| Latest articles: I'm a thoroughly modern brand of old-fashioned
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12 August 2016: I was particularly amused by a recent comment about my views. I was described as living in “the 1950s,” which I found highly amusing. But when I’d had my chuckle, I got to thinking: what would it be like to be stuck in the 50s? How does the ...
I hate cheating, but not as much as a failure to forgive
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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23 August 2015: IT’s been the story that hasn’t gone away all week. Ashley Madison sent journalists in to a spin trying to access the 9.7 gb of data leaked on to the internet, trying to find any public figures who may be embroiled in the scandal. Suspicious spouses ...
Childless by choice: please stop judging us
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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6 July 2015: This morning, as usual, I was perusing the questions on Dearcupid, when I stumbled across a question from a woman regarding her feelings about not wanting a child. Although I gave a comprehensive answer to the question, it touched a nerve with me, ...
On-line dating: my honest look
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12 January 2014: On-line dating: my honest look Those who read my column with any regularity will know there is considerable absence of references to my personal life. I am, for the most part, keen to concentrate on advising because, good advice is good no matte...
Revenge is sweet: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that.
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9 March 2013: REVENGE IS SWEET: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that. Revenge, they say, is sweet. Well British people have, if they have been following the news, witnessed a very public case in point to prove that the reverse can ...
Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies
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6 January 2013: Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies You may or may not know that in Ireland, the date of 6 January is known as Women’s Christmas (Nollaig na mBan). On this day, the tradition (still strong in parts of the country) is that men take responsibil...
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Child Support issues. Am I asking for too much? He thinks so.
Q. After separating from my husband if many years, I started to claim for child support When he got to know this from the agency he sent me a text saying, "can't believe you're doing this to me, taking my kids and family away and now also causing ...
A. 24 December 2012: If you’re asking the minimum that he is required to pay for his kids, no you’re not asking too much and he should not be complaining. If he was able to give more that would be nice for his kids but if there’s aminimum he’s required to pay this is ... (read in full...)
What you do if your BF and ex wanted both wanted to marry you?
Q. If you were a gal and you had a child and both your baby's father and your ex boyfriend wanted to marry you, and you loved both of them, then,what would you do?...
A. 22 December 2012: iAmHereToHelpYou is right. If you’re not clear in your head with 100% confidence which one you want to be with and spend the rest of your life with, it’s not that you’re in love with both of them. Rather, you don’t love either one of them enough. ... (read in full...)
I'm an uncircumcised virgin. My penis swells after masturbation and it has me a little concerned.
Q. Okay I have a little problem and it's kind of embarrassing. But ever since I could, whenever I masturbate my penis gets all swollen afterwards. I don't know why it does this. It's not like I do it a lot, I don't. And I don't do it too rough either. ...
A. 21 December 2012: As others have already said, this needs to be run past a doctor. I personally haven’t heard of anyone describing this before but then again it’s a private matter and something people feel embarrassed about so that doesn’t necessarily mean anything. ... (read in full...)
I've had an epiphany regarding my past and present relationships and am wondering if anyone else has ever experienced this.
Q. I have been thinking a lot about my past and present relationships recently because I've noticed that I tend to stay with people for far longer than I sometimes should. I know it's not that I'm afraid to be alone, because I have been happily single ...
A. 21 December 2012: It’s great that you’ve been able to reflect on yourself and come up with conclusions and ideas like this. You’ve clearly got low self-esteem. You want to try and earn some-one’s love because you need to feel like some-one loves you to feel okay ... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend say I'm annoying when I'm just trying to be helpful/positive?
Q. hi everyone, my boyfriend has recently started saying im annoying. ive asked him what i do wrong and all he says is that i am too enthusiastic about stuff. we live apart so dont see each other too often, so when i get to see him or cal...
A. 16 December 2012: IF something is bothering him, unfortunately he’s bottling it up and venting his anger on you whereas he should be talking to you and asking for your support. It’s unfortunate that he has difficulties but that’s no excuse for such outright rudeness. ... (read in full...)
I think rejection has scarred me. How do I overcome it?
Q. What can I do to stop feeling bad about myself? I feel ugly and fat and low all the time because the guy I loved left me after 2 and a half years together. I have a new guy who says I'm beautiful and gorgeous but that rejection has truly scarred me...
