| Latest articles: I'm a thoroughly modern brand of old-fashioned
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 August 2016: I was particularly amused by a recent comment about my views. I was described as living in “the 1950s,” which I found highly amusing. But when I’d had my chuckle, I got to thinking: what would it be like to be stuck in the 50s? How does the ...
I hate cheating, but not as much as a failure to forgive
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 August 2015: IT’s been the story that hasn’t gone away all week. Ashley Madison sent journalists in to a spin trying to access the 9.7 gb of data leaked on to the internet, trying to find any public figures who may be embroiled in the scandal. Suspicious spouses ...
Childless by choice: please stop judging us
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2015: This morning, as usual, I was perusing the questions on Dearcupid, when I stumbled across a question from a woman regarding her feelings about not wanting a child. Although I gave a comprehensive answer to the question, it touched a nerve with me, ...
On-line dating: my honest look
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 January 2014: On-line dating: my honest look Those who read my column with any regularity will know there is considerable absence of references to my personal life. I am, for the most part, keen to concentrate on advising because, good advice is good no matte...
Revenge is sweet: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that.
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
9 March 2013: REVENGE IS SWEET: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that. Revenge, they say, is sweet. Well British people have, if they have been following the news, witnessed a very public case in point to prove that the reverse can ...
Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 January 2013: Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies You may or may not know that in Ireland, the date of 6 January is known as Women’s Christmas (Nollaig na mBan). On this day, the tradition (still strong in parts of the country) is that men take responsibil...
|
My boyfriend refuses to let me leave!
Q. I have been my boyfriend Andrew on and off for 3 years he's 29 I'm 26 we have a beautiful 2 year old daughter we have officially been dating for 5 months he says he loves me but he never shows it he's great with his daughter and my oldest who's not ...
A. 2 February 2013: No, from what you’re telling us, he does not refuse to let you leave him. He just doesn’t make it easy for you to walk away because he obviously has feelings for you, even if he is too foolish to change his ways. If you love him, have you talked to ... (read in full...)
I was called a bad name by a stranger and it ruined my whole day. How do I stop caring about this kind of event?
Q. Hi guys, this may sound like a silly problem but it bothers me a lot, Basically while usually I'm a real tough cookie, sometimes small things people do or say bother me far more than they really should, I get really sad and insecure, For e...
A. 2 February 2013: You’re not likely to forget something like that for a day or so, don’t give yourself a hard time about that. But the reality is that this man’s behaviour was totally out of line. He wasn’t saying this because that's what he, or anyone else, actually ... (read in full...)
Online girl I met says she has a b/f yet sends sexual pictures to me and then gets angry! What gives?
Q. hi people i need advice and insight as to what's been going on between me and this lovely and sweet, caring girl i met a few months ago playing video games... LONG STORY SHORT. she's 18. met her online but never met in person but plan on ...
A. 2 February 2013: This girl is a cheat. If she really wanted to be with you she’d have the decency to be honest with her boyfriend and leave him. What do you expect people to say about you? “I know she has a boyfriend but if she's being all seductive and
sexual towa... (read in full...)
There is no contact inbetween our planning to set up a date. Is this normal?
Q. I met a guy online and we met for coffee a few weeks ago. It was ok, there wasn't an instant connection but wasn't completely awful either. When we were leaving he told me if I wanted to do something to get in touch with him. I figured I had no...
A. 31 January 2013: You’re so early in to dating that perhaps he’s shy or you’re just not that comfortable yet where you can feel no awkwardness about making contact other than to finalise details for a meeting. Why not arrange the next date and after that contact him ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my three children that I'm going to have another baby?
Q. dear aunts and uncles .. i have found myself in somewhat of a mess , first of all let me tell you a little bit of my story ,, i seperated from my husband about 9 months ago after a long hard marriage and about 8 weeks ago i met a lovely man .. we ...
A. 31 January 2013: Whilst nothing is wrong with anything iAmHereToHelpYou has said, what’s done is done. You might choose to leave it a month or two if you want, but this isn’t going to go away in that time so if you’re waiting for an easier time to tell them it’s not ... (read in full...)
Why do I feel so depressed after he made an offer to let me watch him have sex with his future girlfriend?
Q. Hi everyone, before anyone jumps in and bash me for being immature and naive and stupid, I do hope you can understand that I only came here and ask for your help because I'm desperate and don't know where to go to so please try to be ...
A. 30 January 2013: It seems that you developed an emotional attachment to this man, but for him it continued to be a bit of fun. That’s why you’re hurt and why you need to end all contact with him. Take a step back and you’ll see this for what it really is, something ... (read in full...)
