wrong and ended unhappily and so you pushed this poor girl away. It sounds like you ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wants to break up because I'm too clingy
Q. Yesterday my boyfriend said he wanted a break because I'm depressed and to clingy and he can't handle it we have been together for 6 months we are always happy together her said he wants to hang with his friends more . We hang out after school ...
A. 5 November 2015: You are very young and at your stage of life relationships do just fizzle out like this. Maybe you relied on him for emotional support with whatever’s troubling you and he couldn’t deal with it. At your age this kind of thing happens all the time ... (read in full...)
As a male inexperienced virgin who feels socially awkward - Should I pay a sex worker to have sex with me for my first time?
Q. Hello I'm a male virgin who's never even kissed a girl nor have I been on a date or had a girlfriend. I'm not particularly good looking and I'm very socially awkward. I figure having no clue about the opposite sex would be a massive turn off....
A. 5 November 2015: To the original poster, I would like to share a story with you. Years ago, I answered a question from a 44 year-old man on this site who was a virgin and considering paying an escort. Some months later he was back. He had done it, had failed to ... (read in full...)
I know I must move on. We tried FWB after we broke up. How can I get over him?
Q. Essentially we dated a bit a few years ago, but for 2 and 1/2 years he and I were FWB. I cant say for sure but I know we were both in love but too scared to say anything. Also I'm an Asian girl and he is Jewish guy, were both nerdy and lost our...
A. 5 November 2015: You clearly understand that there is never going to be any proper relationship between you and that it’s time to move on, but you’re finding it hard. Who wouldn’t? He was the first everything for you. You didn’t just give yourself to him physically, ... (read in full...)
I just want him to show he still cares, is there still hope?
Q. I really dont know where exactly to start. My husband and I have been married for almost four years but have been together for 11 years. We have two children together a five year old and a 11 month old. Im a stay at home mom and my husband works a ...
A. 5 November 2015: Of course you’re not crazy. Everyone needs to feel special sometimes. I wonder if he’s reacting the way he does to your bringing it up because he feels under attack. What do we do in that situation? We bite back. He wants to show you that he’s a ... (read in full...)
How do I express how I feel after sex?
Q. Girls, the new woman am seeing,don't, like it when guys fall to quick for her, she tell's me, I do have feelings for her, so after sex, do I tell her I love making love to her, or I like fucking her, that sounds cheap to me, with out feelings, am ...
A. 5 November 2015: “I like fucking her” is most certainly a no-no, unless you want her to feel absolutely awful. Telling her that you love making love to her? Yes, much better. After sex a woman is not unlike a man: she wants to feel special, to know that she’s ... (read in full...)
Do I get back with my ex?
Q. Met up with my first love for the first time in 15 yrs. Cutting a very long story short. When we were together I became very needy as had a few issues in my life. He tried but could not handle it for long and his life started to turn for the better ...
A. 5 November 2015: I have a rather horrible feeling that you are falling for what you want him to be rather than what he is, because in your mind he seems to be the solution to your unhappy circumstances. Please take off the rose-tinted glasses and look at the facts: ... (read in full...)
Would it be suitable to have a relationship while we are in class together?
Q. Hi all I'm a 17 yo f doing a course at school. There's a guy in my class that I get along with really well, we laugh and joke and I feel totally comfortable around him. We've known each other for about 4 months We see each other 4 days a week at ...
A. 5 November 2015: I don’t see any reason why not. What exactly are your concerns? In class, you are there to study and to learn. I’m sure you’re both old enough and mature enough to understand that. Outside the classroom, you can do what you like. I’ve known a few ... (read in full...)
LDR..who knows to what extent this girl goes to around my boyfriend when I'm not around?
Q. My boyfriend and I are in a LDR. We are planning to move in together next year. I will move to his State. I'm visiting him this week as it's his birthday. Last night, we went out to a birthday dinner with a group of his friends. In the group is...
A. 5 November 2015: I think you have a valid complaint but the question is why your boyfriend needs prompting by your indignation anyway? Surely he should have known that this was inappropriate behaviour. I would have found her extremely irritating if she’d behaved ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend broke up with me because I lied to him that I had quit smoking
Q. My boyfriend [27,M] broke up with me [26,F] 16 days ago because I lied to him about quitting smoking cigarettes, and i have been doing everything in my power to get him back, but he will not take me back. I have texted him everyday constant...
A. 4 November 2015: Okay it was a bit of an overreaction but my goodness what lengths you are going to in order to show him you’re sorry and you’re really cut up by what’s happened. Yet despite this, he’s still largely ignoring you. I’m sorry but that’s proof to me ... (read in full...)