A. 16 December 2012: He says you have been scarred by rejection, but do you agree with him? Your confidence will have taken a huge knock when the person you loved left you. However this doesn’t have to set the tone for the rest of your life or get in the way of your ... (read in full...)
Is he a player? Have I done the right thing?
Q. For convenience, I am going to call the guy Matt. Matt and I got to know each other at the end of September at a house party. We are both on the same course at uni and therefore spend a lot of time together due to being in the same lectures an...
A. 16 December 2012: Well he said he wasn’t going to lead you on so at least he was honest in the end. This isn’t worth worrying about anymore: just be glad you didn’t have sex with him and accept that you both want different things. You might as well be friendly when ... (read in full...)
Is it possible for my bf and I to get past his cheating behavior?
Q. I need a bit of advice (obviously). me and my boyfriend of two years are expecting our second child, (i know two children in 2 years doesnt look good) before i fell pregnant with my second child, i kissed another girl, (yes i'm female) however we ...
A. 16 December 2012: IT depends. In this case it was one drunken kiss and you’d done the same. All this when you were apparently split up anyway. So if you really want to make a go of this relationship you’ve both got to sit down together and admit to your mistakes. You ... (read in full...)
Why so hard finding good nice men?
Q. Dear Cupid, Im Asian women,was married with American white men. After divorced i live by my self. I work hard for take everything by my self. My married wasnt happy at all. He dont treat me well. He has 2 teen when i was marry him. They dont r...
A. 16 December 2012: You have had a horrible experience in your previous marriage, having been treated very badly. It’s great that you are on-line trying to meet people, on-line dating can be very good if you use a good site. Some sites are terrible, the best ones allow ... (read in full...)
Is it my shyness? my insecurity? I have rejected people when they have asked me out. Why can't I meet someone?
Q. Feeling very down because I see other people my age maturing and getting into relationships. I'm 17 and still haven't properly interacted (i.e dated)with the opposite sex yet. I know there's nothing wrong with that, I am completely normal. ...
A. 16 December 2012: If it doesn’t feel right that’s a very good reason. It’s good that you recognise that you are normal and that plenty of other people are in your situation and often have exactly the same worries and anxieties as you. It’s not easy feeling like ... (read in full...)
He was so happy about the baby. But will he still be there for me now that he's moved on? I can't let go of him.
Q. hi I'm new in this thing. Five months pregnant, my bf of 5years just broke up with me. When this happened I found some msgs in his phone to another gal telling her he wants to sleep with her, I confronted him about it he admitted it. And I apologis...
A. 15 December 2012: Tell him it’s too difficult for you to be just friends and that other than having essential contact over the baby, you think it’s best you keep your distance. That’s tough, and you’ll probably struggle a great deal to say it, but you have to find ... (read in full...)
First love questions
Q. Hi everyone :) You're probably going to think this is a stupid question but Im in love for the first time and im so so happy. But sometimes I feel a bit too happy and then i get freaked out because im so young (only 18) and i'll be going to uni soon...
A. 15 December 2012: This flood of overwhelming emotion that you describe is perfectly normal when you first fall in love with some-one, enjoy it while it lasts. Eventually things calm down and you realise that your relationship is based not just on those butterfly ... (read in full...)
I'm a straight guy with a fetish. Can this fetish be satisfied? And if not, then how can I move on from this fetish?
Q. I am a 26 year old mostly straight male. Ever since I was in my early teens, I have been extremely aroused at the idea of hanging with a buddy and us both being shirtless with our arms around each other. At times when I've been able to do this, wh...
A. 15 December 2012: Your theory may be correct. Think about it: you wouldn’t get shirtless and put your arms around some-one unless you were very close to them. Maybe what you’re desiring is the intimacy of a close friendship and although that’s an emotional form of ... (read in full...)
He's the father of our baby on the way. Was wrong for not trusting him? And what can I do now?
Q. Well my boyfriend of two years who I'm currently pregnant by, used to cheat on me . I had got past it and forgave him , he promised he wouldn't do it again and he just wanted to be with me and help with our baby . I believed it , well this mornin...
A. 15 December 2012: IF he was that keen to make a fresh start he’d have deleted her number from his phone and if necessary got a new phone number altogether. You can hardly be blamed for not trusting him, trust is something that’s got to be earned. He’d cheated on you ... (read in full...)
Did I get my Gf pregnant in the last four weeks? In view of past medical advice I received?
Q. Me and my partner have been together 9 weeks and I have major medical problems since I was born, and a few years back I was told that because of my operations there would be a very low chance of me having children as I can't ever ejaculate. During...