Why is it an ex always looks better after a break up than when you were together?
Q. Why is it when you've broken up with a girl, when you next see them they always look better than they did before? It's strange, the girl I used to go out with she has always been beautiful, but I ran into yesterday for the first time in a while ...
A. 30 January 2013: IT’s probably because you just forgot quite how attractive she was to you. I’m not suggesting you stopped thinking she was beautiful when you were together, but perhaps took that for granted? It’s normal for that to happen in a relationship. Maybe ... (read in full...)
Is her behavior normal? I feel like I'm being insensitive but at the same time I think she needs to help herself.
Q. I guess I want to get people’s views on my breakup. I met this girl two weeks after a painful breakup. We connected and it just felt right, maybe all a bit too good. We dated for a while, and she told me she loved me after two weeks. She seem...
A. 30 January 2013: This relationship seems to have been troubled from the very start, and it progressed very quickly indeed. Maybe you need to take things a little more slowly and be a bit more careful when some-one says they love you after a couple of weeks, appears ... (read in full...)
My husband says he doesn't watch porn or masturbate ever. Is this possible?
Q. All I ever read on this site is how men use porn. If a guy says he isn't using porn then he is lying. I read a post just the other day for a woman who wanted a man who didn't cheat, watch porn, look at other women, etc. It got tons of replies all ...
A. 30 January 2013: Porn is everywhere and unfortunately, whatever your opinion of it, it does cause problems in many relationships and is a subject commonly discussed on this site. Then again, so is cheating, but are all men, or for that matter all women, cheats? Of ... (read in full...)
My fiancé wants to become a surrogate through artificial insemination for her friend. What do I say?
Q. This is going to be weird but here it goes. My fiance brought up a weird question to me. Her long time friend because of a health condition her window to have a child is closing fast. My fiance came to me and asked me how I would feel if she would ...
A. 30 January 2013: You need to tell her truthfully how you feel about this if it’s brought up again. If this is more than a wild notion, she’d better think very seriously indeed about this. Encourage her to see how huge it is that she will be carrying a child inside ... (read in full...)
If I do well in my exams, will he come back?
Q. My cousin proposed to me and i accepted. We didnt go for outings although we wanted because we cant make it. After 2 months he said that he wants me to concentrate in my exams. Its been a year that we had break up but i still cant forget him. He ...
A. 30 January 2013: Do I think he’ll come back if you do well in your exams? No, I’m afraid not. This is about more than exams: if he was only concerned about you doing well in your exams, he didn’t have to break up with you. He could have agreed to keep his distance ... (read in full...)
I want a man who doesn't cheat or look at pornography. Does he exist?
Q. I want a man like this does this even exist? Basically i'm after a man who does not engage in any kind of cheating at all (glances at swimsuit pics mildly acceptable.) but no porn, no talking dirty to others, little female friends, no strip clubs. ...
A. 27 January 2013: Of course it’s possible, the generalisations about most men seem to me to be based on little substantial evidence but rather result from people applying their own experiences or the experiences of people close to them to form a view of all men. I’m ... (read in full...)
Why did he break up with me? I don't understand
Q. Im in love with a guy who has all the character of being a flirty one. He always wanted to go out with me but it wouldnt work out. He ask about my likes and dislikes to my friend. After 3 months he said that lets break up. I asked him why he said ...
A. 27 January 2013: Unfortunately, it sounds like he’s decided that, either he isn’t right for you, or you’re not right for each other. Perhaps he doesn’t know how to explain why he feels that way or chooses not to, but that is what it comes down to. This may be hard ... (read in full...)
Does anyone else have to pay board to their parents?
Q. Hi, just a quick question! I am 20 years old, and have just moved back home. My parents have asked me to contribute $100 a week, for rent/bills/food. I work full-time, making about $600 (aus) a week. I also have my phone bill to pay, as well as ...
A. 27 January 2013: It’s very fair, you’re an adult so they aren’t now responsible for your upkeep anymore and if you choose to live at home you should expect to contribute some of your earnings to the people that are putting you up. As others have said, you’re saving ... (read in full...)
Unexpected death of an acquaintance has got me thinking--whats the point?
Q. I've just found out that a colleague of mine with whom I used to work a some 4 years ago had a mortal car accident this morning while he was driving to work: the road was icy, he lost control of his car and crashed against a tree- he died. We wer...
A. 24 January 2013: What’s the point? Well what gives meaning to your life varies hugely from person to person, but it, whatever it is, is the point. This man’s death is a stark reminder of the fragility of human life. All the things you say remind us that we can’t ... (read in full...)
