| Latest articles: I'm a thoroughly modern brand of old-fashioned
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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12 August 2016: I was particularly amused by a recent comment about my views. I was described as living in “the 1950s,” which I found highly amusing. But when I’d had my chuckle, I got to thinking: what would it be like to be stuck in the 50s? How does the ...
I hate cheating, but not as much as a failure to forgive
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 August 2015: IT’s been the story that hasn’t gone away all week. Ashley Madison sent journalists in to a spin trying to access the 9.7 gb of data leaked on to the internet, trying to find any public figures who may be embroiled in the scandal. Suspicious spouses ...
Childless by choice: please stop judging us
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2015: This morning, as usual, I was perusing the questions on Dearcupid, when I stumbled across a question from a woman regarding her feelings about not wanting a child. Although I gave a comprehensive answer to the question, it touched a nerve with me, ...
On-line dating: my honest look
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 January 2014: On-line dating: my honest look Those who read my column with any regularity will know there is considerable absence of references to my personal life. I am, for the most part, keen to concentrate on advising because, good advice is good no matte...
Revenge is sweet: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that.
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
9 March 2013: REVENGE IS SWEET: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that. Revenge, they say, is sweet. Well British people have, if they have been following the news, witnessed a very public case in point to prove that the reverse can ...
Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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6 January 2013: Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies You may or may not know that in Ireland, the date of 6 January is known as Women’s Christmas (Nollaig na mBan). On this day, the tradition (still strong in parts of the country) is that men take responsibil...
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I finally got a call for a job but now I'm feeling like I just want to stay unemployed. Why?
Q. hi Dearcupids, my problem is not about relationships or love etc... I am an engineer I was unemployed for last 2 years. I always kept trying to get a job, I was very keen to be self-dependent. I often felt so insecure when my college mates got a ...
A. 24 January 2016: You’re doing great. You might not have liked being at home, but you got comfortable with it. Now a big change in your life is coming. Facing the unknown is always daunting. Starting a new job is never easy, but it is particularly difficult if you’ve ... (read in full...)
Is it possible being a forced virgin makes you hate committment/marriage?
Q. Can being a virgin make you never want to get married? I'm so distressed about being a virgin and turning 23 in April. I have had sexual contact in the past but never sex. I used to like the idea of holding a girlfriend and having sex a lot and th...
A. 24 January 2016: Your big mistake here is that you’ve made a massive issue of your virginity. You assume, quite wrongly, that sexual experience is so important to a girl that it will be the end of the world if you’ve haven’t got much (and I say much, because you ... (read in full...)
We've been married 7 months and I'm still a virgin because I'm terrified of getting pregnant!
Q. Hi, I'm embarrassed writing on here but I don't have anyone I can confide in.... I hope I don't offend anyone with my post but I'm so sad and frustrated I don't know what to do.... I'm 34, and got married 7 months ago after being with my hu...
A. 23 January 2016: What should you do? I think you should ask your GP about some counselling. This fear that you have is totally out of all proportion and it’s becoming a real problem for you. Lots of people are a little fearful of pregnancy and that means that they ... (read in full...)
Retroactive jealousy, the missing tip
Q. If you are reading this you know there's a lot of stuff in the net about Retroactive Jealousy. As someone who's gone through that decades ago I've read a hundreds of articles and discussion about it myself. There is a lot of misguided advice, and ...
A. 22 January 2016: I see the logic completely. I’m not so sure it’s a good way to treat people though. There is your partner, whatever his/her past, thinking you are building a relationship together, not knowing that they’re being used by you to get over your own ... (read in full...)
How can a man cut feelings out of his friendships?
Q. I have lost guy friends due to them having feelings for me and so when one of my married guy friends started to get distant, I asked him if it was because he was getting feelings. He said, "I dont really have feelings. I've cut feelings out of t...
A. 22 January 2016: I think Honeypie describes it well. I don’t think you can literally cut feelings out, if by that you mean stop feeling things. What you can do (and what he probably is referring to) is control them. You can’t stop yourself feeling things, caring ... (read in full...)
Can't turn back the clock on what I saw
Q. Hi Aunties A few weeks ago I walked in on my boy friend masturbating in my bedroom. He has a key to my apartment, and I let him sleep there during the day when he works nights and I am at work. At the time it happened, he didn’t know that I ...