A. 15 December 2012: Being unable to ejaculate would certainly significantly reduce your fertility, but it wouldn’t be impossible for you to get some-one pregnant. Indeed you were advised you had a low chance, not no chance. It would seem that the unexpected has ... (read in full...)
My son feels no connection with his father
Q. I'm a mum of one, he's 18, and he's in university studying graphic design and computing. We live in North Lincolnshire, and work across the border in Kingston-u-Hull, my son goes to university and lives in Sheffield - so a bit of a distance between ...
A. 12 December 2012: Perhaps your husband became so consumed with the business dispute that he didn’t realise that it was having an impact on his son. It does seem a little questionable that he offered a description of a business dispute as a response to the news that ... (read in full...)
I get very upset when my partner sees his child from a past relationship! How do I deal with this?
Q. I have been with my partner for 15 months. We love each other very much. However, 7 months into our relationship I discovered that he has a child with his last partner of 2 years. I was skeptical throughout these 7 months as I had heard roumors, and ...
A. 12 December 2012: His child will always come first and his ex partner will always be a part-and a big one-of his life. What’s really awful about this situation is that if he’d been decent and honest about this from the start you might have been able to walk away ... (read in full...)
How could he be over me so quickly after a seven month relationship?
Q. okay my boyfriend just broke up with me two days ago, he broke up with me three weeks ago because he wanted to find himself and needed his alone time i guess but it didnt last that long before he wanted me back cuz he regretted it immediatley and ...
A. 9 December 2012: What makes you think he’s over you? If he’s cutting contact it’s probably because he knows the relationship isn’t going to work and thinks it’s best to move on. If he kept up contact with you wouldn’t you just have false hope that there’s a chance ... (read in full...)
Is he genuine? Every time he's 'going to leave her' something comes up. How do get more strength to cope with him?
Q. First of all I know im an idiot for getting myself in this situation and I do regret it more than you could know which is why I could do with some advice. I had feelings for a guy that I've known for a year and stupidly let him kiss me a few mo...
A. 9 December 2012: He’s either stringing you along and trying to have both women, or he’s a coward who needs to realise that there’s never going to be a good time to leave his girlfriend and he should take responsibility for this mess and decide what and who he wants. ... (read in full...)
Do most couples start having sex at 18?
Q. When couples turn 18 in highschool do they usually have sex? whether they already were or start to. ...
A. 9 December 2012: In the UK you can legally have sex from 16 onwards and yes a lot of people are sexually active by 18. I would have thought that even with an age of consent of 18, quite a lot of teenagers who’ve been together for a while would have had sex anyway ... (read in full...)
My bf wants pics of me should I send them?
Q. Hi Recently my bf asked me to send pics of myself in underwear I love him and trust him and I want to do it... its not I don't feel comfortable with it and he said if I don't want to do it its fine but I don't want him thinking I am some kind...
A. 9 December 2012: You say that you’re comfortable doing this, but then you are worried about what it might say about you so it seems that you’re less comfortable with it than you think. You should only do something like that if you have no doubts whatsoever that ... (read in full...)
I got pushed and want to know..if there could be any damage to my unborn baby?
Q. I was just wondering if any damage would be done to my baby. Im 31 weeks pregnant and i got pushed and hit my back. my whole body is sore and my baby's movement has decreased im scared and worried i need help. ...
A. 9 December 2012: There’s probably nothing to worry about but go and see your doctor or go to the hospital and ask just to be cautious. We can’t answer this question for you, you need to be seen to confirm everything is okay. Go as soon as you can.
I wish you all ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend pressured me to throw out all things from my past but she lied and didn't do the same!
Q. After 6 months I bowed to constant pressure and threw away all my old photos, holiday photos the lot (except the ones of my son). My girlfriend was adamant that they belonged in the past, was nothing to do with "us" and told me she had thrown all ...
A. 9 December 2012: Either it’s insecurity or she’s very controlling. Whatever way, she wants to try and forget the fact that like everyone you have a past, what’s worrying is why she can’t understand that the past is just that: history. Why does she want to try and ... (read in full...)
I'm worried for my sister who's involved with a known cheater.Can cheaters ever change?
Q. Can cheaters really change? I ask because my sister has started going out with a guy I know from uni who has cheated on all of his past girlfriends and I am a bit worried. He was always quite open about his cheating with his friends (they were all ...