I want to apologise to my ex and make peace
Q. I am struggling after a break up. We only dated for a few months but he was still arguing with his ex about their children that I felt pushed out and like the third wheel. It was an intense and passionate time but I used to get angry that his past ...
A. 4 November 2015: Everyone wants the kind of breakup where sorry is said for all the wrongs, everything is discussed and neatly confined to the past and you wish each other every happiness and go your separate ways. Great but it often doesn’t happen like that. You ... (read in full...)
How do I out all the evil without losing my wife?
Q. my problem started last christmas when the guy my wife used to go with moved in next door to her sister, he was her first ever lover when she was 16 and as far as i was concerned he lived in london and had done for 20 odd years this was not the case ...
A. 4 November 2015: When did you discover the abortion and are you absolutely sure that you know this was the purpose of the trip? If you have proof positive that this is what happened, I think you have to ask your wife about it. What’s very clear is that this is ... (read in full...)
To me he's the perfect guy. How can I encourage him spend time with me?
Q. Hi, Aunts, I'm a freakishly shy, eccentric tomboy, often mistaken as being lesbian because I don't flirt with guys. What they don't know is that I don't flirt with random people because I have been eternally dedicated to a boy for 6 years- a boy w...
A. 4 November 2015: Look, I think direct is the only way here. You’re only talking about meeting up, so there’s no reason to be underhand and trick him or drop hints rather than just say what you want. Perhaps when you’re having your next messaging conversation, you ... (read in full...)
I'm worried my Gf will cheat on me while she's away enjoying her cruise. What should I do?
Q. I'm worried my grl friend of almost a year tht she is going to cheat on me on the cruise she just left on .ee didn't have sex for lie three weeks before she left and she loves to have sex she says only with me but I was busy working and her too and ...
A. 4 November 2015: Is this just about sex? Okay, perhaps she did want sex and was frustrated that you weren’t in the mood, but countless couples experience these kinds of problems at some stage in their relationship. There’s a world of difference between feeling ... (read in full...)
He is 19 or 20 and my coach. I have feelings for him. Should I tell him?
Q. I have a question about my coach. I play basketball in school and the competition goes for half the year. The coach started coaching when I started playing and immediately we just got on. He is not actually a teacher at the school but just someone ...
A. 4 November 2015: I don’t think you quite know what it is you feel for him. You say that this isn’t because you find him attractive, then say you think you love him. You say that his having feelings for you isn’t up for debate but your question shows that you aren’t ... (read in full...)
I don't know what to do about her moods
Q. my girlfriends mum died 2 years ago and shortly after she got her self into a physically emotionally and mentally abusive relationship, ive tried to help her the best I can and always be nice to her to make sure she is happy,I have sat there with ...
A. 2 November 2015: I support everything Denizen has said. Look, you sound like a lovely, caring guy: don’t change. But you need to understand when you’re out of your depth and I’m afraid you are with this girl. You aren’t the boy who can turn her back to the girl she ... (read in full...)
A co-worker is aware that I am her secret admired. How should I approach her?
Q. Hello - I have a girl in my office and i think i like her. But, i was hesitant to approach her directly, as she is from other process and team. So, i started keeping sticky notes on her workstation like congratulating her on her promotion etc.. ...
A. 2 November 2015: You have to approach her otherwise what’s the point of the notes? If she knows you are the admirer then there’s nothing to lose by striking up a conversation and seeing if you can at least start a friendship that might develop. Perhaps you could say ... (read in full...)
Anxiety is wreaking havoc on a long distance relationship. I want him to do what I want him to do!
Q. I have been medicated for anxiety for 9 years now and worked with counselors for longer than that. I have anxiety and panic disorder with some OCD (just the obsessive thoughts.) I haven't dated much and have not had a relationship that last...
A. 2 November 2015: I’m going to say this as nicely as I can because I understand you have problems and are working on that, but you sound absolutely exhausting. I don’t have a regimented day from 7 in the morning until 11 at night, but I would still find you ... (read in full...)
How do I talk to him without looking desperate?
Q. So I got the guy I'm interested in number. He mentioned he was looking for another job so I got him the information of a job that is hiring so I used that as an excuse to ask for his number to text the information to him. But i really want to use ...
A. 2 November 2015: Ivyblue’s right: ask him after some time whether the information helped, whether he went for the job and how the search is going. This isn’t desperation, it’s friendliness. Think about it this way: his male friends could ask him the same question ... (read in full...)
Should I run out on the relationship before she does?
Q. Ladies I need your help, a woman, I've been out with four times now, we just,made love,that's what's I called it, she told me today, that when she gets close to a guy she, run's, so I am falling, she's wonderful, should I run, I feel so good inside....