A. 22 January 2016: My theory is that he, like most men, probably masturbated a lot when he was single, and he sees it as the way to relieve himself when he only has himself to rely on, whether because he’s single or because you’re either not having sex or because his ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is hurt from losing investments. How can I help?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating two months. I've always known he trades stocks and that's fine with me. However recently the market has been very bad and he's suffered quite a few losses. He handles his emotions well but I know he's hurt from ...
A. 21 January 2016: What makes you think he’s hurt? What he does is educated and sophisticated betting, but betting nonetheless. That might help you to understand it. The most important thing to know about investing is that the value of your investments can go up and ... (read in full...)
I lied to my dying friend and told him that I loved him. Now he's gone and I feel sick
Q. I slept with my friend because he was dying and because I felt guilty for leading him on. Each time after having sex he would cry and hug me and profess his love for me. He had a crush on me for years. During his last days I lied to him that I loved ...
A. 15 January 2016: In Greek there are a number of different words for love. In English, we’re just stuck with the one word. Each of the Greek words describes a different kind of love: the erotic and romantic, the platonic (the deep love between friends), the love of ... (read in full...)
Am I putting too much worth into text messages and missing the big picture?
Q. I've recently asked a question, but for my new question I need more advice on how I've been feeling on a deeper level. I'm in a LDR where I temporarily live in China for work and my boyfriend in US (13 hr time difference). I've known him for 4 ...
A. 10 January 2016: Thank you for the kind words about my advice. Yes you need to chill and stop worrying. Can’t you see that he just doesn’t want to do the important stuff by text? Naughty texts are one thing. He probably gets turned on by the anticipation, the taking ... (read in full...)
But why the sudden blanking...what does it mean?
Q. I split up with my ex a year and a half ago. It was pretty messy he ended up going to prison for being an idiot, all alcohol related. He has a problem with alcohol. It was over because I couldn't deal with the stress of it anymore. We didn...
A. 10 January 2016: This is ridiculous. You spend a few days together and suddenly we’re talking about marriage and children? And he’s sleeping with you before he’s even had the decency to break things off with another girl – a girl with whom he claims things are ... (read in full...)
Was my Irritable Bowel Syndrome a turn off? he has not contacted me since I fell ill.
Q. I suffer from IBS and told my boyfriend this when we started seeing each other 2 months ago. Last weekend we planned to sleep together but as I had a IBS attack this did not happen and since then I have not heard from him. Even after sending te...
A. 10 January 2016: It might be tough to hear, but better you know now. Why are you planning to sleep with anyone a couple of months in to dating? If you’re prepared to do that, it’ll be pretty hard to determine who wants you for who you are and who is just after sex. ... (read in full...)
Am I putting too much worth into text messages and missing the big picture?
Q. I've recently asked a question, but for my new question I need more advice on how I've been feeling on a deeper level. I'm in a LDR where I temporarily live in China for work and my boyfriend in US (13 hr time difference). I've known him for 4 ...
A. 10 January 2016: Do I think you’re putting too much emphasis on texts? Yes, to be honest. He’s busy too. He doesn’t like text messaging as much. He probably feels that he does not need to be so demonstrative by text message because you are chatting so often on the ... (read in full...)
I feel we are drifting apart! Should I leave her?
Q. Hello, I've been dating this girl for 6 months now and I knew her for around 3 months before we got together I knew she had a son comming into it with her. But now it seams as of we are drifting apart.i feel like she has no time for me what so ever ...
A. 9 January 2016: I think you need to be very clear with her that you need time as a couple. Of course it’s hard with her having a son and she probably can’t prioritise you a lot of the time, but she does need to make some time for you. Even if she cannot get anyone ... (read in full...)
Should I block his number?
Q. Should I just walk away from my boyfriend he constantly keeps playing with my mind. Walk away as in block the number and not say anything what sucks is he knows where I work and so if Ignore him he will come to my job and make me feel guilty for ...
A. 9 January 2016: Yes you should block his number, but first you need to break things off completely, which it doesn’t sound like you have done. You need to understand that enough is enough. Whatever things he says to make you stay, it’s obvious that he either ... (read in full...)
I'm wondering if I'm over-analyzing or not. Does his lack of reply mean he doesn't care about me?
Q. Hi, A little background: I'm in a long-distance relationship where I temporarily live in China for work and my boyfriend in US. I've known him for 4 years (before moving to China) as great friends and co-workers. We started dating 6 months ...
A. 9 January 2016: First, sorry to hear about your accident and I hope you feel better soon. To be honest, I think he’s read it and is giving you the space you asked for. Your text, to me, clearly shows that you don’t want to talk tonight so he is respecting that. ... (read in full...)