A. 9 December 2012: Can a cheat ever change? Yes they could. Doubtless there are many people who cheated on some-one, bitterly regretted it, realised they’d made a big mistake and have no desire to do it again. They post questions on Dear Cupid often enough and their ... (read in full...)
Is he over his ex wife? I feel like his second best wife, considering his need to still keep pictures of his ex.
Q. Hi could you please give me some advice?? I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years and have been really happy. The problem is that recently he has put some old pictures on his pc. These pictures are from years ago of his kids growing up ...
A. 8 December 2012: Alarm bells should be ringing here. You could reasonably assume that he had kept the photos as records of fond memories, if they were for example photos of them both on a holiday he enjoyed, or photos of them together at a family event. But some of ... (read in full...)
Why am I so hesitant about having sex with this man? What could be holding me back?
Q. I met this man on an online dating site. The first time we went out he scared me be the way he was over excited to see me. He literally ran towards me to hug me I felt so frightened that I automatically put my hands up. We had talked on the ph...
A. 8 December 2012: Why on earth do you think you should be ready to have sex with him after only a few dates? You’re just getting to know him and already he makes you feel uncomfortable, sent a distasteful text message and you don’t think you can handle his working ... (read in full...)
Can I fix my marriage? If the answer is "yes", then what should I do?
Q. my wife and i are at the end of our marriage, I think. I made mistakes. When I was dating her i was also dating another. I proposed to her with hickies from another woman on me. While married i felt feelings for her sister for 2 weeks and just r...
A. 8 December 2012: Sounds like the both of you rushed in to marriage when you were clearly not ready to settle down. What’s more, she doesn’t want to fix the marriage and you, whilst claiming to want to be with her, say you’ve had feelings for her sister and tell ... (read in full...)
I need to do something about this, but I don't know what. Is it too late to go to the authorities?
Q. Last winter I had a bad encounter with a club manager who almost raped me, I never called the police or anything because after all I WASN'T raped. I met him through a mutual work group, who is now out of business. He hires underaged girls to work at ...
A. 5 December 2012: Go to the authorities. If he uses underaged girls that presumably is illegal. Even if you don’t want to take what happened to you further or there is now insufficient evidence to make a case against him, you could still report what you experienced ... (read in full...)
I was there for my friend but he has consistently bailed out on me now 5 months in a row!
Q. Hi aunts! So, I have a great friend. We have been really close for years. He is gay, I'm not. Last year he has ben through something really really traumatic (his boyfriend killed himself). I have done everything in my power to be the most supportive ...
A. 5 December 2012: Call him instead of texting. Be honest with him. Tell him how his repeated cancelling at the last minute is making you feel. Tell him that you could do with a friend at this time at you feel disappointed that he has made no time for you. You were ... (read in full...)
Have I let myself down, or do others expect too much of me?
Q. Hello, I've been having a lot of trouble lately and I keep making things worse for myself. I'm 15 years old and I've been predicted very high target grades and gcses, and people expect me to use my intelligence to the maximum, but lately I feel as ...
A. 5 December 2012: Firstly, don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re at a difficult stage in life: you’re at an age where there is academic pressure, pressure to start thinking about the future and social pressures all piling down on you at the same time. There’s no shame ... (read in full...)
Are the disabled unlovable?
Q. How does anyone get a girlfriend? I'm 24, almost 25, and every woman I ask out rejects me. I've tried over and over again. I use a wheelchair, but I'm finishing a degree in Web design/development to start a career in Web design and my specific ...
A. 5 December 2012: Do you honestly think it’s only disabled people who at the age of 24 haven’t had a relationship yet or keep getting rejected? The disabled are certainly not unlovable. Many people with all kinds of disabilities enjoy loving relationships. Society ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to want to talk about our child? Would it help us to discuss it?
Q. I have began seeing an old boyfriend this past year. He is older then me by a year and our first relationship lasted two years till i fell pregnant at 16. I had just started college and he was in his second year. We had an abortion as we felt too ...
A. 5 December 2012: It sounds like his way of dealing with it is to just leave it in the past where it belongs, whereas you need to talk about it to come to terms with it. That difference isn’t going to be an easy one to overcome. The question of whether or not you ... (read in full...)
My ex left me for someone else a year ago, and I want him back.