Should we move fiance's disabled sister in with us? She isn't being treated right at her home
Q. I'm wondering if I should move my fiance's disabled sister in with us. She is very sweet and respectful and high-functioning (considering her multiple disabilities, and she currently lives on her own. My fiance and I drive her to places she needs to ...
A. 23 January 2013: IF you’re both theoretically keen that she should move in with you, and it’s what she wants (I assume from this post she is capable of making that choice), then why not? The important thing will be to plan this carefully and not to rush it: you’ll ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend had me charged for a crime when she was the one who has been abusive
Q. My life is in such a mess! I was with my girlfriend for about two years. Anyway, after a few months I caught her cheating. But I took her back. Then I caught her cheating again and I took her back. She then started to raise her hands to me abou...
A. 23 January 2013: IT’s likely that your opportunity to press charges would have been on those occasions where the police were called and now it’s your word against hers. The pair of you are an explosive combination, where dealing with things is either achieved ... (read in full...)
I don't trust him to go to his friends birthday party
Q. Hi, I need some advice. My bf and I have trust issues, and his best friend is havi.g a bday bash. Loud music, booze, friends and girls. We planned to go together but the baby sitter got sick and I cant find anyone on such short notice... I do not ...
A. 20 January 2013: IF this were just about one party then yes, you’d be over-thinking things and being unreasonable. But this party’s not the issue, the issue is the fact that the trust issues seem not to be resolved so far as I can see. So, what’s he still not doing ... (read in full...)
He seems unfazed by our break up. Why can't he accept that I've broken up with him?
Q. My boyfriend seems unfazed by our break up. It has been a little over a month now and he has been sending me texts every now and then and I have just been ignoring him. He sent me a text today and we ended up chatting on yahoo messenger. I never re...
A. 20 January 2013: Stop messaging him altogether, cut contact. If he’s not taking what you’re saying seriously, it’s the kindest thing for him to stop replying to his messages and engaging in these messaging conversations. Whether it’s arrogance and a belief that ... (read in full...)
I asked my ex to meet up and she totally ignored me. What does that mean?
Q. Me and my ex girlfriend are back in touch in after 3 months. I asked jer to meet up and she completely ignored the question and changed the subject. What does this mean!?!...
A. 20 January 2013: When you say you’re back in touch, who initiated contact? Why are you back in touch? Have both or one of you moved on with some-one else? IT means for whatever reason she doesn’t want to meet up with you. Maybe it’s too hard for her, maybe she ... (read in full...)
Would I be a horrible wife if I found another home for this terrible dog?
Q. I don't know what to do about my husband's dog! He found the dog wondering the streets and took him in when no one claimed him. This was before we even started dating. I quickly realized why no one wanted to claim this dog... He was not potty ...
A. 20 January 2013: You wouldn’t be doing it to be horrible or to spite your husband. Dogs are wonderful creatures, they can make for some of the best friends a person could ask for. That makes your husband’s lack of willingness to discuss this very understandable and ... (read in full...)
Worried about my gf never ever being jealous or mad at me
Q. dear aunts and uncles, i've been dating this girl for a year now and we get along great, that great that she never picks a fight, she has ever been mad with me about anything, she is over confident about me, she never, ever get jelaous i feel like ...
A. 20 January 2013: It’s a complement to be taken for granted in a healthy way. She doesn’t get mad with you because you’ve obviously got good communication. She doesn’t get jealous because she trusts you completely. That’s a good thing. Ask anyone dealing with ... (read in full...)
He wants me to give up my dream of children because he already has 4 kids
Q. i am desperately in.love with an.older man. i met him 2years ago however i have learned that he has 4 kids to his ex gf. i know he has been.hurt in.the past but he.wants me to give up my chances of having children because he already has them. i dont ...
A. 20 January 2013: This one’s pretty black and white I’m afraid: It’s him or your dream. If you’re wanting him to be your long-term partner and to have kids, it’s a combination he’s been very clear is never going to happen. So, before you get deeper in to this ... (read in full...)
A girl at work told me that she's been having an affair with my dad, she's pregnant, and that she wants to marry him, and they're in love!! How will I ever cope?
Q. Recently I found out off my friend [a girl in work] that she's been having an affair with my dad. What she said next was the kicker - she told me she's pregnant, and that she wants to marry him, and they're in love!!! I feel sick, disgusted and up...