I'm crushing on my professor who I've heard sleeps with students
Q. I am a second year student at a university and am 18 years old. I took a class last year with a professor and I think he might like me, I just don't know if he wants me. He tells me I look nice, and compliments me a lot. He also hugs me and tells me ...
A. 8 January 2016: I agree with fellow contributors here. This is ridiculous: he’s behaving in a totally unprofessional manner. Bumping up your grade is especially disgraceful, in the hope that you’ll like him more. His attitude to his profession is contemptable and, ... (read in full...)
I need some guidance with this 'unhealthy' relationship
Q. I have posted here once before, and received some great feedback! However, I wasn't ready to make changes in my life!! Now, I am asking again for help with a relationship which I consider to be unhealthy, but very addictive. I have lived with my ...
A. 5 January 2016: The bonds created between people recovering from the grip of addictions can feel very strong and it can be hard to let go. You said it: you said the relationship was “very addictive.” It sounds to me like you’ve drifted along together. Yes, you see ... (read in full...)
Help me escape my loneliness
Q. I don't know where to start since it is not a love relationship question. Several things have coincided (moved to another town and suffered from a rather long period of depression and anxiety) and I kind of lost touch with some of my old friends ...
A. 5 January 2016: The answer to your question is the last sentence. Volunteering is great. IT gets you out there, meeting people you wouldn’t otherwise. You do something you’re good at: people volunteer their skills and strengths, whether that’s working on the ... (read in full...)
What do I do if they do divorce?
Q. So this question is more about the relationship with my parents. I have two amazing parents that love me and I love them, however my dad is an alcoholic. His drinking affects me and my mom quite a bit, as we are always worrying about his healt...
A. 3 January 2016: My heart goes out to you. You love your dad. Love is quite a burden sometimes, when you can’t stop some-one going down the path of self-destruct, but you care too much to leave them to the mess that is of their own making and for which they, and ... (read in full...)
She punishes me for having emotions. when I tell her how I feel she rips into me. When is this ever accptable?
Q. I'm a gay female. I've been in an off and on again relationship with my ex for many years. We constantly have blowups and then get back together. It's very unhealthy. Part of the problem is I feel that she constantly punishes me for my feelings...
A. 3 January 2016: I think that she feels impossibly conflicted. The ideal would be a loving relationship with the acceptance of the family, but it’s not going to happen. Unfortunately she feels too much loyalty to them and not enough to you, to confront this ... (read in full...)
How do I just "grow a pair" and approach a girl who hasn't shown any interest in me?
Q. When going out, I often have girls giving me signals of interest. Then there are some really good looking ones that seem uninterested. I would love to ask out one of the latter ones. About three times I've been told by others that after I lef...
A. 3 January 2016: Denizen’s right. Don’t rush it. It’s better if you show some interest yourself. Talk to her, ask her how she is and make conversation. With the ice broken, you can then ask her if she’d like to meet up again. If she asks about the intention of the ... (read in full...)
Where would you suggest I look to find a woman willing to cuckold me and become pregnant by another man after she and I are married?
Q. Have looked and having trouble finding, yet I KNOW they exist. I am a single male, seeking a female for a relationship and eventual marriage. I am mostly submissive and definitely a cuckold. Seeing my gf having sex with men is amazingly erotic...
A. 3 January 2016: The problem isn’t about what is right or wrong and in whose opinion, but that this desire is extremely unusual. When it’s hard even to find something on the internet, you know it’s something very out of the ordinary. I tried various Google searches. ... (read in full...)
I became bored with him and we broke up. What should I do about the fact that I now miss my ex?
Q. I am not perfect by any means, but when I care someone I give that my all. I fell for my ex, believing he was my type of guy. He turned out not to be. I have goals/ambitions/interests and he had none of those. The guy I'm w/doesn't need t...
A. 3 January 2016: The contradiction in your question is that the post lists a long list of complaints about your ex, with nothing good said about him, and yet you miss him. I think that you may be confused about your feelings. I suspect you’re not missing him, but ... (read in full...)
Was listening to a man moaning on youtube cheating on my husband?
Q. I was away from my husband, who doesn,t like phone sex, and I decided to play with myself unsuccesfully, so i listened to some random moaning on you tube that helped. I feel bad and feel like I cheated on him. Am I wrong to have listened to the ...