Q. Me and my ex were together for 6yrs and have 2kids. Im 25 he is 27 our relationship went boring and very settled and he left me last year for a 22yr old they only lasted a few months and he went off with many women but I have slept with him ...
A. 4 December 2012: Never going to happen. Sorry but face facts! You’re sleeping with some-one who’s with some-one else. That means he’s still cheating and you’re condoning it by allowing him in to your bed. If he’s still prepared to cheat what on earth makes you think ... (read in full...)
Should I leave my wife and 2 kids for my mistress?
Q. Should I leave my wife and especially my 2kids for my 4years realtionship with mistress? I cant seem to leave my mistress, she is 11 years younger than me, I bn married for more that 13 years, soon 14. I dont want her to meet soomeone else, the more...
A. 4 December 2012: It’s no wonder your mistress ended things. You talk about wanting to be with her and have considered leaving your marriage and family, but you haven’t even told this mistress that you love her? If it’s your mistress you want to be with you’d better ... (read in full...)
How can I deal with the office bullies?
Q. Dear all, I attended the party and got really drunk. I was so wasted that I did not know what I said or did. I was told I had gone crazy and behaved totally different from my quiet image. I am a decent person.I know I made a mistake and I am...
A. 4 December 2012: They keep reminding you about the incident because they can see it gets to you. Instead of showing them how much it affects you or ignoring it altogether, try to respond in such a way that suggests to them that you aren’t bothered. Best one: when ... (read in full...)
Does she want to come back to me?
Q. My wife suddenly walked out on me 4 years ago without notice. She had her reasons and I was relieved after a year without her anger and her insanity after feeling incredibly hurt by her.My daughters think she's nuts and lived with me until 1 married ...
A. 25 November 2012: She either still has feelings for you, or she feels threatened by the fact that you’re getting on with life because she’d rather you weren’t moving on with your life following the breakup, and that there wasn’t interest from other women. Whatever ... (read in full...)
Where is a good place to meet people? Are online dating sites a good thing?
Q. Hello, I have never had a proper relationship but recently had a sort of fling with a guy he was the first guy i really got intimate with (we didn't have sex). All of my friends are in relationships and I no longer see this guy and am starting ...
A. 25 November 2012: Online dating sites are excellent as places to meet some-one, and I would certainly encourage you to give them a try. Shop around though: some are free whilst others charge, and they vary a lot in how much you can find out about people from their ... (read in full...)
I accidentally touched my friends breast and now she's angry at me
Q. hey all, so the other day, me and my bestie were sitting in the bus next to each other. we were kinda laughing and pinching the hell out of each-other but things got down hill when i ''ACCIDENTALLY'' touched her breast while we were pinching...
A. 25 November 2012: Yes she’s making a big deal out of it. You apologised and explained that it was an accident. It’s down to her now to be a bit more mature about it. If it upset her in any way, she should talk to you about it, not just get angry even when you have ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has become aggressive since we had a baby. Do I leave him or find out what he's acting this way?
Q. ive been with my boyfriend for nearly 6 years...hes been a rock in my life..but since our baby arrived 18 months ago his shown me an aggressive side to his nature and recentely that aggression has gone on me...what do i do ...hes becoming a monster ...
A. 15 November 2012: This one really depends on how aggressive he is being and how much it’s affecting you. If he’s physically aggressive then you are unsafe and you need to get away from him. If you’re talking about him being snappy and bad-tempered, or argumentative, ... (read in full...)
Is it inappropiate for a female coworker to continue to text my husband
Q. Is it inappropiate for a female coworker to continue to text my husband, of 22 years? He says they are just friends and he is doing nothing wrong. She only text him when he is at work, they work opposite shifts. I have seen some of the texts and ...
A. 15 November 2012: If you don’t think that there’s anything going on between your husband and this colleague, and the texts are innocent enough, what’s the problem? He’s entitled to have female friends and indeed to socialise with them, as are you with other males. ... (read in full...)
Drunken one nite stand is threatening to tell my girlfriend what happened!
Q. I've been seeing my girlfriend for just over a year, I love her to bits. About 4-months ago I had a one night stand, not full blown sex but heavy fondling. I'd drunk wayyy too much. Halfway through I came to my senses stopped and went home. The ...
A. 12 November 2012: Come clean before they tell her. It’s quite understandable why you didn’t say anything at the time. You got drunk, and you made a mistake. If you’d learned your lesson then there would be no need to hurt your girlfriend by telling her what happened. ... (read in full...)
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