A. 20 January 2013: Hi Rae.
She’s younger than you even, judging by your stated age here. What’s missing from all this is what your Dad has to say for himself? Do you know it’s true? Has he had a chance to explain himself? What does he plan to do: he’ll need to supp... (read in full...)
How can I break up with my internet buddy? Shall I just tell him the truth, even if he thinks I used him?
Q. Hi there, my problem is that I started internet dating and met this guy and slept with him on our first date because I wanted to show my ex-bf that I could and had moved on. This guy is nice but now he is still around, he told me he loves me and w...
A. 20 January 2013: You are awful. You used some-one to get back at an ex, did you consider how that might have an impact on him at all? I doubt it. And why don’t you have a bit more self-respect than to jump in to bed with some-one so soon to make a point to an ex. ... (read in full...)
Is he sticking around for sex or he genuinely likes me?
Q. Met this guy online. First date was at his house, and yes ended up making out in his bed but no sex. Second time i was drunk and lonely. He texted and ask if i want to go over to "cuddle". again i agreed, and i ended up at his house. No sex as ...
A. 20 January 2013: Darrell Goodliffe is spot on here! He didn’t actually push for sex at all, you just made out which I presume you were comfortable with. So you’ve no basis for suspecting he’s using you. You might have rushed things a bit going to his place and being ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend asked for undetermined break!
Q. Hello everyone, i don't know how to deal with my boyfriend. There is something that happened to my life and i told him exactly what happened the whole truth, but however i wasnt comfortable telling my family yet, i grew up in a family where we weren...
A. 20 January 2013: What a terrible shame that instead of supporting you to deal with what sounds like a difficult issue, he betrayed your trust by speaking to your family without allowing you the chance to do that on your own terms. Then to top it all, he says he ... (read in full...)
What are the risks of falling for older men?
Q. What are the risks of falling for older men? I keep falling for older men, some are married and some are single. I have slept with a few of them and had intercourse. I hate being alone and I think older men know how to treat a woman, am I right ...
A. 20 January 2013: You say that older men know how to treat a woman, could I politely suggest that a married man who is cheating on his wife with you doesn’t really know how to treat a woman well. Do you want to be lied to like that? Carry on falling for men like ... (read in full...)
Do people somehow get a free pass to behave less well because they have an ex and kids? While those without an ex and kids are expected to come second?
Q. Hi aunts. Can I have your opinion on this: If one partner in a relationship is divorced with kids and the other never married no kids, what responsibility does the divorced partner have in the relationship? Is it less than if he had no kids or ...
A. 20 January 2013: Well, there’s no reason why he should love her less, or be less required to cherish and care for his partner than he would be if he didn’t have kids. Forget the ex, it’s the kids that are the issue here. If he’s always putting her last and not ... (read in full...)
I'm playing with fire with an 18 year old co-worker that also works with my wife
Q. I'm 36 and have been married for 15 years,we have 3 children and have been happy for most of our married life. I've recently been getting feelings for an 18 year old girl at work and we have been flirting by text and she claims she fancies me ...
A. 19 January 2013: There’s nothing wrong with a friendship with some-one of the opposite sex, and being there for them if they’re going through a tough time. But if you think this is likely to go further then put a stop to it now. She can always seek counselling if ... (read in full...)
I have a boyfriend but I'm having lesbian thoughts and its not what I want to feel
Q. I'm a 16 year old girl and I'm having bi / lesbain thoughts I'm scared I have an amazing boyfriend I love him I'm scared I'm gonna lose him the thought scares me and makes me cry I love him I wanna clear my head it makes it hard for me to sleep ...
A. 19 January 2013: Don’t give yourself such a hard time over this. The reality is that most people aren’t 100% anything whether straight or gay. At your age it’s perfectly normal not to know for certain what your sexuality is, or to know what it is but still to have ... (read in full...)
I had sex with my supposedly straight friend and now he's ignoring me
Q. Hi, I've never really done this relationship advice thingies but it couldn't hurt right? Ok we'll here's the deal. A few nights ago, I slept with my "supposed straight" friend when he was drunk. I didn't force him into anything and asked him if this ...
A. 19 January 2013: Give him space.
Maybe when he sobered up he realised he’d made a big mistake. Not only has he cheated on his girlfriend, but maybe he’s now asking himself all kinds of questions about his own sexuality. He may be feeling a whole range of emot... (read in full...)
Is it weird that I get attached to people very quickly?
Q. Hey everyone, Lately I'v been thinking about how I am,and conclusion I'm a little wierd..cuz I get too attached to people it being first,I may know you for a day and I expect that it would last for a long time and I'm referring to friendsh...