A. 30 December 2015: Think of it as porn: material that you use for stimulation. Okay, it was audible rather than visual but it’s the same concept. If it were porn, would you consider that cheating? IT all depends really on what each of you consider to be cheating: ... (read in full...)
What can I do about the guilt I feel over the loss of my virginity to a man I met online?
Q. Feeling guilty and dirty I am a 25 years old guy who happens to be gay. I was not out with anybody, even with my family. I was still a virgin till last summer. I moved to a new place for my work in June. For the first few weeks I were homesick ...
A. 27 December 2015: There’s no easy way to magic away feelings of regret, but we have to find a way to live with them. IT would be easy for me to tell you to stop feeling guilty, that it doesn’t matter, that it’s in the past, that few people your age have never had any ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to date someone 15 years younger?
Q. Is it really ok for a 48 year old (me-female) to go out with a 32 year old (mature/sensible)guy? I don't have a big issue with age gaps but this seems quite a big gap. Is it doomed to end in disaster? I have two grown up daughters and he so far ...
A. 23 December 2015: Sophie, the thing about age gaps is that it’s not the age disparity that is the important issue: the important issue is life stages. The reason why large age gaps can be problematic is that people of widely differing ages will have different levels ... (read in full...)
Am I being disrespected or did I misunderstand him completely?
Q. Hi to the people of Dear Cupid, I have been seeing a guy for the past 4 years. We are really serious about each other. Around 6 months ago, he moved some 300 miles away for a new job. This was really important for him, as he was unemployed for a...
A. 23 December 2015: Sorry but I think you’re being a bit dramatic. I don’t know why he asked you to wait and think about the flights, but he hadn’t indicated at any point that he did not wish to pay. Perhaps you both go about organising things in a different way. ... (read in full...)
What do I do? Find a passionate partner? Or go for a comfortable existence?
Q. I'm in real trouble, I'm in my mid twenties now and final year of uni, I have a brilliant girlfriend of a year and a half. She's really nice and clever, come from a great family very well raised. We would have a brilliant life together if we ever ...
A. 23 December 2015: You said it: you want to have your cake and eat it. Sorry, it doesn’t work like that. You’re cheating on your girlfriend. You say that you’re “an awful guy for cheating,” but you don’t seem to have any desire to stop. I think you do indeed have your ... (read in full...)
Confrontation. Was it right to not confront him? Does it seem as if I didn't stand up for myself?
Q. I dated a guy for 2 months then he stopped responding to my messages one day. I didn't confront him about it or anything, I was actually about to be going on a trip so I didn't have time for the drama. 2 weeks later while I'm on my trip he tells me ...
A. 23 December 2015: I share the consensus opinion here. It’s not about sticking up for yourself: so what if you had stuck up for yourself and confronted him? It wouldn’t have changed anything if he’s a flake, which it sounds like he is. I wouldn’t give him another ... (read in full...)
May We All Find Peace And Love This Holiday Season
Q. I wish to offer my most sincere wish of good tidings, good cheer, and peace in a troubled world. If we all watch the news and read social media; we would think the world has gone mad. The mass killings of innocent people. The plight of people who ...
A. 23 December 2015: You are a fantastic contributor to this site, regularly giving very good answers that are thorough, fair and helpful. They are also enjoyable to read. I hope you have a very merry Christmas and I hope for all good things for you in 2016.
I wis... (read in full...)
My ex shut his heart against love but after 2 years apart I still want him back
Q. Hi, I am 27 and I am only interested in men much older than me. There are certain qualities that I am looking for in a man that can only exist in older men. I hate young men and everything about them. Young men disgust me. I don't mind an age gap of ...
A. 22 December 2015: I’m afraid you’re making life very difficult for yourself. Your preference for the older man is your own business. It’s a shame that you appear to have so readily dismissed all younger men, as though all younger men are somehow the same. Some young ... (read in full...)
She took the presents and ran
Q. Hello was dating this woman for a short time. I just gave her Christmas presents, then next day she broke up with me. Should I ask for them back?...
A. 19 December 2015: These presents were gifts. Gifts are given freely without contracts or conditions and that is what makes them gifts. They are given freely and receiving them imposes no debt or obligation on you. The honourable thing for her to do would be to return ... (read in full...)
How can I escape the singles rut?
Q. Sometimes I feel like I am meant to be single forever. Sad I know. I am a single Mother to a 3 year old. I am in my 20's. Don't get me wrong I love being a Mum. My life is all about my daughter. Average day up out to Nursery, I go to work. Come ...