A. 2 November 2015: I agree entirely with Ivyblue. The important question is why she runs and what can give her the reassurance not to do so. To be honest, there are 2 possible reasons why she told you this: she either did so in a spirit of honesty to show you that she ... (read in full...)
Should I show my girlfriend what her ex texted to me?
Q. My gf of three months had a nasty break up with her ex. He was verbally abusive and in the end became physically abusive. We started dating shortly after they broke but he recently just found out through Facebook that we are dating. Last night I ...
A. 2 November 2015: I think it would be a shame for her to have to read such spiteful comments and it would be nice if she could be shielded from them but that’s not how things work these days. I would imagine that a controlling, abusive ex like this (that’s what he ... (read in full...)
How do I say I'm interested him and don't want just sex?
Q. A couple of weeks ago, while I was on a little holiday with friends, I met a guy who was on a family holiday from New Zealand. We hit it off really well. We kissed and basically enjoyed each others company without having sex. My friends approved of ...
A. 2 November 2015: I think you should play it cool and see how it goes. You think you like him and that’s a start but you’ve got to get to know him to find out if you work together. I would say that if these feelings are still there after the visit, then discuss it ... (read in full...)
Why is this happening now? Two years later? Now I'm plagued with dreams that remind me of his affair
Q. hi everyone. Some advice would be great. Cut a long story short my partner had an affair nearly two years ago now. We had been together for four years at the time, we both weren't happy and then I found out the reason why- he had had a six week a...
A. 29 October 2015: The way you have handled this situation is thoroughly commendable and I hope you’ll consider getting a column of your own to advise our many visitors struggling with the consequences of cheating because it’s a massive betrayal, let alone the many ... (read in full...)
Why now? Was it an excuse? Will we resume? He has said we need to take a break to focus on our children
Q. I am in love with a man, who loves me. I have 3 kids and didn't want him to get involved too closely with them so I made sure we started slowly. He has 2 children as well but from different partners (A little niggle). My question is he has sai...
A. 29 October 2015: There are 2 very different answers, both good in their own way but I lean more towards Honeypie’s way of thinking that he’s looking for an exit here for some reason. Taking a break is never a way to fix anything. It means, in effect, let’s play ... (read in full...)
My ex and I are back in touch. Will getting back with my ex work?
Q. Hi everyone, So, I split with my ex 7 years ago. We'd been together 6 years, not living together or anything but still spending a lot of time together whilst raising my son from a previous marriage as well as his two young sons. We spli...
A. 29 October 2015: I disagree with virtually everything in WiseOwlE’s answer on this occasion but he is right to highlight the hint of doubt in your question. The most interesting part of your question is the reason you give for the initial split: you thought the ... (read in full...)
Do I tell my LDR what happened (a date and a kiss) during the period we were apart? Or not mention it?
Q. Hi aunts. In a LDR of nearly a year Had some difficulties, especially of late, leading to us splitting up a few weeks back. I went on a couple of dates with an old friend, ended up kissing him. Spent the evening thinking of my man. Have told t...
A. 29 October 2015: I assume from your post that there is no chance your boyfriend will find out from anyone else that this kiss happened. If he will, tell him yourself. If not, see the rest of my answer. The answer is no: keep it to yourself. It was just a kiss. In ... (read in full...)
I want to play the player and give him a dose of his own medicine!
Q. Hello, people! I've got this common yet plaguing issue. I am currently in a long-term relationship with a guy with not-so-good past (well, I too have a horrible past). Some 2 months back, our relationship hit a low phase and for the first time eve...
A. 29 October 2015: No I can’t help you because there’s no point in trying to find some kind of revenge for this guy. It was a fling, judging by what you say, and you and your boyfriend have apparently dealt with the matter and got your relationship back on track. The ... (read in full...)
Why can't people just accept not everyone wants children?
Q. My husband and I have been married for 2 years and have no children because we chose not to have any- we are both very happy with our lives and children are not for us. My cousin who got married 8 months after us has just revealed she is ...
A. 29 October 2015: Aha! My favourite question: I wrote an article about it which you can find on my column. I think people simply don’t understand why people make this choice and we instinctively react to what pushes us out of our comfort zone with fear. That ... (read in full...)
Why does my married lover remain with his wife if they've stopped sexual relations with each other?
Q. Been with my married lover for a few years now and the other night I asked him if he was sleeping with his wife? He didn't like me asking because I have kept mentioning it, anyway he said he didn't and if he was to cuddle his wife she would be ...
A. 28 October 2015: I endorse completely everything YouWish has said to you. She’s right: the more restless you get, the more likely you are to get unceremoniously dumped and thrown on the side-lines so he can try and reconcile with his wife. The reason why he doesn’t ... (read in full...)
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