A. 19 January 2013: It’s actually very common. It can be a hard thing for people to live with because actually most people have a friendship hierarchy, of a few very close friends and a wider pool of friends/acquaintances and once they have that they mightn’t be ... (read in full...)
He can't handle it now that I no longer have a crush on him
Q. I still remember when I first fell in love. Or fell in what I thought was love. It was unrequited and I was very young. I managed to stay in that infatuated state for a good four years. Many things happened during that time. For example, he foun...
A. 19 January 2013: So what do you want advice on? Sounds like you’ve moved on from a guy who never took you seriously and treated you badly, great! Good for you! I think the best thing to do is carry on ignoring him and don’t go out of your way to hurt him. The only ... (read in full...)
When my husband wants sex, I'm always available, but when I want it, I have to wait till he wants to
Q. I've been with my husband 11 years. We both enjoy sex very much and now I'm pregnant with our 4th child. He wants sex all the time and usually when he wants it I give it, however, when I want it I have to wait til he feels like giving it. I feel ...
A. 19 January 2013: What you do is simple: next time he wants sex, tell him not tonight. Give him a taste of his own medicine. If he doesn’t like it you can remind him that this is what he does to you when you’ve initiated sex in the past, so if you don’t feel like sex ... (read in full...)
My 19 year old stepdaughter is having an affair with a man 30 years her senior. We can't make her see reason!
Q. My 19 yr old step daughter is having an affair with a 49 yr old rep that delivers hair products to the salon where she works. Her dad knows but doesn't care and her mother and I are worried sick he is only after one thing. He takes her away for ...
A. 19 January 2013: Your distress at this situation is understandable. Either he’s only after sex, or he’s emotionally vulnerable and enjoying being the crush of a much younger woman, and he thinks he has feelings for her but needs to keep lavishing the cash to keep ... (read in full...)
Ex sent me dirty pictures says its because of me that he's hard. What do I do?
Q. Well, my ex messaged me out of the blue saying he missed me, then he ended up sending me a dirty picture saying I'm the reason that it's well hard. I'm pretty sure he only wants one thing . Should I just ignore him or what?...
A. 17 January 2013: Ignore him. This one’s obvious: yes, he’s only after one thing. This is no way to behave, and certainly no way to win an ex back. Forget about him.
I wish you all the very best.
... (read in full...)
My ex husband doesn't love me anymore but wants us to have a child together
Q. I have my ex-husband who told he doesnt love me anymore with no reason and now he wants us to have a second child outside a relationship and he is extremly proud. and i still love him. What do i do to get him back?...
A. 17 January 2013: I am sorry to tell you that everything ImmortalPrincess says is quite right: having a child outside of the relationship will be a disaster. You don’t say how you feel about having a child, only that you want him back. Well unfortunately having his ... (read in full...)
Is there ever a good reason or explanation for cheating?
Q. I learned my lesbian gf was cheating on me by talking with other women. One in particular I caught her talking with twice. After the first time getting caught she promised she was sorry and she wouldn't do anything like that to hurt me again. She ...
A. 14 January 2013: Cheating is inherently dishonest, if it wasn’t inherently deceitful it wouldn’t be cheating would it? You can’t make excuses to minimise your own actions: you can’t say you were lonely or angry or whatever and think that makes it a little better ... (read in full...)
They stop caring after a short time. I think that I DESERVE romance! Is it too much to ask?
Q. I'll start by saying this: I've never been overly obsessed with romance, like I've never chased it, if it happens then it happens. I'm 19 and I've never had anything romantic, I've never even been on a proper date, the guys I go for get comforta...
A. 13 January 2013: Well you’ve just been unlucky so far. But you’re never going to get romance with this guy. Don’t try to dump him, do it. Move out, move on! He’s know good, he thinks nothing of you and you deserve a lot better. You said you don’t chase romance, well ... (read in full...)
He abused me for years. Then he found a new Gf. Now he is ill he wants me back. What do I say? I said "no" but he's not listening.
Q. I was in love with this guy in my early teens and he was 16 at the time. We were together for many years had two kids and then he winds up being over protective very mentally, verbally,physically abusive toward me. The abuse started after I had ...
A. 13 January 2013: How self-indulgent of him to expect you just to forget years of abuse because he’s sick and he wants the chance to put things right. He’s been given your forgiveness, that’s big enough of you to do that. Now if he really cared for you he’d leave you ... (read in full...)
| *o nonsense Aidan's friends
These are mutual friends, so *o nonsense Aidan has
added them and they have added *o nonsense Aidan!
|