A. 12 December 2015: I’m glad you realise you have a lot to offer. Okay, so it’s not going to be easy to meet some-one but I think there are things you could do.
First, what about finding some-one who might be willing to meet you for a lunch date? If evenings are prob... (read in full...)
How do I approach his relationship with the nanny?
Q. After our second year of marriage, I went back to work after the birth of our child. With the both of us at work, we decided to hire a nanny. The nanny who was fresh out of college at the time, is an attractive girl but I never cared because ...
A. 10 December 2015: What a difficult situation in that house. I don’t know why the nanny is getting involved in your arguments anyway, but I can’t help feeling that your kids are the ones suffering in all this: Mum and Dad split up but living together, arguing and the ... (read in full...)
How do I know for sure if my suspicions that my boyfriend's younger sister is gay, and what should I do, or not do?
Q. Hi everyone My boyfriend has a 19 year old sister (I will just call her "Jane") and I have known her for many years but have recently realized something that is not quite normal about her. She is extremely pretty but has never had a boyfriend or e...
A. 10 December 2015: I think the only thing you can do is to be friendly, show an interest in her, ask her how she is and create the impression for her that you’re open if she ever wants to confide in you. It’s difficult because you are dating her brother, so she might ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend doesn't have alot of time for me. She says take it or leave it
Q. Haven't heard from my girlfriend in three days, don't know why, we get along real good I thought, she is a busy person with work ,an working out, paladies,her dogs, about five months in the relationship, I treat her like a princess, every one says ...
A. 10 December 2015: I’m with Denizen on this. Perhaps it would be nice if she did make some time for your relationship and prioritised you a bit more, but she doesn’t want to, isn’t going to and isn’t going to be persuaded to. She has said very clearly that you have to ... (read in full...)
She told me she runs if a guy falls for her. Did she run?
Q. We are a new couple, three months, we haven't had a argument, every thing been sweet, she hasn't called or tex in four days, I've texted three times, I haven't heard anything from her, is it over, she told me in the beginning, if a guy started to ...
A. 10 December 2015: Honeypie’s right. I think the warning signs were clearly there. Maybe there is a reason, or maybe this is it. I think Honeypie made a good suggestion when she suggested looking to see what platforms she’s been active on. Didn’t you talk at the time ... (read in full...)
Will it be a huge turnoff to girls to find out I'm a virgin?
Q. To begin things im just gonna say that im a virgin...well i had girlfriends before but im kind of the emotional attachment old school kind of guy so i dated a girl for 6 months and still didnt have sex. Even though i dated i always respected a girl ...
A. 10 December 2015: I don’t think it will be a turnoff that you’re a virgin. The fact is, you’re a gentleman. You respect women, you take the time to get to know them and you take things slowly. For a lot of young ladies, that’s a refreshing change from the kinds of ... (read in full...)
He's not over his ex after 2 years, is this a lost cause or will I get my chance?
Q. I have been friends with this guy for over a year and we recently started to date. Now that we're romantically involved, I can see that he isn't over his ex. I didn't realize the issue before we started dating, I guess because he doesn't really t...
A. 8 December 2015: I’m having some trouble with this question, because it’s not clear what evidence you have that he’s not over the ex. You said they have mutual friends and meet up from time to time, but if you think that despite this she’s moved on, what’s different ... (read in full...)
Would a guy still bother to text the girl he's slept with even if he's not interested?
Q. It was my second date with this guy and I wasn't really sure if I liked him but I was 100% sure i was physically attracted to him and I really wanted to sleep with him. The date lasted for about 26 hours. He let me stay over at his place he was ...
A. 8 December 2015: Yes, he’s interested and that’s no surprise. The question is why he’s interested? CindyCares is right to point out that if you’re going to have sex this soon, you really can’t have any expectations. That one encounter might just be it: end of the ... (read in full...)
Two children and a home together breaking down over a kiss. Something doesn't add up. Should I still meet him?
Q. A guy of 40 I'm chatting to online lost everything in his divorce. He said he kissed his wife's best friend and that her friend was jealous of their relationship. His wife of 10 years never trusted him again. To me this sounds a bit far fetched. Two ...
A. 8 December 2015: You say that something doesn’t add up, but he might just believe that this was the issue. In fact, it was probably the trigger and the final straw in a relationship that was probably troubled for some time. Perhaps she ended it after the kiss, and ... (read in full...)
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These are mutual friends, so *o nonsense Aidan has
added them and they have added *o nonsense Aidan!
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